どうよ
なにが?
最高
ストビュー以外にもマップとかグーグル八分とかの問題を
総合的に扱うスレが必要と思うんだが。
6 :
非決定性名無しさん:2008/11/05(水) 17:47:36
駄目かね?
どうだかね。
8 :
非決定性名無しさん:2008/11/17(月) 11:47:54
保守
10 :
非決定性名無しさん:2008/11/24(月) 18:54:28
無理だって。
なにが?
保守
13 :
非決定性名無しさん:2008/11/30(日) 00:14:48
すとびゅー やめろ
保守
保守
保守
保守
保守
保守いらねぇよ、もう終わった会社。
24 :
非決定性名無しさん:2009/01/11(日) 14:08:54
25 :
気分転換:2009/01/20(火) 22:17:54
26 :
非決定性名無しさん:2009/02/11(水) 16:19:10
27 :
非決定性名無しさん:2009/04/13(月) 08:37:43
あげ
28 :
非決定性名無しさん:2009/05/10(日) 00:03:31
ぐぐるは、かいはつ
じゃぱーんでやってるの?
29 :
非決定性名無しさん:2009/05/11(月) 15:29:10
30 :
非決定性名無しさん:2009/05/13(水) 23:51:29
31 :
非決定性名無しさん:2009/05/14(木) 00:48:18
> 撮影は、トライク(trike)と名付けた自転車で行う。
翻訳者はトライクが一般名詞だと知らなかったのか。
33 :
非決定性名無しさん:2009/06/02(火) 07:32:23
ぐぐれ!
34 :
非決定性名無しさん:2009/06/20(土) 09:02:38
給料いいの??
36 :
NSTEC:2009/07/20(月) 23:50:44
▼日本ソフト技研株式会社
私たちの強みは「常に最先端の開発」に携わっていることです。
【募集職種】
システムエンジニア、ソフトウェアエンジニア、Web開発エンジニア、ネットワークエンジニア、SI営業/セールスエンジニア
◆人間の可能性に挑戦 ◆業界未経験者歓迎
【勤務地】 本社(東京都国立市)
【詳細】
http://www.e-nstec.com/recruit.html 社長がアルツハイマー。人の話を理解も判断もできないモウロク爺。
問題多過ぎでハロワ出入禁止。人材エージェントも何処も取引謝絶でもう大変。
あんまり人が集まらないので、必死に社員募集してるよ。
終電までは絶対に帰れません。サービス残業・休出当たり前、給与は随時sage。
人生設計もできません。専務の親父がキチガイ社長。
パワハラなんて日常茶飯事、典型的な同族DQNブラック会社。
もの好きな方はドブ板営業・体力勝負のブラック会社で足掻いて下さい。
主任以上は毎日早朝7時に出社。連日8時からアルツハイマー社長の拷問会議が待っています。
未経験、DQN、中卒、中高年、病人・・どこにも雇って貰えない貴方でも、ここなら面接30分で
当日から勤務出来ます!もちろん寮も完備!日本全国ご応募大歓迎!
今日の情勢にあって救世主のような会社です。
仕事のない方は是非ともご応募下さい。
37 :
非決定性名無しさん:2009/08/04(火) 12:28:38
38 :
非決定性名無しさん:2009/09/22(火) 10:25:28
39 :
非決定性名無しさん:2009/10/02(金) 09:33:11
株式会社冨士通
40 :
非決定性名無しさん:2009/10/15(木) 09:16:37
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41 :
非決定性名無しさん:2009/10/19(月) 10:30:40
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42 :
非決定性名無しさん:2009/11/13(金) 20:42:10
43 :
非決定性名無しさん:2010/01/14(木) 12:59:17
44 :
非決定性名無しさん:2010/05/16(日) 04:00:03
Japanってどんな仕事してるんだろ ローカライズだけ?
ストリートビューの作業中にウォードライビング行為をしていたという件
その後、私は、このtombsto neごとの上の名前と共にひどい墓地およびすべてにそれらが
私を差し込む全体のbunc hごろに考えました。
死んだガイに囲まれました。
うわっ、あなたが死んでいる場合、それらは実際にあなたを固定します。
私は、死ぬ場合、地獄へ望みます、誰かが単なるダンプへ十分な感覚を持っています、私
、th e川か何かで。
ひどい墓地に私を差し込む以外の何でも。
日曜日にあなたの胃の上の花の房をomingし置く人々c、およびそのすべてのcra p。
あなたが死んでいる場合、誰が花を望みますか。
誰もない。
いつ、天候の、よい、私の両親は、とても頻繁に外出し、古いAllieの墓に花の房を貼り
付けます。
私は、それらと2、3回行きました。しかし、私はそれを切り取りました。
まず第1に、私は、確かにそのcraz y墓地で彼に会うのを楽しみません。
死んだガイおよび墓石ごとに囲まれました。
それは悪すぎるwh enではありませんでした、太陽は、外にしかし2度(2度)ありました、
雨が降り始めた時、私たちはそこにいました。
それは恐ろしかった。
雨が彼のひどい墓石上で降りました。また、雨が彼のs tomachの上の草の上で降りました
。
雨が至る所に降りました。
ce meteryを訪れていたビジターはみな自動車に地獄のようにあふれ始めました。
それはほとんど私の気を狂わせたものです。
ビジターはみな自動車に乗り彼らのラジオおよびal lをつけ、次に、夕食にはどこかへよ
くなることができました -- Allie以外の皆。
私はできない、dをstanする、それ。
私は、墓地および彼の魂のi n天にあるのが彼の体だけごとであることを知っています、
そしてそのすべての負けの一振り、しかし、私はそれにとにかく耐えることができません
でした。
私はちょうど望みます、彼、wasn」t、そこに。
彼を知りませんでした。
もし彼を知っていれば、私が何を言いたいか知るでしょう。
それはまたn otです、太陽が外にある場合、悪い、しかし、com ingのように外に感じる
場合のみ、太陽は現われます。
しばらくして、単に肺炎ごと得ることから私の心を得るために、私は生地をテイクアウト
し、街灯からのひどい光の中でそれを数えようとしました。
私が持っていたのは3つのシングルスおよび54分の1だけでした、そして残されたニッケル
--少年、私は費やしました、1つの、私がPenceyを残したので、調子のために。
その後、私が行ったこと、私は潟の近くで倒れました、そして私、sor t、それが凍らな
かったところで、それを横切って四半期とニッケルをスキップします。
私は行います、n'tする、なぜ私がそれをしたか知っている、しかし、私はそれをしまし
た。
私は、それは私の心をとるだろうと思ったと推測します、から、ちりん肺炎および死ぬこ
とを得ます。
それはしませんでした、しかしながら。
私は、もし私が肺炎を得て死んだならば、年を取ったフィービーがどのように感じるか思
い始めました。
それは考える幼稚な方法でした。しかし、私は止まることができませんでした。
もしそのようなことが起これば、彼女はかなり気分が悪いでしょう。
彼女は私が非常に好きです。
私は、彼女が、私が全く好きであることを意味します。
彼女は実際にそうです。
とにかく、私は、心からそれを得ることができませんでした、したがって、最後に、私が
行うだろうと考えたもの、私は、死んだ場合、家へこっそりと動いたほうがよく彼女に会
ったほうがよい、と考えました、dすべて。
私は扉の鍵を持ち合わせていました。また、私は、私が何を行うか理解しました、私はi
nをこっそりと動かしましょう、アパート、非常に静か、そしてすべて、そして単なる種
類、彼女としばらくの間おしゃべりします。
私を心配させたただ一つのものは私たちの正面玄関でした。
それはめえtardのようにきしります。
それはかなり古いアパートです。また、最高責任者は怠惰な偽物です。また、すべてはき
しり、きしみます。
私は、私の両親が、私がingを中へこっそりと動かすのを聞くかもしれないと心配しまし
た。
しかし、私は、それをとにかく試みようと決定しました。
したがって、私は公園から地獄を出し帰宅しました。
私はずっと歩き通しました。
あまり遠くにありませんでした。また、私は疲れていなかったか、さらにもはや酔ってい
ませんでした。
それはまわりにどんな場所にもあまり古い正当なcおよび誰もないでした。
21
年(このとき私は規則的な夜elevato r少年(ピート)を家に帰した)で私が取った最良のブ
レークは、自動車上にありませんでした。
私が会ったことがないどこかの新しいガイは自動車上にいました、したがって、私は、も
し両親ごとへ風味に突き当てなければ、年を取ったフィービーにこんにちはを言うことが
でき、次に、それとnobody'dを打つことができるだろう、と考えました、私がまわりにい
たことをさらに知っています。
それは実際に猛烈なブレークでした。
それをさらによくしたもの、新しいエレベーターボーイは種類でした、愚かな側で。
私はディクスタイン一家まで私を連れて行くためにこの非常に偶然の声で、彼に伝えまし
た。
ディクスタイン一家は私たちの床に別のapartme ntを持っていた人々でした。
私はsuspici ousあるいは何も見ないように私が帽子を探すことから既にとっていました
。
私は、猛烈に急いでいたように、エレベータに入りました。
彼は、すべてが閉じるエレベータ・ドアごと持っておりすべて私にu pをとるセットでし
た。次に、彼は回転し、「それらは中にありません。」と言いました。
それらは14階のパーティーにあります。」
「それは大丈夫です」と私が言いました。
「私は、それらを待つことになっています。
私はそれらのneです、ちぇっ。」
彼は私をこの種の愚かで疑わしい目で見ました。
「よりよくロビーの中で待ちます、奴。」彼は言いました。
「私は好きでしょう、に--私は実際にしましょう。」私は言いました。
「しかし、私は脚が悪い。
私はある位置の中でそれを保持しなければなりません。
私は、それらのドアの外側の椅子に座ったほうがよいと思います。」
彼は知りませんでした、何、一体全体、私は話していました、に関して、まさに、彼が言
ったすべてはそうでした「おお"また私を取り上げました。
悪くない、少年。
それは奇妙です。
しなければならないのは何かを言うことです、誰も理解しません。また、それらは、それ
らを望むものを何でも実際にするでしょう。
私は私たちの床(偽物のように足を引きずって)で降りて、ディクスタインのサイド一家の
方へ上方へ歩き始めました。
その後、エレベータ・ドアが閉じるのを聞いた時、私はedを回転させて、私たちのサイド
に切り替えました。
私は元気に行っていました。
私はd runkをこれ以上感じさえしなかった。
その後、私は扉の鍵を取り出し、私たちのドア(地獄として静か)を開けました。
Th en、非常に注意深く、そしてすべて、私は内側に行き、ドアを閉じました。
私、実際に、sh ould've、屈曲です。
休憩所の地獄は当然暗かった。また、当然、私はできませんでした、任意の明かりの上の
rnをtuします。
私は、何にもぶつからず、かつracke tを作らないように注意しなければなりませんでし
た。
私は、しかしながら、家にいることを確かに知っていました。
私たちの休憩所にはどこにでもほかに類似に匂わない奇妙な匂いがあります。
私は知りません、何、一体全体、それはそうです。
それはcauliflowe rではありません。また、それは芳香(私は知りません、何、一体全体
、それはそうです)ではなくあなたです、常にyo u'reホームを知っています。
私は、コートを脱ぎ、休憩所クローゼットの中でそれを掛けることを始めました。しかし
、あなたがドア、sを開ける場合、がらがら音を立てるハンガーでいっぱいのそのクロー
ゼットは狂人が好きです。
o 私はそれを上に残しました。
その後、私は、年を取ったフィービーの方へ非常にゆっくり後ろに歩き始めました」s室
。
私は、たった1つの鼓膜を持ったのでメードは私の声が聞こえないと知っていました。
彼女、hアドバンテージ、彼女が子供だった時、彼女の耳を下ってストローを突き刺した
この兄弟、彼女、一度、tol d、私。
彼女はかなり耳が聞こえませんでした、またすべて。
しかし私の両親(特に私の母親)、彼女は、ひどいブラッドハウンドのような耳を持ってい
ます。
したがって、th eirドアを過ぎて行った時、私は非常にのんびりやりました。
私は、さらに神のために息を殺しました。
あなたは、椅子で頭に関する私の父親を叩くことができます。また、彼は起きないでしょ
う、しかし私の母親、私の母親にしなければならないのは、シベリアのどこかに咳だけで
す。また、彼女はあなたの声が聞こえるでしょう。
彼女は地獄のように神経質です。
通常、たばこを吸って、一晩中彼女は起きています。
最後に、約1時間の後、私は年を取ったフィービーの部屋へ到着しました。
しかしながら、彼女はreではありませんでした。
私はそれについて忘れました。
私は、彼がハリウッドあるいはある場所に離れている場合、彼女がD.B.'s室で常に眠るこ
とを忘れました。
それが家で最も大きな部屋であるので、彼女はそれが好きです。
さらにそれがそれにこの大きな古い狂人机を持つので、大きなフィラデルフィアにおいて
アルコール中毒のどこかの女性からそのD.B.boug htおよびこれ、外にabである巨大なベ
ッド、幅10マイルおよび長さ10マイル
私は、彼がどこでそのベッドを買ったか知りません。
yway(年を取ったフィービー)は、彼が離れている場合、D.B.'s室で眠ることが好きです。
また、彼は彼女をさせます。
彼女がその正気でない机で宿題か何かをするのを見るべきです。
それは最もalです、ベッドと同じくらい大きな
あなたが彼女に会うことができるとすぐに、彼女は宿題をしています。
しかしながら、Th atは彼女が好きな材料の種類です。
それが小さいので彼女は自分の部屋が好きではない、と彼女が言います。
彼女は、広がるのが好きであると言います。
それは私を殺します。
年を取ったフィービーが得たどんな'sが広がりますか。
無。
とにかく、私は地獄として静かなD.B.'s室に入り、机の上でランプをつけました。
年を取ったフィービーは起きさえしなかった。
光はいつオンだったか(ごと)、私、種類、彼女をしばらくの間見ます。
彼女は、枕の横の顔ソートo fと共に、そこに眠って置いていました。
彼女は口方法を開かせました。
それは奇妙です。
アドバンテージultsをとります、眠っていて、それらには口方法がある場合、それらがひ
どく見えます、開く、bユト子供はしません。
子供は元気に見ます。
それらは、さらに枕の至る所でつばを吐くことができました。また、それらはまだ元気に
見ます。
私は非常に静かで、部屋をあちこち歩き回りました、そしてすべて、材料をしばらくの間
見ること
私は変更のために、増大を感じました。
肺炎あるいはいくらかより多くの何でも得ていたように、私は感じさえしなかった。
私は変更のために、ちょうど気分がよかった。
年を取ったフィービーの衣服はちょうどベッドの隣のこの椅子上にありました。
彼女は子どものために、非常にきれいです。
私は、彼女が行うことを意味します、n'tする、何人かの子供のように、彼女の材料をま
わりに単に投げます。
彼女はまぬけではありません。
彼女は、ch大気の後ろに掛けられたカナダで私の母親が彼女に買ってやったこの黄褐色の
スーツに対してジャックetを持っていました。
その後、彼女のブラウスと材料は座席上にありました。
彼女の靴とソックスはちょうど互いの隣りにちょうど椅子の真下に床にありました。
私はsh oesを以前に見ませんでした。
それらは新しかった。
彼らはこれらの暗褐色のらくら者でした、種類、類似、私が持っているこのペア、また、
それらは私の母親がカナダで彼女に買ってやったそのスーツで増大しに行きました。
私の母親は服を着ます、彼女の、よい
彼女は実際に行います。
私の母親は猛烈な味を持っています、の中で、したがって、私、事態。
彼女はそのような、アイススケート靴あるいは何でも買うことが全く上手ではありません
、しかし衣服、彼女は完全です。
私は、それがあなたを殺すことができることの上に、フィービーがある服を常に持ってい
ることを意味します。
あなた、t ake、小さくほとんど、子供、親が裕福でも、そしてすべて、それら、通常、h
a ve、ある恐ろしい服、の上で。
私は、私のmothe rがカナダで彼女に買ってやったそのスーツであなたが年を取ったフィ
ービーに会うことができたらと思います。
私はからかっていません。
私は古いD.B.'s机に座り、その上の材料を見ました。
それは学校ごとから、ほとんどのlyフィービーの材料でした。
ほとんど本。
1つ、の上で、トップ、算術と呼ばれた、楽しい!
私はまあ最初のページを開き、それを見ました。
このi s、年を取ったフィービーがその上に持っていたもの:
フィービーWEATHERFIELDコールフィールド
4B-1
それは私を殺しました。
彼女のミドルネームはWeathe rfieldではなく神の目的のために、ジョーゼフィンです。
しかしながら、彼女はそれが好きではありません。
私が彼女に会うごとに、彼女は自分のために新しいミドルネームを持っています。
算術の真下の本は地勢およびtの下の本でした、彼、地勢は字を綴る人でした。
彼女はスペリングが非常に得意です。
彼女はすべての主題が非常に得意です。しかし、彼女はスペリングで最上です。
その後、字を綴る人の下では、ノートの房がありました。
彼女は約5000冊のノートを持っています。
キッドwを第iに見ませんでした、非常に多くのノート。
私は、トップのものを開き、最初のページを見ました。
それはその上に持っていました:
バーニス、私が過ごす休憩で私に会う、あなたに伝えるのに非常に重要なもの。
それはすべてそこにありました、そのページにありました。
次のものはその上に持っていました:
南東アラスカには非常に多くのむちで打つ工場がなぜあるのですか。
ので、theres、これほど多くのサケ
それにはなぜ価値のある森林があるのですか。
それに正しい気候があるので。
私たちの政府は、生命をalaskan eskimosにとってより簡単にするために何を行いました
か。
明日を、それを捜してください!!!
フィービーWeatherfieldコールフィールド
フィービーWeatherfieldコールフィールド
フィービーWeatherfieldコールフィールド
フィービーW.コールフィールド
フィービーWeatherfieldコールフィールド、殿、シャーリーに通過してください!!!!
そうであると言ったシャーリー、あなたが来る場合、sagitariusだがあなたのただ一つの
taurusはあなたのスケートをもたらします、の上に、私の家へ
私は、D.B.'s机にそこに座り、全体のノートを読みます。
m eは長くかかりませんでした。また、私は、その種の材料を読むことができます、どこ
かのキッドは、一日中一晩中ノート、フィービーのあるいはanyb odyのフィービーのです
。
子供のノートは私を殺します。
その後、私は別のc igaretteをつけました -- それは私の最後のものでした。
私はその日、3個のカートンに関してたばこを吸ったに違いありません。
n、最後に、私は起きました、彼女の、を上へ。
私は、生活の残りのためのその机にそこに座ることができなかったことを意味します、ま
た、その上、私は、私の両親がするかもしれないと心配しました、はしけ舟、の中で、私
の上で突然、また、それらが行った前に、私は少なくとも彼女にこんにちはを言いたかっ
た。
したがって、私は彼女を起こしました。
彼女は、非常に容易に起きます。
私は、あなたが彼女あるいはanythiナノグラムに叫ぶ必要はないことを意味します。
実際にしなければならないのはベッドと発言権に座ることです、「起きる、P hoeb。」そ
してビンゴ、彼女は目が覚めています。
「ホールデン!」
彼女はすぐに言いました。
彼女は、私の首ごとのまわりの腕を置きました。
彼女は非常に親愛です。
私は、彼女が子どものために、全く親愛であることを意味します。
時々、彼女は親愛すぎます。
私、種類、彼女にキスを与えた、また、彼女は言いました、「Whenja g et home7」彼女
は、私に会う地獄のように嬉しかった。
分かります。
「それほど大きくない。
単なる今。
ごきげんいかがですか(とにかく)」?
「私は元気です。
私の手紙を受け取りましたか。
私はあなたにそれほど大きくない5ページ("「はい)を書きました。
ありがとう。」
彼女は私にこの手紙を書きました。
しかしながら、私は、それに答える機会を得ませんでした。
それは、彼女がいたこのプレーのまわりにすべて在学中でした。
彼女は、私が来ることができるように、金曜日のためにどんなデートあるいは何もしない
ように私に命じました、それを見ます。
「プレーはどうですか。」
私は彼女に尋ねました。
「その名前は何だと言いましたか。」
「「アメリカ人のためのクリスマス・ページェント。」
それは悪臭を放ちます。しかし、私はベネディクト・アーノルドです。
「私は最も大きな部分を実際に持っています」と彼女が言いました。
少年、彼女だった、完全に目を覚ました
彼女、g ets、彼女があなたにそれを伝える時、非常に起動された、詰めます。
「私が死につつある場合、それは外にスタートします。
私が恥じていれば、彼のゴーストがクリスマスイブに来て、私に尋ねるTやその他いろい
ろなこと。
Y ou、知っています。
私の祖国やその他いろいろなことを裏切るために。
それに来ますか。」
彼女は方法を座らせていました、地獄、を上へ、ベッドとすべてで。
「それは私があなたにほぼ書いたものです。
あなたです?」
「確かに、私は来ます。
確かに、私は来ます。」
「お父さんは来ることができません。
「彼はカリフォルニアへ飛ばなければなりません」と彼女が言いました。
少年、彼女だった、完全に目を覚ました
彼女は、完全に目を覚ましたようになるのにはわずか約2秒しかかかりません。
彼女はsittiナノグラム(ひざまずく種類)でした、方法、を上へ、ベッドで、また、彼女
は私のひどい手を握っていました。
「聞いてください。
「母親は、あなたがホーム水曜になるだろうと言いました」と彼女が言いました。
「彼女は水曜日に言いました。」
「私は早く外に出ました。
それほど大きくありません。
皆を起こすでしょう。」
「何時ですか。
非常に遅く、母親が言ったまで、それらは家にいないでしょう。
それら、ノーウォークのパーティーへのw ent、コネチカット。」年を取ったフィービー
は言いました。
「私が今日の午後何を行ったか推測してください!
私が見たどんな映画。
ゲス」
「私は知りません -- 聞きます。
行った、何時にするか彼らが言うのではありません--」「医者」、年を取ったフィービー
は言いました。
「それはそれらがLi一家で3回持っていた特別の映画です、基礎。
それらにそれがあったこのちょうど1日 -- 今日、ただ一つの日がありました。
それは、ケンタッキー、および身障者で、歩くことができないこのc hildの顔の上の毛布
を突き刺すものすべてでこの医者に関するal lでした。
その後、それらはythingして、刑務所に、および常に彼を行かせます。
それは優れていました。」
「1秒聞いてください。
行った、何時にするか彼らが言うのではありません--」「彼はそれ、医者を残念に思いま
す。
そのため、彼はこの毛布ovを突き刺します、そのー、彼女の顔やその他いろいろなこと、
また彼女を窒息させます。
その後、それらは、彼を終身jai lに行かせます、監禁、しかし彼が毛布を突き刺したこ
の子ども、その頭は終始彼を訪ねるために来て、彼が行ったことのために彼に感謝します
。
彼はより悪く慈悲kでした。
(単に)彼は、医者が神から事態を奪うことになっていないので刑務所へ行って当然のこと
を知っています。
私のクラスの母親の中のこの少女は私たちを連れて行きました。
アリス川辺の低地borg、彼女は私の親友です。
彼女は全体中のただ一人の少女です--」「第2を待ってください(willya)」?
私は言いました。
「私はあなたに質問をしています。
行った、それら、sa y、それらは、何時戻るだろうか。あるいは、しなかったか、それら
?」
「いいえ、しかしない、まで、非常に遅く。
お父さんは自動車やその他いろいろなことにそのように乗りました、それら、w ouldn't
、列車について心配しなければならない。
私たちは今、それにラジオを持っています!
自動車が交通にある場合、誰もそれを演じることができないとMothe rが言ったという点
を除いて。」
私はまあリラックスし始めました。
私は、それらが私を家へ捕らえるだろうかどうかについて心配することを最後にやめたこ
とを意味します。
私は、それを備えた地獄を図に表わしました。
それらは、行った場合、行いました。
年を取ったフィービーに会うべきでした。
彼女は、カラー上の赤いL ephantsを備えたこれらの青パジャマの上に持っていました。
象は彼女を圧倒します。
「したがって、それはよい絵でした、へえー?」
私は言いました。
「アリスが風邪をひいていた以外は、増大してください。そうすれば、流感に感じたなら
ば、彼女の母親は終始彼女に尋ね続けました。
絵の真中に正しい。
常に重要なもののmiddl eの中で、彼女のmother'd、私ややその他いろいろなことの至る
所で傾き、彼女が流感に感じたならば、Aシラミを尋ねる。
それは私の神経に障りました。」
その後、私はレコードのことを彼女に伝えました。
「聞いてください。」私はあなたにレコードを買ってやりました。私、tol d、彼女。
「私だけが帰り道にそれを壊しました。」
私はコートpocke tから部分を取り出し、彼女に示しました。
「私は塗られました」と私が言いました。
「物欲、部分。」彼女は言いました。
「私はそれらを保存しています。」
彼女はちょうど私の手からそれらを取り出しました。次に、彼女はナイトテーブルの引き
出しにそれらを入れました。
彼女は私を殺します。
.
「クリスマスのために帰宅するD.B.?」
私は彼女に尋ねました。
「彼はするかもしれません。また、彼はしないかもしれません、母親は言いました。
それはすべて依存します。
彼はハリウッドにとどまり、アナポリスに関する絵を書かなければならないかもしれませ
ん。」
「神のためのアナポリス!」
「それはラブストーリーやその他いろいろなことです。
その中にあるつもりのゲス!
主演するどんなm ovie。
ゲス」
「私は興味を持ちません。
神のためのアナポリス。
D.B.は何ですか、神のためにA nnapolisのことを知っている?
物語の種類で行うために得られたそれであるもの、彼、令状es?」
私は言いました。
うわっ、その材料は私の気を狂わせます。
そのひどいハリウッド。
「腕に何を行いましたか。」
私は彼女に尋ねました。
私は、肘の上に彼女が接着テープのこの大きな大きな塊を持っていることに気づきました
。
私がそれに気づかれて、彼女のパジャマには袖がありませんでした。
「私が公園の階段を下へoingするgだった間、私のクラスにいるこの少年(カーティス・ワ
イントラウブ)は私を押しました」と彼女が言いました。
「見たいですか。」
彼女は腕から正気でない接着テープをとり始めました。
「それをそのままにしておいてください。
Why'd、彼、階段を下ってあなたを押す?」
「私は知りません。
「私は、彼は私を嫌うと思います」と年を取ったフィービーが言いました。
「この他の少女、nd、私、セルマ・アッタベリー、インクを置き、彼のウインドブレーカ
ーの至る所で詰める。」
「それはよくありません。
あなたであるもの--神のための子ども?」
「いいえ、しかし、私が公園にいるごとに、彼は私にどこでもついていきます。
彼は私に続くalwa ysです。
彼は私の神経に障ります。」
「彼は恐らくあなたが好きです。
それはインクをすべて置く理性ではありません--」「私は、彼に私が好きでほしくない」
、彼女は言いました。
その後、彼女は私で奇妙に見え始めました。
「ホールデン(彼女は言いました、)水曜日になぜ家にいませんか。」
「何?」
うわっ、彼女の毎分を見なければなりません。
彼女は利口であると思わなければ、怒っています。
「水曜日になぜ家にいませんか。」
彼女は私に尋ねました。
「キックedを得ませんでした、あるいは、何でもあなたを行いました」?
「私はあなたに伝えました。
それらは私たちを初期に解放します。
それらはさせます、全体--」「追い出されました!
行いました!」
年を取ったフィービーは言いました。
その後、彼女はtの上で私を叩きました、彼、拳を備えた脚。
彼女は、そのように感じる場合、非常に拳闘になります。
「行いました!
おお、ホールデン」!
彼女は口ごとの上に手を持っていました。
彼女は非常に情緒的になります。私は神を断言します。
「誰が私が追い出されたと言いましたか。
誰も言いませんでした、私--」「行いました。
「あなたは行いました」と彼女が言いました。
その後、彼女は、拳で私を再びちゅうっと鳴らしました。
それだと思わないIつのfは痛みます。あなたは正気でありません。
「Daddy'llはあなたを殺します!」
彼女は言いました。
その後、彼女はベッド上の胃の上でばたばた動き、頭の上にひどい枕を置きました。
彼女は、それをとても頻繁にします。
彼女は時々真実の狂人です。
「今やめてください」と私は言いました。
「誰も私を殺すつもりでありません。
誰も行っていません、に-(さえ)C'mon(Phoeb)はあなたの頭からそのひどいものをとりま
す。
誰も私を殺すつもりでありません。」
しかしながら、彼女はそれを取り除こうとしませんでした。
彼女がそうしたくなければ、彼女に何かをさせることができません。
彼女が発言にしておいたすべてはそうでした、「あなたを殺しに行くお父さんs。」
あなたはできる、h、ardlyに彼女の頭に関するそのひどい枕で彼女を理解します。
「誰も私を殺すつもりでありません。
頭を使用してください。
まず第1に、私は行きます、aw、常に。
私が行うこと、私は、農場か何か上の仕事をしばらくの間得てもよい。
私はtを知っています、彼のガイ、誰の祖父の、コロラドの農場を得られました。
「私はそこに仕事を得てもよい」と私が言いました。
「行けば、去った時、私はあなたごとと連絡をとり続けましょう。
C'mon。
タークe、あなたの頭からそれ。
C'mon、ヘイ、Phoeb。
プリーズ。
どうぞ、willya」?
彼女、wouldn t、私はそれを取り外してみましたが、それを取り除く、しかし、彼女は地
獄としてのstron gです。
彼女との疲れていた戦うことを得ます。
少年、枕o verを頭にしておきたければ、彼女はそれを維持します。
「どうぞフィービー。
そこのC'mon outa。」私は発言を維持しました。
"
C'mon、ヘイ。
。
。
ヘイ、Weatherfield。
C'mon、外に。」
しかしながら、彼女は現われようとしませんでした。
彼女に時々道理を説きさえすることができません。
最後に、私は起きて、居間で外出し、いくつかのたばこを出しました、o f、テーブル上
の箱、また私のポケットにいくらか差し込みました。
私はすべて外にいました。
22
私が戻った時、彼女は元気に(私は、彼女がすると知っていました)頭から枕を持っていま
した、しかし、たとえ背ごとに置いていたとしても、彼女はまだ私を顧みようとしません
でした。
私がやって来た時、ベッドの側、また再び座った、彼女は正気でない顔を回しました、別
の方法。
彼女は私から地獄を追放していました。
ちょうど私が地下鉄でひどい箔をすべて残した時Penceyのフェンシング・チームのように
。
「古いハシバミWeatherfieldはどうですか。」
私は言いました。
「彼女のどんな新しい話も書きます?
私は、あなたがちょうどスーツケースに私に送ったそれを得ました。
それはステーションで下がっています。
それは非常によい。」
「Daddy'llはあなたを殺します。」
うわっ、彼女は、何かを得る場合、実際に心の上で何かを得ます、の上で、彼、r心。
「いいえ。
彼がする最悪の事態、彼は再び私を叱るでしょう、そしてその後、彼「ll、そのひどい軍
士官学校のもとへ私を送り出します。
それは彼が私にするすべてです。
そしてth eの中で、第1の場所、私はまわりにいさえしないだろう。
私は離れていましょう。
私はそうだろう -- 私は恐らくこの農場上のi nコロラドだろう。」
「私を笑わせないでください。
馬に乗りさえすることができません。」
「誰ができないか。
確かに、私はできます。
確かに、私はできます。
「それらは約2分であなたを教えることができます」と私が言いました。
「それで取ることをやめてください。」
彼女は腕の上のその接着テープで取っていました。
「誰があなたにその散髪を与えましたか。」
私は彼女に尋ねました。
私はちょうど気づきました、何、stu pid散髪、誰かが彼女を与えました。
それはまた方法でした、短い
「お前の知ったことではない」と彼女は言いました。
彼女は時々非常に鼻水だらけかもしれません。
彼女は全く鼻水だらけかもしれません。
「私は、あなたが再びすべてのあらゆる主題に失敗したと思う」と彼女が言いました --
非常に鼻水だらけ。
それはまあ、また奇妙でした、ある意味では。
彼女は、ひどい学校教師のように時々聞こえます。また、彼女はほんの少し子どもです。
「「いいえ」」と私は答えました。
「私は英語を通りました。」
その後、ちょうどi tの地獄については、私は彼女にピンチを与えました、の上で、の後
ろに。
彼女が側で置いていたように、それは微風に出口を差し込んでいました。
彼女はどれも後ろにほとんど持っていません。
私はそれを熱心にしませんでした。しかし、彼女は、私の手をとにかく打とうとしました
。しかし、彼女は失敗しました。
その後、突然、彼女は、「おお、なぜあなたはそれをしたのですか。」と言いました。
彼女は意味しました、なぜd id、私は再び斧を得ます。
彼女の言いように、それは私をまあ悲しくしました。
「おお、神(フィービー)、私に尋ねません。
「私にそれを尋ねて、皆に私はうんざりしています」と私が言いました。
「100万の理由、なぜ。
それは、私がかつて行った中で最悪の学校のうちの1つでした。
I tがまやかしものでいっぱいでした。
また意地悪なガイ。
それほど多数があなたのli feの中のガイを意味するのを見ませんでした。
例えば、あなたが誰かの部屋の中に雑談を過ごしており、ある身体が中へ入りたかったな
らば、nobody'd、それらがいくらかだったかどうかにそれらをさせる、麻薬にやられた、
pimplyに、ガイ。
誰かが中へ入りたかった時、誰でも常にそれらのドアをロックしていました。
そしてt、ヘイ、私が元あったこのひどい秘密兄弟関係をまた持っていた、連結しないの
に黄色。
そこに、これとしてのw、pimplyに、中に入りたかった退屈なガイ(ロバート・アクレー)
。
彼は連結することをtrにyingさせておきました。また、それらは彼をさせないでしょう。
彼が退屈だっただけで、そしてpimplyに。
私はそれについて話しさえしたくない。
それは悪臭を放つ学校でした。
私の言葉を信じてください。
"
年を取ったフィービーは何とも言いませんでした、しかし、彼女はそうでした、聞く、in
g。
私は、彼女が聞いていたことが彼女の首の後部によって分かります。
あなたが伝える場合、彼女は常に聞きます、彼、r、何か。
また、奇妙な部分は、彼女が知るということです、その時間の半分、何、一体全体、you'
r e、話すこと、に関して。
彼女は実際に行います。
私は古いPenceyについて話し続けました。
私は、まあそのように感じました。
「機能の組さえのよい教師、それらはまたまやかしものでした。」私は言いました。
「この年を取った1人の男(スペンサー氏)がいました。
彼の妻は、詰めるホットなチョコレートごとあなたに常に与えていました。また、それら
は本当に、かなりよかった。
しかし、校長(古いThurmer)がndが部屋の裏に座らせた歴史クラスで来た時、彼に会って
いるべきでした。
彼は常に中へ入り、部屋の裏に座っていました、のために、に関して、1つの、30分。
彼は匿名に思われました、あるいはもの。
しばらくして、彼はそこにくつろぐでしょう。次に、彼は、多くの陳腐なジョークを飛ば
すと年を取ったスペンサーが言っていたことをrruptingするinteを始めるでしょう。
年を取ったスペンサー」d、実際にほくそえみ微笑んで、自殺する、そしてすべて、のよ
うに、あたかも、Thurmerがひどい王子だったか、か何か」かのように
「あまり誓わないでください。」
「それはあなたを吐かせていたでしょう。私は、それがするだろうと誓います」と私が言
いました。
「そのときベテランのsのデイ上で。
それらは今日持っています、復員軍人の日、1776のまわりのm Penceyをあちらへ卒業させ
たぐいと引くことはすべて戻り、それらの妻および子ども、および皆と、至る所に歩きま
す。
fift yに関係していたこの年を取った1人の男に会うべきでした。
彼が行ったのは、彼が私たちの部屋で入り、ドアをノックしたということで、もし彼がバ
スルームを使用すれば私たちが気にかけるかどうか私たちに尋ねました。
バスルームは廊下の終わりにありました--私は知りません、なぜ、一体全体、彼は私たち
に尋ねました。
彼が何と言ったか知っています。
彼は、イニシャルがまだ缶ドアのうちの1つにあったかどうか、確かめたかったと言いま
した。
彼が行ったこと、彼、dを刻んで作る、約90年前の缶ドアのうちの1つの中の彼のひどい愚
かな悲しい古いイニシャル、また、彼は、それらがまだそこにあったかどうか確かめたか
った。
したがって、私のルームメートと私はバスルームごとまで彼を歩かせました。また、私た
ちはそこに立っていなければなりませんでした。その一方で彼はすべての缶戸口の中でイ
ニシャルを捜しました。
彼はその間ずっと私たちに話しかけ続けました、私たちに伝えること、どのように、彼が
、それらが元あったPenceyにいた時、彼の生活の最も幸福な時期およびgivin g、私たち
、将来ごとの多くの助言。
少年、行った、彼、私を低下させる!
私はしません、彼が元あったnをmeaする、悪いガイ--彼はそうではありませんでした。
しかし、som ebodyを低下させるのに悪いガイである必要がありません。あなたはよいガ
イで、それをすることができます。
行わなければならないすべては誰かを低下させます、あなたがいくらかの中のイニシャル
を捜している間、i sはそれらに多くの偽の助言を与えます、できる、ドア(それはしなけ
ればならないすべてである)。
私は知りません。
恐らく、もし彼は呼吸がすべて不足していなければ、それほど悪くなかったでしょう。
彼は、階段をlimbingする正当なcからの呼吸がすべて不足していました。また、その間ず
っと、彼はイニシャルを捜していました、彼、すべて奇妙な彼の鼻孔と共に、激しく呼吸
するkep t、そして彼がStr adlaterを伝え続けた間、悲しい、そして私、私たちがPencey
からできるすべてを得るために
神(フィービー)!
私は説明することができません。
私は、Penceyで起こっていたものは何もまったく好きではありませんでした。
私は説明することができません。」
年を取ったフィービーはそのとき何かと言いました。しかし、私は彼女の声が聞こえませ
んでした。
彼女は、枕の上に口のsid eをちょうどぴしゃりと持っていました。また、私は彼女の声
が聞こえませんでした。
「何?」
私は言いました。
「口を取り去ってください。
私は、あなたの口でそのようにあなたの声が聞こえません。」
「起こっているものは何も好きではありません。」
それは彼女がそう言った時もっとその上低下して、私になりました。
「私が行うはい。
はい。
確かに、私は行います。
そう言わないでください。
なぜ、一体全体、そう言いますか。」
「しないので。
学校が好きではありません。
100万のものが好きではありません。
しません。」
「私は行います!
それは間違っている場所です -- それは正確に間違っている場所です!
なぜ、一体全体、そう言わなければなりませんか。」
私は言いました。
少年、私を低下させて、彼女でした。
「しないので」と彼女は言いました。
「名前1もの。」
「1つのもの?
私が好きな1つのもの」
私は言いました。
「承認。」
問題はありました。私はあまり熱くて集中することができませんでした。
時々、それは集中するのが難しい。
「私が非常に好きな1つのもの、意味します」?
私は彼女に尋ねました。
しかしながら、彼女は私に答えませんでした。
彼女は無分別の位置方法でいました、ベッドの反対側の上のhel l。
彼女は約1000マイル離れていました。
「C'mon、swer、私。」私は言いました。
「私が非常に好きな1つのもの、あるいは私がただ好きな1つのもの?」
「非常に好きです。」
「「大丈夫に」」と私は言いました。
しかし、問題はありました。私は集中することができませんでした。
私が考えることができるすべてのまわりに、th ose beatupの中の生地を集めて回った2人
の尼が古いストローかごでした。
特にそれらのiro n縁を備えた眼鏡を備えたもの。
また、この少年Iはエルクトン・ヒルで知っていました。
エルクトンにこの1人の少年がいました、やあ、lls、ジェームズ・キャッスルを指名した
、それは彼がこのve ryに関して言ったものを取り戻さないだろう、うぬぼれの強い少年(
安定したフィル)。
ジェームズ城は彼を非常にうぬぼれの強いガイと呼びました、d、Stabileのひどい友達の
うちの1人は泣きに安定したことに彼の上で行きました。
非常に安定した、約6つの他の汚い偽物と、ジェームズ・キャッスルの部屋に降りていき
、はまり、ひどいドアをロックしました、また彼に彼が言ったことを取り消させようとし
た、しかし、彼はそれをしようとしませんでした。
したがって、それらは彼に非難しかけました。
私はあなたに伝えさえしないだろう、何、それら、彼へのd id(それは反発的すぎます)だ
が彼はまだそれを取り戻さないでしょう、古いジェームズCas tle。
また、彼に会うべきでした。
彼は鉛筆ほぼほど大きなw ristsと共に、弱く見える皮状の小さなガイでした。
最後に、彼が言ったことを取り消す代わりに、彼が行ったこと、彼はウィンドウをジャン
プしました。
私はにわか雨とすべてでいました、そして私さえ、coul d、彼の声が聞こえる、土地外部
。
しかし私、単なる考え、何かがウィンドウ、rad ioあるいは机に争いました、あるいはも
の、ない、少年または何でも。
その後、私は、皆が廊下を、および階段を下って走って通るのを聞きました、したがって
、私はバスローブを着ます。また、私はダウnstairsをまた実行しました、また、古いジ
ェームズ・キャッスルが、石のステップごとでちょうど置いていました。
彼は死んでいました、そして歯、そして血液、至る所にあった、また、誰も、さらに彼に
近づこうとしませんでした。
彼は、私が彼に貸したこのタートルネック・セーターの上に持っていました。
彼と部屋にいたガイとそれらがやったのは、それらを放出することでした。
それらはしませんでした、電子ボルトen、刑務所へ行きます。
しかしながら、それは私が考えることができるおよそすべてでした。
bre akfastおよびこの少年ジェームズ・キャッスルIで私が会った2人の尼が、エルクトン
・ヒルで知っていました。
奇妙な部分はそうです、私、ha、あなたが真実を知りたければ、rdlyにさらにジェームズ
・キャッスルを知っています。
彼はこれらの非常に静かな奴のうちの1人でした。
彼は私の数学クラスにいました。しかし、彼は、部屋の反対側に上方へ方法でした。また
、彼は黒板かanyt hingに暗唱するか行くためにめったに起きませんでした。
学校での何人かのガイは黒板に暗唱するか行くためにめったに起きません。
私は、私が彼とかつてさらに話し合ったただ一つの時がその時間だったと思います、彼、
スケジュール、私、彼が、私が持っていたこのタートルネック・セーターを借りることが
できた場合。
彼が私に尋ねた時、私は落とされたde広告の近くで非難します、私はそのように驚きまし
た、またすべて。
私は、彼が私に尋ねた時、缶の中で、teエズにブラシをかけていたことを思い出します。
彼は、駆動ごとに彼を連れて行くために、いとこが中へ入ったと言いました。
私は、彼が、私がタートルネック・セーターを持っていることを知っていることを知りさ
えしなかった。
私が彼に関して知っていたのは、彼の名前が点呼で私に常にちょうど先立っていたという
ことでした。
Caベル、R、Cabel、W。城(コールフィールド)--私は今までどおりそれを思い出すことが
できます。
あなたがk今に真実を望めば、私はほとんど彼にセーターを貸しませんでした。
私がh imをあまりよく知らなかっただけで。
「何?」
私は年を取ったフィービーに言いました。
彼女は私に何かを言いました、しかし、私はしませんでした、rをheaする、彼女。
「1つのことを考えさえすることができません。」
「はい、できる。
はい、できます。」
「さて、それをその後してください。」
「私はAllieが好きです」と私が言いました。
「また、私は私が今ちょうど行っていることを行うことが好きです。
シットing、あなたとここで、そして話すことおよび材料に関する思考、また("「死んで
いるAllieの)、常にそう言います!
場合、誰かの死者やその他いろいろなこと、天、次にそのndは実際にありません--」「私
は、彼が死んでいることを知っています!
私はそれを知っていると思いませんか。
私は今までどおり彼が好きになりえます、th、うーっ、私はできない?
だけで、誰かの、死んでいる、それらが好きなことをただやめるわけではありません、fo
r神の目的--特にそれらがpeop leより約1000倍よかった場合、生きているthat'reごと知
っています。」
年を取ったフィービーは何とも言いませんでした。
言うことについて考えることができない場合、彼女はひどい単語を言いません。
「とにかく、私は今それが好きです」と私が言いました。
「私は今ちょうど意味します。
yo uでここで座り単に噛むこと、太っていて、交尾期の」--「それは実際に何ではありま
せん」!
「それはそのようであります、何か、実際に!
確かに、それはそうです!
なぜ、一体全体、それはでない?
leが何でもそうであると考えないPeop、何でも、実際に。
私はひどくなっています、それにうんざりしている。」「罵り言葉をやめてください。
大丈夫です、ほかに何かを指定してください。
何かをあなたと命名する、でしょう、あるためにeをlikします。
科学者のように。
あるいは弁護士か何か。」
「私は科学者でありえません。
私は科学が全く得意ではありません。」
「さて弁護士 -- お父さんごとのように。」 --
「弁護士は大丈夫であると思います -- しかし、それは私の好みに合いません。」と私が
言いました。
"
私は、無害なガイの生活からt imeをすべて省いて回り、そのように場合、それらが大丈
夫であることを意味します。しかし、弁護士ならば、その種の材料を行いません。
するのは、多くの生地およびプレー・ゴルフ、およびプレー・ブリッジを作り、自動車お
よびdri nkマルティーニを買い、ホットなショットのように見えることです。
そしてに加えて。
sav ingガイの生命ごとをあちこち歩き回ったとしても、どのように、でしょう、ガイの
命を救うために実際にテディボーイを青白くするのであるいはそれをしたので、それをし
たかどうか知っています、ので、あなたが本当に望んだもの、t
o 行う、だった、誰でもあなたを打って、猛烈な弁護士である、の上で、それで、後ろに
、congrはいつ(あなた)係争中ですか、ひどい裁判はそうでした、の上に、リポーターお
よびeverybo dy(それが汚い映画にある方法)?
どのようにしてph onyであるということでなかったことを知るでしょうか。
問題はあります。しないでしょう。」
私は、年を取ったフィービーが知っていたかどうかあまり分かりません、何、一体全体、
私は話していました、に関して。
私、私、1つの、彼女は、ほんの少し子どもごとです。
しかし、彼女は少なくとも聞いていました。
somebo dyが少なくとも聞く場合、それはあまり悪くありません。
「お父さんはあなたを殺すつもりです。
「彼はあなたを殺すつもりです」と彼女が言いました。
しかしながら、私は聞いていませんでした。
私は他のものに関して考えていました -- somethi正気でないナノグラム。
「私は何か知っています。」
私は言いました。
「私は何か知っています。
ひどい選択権を持っていたならば、私は意味します?」
「何?
罵り言葉をやめてください。」
「その歌を知っています「身体が身体cominをつかむ場合」ライ麦によって」?
私は好きでしょう--」
「それはそうです「身体がライ麦を切り抜ける身体に会ったらなあ!」
年を取ったフィービーは言いました。
「それは詩です。
ロバート・バーンズによって。」
「私は、それがロバート・バーンズによる詩であることを知っています。」
しかしながら、彼女は正しかった。
それは、「身体r yeを切り抜ける身体に会うか」どうかです。
しかしながら、私はそのときそれを知りませんでした。
「私は、それはそうであると思いました「身体が身体をつかむ場合」私は言いました。
「とにかく、私は写真にライ麦ごとのこの大きな分野でのあるゲームをする小さな子供を
すべてturingさせておきます。
何千もの小さな子供、そして誰もないの、のまわりで(大きな誰および私も意味しません)
私以外は。
ある正気でない崖に瀕して私が立てているnd。
私が行わなければならないこと、それらが崖をきれいにし始める場合、私にはca tchに対
して皆がいます--私は、それらが走っており、それらが、彼らがどこに行くか見ないなら
、どこかから外に来なければならずそれらをつかまなければならないことを意味します。
それは私が一日中するすべてです。
私はちょうどライ麦とすべてでキャッチャーだろう。
私、k、今、それは正気でありません、しかし、それは私は本当にそうでありたいただ一
つのものです。
私は、それがcra zyであることを知っています。」
年を取ったフィービーは長い間何とも言いませんでした。
その後、彼女があることを言った時、彼女が言ったすべてはそうでした、「お父さんはあ
なたを殺すつもりです。」
「彼が行えば、私は気にしません」と私が言いました。
私はそのときベッドから起きました、原因である、私が行いたかったこと、私は、エルク
トン・ヒル(Antolini氏)の私の英語の茶cherだったこの男を上へ電話をかけたかった。
彼は今、ニューヨークで暮らしました。
彼はエルクトンHil lsを中止しました。
彼は、N.Y.U.で英語を教えるこの仕事を引き受けました。
「私は電話をしなければなりません」と私がフィービーに伝えました。
「私はライトバックだろう。
眠りにつかないでください。」
私は、彼女に行ってほしくありませんでした、t
o 私が居間にいた間、眠ってください。
私は、彼女がしないが、私が単に確かめるためにそれをとにかく言った、と知っていまし
た。
私がドアの方へ歩いている間、年を取ったフィービーは「ホールデン!と言いました。
また、I tuがまわりにrnedしました。
彼女は、ベッドで方法を座らせていました。
彼女は非常にかわいく見えました。
「私はこの少女からbelchin g教訓を得ています、フィリス・マーギュリーズ。」彼女は
言いました。
「聞いてください。」
私は聞きました。また、私は何かを聞きました。しかし、それは多くではありませんでし
た。
「よい」と私は言いました。
私が外出したTめんどり、居間、また私にはいたこの教師に電話をかけた、Antolini氏
.
23
私の両親がするだろうと心配したので、私はそれを電話上で非常に元気がよくしました、
はしけ舟、の中で、ちょうどその真中に私の上で。
それらはしませんでした、しかしながら。
Antolini氏は非常によかった。
彼は、そうしたかったかどうかに関して、私がちょうど来ることができたと言いました。
私は考えます、私、恐らくw、正しい、彼および彼の妻、を上へ、ひどい長い時間がp砥石
に答えるのにそれらにかかったので。
彼が私に尋ねた最初のことは、何かが間違っていたかどうかでした。また、私はノーと言
いました。
私、しかしながら、私がPenceyから失敗したsa id。
私は、彼に伝えたほうがよいと思いました。
彼、sai d「よい神」、私がそう言った時。
彼は、ユーモアごとの良識を持っていました。
彼は、私がそのように感じたかどうかに関してちょうど来るように私に命じました。
彼は、私にはかつていた最良の教師に関係していました、Antoliniさん。
彼はかなり若い奴でした、私の兄弟D.B.よりはるかに古くない、また、からかうことがで
きました、で、やあ、彼に対するあなたの尊敬を失うことのないm。
彼はものでした、私があなたに話したウィンドウをジャンプしたtha t少年を上へ最後に
拾い上げられたそれ、ジェームズ・キャッスル。
年を取ったAntolin氏、私は彼の脈ごととりました。次に、彼はコートを脱ぎました、ま
たジェームズCa stleの上にそれを置き、付属病院へ途中ずっと彼を繰り越した。
彼のコートが血のすべてを得た場合、彼はda mnを与えさえしなかった。
私がD.B.'s室へ戻った時、古いPhoebe'dはラジオをつけました。
このd ance音楽は出ましょようとしていました。
しかしながら、彼女は最低値にそれを向けました。したがって、メードはそれを聞かない
でしょう。
彼女に会うべきでした。
彼女は、脚と共に、カバーの外部で、ベッドの真中にある風味を座らせていました、それ
らのヨギ・ガイのうちの1人のように折り重なりました。
彼女は音楽に合わせてisteningするlでした。
彼女は私を殺します。
「C'monと私は言いました。
「ダンスを望みます?」
彼女が小さな小さな子供だった時、私は、ダンスをする方法ごと彼女に教えました。
彼女は非常によいダンサーです。
私は意味します、私、単なるtaug ht、彼女、少数のもの。
彼女は、それをほとんど一人で学習しました。
実際にダンスをする方法を誰かに教えることができません。
「あなたは靴を身につけています」と彼女が言いました。
「私はそれらを取り除きましょう。
C'mon」
彼女は、実際にベッドからジャンプしました。次に、彼女は待ちました。その一方で私は
靴を脱ぎました。次に、私は彼女としばらくの間ダンスをしました。
彼女は実際にいます、よくて非難します。
私は身につけます「通常、それがrribleなteを見るので、小さな子供とダンスをする人々
のようなt。
あなたがレストランに外にどこかにいて、どこかの年を取ったガイがダンスフロア上で彼
の小さな子供を連れ出すのを見れば、中間の私。
通常、それらは、バックの中で子供の服を誤って引っぱり続けます。また、子供はdamnの
価値でとにかくダンスをすることができません、それが見るd、恐ろしい、しかし、私は
、フィービーまたは何と公的にそれを片付けません。
私たち、単なる馬、のまわりで、家で。
彼女がダンスをすることができるので、それは彼女ととにかく異なります。
彼女は、するものにすべて従うことができます。
私は、それが重要でないように、あなたが地獄として彼女を接近して抑制すれば、あなた
の脚が非常にはるかに長いことを意味します。
彼女は正気hを止めます、あなた。
横切るか、あるいはいくつかの陳腐な浸すこと、どころかジルバを少し行うことができま
す(彼女があなたとちょうど止めるd)。
神のために、タンゴを五分五分にすることができます。
私たちは4つの数に関してダンスをしました。
中間に、彼女がそうである数、地獄として奇妙。
Sh eは、位置にちょうどとどまります。
彼女は話または何も五分五分にしないでしょう。
ちょうど位置にsta yに対して持っており、オーケストラが再び演奏し始めるのを待ちま
す。
それ、sを殺す、私。
笑いまたは何にも推測されません。
とにかく、私たちは4つの数に関してダンスをしました。次に、私はラジオを切りました
。
O ldフィービーは、ベッドで後ろにジャンプし、カバーの下に入りました。
「私は改善していますね。
「彼女は私に尋ねました。
「そしてどのように。」私は言いました。
私は、再び彼女の隣りにベッドに座りました。
私は呼吸からのソートo fでした。
私はそのようにたばこを吸っていました、多くを非難する、私はどんな風もほとんど持っ
ていませんでした。
彼女は呼吸からのe venではありませんでした。
彼女は、「私の額を感じてくださる」と突然言いました。
「なぜ?」
「それを感じてください。
それを一度ただ感じてください。」
私はそれを感じました。
しかしながら、私は何も感じませんでした。
「それは非常に熱が感じますか。」
彼女は言いました。
「いいえ。
それは推測されますか。」
「はい -- 私はやり遂げています。
再びそれを感じてください。」
私は再びそれを感じました。また、私はまだ何も感じませんでした、しかし、私は言いま
した、「私は、それはスタートしようとしていると思います、に、今。」
私は、彼女にひどい劣等感を得てほしくありませんでした。
彼女はうなずきました。
「私はそれをthermoneterの上にに上がらせることができます。」
「温度計。
誰がそのように言いましたか。」
「アリスHolmborgは私にやり方を教えました。
脚を横断し、息を殺し、非常に熱いものについて考えます。
ラジエーターか何か。
その後、全体の額は非常に熱くなるので、誰かの手をやけどさせることができます。」
それは私を殺しました。
t errificに、よりひどくいたように、私は彼女の額から手を引き離しました。
「私に伝えてくれてありがとう」と私は言いました。
「おお、I wouldn't'veがあなたの手をやけどさせました。
それも得る前に、I'd'veは止まりました -- S hhh!」
その後、地獄として迅速、彼女は方法を座らせました、地獄、を上へ、ベッドで。
彼女は、それをした時、私から地獄を脅えさせました。
「問題は何ですか。」
私は言いました。
.
「正面玄関!」
彼女はこの中で大きなささやきを言いました。
「それはそれらです!」
私は速く飛び上がり、あふれて、机の上のライトを消しました。
TめんどりIは、私の靴の上で私のたばこを押し込み、私のポケットにそれを入れます。
その後、私は煙を得るために大気から地獄をあおぎました -- 私は、さらに喫煙、fある
いは神の目的であるべきではありません。
その後、私は靴をつかみ、クローゼットの中で得て、ドアを閉じます。
少年、私の心臓は偽物のように鼓動していました。
私は、母親が部屋で入られるのを聞きました。
「フィービー?」
彼女は言いました。
「さて、それを止めてください。
私は軽く若い女性に会いました。」
「こんにちは」!
私は、年を取ったフィービーが言うのを聞きました。
「私は眠ることができませんでした。
愉快に過ごしましたか。」
「不思議な」、私の母親は言いました、しかし、彼女がそれを意味しなかったことが分か
ります。
彼女は、外出する場合、あまり愉快に過ごしません。
「私は尋ねてもよいですか(あなた、目が覚めているか、なぜ)。
十分に暖める贖罪金e」
「私は十分に暖かかった。私はまったく眠ることができませんでした。」
「フィービー、この中にたばこを吸っていますか。
私に真実(pリース)を伝える、若い女性。」
「何?」
年を取ったフィービーは言いました。
「あなたは私の声が聞こえました。」
「私は1秒間1つちょうどつけました。
私は一吹きをちょうどとりました。
その後、私はそれにou tを投げました、ウィンドウ。」
「なぜ、私は尋ねてもよいですか。」
「私は眠ることができませんでした。」
「私はそれが好きではありません、フィービー。
「私はそれが全く好きではありません」と私の母親が言いました。
"
別の毛布を望みますか。」
「いいえ結構です。
G'night」
年を取ったフィービーは言いました。
彼女は、彼女を追い払おうとしていました。分かります。
「映画はどうでしたか。」
私の母親は言いました。
「優れている。
アリスの母親以外は。
彼女は上方へ傾き続け、彼女が全体の映画全体中に流感に感じたかどうか彼女に尋ね続け
ました。
私たちはタクシー・ホームをとりました。」
「額を感じさせてください。」
「私は何も捕らえませんでした。
彼女は何も持っていませんでした。
それは単に彼女の蛾でした、そのー。」
「よく。
今、眠りについてください。
あなたの夕食はどうでしたか。」
「ひどい」とフィービーは言いました。
「その単語の使用に関して、お父さんが何と言うかと聞きました。
何がひどかったですか、一回、それ?
美しいラムチョップを食べました。
私はレキシントン街の至る所で歩きました、に(ちょうど)-」
「ラムチョップは大丈夫でした。しかし、シャーリーンは、常に私の上で何かを置くwhen
eve rを呼吸します。
彼女は食品やその他いろいろなことの至る所で呼吸します。
彼女、すべての上のbr eathes。」
「よく。
眠りについてください。
母親にキスを与えてください。
お祈りをしましたか。」
「私はバスルームでそれらを言いました。
G'night」
「おやすみ。
今寝入ってください。
私は割れるような頭痛がします。」音、彼女、言われていました。
彼女は、頭痛をとても頻繁に得ます。
彼女は実際に行います。
「少数のアスピリンを飲んでください」と年を取ったフィービーは言いました。
「Holden'll、水曜日にホームにしていただけませんか。」
「私が知っている限り。
今下にそこに着いてください。
下への方法」
私は、母親が外出し、かつドアを閉じるのを聞きました。
私は2、3の分sを待ちました。
その後、私は公にしました。
それがそのようであったので、それをした時、私は年を取ったフィービーへ風味に突き当
てました、日暮れと彼女はベッドの外にあり、私に伝えるために来ました。
「私はあなたを傷つけます?」
私は言いました。
それらが両方とも家にいたので、今ささやかなければなりませんでした。
「私はm oveを上に得なければなりません」と私が言いました。
私は、暗やみにベッドの端を見つけて、それに座り、私の靴を着始めました。
私はかなり神経質でした。
私はそれを認めます。
「今行かないでくださる」、フィービーはささやきました。
「それらが眠ってであるWait'll!」
「いいえ。今。
今の最高の時間」と私は言いました。
「彼女は、ニュースか何か上のバスルームおよびD addy'll回転にいるでしょう。
今の最高の時間。」
私は靴ひもをほとんど結ぶことができませんでした、私はそのようでいました、神経質で
非難します。
だからといって、もし私を家へ捕らえていれば、それらが私あるいはanythin gを殺して
いただろうわけではありません、しかし、それは非常に不愉快だったでしょう、またすべ
て。
「どこで、地獄、yaである?」
私は年を取ったフィービーに言いました。
非常に暗かったので、私は彼女に会うことができませんでした。
「ここに。」
彼女は、私の隣りにちょうど立っていました。
私は彼女に会いさえしなかった。
「私はステーションでdamnバッグを得ました」と私が言いました。
「聞いてください。
どんな生地、Phoebも得ました?
私は実際にいます、壊れた。」
「単なる私のクリスマス生地。
プレゼントごとのために。
私はshopp ingを全くまだ行っていません。」
「おお。」
私は彼女のクリスマス生地をとりたくありませんでした。
「いくらか望みます?」
彼女は言いました。
「私はあなたのクリスマス生地をとりたくありません。」
「私はあなたにいくらかを貸すことができます」と彼女が言いました。
その後、私は、彼女の手でD.B.'s机、100万の引き出しをpeningするoおよび感覚で上方へ
まわりに彼女の声が聞こえました。
それは真っ黒でした、i tは部屋において非常に暗かった。
「去れば、プレーで私に会わないでしょう。」彼女、s援助。
彼女がそれを言った時、彼女の声は奇妙に思えました。
「はい。
私は行かないでしょう、その前の方法。
私はpla yを逃したいと思います?」
私は言いました。
「私が行うこと、私は、恐らくAntolini氏の家にとどまりましょう、まで、火曜の夜恐ら
く。
その後、私は帰宅しましょう。
私は、機会を得れば、yaに電話をかけましょう。」
「「ここに」」と年を取ったフィービーは言いました。
彼女は、私に生地を与えようとしていました、しかし彼女、co uldn't、私の手を見つけ
ます。
「どこで?」
彼女は私の手に生地を入れました。
「ヘイ、私はこれをすべて必要としません」と私が言いました。
「私に2ドル単に与える、すべてです。
N
o からかうこと--ここに。」
私は、彼女にそれを戻そうとしました。しかし、彼女はそれをとらないでしょう。
「それをすべてとることができます。
私に払い戻すことができます。
それをプレーにもたらしてください。」
「それは神のためにいくらですか。」
「8ドルおよび85セント。
65セント。
私はいくらか費やしました。」
その後、突然、私は叫び始めました。
私はそれを支援することができませんでした。
誰も私の声が聞こえなかったように、私はそれをしました。しかし、私はそれをしました
。
それは年を取ったフィービーから地獄を脅えさせました、いつ、私、staはそれをするこ
とをrtedしました。また、彼女は来ました、の上に、また私を止まらせようとした、しか
し、一旦sta rtedを得れば、ひどいダイム上でただ止まることができません。
私はまだいました、現職、tの端に、彼、私がそれをし、彼女が、首のまわりの古い腕を
置いた時、ベッド、また、私は腕を置きました、1つの、彼女を回ってまた、しかし、私
はまだ長い間止まることができませんでした。
私は、死か何かに窒息するつもりであると思いました。
うわっ、私は貧しい年を取ったフィービーから地獄を脅えさせました。
damnウィンドウは開いていました、そしてすべて、また、私は彼女の震えごと感じるかも
しれません、bec auseすべて、彼女は持っていました、の上で、彼女のパジャマでした。
私は、彼女をベッドで戻らせようとしました。しかし、sh eは行きませんでした。
最後に、私は止まりました。
しかし、私は確かに長く長い時間かかりました。
私のコートごとボタンで留めて完成したTh en I。
私は、彼女と連絡をとり続けようと彼女に伝えました。
彼女は、もしそうしたかったならば、私が彼女と寝ることができるだろうと私に伝えまし
た、しかし、私はノーと言いました、私はしましょう、r打つことをbetteする、それ、An
tolini氏は私ごとを待っていました。
その後、私は私がコート・ポケットからの帽子を探すことをとり、彼女にそれを与えまし
た。
彼女は正気でない帽子に親切な人々が好きです。
彼女はそれをとりたくありませんでした。しかし、私は彼女になりました。
私は、彼女がそれと寝たことに賭けましょう。
彼女は本当に帽子に親切な人々が好きです。
その後、私は、もし機会を得れば彼女にうなりを与えるだろうと再び彼女に伝えました。
次に、私は去りました。
それはひどいロットでした、より容易、それより家から出ることはある理由で中に入るこ
とでした。
1つには、th eyが私を捕らえた場合、私は、damnの多くをもはや与えませんでした。
私は実際にしませんでした。
私は、私を捕らえた場合それらが私を捕らえると考えました。
I alが、それらがある意味では行ったらと最も思いました。
私は、エレベータをとる代わりに、途中ずっと階下に歩きました。
私は裏階段を下って行きました。
私は、ほとんど約1000万のゴミバケツ上の首を壊しました。しかし、私は元気に外に出ま
した。
エレベーターボーイは私に会いさえしなかった。
彼は、恐らくまだ私はディクスタイン一家で起きていると思っています。
24
Antolini夫妻は、達する2ステップと共に、サットンPlac eの上にこの非常に見えっぱり
のアパートを上方へ持っていました、居間とバーで得る、またすべて。
私はかなり多数の回そこへ行ったことがありました、ので、エルクトン・ヒルAntoiln氏
を残した後、私は、私がどのように暮らしていたか見つけ出すために夕食用の私たちの家
にとても頻繁に達しました。
彼はそのとき夫婦ではありませんでした。
その後、彼が結婚した時、私はかつてはテニスをしました、で、彼およびAntolini夫人、
とても頻繁に、フォレストヒルズ、ロングアイランドのウェスト・サイド・テニス・クラ
ブで外に。
Antolini夫人、そこに属しました。
彼女はひどかった、で、うっを行います。
彼女はAntolini氏より約60歳年上でした。しかし、それらは、全く長い井戸を得るように
見えました。
1つには、それらは両方とも特に非常に知的でした、Antolini氏、あなたが彼といた時、
彼が知的であるというより機知に富んだという点を除いて、D.B.類似のAntolini夫人の種
類はほとんど重大でした。
彼女は喘息をかなり悪くしておきました。
それらは両方ともすべてのD.B.'s物語を読みました -- Mrs。
Antolini、--(また)また、D.B.がホーllywoodに行った時、Antolini氏は彼に電話をかけ
て、彼に行かないように命じました。
彼はとにかく行きました、汝、gh。
Antolini氏は、D.B.のように書くことができる人は誰もハリウッドに対してビジネス試み
ingを持っていなかったと言いました。
それはまさに実際に私が言ったことです。
持っていなかったフェーベのクリスマス生地のうちのどれでも費やしたくなかったので、
私はそれらの家まで歩いているでしょう、しかし、私は奇妙に感じました、いつ、私、g
ot外部。
まあ混乱しています。
したがって、私はタクシーに乗りました。
そうしたくなくて、私は行いました。
私はひどい時間をタクシーをさらに見つけるしました。
私がベルを鳴らした時、古いAntolini氏は取り次ぎに出ました--eleva小さい岩山少年の
後に最後に、私をさせる、偽物。
彼はバスローブとスリッパの上に持っていました。また、彼は1つの手の中にハイボール
を飲みました。
彼はかわいい洗練されたガイでした。また、彼はかなり大酒飲みでした。
「ホールデン(m'boy)!」
彼は言いました。
「私の神、彼は育てられます、別のtwen tyインチ。
あなたに会うのに素晴らしい。」
「ごきげんいかがですか、Antoliniさん?
Antolini夫人はどういますか。」
「私たちは両方ともまったくおしゃれです。
そのコートを持ちましょう。」
彼は私から私のコートをとりました、dはそれを掛けました。
「私はあなたの腕で日年を取った幼児に会うつもりでした。
回さないべきどこ。
あなたのまつ毛の中の雪片」
彼は時々非常に機知に富んだガイです。
彼はaroun dを回し、キッチンへ「リリアン!を叫びました。
コーヒーはどのように来ますか。」
リリアンはAntolini夫人の名でした。
「それはすべて準備ができている。」彼女は振り返って叫びました。
「そのホールデンである?
こんにちは、ホールデン」!
「こんにちは、Antoliniさん」!
そこにいた時、常に叫んでいました。
それは、それら両方が同じ部屋に同時にあったとは限らなかったからです。
それはまあ奇妙でした。
「座ってください、ホールデン」とAntolini氏は言いました。
彼がリードされた小さなoiだったことが分かります。
部屋はそれらにパーティーがちょうどあったように見えました。
グラスは至る所にいて、それらの中のピーナッツでへこみます。
「その場所の外観を許してください」と彼は言いました。
「私たちは、Antolini夫人の何人かのバッファロー友人を楽しませています。
。
。
そのように、私、実は水牛。」
私は笑いました。また、Antolini夫人はキッチンから私に何かを中へ叫びました。しかし
、私は彼女の声が聞こえませんでした。
「彼女は何と言いましたか。」
私はAntolini氏に尋ねました。
「彼女は彼女が中へ入る場合に、彼女を見ないために言いました。
彼女は袋からちょうど発生しました。
たばこを持ってください。
今たばこを吸っていますか。」
「「ありがとう」」と私は言いました。
私は、彼が私に提供した箱からたばこをとりました。
「時間の単なるo nce。
私は穏健な喫煙者です。」
「私は、あなたがそうであることに賭けましょう」と彼が言いました。
彼は、私にfのこの大きなライターからの光をくれました、テーブル。
「そのように。
「あなたとPenceyはもはや1ではありません」と彼が言いました。
彼は常にthiナノグラムをそのように言いました。
時々、それは私を非常に楽しませました。また、時々、それは楽しませませんでした。
彼、d idの種類、それ、わずかにあまりに。
私は、彼が時々機知に富んでいるか、何でも(彼がそうでした)bユトではなかったことを
意味しません、それはあなたの神経に障ります、いつ、誰かの常に言うもの、のように「
S
o あなたとPenceyはもはや1ではありません。」
D.B.はそれをあまりに時々またします。
「問題は何でしたか。」
Antolini氏は私に尋ねました。
「英語で行うHow'd?
もしあなたが英語を失敗すれば、私はあなたにドアを直ちに示すでしょう、あなた、小さ
なエースco mposition作家。」
「おお、私は元気に英語をパスしました。
しかしながら、それはほとんど文学でした。
私、onl yは2つの構成に関して書きました、全体の用語。」私は言いました。
「しかしながら、私は口頭のExpressiを上に失敗しました。
それらには取り分、口頭の表現に対して持っていたこのコースがありました。
それ、私、flunke d。」
「なぜ?」
「おお、私は知りません。」
私は、それに非常に入りたくありませんでした。
私は、混乱していることにまだfウナギ獲り種類でした、あるいはもの、また、私は突然
ひどい頭痛がしました。
私は実際に行いました。
しかし、あなたは、彼が興味を持っていたことが分かります。したがって、私はそれに関
して彼に少量を伝えました。
「それは、クラスの少年がそれぞれクラスおよびm akeで起きなければならないこのコー
スです、スピーチ。
知っています。
自発的、またすべて。
また、少年が少しでも脱線する場合、叫ぶと想像されているyo u're「脱線」!
彼でできるだけ速く(あなた)。
それ、ちょうどdro veに関して、私、正気でない
私は、その中のFを得ました。」
「なぜ?」
「おお、私は知りません。
その脱線ビジネスは私の神経に障りました。
私はしません、kn、おう。
私とのもめごとはあります。誰かが脱線する場合、私はそれが好きです。
それはより多くのinteresちりんごとです。」
「誰かを持ちたいと思いません、彼があなたにそのように伝える場合のポイントへの杖、
mething?」
「おお、確か!
私は、誰かにポイントごとにくっついて欲しい。
しかし、私はしません、keをliする、それら、ポイントにあまりにくっつくために
私は知りません。
私は、それが好きではないと推測します、wh en、誰か、ポイントへの杖、終始。
最高点i nを得た少年、口頭の表現、ポイントに終始くっついたものだった--私はそれを
認めます。
しかし、この1人の少年(リチャードKinsella)がいました。
彼は、ポイントにあまり固執しませんでした。また、それらは常に叫んでいました「脱線
」!
彼で。
それは恐ろしかった、becau se、まず第1に、彼は、非常に神経質なガイ(私は、彼が非常
に神経質なg uyだったことを意味します)でした。また、スピーチを行う彼の時間で、も
し入り口を座らせていれば、ほとんど彼の声が聞こえない場合は常に、唇は常に震動して
いました、部屋のバック。
Wめんどり、彼の唇種類、しかしながら、少量を振って、中止された、私は、誰か他の人
より3回賭けられた彼のスピーチが好きでした。
しかしながら、彼は実際にまたコースを失敗しました。
それらが叫び続けたので、彼はDプラスを得ました「脱線」!
彼で終始。
instan ceについては、彼は、彼の父親がバーモントで買ったこの農場に関するこのスピ
ーチを行いました。
それらは叫び続けました「脱線」!
彼では、その間ずっと、彼はそれを作っていました。また、どんな種類および材料の動物
および野菜が農場ごとで成長するか伝えていなかったので、この教師(ヴィンソン氏)は、
彼にその上のFを与えました。
彼が行ったのはそうでした、リチャードKinsella、彼はその材料に関してあなたにすべて
を伝え始めるでしょう--、その後、突然、彼は、この文字に関してあなたをellingするt
を始めるでしょう、彼のおじから得られた母親、そしてどのように、おじ、行く、tポリ
オごと、彼が42歳だった時、そして、彼は、誰にも締め金をオンにしたまま彼に会ってほ
しくなかったので、どのように誰かを病院に入院中の彼に会うために来させないだろうか
。
それは農場(私はそれを認めます)でするのがたくさんありませんでした。しかし、それは
よかった。
誰かがそれらのおじのことをあなたに伝える場合よい。
特に父親の農場のことをあなたに伝えて、それらがtに星印を付けて、次に、突然それら
のおじの中でterestedされて、もっと中へ得る場合。
私は、叫び続けることが汚いことを意味します「脱線」!
彼では、彼がすべてよく興奮する場合。
私は知りません。
説明するのは難しい。」
私は、また非常に試みのようなLをまたfeしませんでした。
1つには、私は突然この猛烈な頭痛がしました。
私は、年を取ったAntolini夫人がコーヒーとともに来る神に望みました。
T帽子の、私から地獄を悩ますもの--誰かがコーヒーのすべてを言えば、私は意味します
、準備ができている、また、それはそうではありません。
「ホールデン。
。
。
短く、弱く退屈で、教育者の1つの質問。
すべてのための時間および場所があると思いませんか。
誰かが彼の父親の農場のことをあなたに伝えるために外に出発すれば、彼は自説に固守す
るべきであり、次に、彼のおじの締め金のことをあなたに伝える時間を見つけるべきであ
る、と思いませんか。
あるいは、彼のおじの締め金がそのような挑発的な主題である場合、すべきだ、ない、彼
、彼のs ubjectとしてまず第1にそれを選択した--ない、農場?」
私は非常に考え(ごと)答えたかった。
私は頭痛がしました。また、私はひどく感じました。
あなたがtr uthを知りたければ、私はさらに腹痛の種類を持っていました。
「はい -- 私は知りません。
私は、彼がするべきであると推測します。
私は、彼がpicke dを持っているべきであると推測することを意味します、農場の代わり
に主題としての彼のおじ、場合、彼に最も興味を感じさせます。
しかし、私が言いたいものはそうです、何があなたにあなたまで最も興味を感じさせるか
知らない多くの時、あなたを最も興味を持たないものについて話すsta rt。
私は、あなたがそれを時々支援することができないことを意味します。
私が思うことは、彼が少なくとも面白く、彼が何かのことですべてを興奮させていれば、
誰かをそのままにしておくことになっているということです。
誰かが何かに興奮する場合、私はそれが好きです。
それはよい。
tをまったく知りませんでした、彼の教師(ヴィンソン氏)。
彼は時々あなたの気を狂わせることができました、彼およびひどいクラス。
私は彼が時間をすべて統一するおよび単純化するようにあなたに命じ続けるだろうことを
意味します。
それをまったくすることができないいくつかのthiナノグラム。
私は、誰かが、あなたがそうすることを望むだけであなたがめったにs omethingを単純化
し、統一することができないことを意味します。
この男を知りませんでした、Vinso氏、n。
私は、彼が非常に知的だったことを意味します、そしてすべて、しかし、彼が脳をあまり
持っていなかったことが分かります。」
「コーヒー、紳士、最後に。」Antolini夫人は言いました。
彼女はtを運ぶ際に来ました、コーヒーとケーキを備えた彼のトレーおよびその上の材料
。
「ホールデン、私の垣間見を五分五分にしないでください。
私は混乱です。」
「「こんにちは、Antoliniさん」」と私は言いました。
私は起き始めました、そしてすべて、しかし、アントolini氏は私のジャケットをつかま
えて、私を下へ引き戻しました。
それらの鉄カールクリップ仕事でいっぱいの古いAntolini夫人の髪の毛wa s、また、彼女
は口紅または何も持っていませんでした、o n。
彼女はあまり豪華に見えませんでした。
彼女はかなり年を取ったように見えました、またすべて。
「私はちょうどこれをここで残しましょう。
単なる潜水、の中で、あなた、2。」彼女は言いました。
彼女はtを置きました、彼、トレー、を下って、これらの眼鏡を押してすべて特異にする
たばこテーブル上で。
"
あなたのお母さんはどうですか、ホールデン。」
「彼女は素晴らしい、ありがとう。
私は、彼女にあまり最近会っていません、しかしその、最後、私--」「ダーリング、ホー
ルデンが何でも必要とすれば、すべてはリンネル類用クローゼットにあります。
Th eは棚の頂部を覆います。
私は寝ます。
「私は疲れ果てます」とAntolini夫人が言いました。
彼女もそれらしく見えました。
「あなたたち、少年はソファーを独力で構築することができますか。」
「私たちはすべてを世話するでしょう。
「あなたはベッドへ立ち去ります」とAntolini氏が言いました。
彼はAntolini夫人にキスを与えました。また、彼女は私にさようならを言い、bedroo mに
入りました。
それらは常に互いに非常に公的にキスしていました。
私は、1杯のコーヒーの一部、および岩としてha rdとしてあったいくらかのケーキのおよ
そ半分を持っていました。
しかしながら、年を取ったAntolini氏が持っていたのは別のハイボールだけでした。
彼はth emをまた強くします、分かります。
彼のものが踏むhをwatcしなければ、彼はアル中患者になってもよい。
「私は2、3週間前にあなたのお父さんとランチを食べた。」彼は浮漂草塊enをすべて言い
ました。
「それを知っていましたか。」
「いいえ。」
「もちろん、知っています、彼は、恐ろしくあなたについて関心を持っています。」
「私はそれを知っています。
「私は、彼がそうであることを知っています」と私が言いました。
「見たところでは、私に電話をかける前に、彼は、全く絶対に努力をしていなかったとい
う結果に対して、あなたの最新の校長からの長く、やや苦しめるl etterをちょうど持っ
ていました。
授業をさぼること。
あなたのすべてのクラスに即席になること。
ge neralの中で、であること、1つの、万能」--「私は授業をさぼりませんでした。
どれでもカットすることを認められませんでした。
それら(2、3の)がありました、私は、あなたに話したその口頭の表現のように、時々参加
しませんでした、しかし、私はどれもカットしませんでした。」
私はそれについて全く議論したくありませんでした。
コーヒーは私の胃の気分を少しよくしました。しかし、私はまだこのひどい頭痛がしまし
た。
Antolini氏は別のたばこをつけました。
彼は悪魔のようにたばこを吸いました。
その後、彼は言いました、「率直に言って、私は知りません、何、一体全体、あなたに言
うために、ホールデン。」
「私は知っています。
私は話しかけるのが非常に難しい。
私はそれを悟ります。」
「私は、あなたがある種類のために乗っている気がします、1つの、恐ろしい、terrib le
落下。
しかし、私は正直に知りません、どんな種類。
。
。
私の言うことを聞いていますか。」
「はい。」
彼が集中しようとするごとことだったことが分かります。
「30歳のときに、あなたがある棒帽子ingに座るところで、それは種類かもしれません、
あたかも彼がcollegの中のフットボールをしたかもしれないように見える際に来るすべて
の人
e. その後、再び、言う人々を嫌うためにちょうど十分な教育を拾い上げてもよい、「そ
れ's、秘密、の間で、彼および私。」
あるいは、ある事業所で終了してもよい、最も近い速記者のthrowiナノグラム・クリップ
。
私はまったく知りません。
しかし、私が意図しているw帽子をいったい知っていますか。」
「はい。
「確かである」と私は言いました。
私も行いました。
「しかし、その嫌うバス内Sについて誤解しています。
私はフットボール選手ごと嫌うことに関して意味します。
あなたは実際にそうです。
私はしません、帽子e、あまりにも多くのガイ。
私が行うこと、私は少量のためにそれらを嫌ってもよい、一方、このgu y Stradlaterの
ように、私はPenceyおよびこの他の少年(ロバート・アクレー)で知っていました。
私はそれらを嫌いました、o nce、すぐに(私はそれを認めます)しかし、それは、あまり
長く続きません、私が言いたいものです。
しばらくして、私がそれらを見なかったならば、あるいはそれらが部屋で入らなかった場
合、あるいは私がしなかった場合、eeをsする、それら、2、3の食のための食堂で、私、
種類、それらを恋しく思います。
私は、まあそれらを恋しく思ったことを意味します。」
Antolini氏はしばらくの間何も言いませんでした。
彼は起きて、次に、彼が再び座り、氷の別の大きな塊を得て、彼の飲料にそれを入れます
。
分かります、彼、思考としてのw。
しかしながら、私は、彼が朝、今の代わりに、会話を継続することを望み続けました。し
かし、彼は熱かった。
人々はあなたがそうでない場合に、discussイオンを持つにはほとんど熱い。
「大丈夫に。
今私の言うことを1分聞いてください。
。
。
私はしてはなりません、言葉、これ、私が好きだろうとともに、memorとして巧みに、し
かし、私は、1、2日であなたにそれに関する手紙を書きましょう。
その後、それに直線のすべてを取って来てやることができます。
しかし、今とにかく聞いてください。」
彼は利得を集中し始めました。
その後、彼は、「私が、あなたが乗っていると思うこの落下 -- 特別の種類の落下、恐ろ
しい種類です。と言いました。
落ちている人は、底を打たれて、彼自身感じるか聞くことは許されません。
彼はちょうど落ち続け落ち続けます。
人のために設計された全体の配置の、誰、で、いつか、あるいは他のもの、彼らの生命で
、何かをth eirを捜していた、自分自身のもの、環境はそれらを供給することができませ
んでした、で。
あるいは、彼らは彼らのものを思いました、mentを包囲する、それらを供給することがで
きなかった、で。
したがって、それらは見ることを諦めました。
かつて実際にさらに始める前に、それらはそれを放棄しました。
あなたは私についていきます?」
「イエ、貴下。」
「確かである?」
「はい。」
彼は起きて、グラス中の酒をもっと注ぎました。
その後、彼はagai nを座らせました。
彼は長い間何も言いませんでした。
「私はあなたを脅えさせたくありません(彼は言いました、)しかし、私は、非常にはっき
りあなたに会うことができます、dy ing、ある非常に価値がない原因のために、何とかし
て立派に。」
彼は私を楽しいny目で見ました。
「私があなたのために何かを書き留めれば、それを注意深く読んでいただけませんか。
そしてkee p、それ?」
「はい。
「確かである」と私は言いました。
私も行いました。
私は、まだ彼が私にくれた紙を持っています。
彼は行きました、の上に、部屋の反対側のこの机に、そしてなしで、ちりんを座らせる、
1枚の紙の上の何かを書きました。
その後、彼は戻り、wi thを下って手の中の論文を座らせました。
「十分に奇数で、これは実行するpoe tによって書かれませんでした。
それはヴィルヘルム・シュテケルという名の精神分析医によって書かれました。
ここにある、何、彼--私とまだy ouである?」
「イエ(私がそうで確か)。」
「ここに、彼が言ったことがあります:
「未熟な人のマークは、成熟した人のマークが、彼が一つのために謙虚に生きたいという
ことである間、彼が原因のために立派に死にたいということです。」」
彼は屈み、私にそれを渡しました。
私はそれを読みます、彼がm eにそれを与えて、次に、私が彼ごと感謝し、ポケットにそ
れを入れた時、正しい
そのすべての問題に行くことは彼によかった。
それは実際にそうでした。
しかしながら、目的はありました。私は、muc hが集中が好きなのを感じませんでした。
うわっ、私は感じました。ですから突然疲れて非難してください。
しかしながら、彼が全く疲れていなかったことが分かります。
油はかなり彼に差されました、fあるいは1つのもの。
「私は、近日中に、あなたはtを持つだろう(彼は言いました、)と思います。
o どこへ行きたいか見つけ出してください。
また、その後、そこに行き始めなければなりません。
しかしi、mmediatelyに。
1分を失う余裕がありません。
あなたではない」
彼が私ごとでちょうど見ていたので、私はうなずきました、しかし、私はまたs ureでは
ありませんでした、彼が話していたもの。
私は、知っているとかなり確信しました。しかし、私はその時にまたpositi veではあり
ませんでした。
私もいました、疲れて非難します。
「また、私は、あなたに伝える(彼は言いました、)ことを嫌います。しかし、私は、一旦
あなたがどこへ行きたいかというfai r考えを持てば、あなたの最初の動きは学校であな
た自身を適用することだろうと思います。
そうしなければならないでしょう。
あなたは学生です -- その考えはあなたの好みに合うかどうか。
あなた」知識を備えた愛の中のre。
また、私は、一旦過去になれば、あなたは見つけるだろうと思います、すべてのMr。
Vineses、そしてそれらの、口頭、コンプする--」「ヴィンソン氏」、私は言いました。
彼はすべてのVin eses氏ではなくヴィンソン氏をすべて意味しました。
しかしながら、私は彼を中断するべきではありませんでした。
「大丈夫に--ヴィンソン氏。
一旦、過去になれば、すべてのヴィンソン氏、あなた」あなたの心にとって非常に大切に
なる情報の種類にますます近く(すなわちあなたがそうしたい場合に、およびそれを捜し
、それを待つ場合に、)なり始めに行くre。
とりわけ、かつて混乱しぎょっとし、そして、さらに人間挙動によって病気にされた最初
のp ersonではないことを知るでしょう。
決して、その点に関して一人ではありません、知って、興奮し刺激されるでしょう。
多数、多くの人が、たった今道義的に精神的にあなたが今r ightであるのと同じくらい心
配させられました。
幸いにも、それらのうちのいくつかは、それらの問題の記録をとりました。
mをあちらへ学習するでしょう、それら--あなたがそうしたい場合。
として(ちょうど)提示することがあれば、いつか、誰かがあなたから何かを学ぶでしょう
。
それは美しい相互協定です。
また、それは教育ではありません。
それは過去のものです。
それは詩です。」
彼はハイボールから大西洋を差し引きとりました。
その後、彼は再び出発しました。
うわっ、彼は実際に熱かった。
Iのジdn'tが彼または何でも止めようとして、私は嬉しかった。
「私は、nlyに教養のあるoおよび学究的な人は世界にとって貴重なものを寄与することが
できるとあなたに伝えよう(彼は言いました、)としていません。
それはそのようでありません。
しかし、私は、それが教育したと言います、そして学究的な人、それらがbri lliantで、
無限に残す10 dから(それは不運にも、めったにそうでない)始まるのに創造的な場合、光
り輝く単なるly・創造的な、彼らの後ろのもっと価値のあるレコードは、人より行います
。
それらは、考えをより明確に述べる傾向があります、そしてy、終了までずっとそれらの
考えに続くことに対する情熱を通常持っています。
そして(重要なm ost)10回のうちの9つ、それらにはunscholarl y思想家より多くの謙遜が
あります。
いったい私についていきますか。」
「イエ、貴下。」
彼は、全く時間の間再び何も言いませんでした。
私は、あなたがe verをそれにもたらされたするかどうか知りません。しかし、それは、
誰かが、彼らが考えている場合にethingするsomごと言うのを待つことのまわりで座るの
に困難なことに種類です。
それは実際にそうです。
私は、あくびをしないようにし続けました。
私、tは、私が退屈したということではありませんでした。あるいは、私以外の何でも(私
はそうではありませんでした)はそのようでありました、非難する、突然眠い
「他のもの、大学教育はあなたの身の回りの世話をするでしょう。
wに沿って第iに行く場合、それ、任意の相当な距離、それは、あなたにあなたがどのサイ
ズ心を持っているかという考えを与え始めるでしょう。
それが適合するもの、および恐らくそれがしないもの。
しばらくして、特にあなたのサイズ心がどんな種類の考えを着用していなければならない
かという考えを持つでしょう。
o neものについては、それはあなたに異常な量の考えの上でつらい時間を省くかもしれま
せん、そのd on'tスーツ、あなたになっていません。
真実のmeasuremen tsを知り、あなたの心に従って服を着せることを始めるでしょう。」
その後、突然、私はあくびをしました。
何て無作法な偽物、しかし私はできない、pをhelする、それ!
しかしながら、Antolini氏はちょうど笑いました。
「C'mon」、彼は言いました、また起きました。
「私たちは、あなたのためにソファーを用意するでしょう。」
私は彼についていきました。また、彼は行きました、の上に、このクローゼットに、また
下へとろうとした、したがって、私、シートおよび毛布、またそれを詰める、トップの棚
の上にあった、しかし、彼は手の中のこのハイボールグラスでi tを行うことができませ
んでした。
したがって、彼はそれを飲みました、そして次に、グラスを置く(行う、床にwnする、ま
た、その後、彼は材料を降ろしました。)
私は、彼がそれをもたらすのを助けました、の上に、tに、彼、寝ます。
私たちは両方ともベッドをともに整えました。
彼はそれであまり熱くありませんでした。
彼は中へあまりしっかりと何も差し込みませんでした。
しかしながら、私はかまいませんでした。
私、could'veは立っていることを眠りました、私、w、として、したがって、疲れていま
した。
「How'reすべて、あなたの女性?」
「それらはOKです。」
私はひどい話し好きであるということでした。しかし、私はそのように感じませんでした
。
「サリーはどうですか。」
彼は年を取ったサリー・ヘイズを知っていました。
私は彼を以前紹介しました。
「彼女は大丈夫です。
私は今日の午後、彼女とデートをしました。」
うわっ、それは20年前に類似に見えました!
「私たちは、いくらか共通のより多くの物にあまり持っていません。」
「ひどいかわいい少女。
その他の少女はどうですか。
私に伝えたもの、ab、メインで、外に?」
「おお -- ジェーン・ギャラハー。
彼女は大丈夫です。
私は恐らく明日彼女にうなりを与えるつもりです。」
私たちはすべてそのときソファーを構築し終えました。
「それはすべてあなたのものである」、Antolin氏、私は言いました。
「私は知りません、何、一体全体、脚で行うつもりです。
"
「それは大丈夫です。
「私は短いベッドへ慣れています」と私が言いました。
「ありがとう、非常に、貴下。
あなたおよびAntolini夫人は実際に今夜私の命を救いました。」
「バスルームがどこか知っています。
ほしい何かがある場合、単なるholl、そのー。
私は、キッチンでしばらくの間いましょう--でしょう、軽い面倒、あなた?」
「いいえ -- 少しもなく地獄。
非常にありがとう。」
「大丈夫に。
おやすみ、ハンサム。」
「G'night、貴下。
非常にありがとう。」
彼はキッチンで外出しました。また、私はバスルームに入り、裸でした、またすべて。
私は、歯ブラシを持ち合わせていなかったので、歯にブラシをかけることができませんで
した。
私はパジャマをまた持っていませんでした。また、Antolini氏は、私にいくらかを貸すこ
とを忘れました。
したがって、私は居間でちょうど戻りco uchの隣のこの小さなランプを切りました。次に
、私は単なる要点を備えたベッドで乗りました。
それは私のあまりにも短縮形の方法でした、ソファー、しかし私、実際に、could'veは顔
色を変えずに立って眠りました。
私は置きました、Antol ini'd氏を詰めるおよそものすべてを思うちょうど2、3秒で目が
覚めている、私に伝えました。
あなたの心ごとのサイズを見つけ出すことに関して。
彼は実際にかなりうぬぼれ屋でした。
しかし、私はひどい目を開けておくことができませんでした。また、私は寝入りました。
その後、何かが起こりました。
私は、それについて話すことが好きではありません。
私は突然起きました。
私は、それが元あった何時あるいは何も知りません、起こしたbu t。
私は、頭、どこかのガイの手の何かを感じました。
うわっ、それは、実際に私から地獄を脅えさせました。
過去のその状態、それはAntolini氏の手でした。
彼が行っていたのは、暗黒とすべてに、ちょうどソファーの隣の床に彼が座っていたとい
うことでした。また、h eはまあ私を愛玩していたか、ひどい頭の上で私を軽く叩いてい
ました。
うわっ、私は、Iのjumpe dを約1000フィート賭けましょう。
「何、hellya行う?」
私は言いました。
「無!
私は賞賛して、単にここで座っています--」「What're ya行う。とにかく?」
私は改めてもう一度言いました。
私は知りませんでした、何、彼、言うll --私は、地獄として当惑したことを意味します
。
「どのように「あなたの声を下げておく一回?
私は単にここで("「私はとにかく行かなければならない」私は言いました)少年を座らせ
ています、私だった、神経質!
私は暗やみの中でdamnズボンを着始めました。
私はそれらをほとんど得ることができませんでした、の上で、私はそのようでいました、
神経質で非難します。
私はもっと知っています、非難する、曲解する、学校ごとで、誰でもより、かつて会合し
ました、そしてそれら「私がまわりにいる場合に常にpervertyであるre。
「行かなければなりません、どこで?」
Antolini氏は言いました。
彼は、まさに偶然の神ダムを演じようとしており涼しかった、そしてすべて、しかし、彼
はあまりひどくありませんでした、涼しい
私の言葉を信じてください。
「私はステーションにバッグごと置きました。
私は、恐らく倒れたほうがよくそれらを得たほうがよい、と思います。
私はそれらに材料をすべて持っています。」
「それらは朝そこにあるでしょう。
さて、ベッドへ戻ってください。
私自身は寝ます。
どうかしましたか。」
「何も問題ではありません、それは単にそれです、私の金銭および材料はすべて私のバッ
グのうちの1つにあります。
私はライトバックだろう。
「私はタクシーを得て、ライトバックだろう」と私が言いました。
うわっ、私は暗やみの中で自分の至る所で落ちていました。
「大事なことは、それが私のもの(お金)でないということです。
それは私の母親のです、そして私--」「馬鹿げていないでください(ホールデン)。
そのベッドで後ろに下がってください。
私はベッドmys小妖精に行きます。
お金が、そこで朝に安全で、堅実になります--」「少しもなくからかわないこと
私は急がなければなりません。
私は実際に行います。」
私はそうでした、drを約すべて非難する、私がタイを見つけることができなかった以外は
、既にessedしました。
私は、どこにタイを置くか思い出すことができませんでした。
私はそれなしでジャケットごと着ます。
古いAntolini氏は今、大きな椅子に座っていました、1つの、小さな方法、私を見て、私
から遠ざかって。
暗かった。また、llと私は、彼がそれほど熱いのを見ることができませんでした。しかし
、私は、彼が元気に私を見ていることを知っていました。
彼、まだまた大酒を飲むとしてw。
私は彼の手で彼の信頼できるハイボールグラスを見ることができました。
「あなたは非常に奇妙な少年です。」
「私はそれを知っています」と私が言いました。
私はタイのために多くの回りを見回しさえしなかった。
そのように、私、それのないはれ物t。
「さようなら、私は、貴下がロットに感謝すると言いました、
からかわないこと。」
私が正面玄関に行った時、および私が、彼がdamn戸口に配置したエレベータ・ベルを鳴ら
した時、彼は私の後ろにちょうど歩き続けました。
彼が言ったのは、私が再び「非常に奇妙な少年」であることに関するそのバス内Sだけで
した。
奇妙、私のロバ。
その後、ひどいエレベータが来るまで、彼は戸口とすべての所で待ちました。
私はそのように待ちませんでした、全体中のエレベータ用のl ong、ひどい生命。
私は誓います。
私は知りませんでした、何、一体全体、私がL evatorを待っており、彼がそこに立ち続け
ていた間、回りに話すために、したがって、私は、「私はいくつかのベタつくものd本を
読み始めるつもりです。」と言いました。
私は実際にそうです。」
私は、あなたが何かを言わなければならなかったことを意味します。
それは非常に当惑させていました。
.
「バッグをつかみ、再びバック上でちょうどここで駆け出します。
私は、d oorを外しておきましょう。」
「非常にありがとう」と私は言いました。
「G'by!」
エレベータは最後にそこにありました。
私は中に入り倒れました。
うわっ、私は狂人のように震動していました。
私も汗をかいていました。
そのようなあるものpervertyが起こる場合、私は偽物のように汗をかき始めます。
私が子供だったときから、その種の材料は、私の身に約20回ふりかかっています。
私はそれに耐えることができません。
25
私が外部で得た時、それは光をちょうど得ていました。
かなり、また寒かった。しかし、私が非常に汗をかいていたので、それはよく感じました
。
私は知りませんでした、どこで、行く地獄。
私は別のホテルへ行き、すべてのフィービーの生地を費やしたかった。
したがって、最後に、私がやったのは、私がLexingtに上方へ歩き続け、壮大なセントラ
ルまで地下鉄に乗ったということでした。
私のバッグはそこにありました、そしてすべて、また、私は、ベンチがすべてあるその正
気でない待合室で眠ろうと考えました。
ように」s、私が行ったこと。
多くの人々ar oundがなく、私が足を高い所に張り付けることができたので、それはしば
らくの間あまり悪くありませんでした。
しかし、私はそれについて非常に議論したくありません。
それはあまりよくありませんでした。
常にそれを試みないでください。
私は本気です。
それはあなたを低下させるでしょう。
100万人が待合室でomingするcを始めて、足を降ろさなければならなかったので、私は単
に9時ごろまで眠りました。
私は眠ることができません。したがって、熱いi f Iは床に足を維持しなければなりませ
ん。
したがって、私は起きていました。
私はまだその頭痛がしました。
I tがさらに悪かった。
また、私は、全体のl ifeにかつていたよりもっと意気消沈したと思います。
私はそうしたくありませんでした、しかし、私は、年を取ったAntolini氏に関する思考を
始めました、そして私、woは、私がそこに眠っていないことを彼女が理解した時彼がAnto
lini夫人を伝えることあるいはanythinをnderedしました。
g. しかしながら、Antolini氏が賢いv eryで、彼が、彼女に伝えることを構築することが
できたことを私が知っていたので、その部分は私をあまり心配させませんでした。
彼は、私が行ったと彼女に伝えることができました、ホームか何か。
その部分は私をあまり心配させませんでした。
しかし私を心配させたもの、私がどのようにするだろうかに関する部分としてのwは起き
て、彼が頭ごとの上で私を軽く叩いているのを見つけました。
私は、ちょうど恐らく、思考について誤解しているかどうかと、思ったことを意味します
、である、flitt yをneで通過させていました。
私は、恐らく、彼がガイの頭を軽く叩くのがただ好きかどうかと思いました、いつ、眠っ
ているy're。
私はどのように意味しますか、その材料に関して確かに分かりますか。
できません。
私、前夜nは、恐らく、私がバッグを得てしようと私が言ったように、彼の家へ戻るべき
だったかどうかと思い始めました。
私は、思考を始めたことを意味します、彼がflitだったとしても、彼、certainly'd、私
に非常に親切です。
私は考えました、どのように、彼、持っていた、気にかけられなかった、それ、私が彼に
非常に遅く電話をかけた時、そして、彼は、どのように私がそのように感じたかどうかに
関してちょうど来るように私に命じましたか。
また、彼は、どのように私にあなたの心ごとのth eサイズを見つけ出すことについてのそ
のアドバイスを与えるそのすべての問題に行ったか、そして、彼はどのようにさらにする
唯一のガイだったか、私が、彼がいつ死んでいたかに関してあなたに伝えたt帽子少年ジ
ェームズ・キャッスルに近づきます。
私はその材料をおよそすべて思いました。
そして、私がそれに関してもっと考えたほど、得られた圧迫されたIは多くです。
私は、恐らく考えるテディボーイに星印を付けることを意味します、私は彼の家へ戻るべ
きでした。
恐らく、彼は単に単におもしろ半分に私の頭を軽く叩いていました。
より多くの物、しかしながら、私はそれに関して考えました、もっと低下した、またそれ
に関してねじで留められた、私は得ました。
それをさらに悪くしたもの、私の目は地獄としてのs鉱石でした。
彼らは、あまり睡眠を得すぎないことから痛く、燃えているように感じました。
t帽子に加えて、私は、風邪の種類を得ていました。また、私はひどいハンカチを持ち合
わせさえしていなかった。
私はスーツケースの中にいくらか持っていました。しかし、私は、その強い箱および右を
上へ公的にそれを開くことからそれを取り出したくありませんでした(ごと)。
このマガジンがありました、私の隣のベンチに残されたそのsomebody'd、したがって、私
は私になるだろうと思って、それを読み始めました、Antolini氏に関してdを思うことを
やめる、少なくとも1つの少量用の100万の他のもの、一方。
しかしこれ、第I条を非難する、stは読書をartedしました、私の気分をほとんど悪くしま
した。
それは、ホルモンにすべて関係していました。
それは、あなたがどのように見えなければならないか説明しました、あなたの顔および目
ごと、あなたのホルモンが調子が良く、私が少しでもその方法を見なかった場合。
私は、ガイのように正確に見えました、の中で、ひどいホルモンを備えたrticle。
したがって、私はホルモンを心配し始めました。
その後、私は、あなたが癌にかかっているかどうかどのように分かるかに関するこの他の
記事を読みました。
それは、あなたがかなり速く直らなかった口に傷を持っていたならば恐らく癌にかかって
いたというサインであると言いました。
私は、唇fあるいは約2週の内部でこの傷を持っていました。
私が癌を得ていて非常に模様があります。
そのマガジンは上部のあるlitt le激励者でした。
私はそれを読むことを最後にやめて、外部で散歩に出掛けました。
私、癌にかかっていたので、私が2、3か月死んだfigur ed。
私は実際に行いました。
私は私がそうて肯定的なe venでした。
それは確かに私にあまりにも豪華に感じさせませんでした。
It'sort、雨が降ったように、見られた、しかし、私は、とにかくこの散歩に出掛けまし
た。
1のth ingについては、私は、いくらかの朝食を得るべきであると考えました。
私は全く空腹ではありませんでした、しかし私、figu、赤い、私は少なくとも何かを食べ
るべきです。
私は少なくとも意味します、その中のあるv itaminsを備えた何かを得ます。
したがって、かなり安いrestauが大言壮語するところで、私は東の上の方法を歩き始めま
した、私が多くの生地を費やしたくなかったので、あります。
歩いている間、私はトラックからこのbi gクリスマスツリーから負荷を軽くしていた2つ
のガイを通りました。
1つのガイは別のガイに言い続けました、「もつ、したがって、nuvabitch、を上へ!
Chrissakeのために、それを上げてください!」
それは確かにクリスマスツリーに関するtalなkへの豪華な道でした。
しかしながら、それは、恐ろしい方法で、まあ奇妙でした、そして私、まあ着飾られたs
は笑います。
それは行われた最悪のものI could'veに関係していました、ので、t、彼、笑うために私
が始めた分、私は、吐くつもりであると思いました。
私は実際に行いました。
Iつの前夜nはスタートしました。しかし、それは去りました。
私はなぜかを知りません。
私は、不健康なものは何も食べていなかったことを意味します。あるいは、そのように、
および通常、私は全く強い胃を持っています。
とにかく、私は行きます、その上のt、また、私は、もし食べものを持っていれば気分が
よくなるだろうと考えました。
したがって、私は非常に安く見えるこのレストランに入り、ドーナツとコーヒーを食べま
した。
(単に)私はドーナツを食べませんでした。
私は、それらをあまりよく呑み込むことができませんでした。
あなたがv eryを得れば、目的はそうです、低下させた、何かのまわりに、それは、呑み
込む地獄のように困難です。
しかしながら、ウェイターは非常によかった。
彼は私を課さずに、それらを取り戻しました。
私はコーヒーをちょうど飲みました。
TめんどりIは五番街の方へ上方へ歩くことを残しました(そして)。
月曜日にでした、そしてすべて、また、かなり、クリスマスおよびすべての店の近くに、
贖罪金eは開きます。
したがって、五番街で歩くことは残念ではありませんでした。
それはかなりクリスマス気分でした。
貧弱に見えるサンタクロースはみな、それらのbエルを鳴らす角上に立っていました。ま
た、救世軍の少女(どんな口紅あるいはどんなものも着用していないもの)は、ベルをまた
染めていました。
私は、まあ前日、朝食で会った2人の尼のために見回し続けました。しかし、私はそれら
を見ませんでした。
私は、しないと知っていました、彼らが私に伝えたb ecause、それらはニューヨークへ学
校教師になるでしょう、しかし、私はlをそれらのためにとにかくookingさせておきまし
た。
とにかく、それはかなり、突然クリスマス気分でした。
小さな子供がダウンタウンだったミル・イオン、それらの母親、バスの乗り降り、および
店の中で、およびその店からomingするc。
私は、年を取ったフィービーがまわりにいたらと思いました。
彼女はほとんどエノではありません、うっ、完全に行くのに少しはより多く、凝視、おも
ちゃ売場において狂気、しかし、彼女はhorsiナノグラムをまわりに楽しみます、また人
々を見ること
最後のIの前のクリスマスは、私と買い物をする彼女のdownto wnをとりました。
私たちはひどい時を過ごしました。
私は、それはブルーミングデールにあったと思います。
私たちは靴売場に入りました。また、私たちは、彼女(年を取ったフィービー)がそれらの
1足の非常に高い嵐靴を得たかったふりをしました、種類、それはレースで飾るために約1
00万の穴を持っています。
私たちには、正気でなくなる貧しいセールスマン・ガイがいました。
年を取ったフィービーはtw entyペアに関して努力し続けました、また、貧しいガイが途
中ずっと1足の靴をひもで縛らなければならなかったごとに。
それ、きたないまねとしてのw、しかし、それは年を取ったフィービーを殺しました。
私たちは最後に1ペアのモカシンsを買い、それらを課しました。
セールスマンはそれに関して非常によかった。
私は、年を取ったフィービーが常にくすくす笑い始めるので、私たちがまわりに交尾期の
ことを彼は知っていたと思います。
とにかく、私はウォーキングおよびo rの上のタイなしで五番街を登ることを何でもにし
ておきました。
その後、突然、非常に幽霊のようなものが出来事を始めました。
ブロックの終了へ来て、ひどい拘束から降りたごとに、私は通りの反対側に得ないこのf
ウナギ獲りを持っていました。
私は、ちょうど倒れようと思いました、を下って、を下って、そしてnobody'd、常に再び
私に会います。
少年、それをした、私を脅えさせます。
あなたはできる「t、想像します。
私は偽物のように汗をかき始めました -- 全体のシャツおよび下着、やその他いろいろな
こと。
その後、私はほかに何かをし始めました。
ブロックの終了へ到着しようごとに、私は、兄弟Allieに話しかけていたというふりをし
ましょう。
私は彼に言いましょう、"Allie、私を消えさせません。
Allie、私を消えさせません。
Allie、m eを消えさせません。
お願い、Allie。」
また、その後、消えずに、stree tの反対側に達する場合、私は彼に感謝しましょう。
その後、それは、次の角へ得られたIとしてのsoo nとして至る所で再びスタートするでし
ょう。
しかし、私は行き続けました(ごと)。
止まるのに恐れていることに種類だった、と私は思います -- 私は実を言えば思い出しま
せん。
私は、元あったti llを止めなかったことを知っています、を上へ(かなり)動物園ごとを
過ぎた60年代の中で。
その後、私はこれに座りました、nchです。
私は呼吸をほとんど得ることができませんでした。また、私はまだ偽物のように汗をかい
ていました。
私、そこのsa t、私は約1時間推測します。
最後に、私が決定したもの、私は行いましょう、私は決定しました、私「d、去ります。
私は、再び帰宅しないと決定しました。また、私は再び別のs choolに去らないでしょう
。
私は、年を取ったフィービーおよび発言権の種類にちょうど会おうと決定しました、さよ
うなら、彼女に、dすべて、また彼女を与える、後ろ、彼女のクリスマス生地そして次に
私はヒッチハイクをし始めましょう、私の出口西洋。
行うだろうと私は考えたもの、私はホランドトンネルに降りていきましょう。また、浮浪
者は、旅行そして次に私がしようことに達するでしょう、くだらない、別の1つ、そして
別の1つ、そして別の人、また、数日で、私はどこかに外にいましょう、それが非常にき
れいで日当たりがよかった西洋、そしてどこで、nobody'd、私を知っている、また、私は
仕事を得ましょう。
私は、人々の自動車にガスと石油を入れて、充満するst ationで仕事をどこかに得ること
ができると考えました。
私は、しかしながら、それがどの親切なo f仕事か注意しませんでした。
全くそのとおり、人々は私を知りませんでした。また、私は誰も知りませんでした。
私は、私が行うのは、私がそれらの聾唖者のうちの1人だったふりをしようということで
あると思いました。
そのように、私は、誰でもとのひどい愚かな役立たない会話を持つ必要がないでしょう。
もしnybodyが私に何かを伝えたければ、それらは1枚の紙にそれを書き、私の方にそれを
上方へ押しやらなければならないでしょう。
しばらくしてそれをする地獄そして次に私が私の生活の残りに話し合うことを終えていよ
うとともに、それらは退屈するでしょう。
皆「d、私は単に貧しい聾唖の偽物で、それらが私をそのままにしておくだろう、と思い
ます。
それらはするでしょう、etをlする、私、それらの愚かな自動車にガスと石油を入れる、
また、それらは私に給料、すべてのfあるいはそれを払うでしょう。また、私は私に小さ
なキャビンを作り、生活の残りのためにそこに実践する生地でどこかに作ってやりましょ
う。
それを地獄として日当たりがよくて終始あってほしかろうので、私はちょうどそれらにで
はなくちょうど森の近くでそれを構築しましょう。
私はo wn食品をすべて料理しましょう、そして私が結婚したかったならば、後で、あるい
はもの、私はこれに会いましょう、さらにいたautiful少女である、1つの、聾唖、また、
私たちは結婚するでしょう。
彼女は私と一緒に私のキャビンに来生きるでしょう。また、もし私に何でも言いたければ
、彼女は他の人すべてのように、ひどい1片の紙の上にwri teに対してそれを持つでしょ
う。
私たちに子どもがいた場合、w e'd、それらをどこかに隠します。
私たちはそれらに多くの本を買ってやり、独力で読み書きする方法をそれらに教えること
ができました。
私はそれに地獄思考として興奮しました。
私は実際に行いました。
私はその部分を知っていました、私がそうだったとうわべの一回、1つの、聾唖、正気で
なかった、しかし、私はそれに関して思考が好きでした、anywa y。
しかし、私は、西へ外出することに実際に決めました、またすべて。
私が最初にしたかったのは年を取ったフィービーにさようならを言うことでした。
したがって、突然、私は、狂人のようにstree t(私はあなたが真実を知りたければ、それ
をして殺されたとされて、近く非難します)に偶然出会い、tに入りました、彼の文房具屋
、また詰め物と鉛筆を買いました。
私は、私が彼女にさようならを言うことができ、彼女を与えることができたように、どこ
で私に会うべきであるか彼女に伝えるノートを彼女に書こうと考えました、後ろ、彼、r
クリスマス生地そして次に私は、彼女の学校までのノートをとり、彼女にそれを与えるた
めに校長室の誰かを得るでしょう。
しかし、私は詰め物および鉛筆i nをちょうど置きます、ポケット、また彼女の学校まで
の地獄として速く歩き始めた--ちょうど文房具屋の中でノートを書いて、私はまた興奮し
ました。
彼女に彼女が昼食に帰宅した前に、ノートを得てほしかったので、私は速く歩きました。
また、私はあまりにもm uch時間を持っていませんでした。
私は、子供だった時私自身がそこに行ったので、彼女の学校がどこに当然あるか知ってい
ました。
私がそこに着いた時、それは奇妙に感じました。
私がどんなi tが内部に似ていたか思い出そうかどうか分からずに、私は行いました。
それは正確に私が行った時、そうだったのと同じ物でした、ther e。
それらはその同じ大きな庭を内側に持っていました、もしボールで打たれれば、それらが
壊れないように、それは電球のまわりのそれらのかごと共に、常にまあ日暮れでした。
それらは、ゲームとstuのために、床の至る所でそれらの同じ白い円をフォルティッシモ
で描きました。
また同じ古いバスケットボールがネットなしで鳴らすもの--単なるバックボード、d、輪
。
恐らくそれが休憩期間ではなかったので、誰もまわりにいずれにしてもいませんでした。
また、それはまだ昼食時ではありませんでした。
私が見たのはバスルームへ行く途中で、1つの小さなキッドだけ(有色のキッド)でした。
彼は、バスルームへ行くために彼の粋なあばたet、および私たちが、彼が許可を持ってい
たことを示すためにかつては持ったのと同じ方法ごとから突き出ている木製のパスのうち
の1つをしていました。
私はまだ汗をかいていましたが、もはやそれほど悪くありませんでした。
私は階段を渡り、第一歩を下へ審理し、私が買った詰め物および鉛筆を取り出しました。
階段は、私がそこに行った時それらがよく持つと同じことに感づかせました。
それらの上で漏れを得られたsomebody'd j ustのように。
学校階段は、常にそのように臭いをかぎます。
とにかく、私はthを座らせました、の前に、またこのノートを書いた:
DEAR PHOEBE、
私は、水曜日までもはやぶらぶらして待つことができません。したがって、私は恐らくハ
イキングを引っ掛けましょう、西、今日の午後。
できる(私があなたにクリスマス生地を戻そう)場合は、12時15分にドアの近くの美術館で
私に会ってください。
私はあまり費やしませんでした。
愛、
ホールデン
彼女の学校は、博物館に実際にちょうど近かった。また、彼女は、ランチ用の帰り道にそ
れをとにかくパスしなければなりませんでした。したがって、私は、彼女が元気に私に会
うかもしれないことを知っていました。
その後、私は校長室への階段を登り始めました、したがって、私、coul d、彼女の教室で
それを彼女に持って来る人にノートを与えます。
私、folde d、それ、約10回、したがって、nobody'd、それを開きます。
ひどいsc hoolの中の誰も信頼することができません。
しかし、私は、もし私が彼女の兄弟ごとならば、それらが彼女にそれを与えると知ってい
ました。
階段を登っている間、しかしながら、突然、私は再び嘔吐に行くとしてI wを思いました
。
(単に)私はしませんでした。
私は少しの間座りました。次に、私は気分がよくなりました。
しかし、私は、座っている間、私の気を狂わせたものを見ました。
書かれたあるbody'd「あなたと性交してください」壁の上で。
それは私を運転しました、近く非難する、正気でない
私はほらwフィービーを思いました。また、他のすべての小さなキッドはそれ、および彼
らがどのように驚くだろうかを見るでしょう、何、一体全体、それは意味しました。次に
、最後に、どこかの汚いキッドは、それが何を意味したか、また、彼らがすべて、どのよ
うに2、3日のそれおよび恐らくそれに関するwor ryさえに関して考えるだろうか彼ら(す
べて、無分別、当然)に伝えるでしょう。
私は、書かれたwhoever'dを殺し続けたい、それ。
私は、のがどこかのperverty浮浪者であると考えました、漏れか何かをとるために夜前の
学校でこっそりと動き、次に、壁にそれを書いた。
私は、自分をそれ、および彼がそうだったまで、私が石のステップ中の彼の頭をどのよう
に強打するだろうかで彼を捕らえると描写し続けました、行く、オッド、そしてひどい、
死んでいて、血の。
しかし、私はまた知っていました。私は、i tを行うために腸を持たないでしょう。
私はそれを知っていました。
それは、私にもっとその上低下させました。
あなたが真実を知りたければ、私は、手を備えた壁からそれをこすり落とすためにさらに
ほとんど腸を持っていませんでした。
残念ながら、そうでした、私、教師は、私がそれをすり落とすのを見つけて、私がそれを
書いたと考えるでしょう。
しかし、I rがそれをとにかく最後にubbedしました。
その後、私は校長室まで進みました。
校長は、まわりにいるようには見えませんでした、しかし幾分、古い、女性、のまわりで
、1つの、hundr ed古い年はタイプライターで座っていました。
私は、フィービー・コールフィールドのbrであると彼女に伝えました、他のもの、4B-1の
中で、また、私は彼女に尋ねました、に、フィービーにノートを与えてください。
私は、私の母親が病気で、フィービーの準備ができているランチを食べないだろうので、
それが重要なve ryで、彼女が私に会わなければならないし、ドラッグストアの中にラン
チを食べなければならないだろう、と言いました。
彼女はそれ、老婦人に関して非常によかった。
彼女は私からノートをとり、他のどこかの女性に電話しました、frオーム、次のオフィス
、また、別の女性はフィービーにそれを与えに行きました。
その後、100歳ごろだった古いl adyおよび私はしばらくの間微風をシュートしました、彼
女、かなりよいこととしてのw、また、私は、どのようにそこにまた学校へ行ったか彼女
に伝えました、また兄弟s。
彼女は、私が今、どこの学校へ行くか私に尋ねました。また、私はPenceyを伝えました。
また、彼女は、Penceyが非常によい学校であると言いました。
私は、そうしたかったとしても、彼女の考えを正すためにst rengthを持っていないでし
ょう。
そのほかに、Penceyは非常によいsch oolであると彼女が思った場合は、彼女にそれを思
わせてください。
100 yのまわりの誰かへの新しい材料が古くて出穂すると伝えることを嫌います。
彼らは、それを聞くことが好きではありません。
その後、しばらくして、私は去りました。
それは奇妙でした。
彼女は「幸運」を叫びました。
私で、私がPenceyを残した時、年を取ったスペンサーがそうしたのと同じ方法。
神、誰かが「幸運」を叫ぶ場合、私はどのようにそれを嫌うか。
私では、私がここでsomewを残そうとしている場合。
それは低下させています。
私は異なる階段によって倒れました。また、私は、別のものがth e壁に「あなたと性交す
る」のを見ました。
私は、再び手でそれをすり落とそうとしました。しかし、これはナイフか何かと共に引っ
掻かれました。
それは抜けませんでした。
それはとにかく絶望的です。
もしそれをだめにするために100万年を過ごせば、「あなたと性交する」s ignsさえの半
分を世界ですり消すことができないでしょう。
それは不可能です。
私は休憩庭で時計を見ました。また、それはtwel veに20だけでした。したがって、私に
は、私が年を取ったフィービーに会った前につぶすべき時間がとてもたくさんありました
。
しかしちょうどwalな私、ヒツジシラミバエ、の上に、博物館へとにかく。
そこに、どこにでもほかに行くことでありませんでした。
私は、公衆電話ボックスの中で恐らく止まるかもしれないし私が私の方法を西へbumming
するedを始める前に古いジェーン・ギャラハーにうなりを与えるかもしれない、と思いま
した。しかし、私はムードにいませんでした。
1つには、私は彼女が元あったs ureさえではありませんでした、休暇のホーム、まだ。
したがって、私は博物館をちょうど渡り、ラウンドを掛けました。
私がちょうどdoの内部で博物館のフェーベのためにぶらぶらして待っている間、orsする
、そしてすべて、これらの小さな2人の子供は私に近づき、私がth eミイラがどこか知っ
ているかどうか私に尋ねました。
小さなキッド(私に尋ねたもの)が持っていたもの、彼のズボンは開きます。
私はそのことを彼に伝えました。
したがって、彼は、tを話すことを我慢していたところで、右を上へそれらをボタンで留
めました。
o 私--彼はわざわざポストまたは何でもの後ろに行きさえしなかった。
彼は私を殺しました。
私、wou ld'veは笑いました、しかし、私は、再び噴出したかろうと心配しました、まさ
に、私はしませんでした。
「Wher e're、ミイラ、奴?」
子供は再び言いました。
「ヤー、知っている?」
私は、それらの2つでまわりにわずかにhorsedしました。
「ミイラ?
What're、それら?」
私は1人の子供に尋ねました。
「知っています。
ミイラ--それら死んだガイ。
それ、それらに没頭する、toons、dすべて。」
Toons。
それは私を殺しました。
彼は墓を意味しました。
「なぜ、あなた、2人の奴が在学中ではありません」?
私は言いました。
「学校t'dayと会話をすべて行った子供は言いませんでした。
彼は嘘をついていました、私が生きているように、確か、小さな偽物。
私には、しかしながら、年を取ったフィービーが恥ずかしい思いをさせた胡麻lを行うも
のは何もありませんでした。したがって、私は、それらがミイラがあった場所を見つける
のを支援しました。
うわっ、私は、それらがどこかかつては正確に知りました。しかし、私は過去数年にその
博物館にいませんでした。
「あなた、2人の奴、したがって、ミイラに興味を持っていた?」
私は言いました。
「はい。」
「あなたの友達は話すことができませんか。」
私は言いました。
「彼は私の友達ではありません。
彼は私のbruddaです。」
「彼は話すことができませんか。」
私は、どんな会話も行っていなかったものを見ました。
「できる「いずれにしても話すt?」
私は彼に尋ねました。
「「はい」」と彼は言いました。
「私はそのように感じません。」
最後に、私たちは、ミイラがあった場所を見つけました。また、私たちは入りました。
「エジプト人がどのように死者を埋めたか知っています。」
私は1人の子供に尋ねました。
「Naa。」
「さて、するべきです。
それは非常に面白い。
それらは、ある秘密化学薬品で扱われた布の中で顔を終えました。
それらはできる(そのように)何千もの年のそれらの墓およびそれらの顔に埋められたeをb
する、腐敗しないだろう、あるいはnything。
誰も、エジプト人以外はそれをする方法を知りません。
現代科学さえ」
ミイラがそうだった場所へ到着するために、これを下ってそのように非常に狭くならなけ
ればなりませんでした、このファラオの墓ごとからそれらがちょうど付いた側の石を備え
たホールのrt。
それはかなり幽霊のようでした。また、私が持っていた2つのホットな発射がそれをあま
り楽しんでいなかったことが分かります。
それらは突き刺さりました、私への地獄および1つのt帽子が全く実際に話さなかったとと
もに、接近している、私の袖を保持していました。
「行こう」、彼、彼の兄弟へのsa id。
「私、それらを見る、awreddy。
C'mon、ヘイ。」
彼は回転し、i tを打ちました。
「彼はyella筋を幅1マイルとしました」と別のものが言いました。
「さようなら」!
彼もそれを打ちました。
私はたった1つで、墓の中にその後残されました。
私はまあある意味ではそれが好きでした。
それは非常によく平和でした。
その後、突然、私が壁に何を見るか推測しないでしょう。
別のもの「あなたと性交してください。」
それは石の下でちょうど壁のグラス部品の下で赤いクレヨンか何かで書かれました。
それは全体の問題です。
どれがないので、よいペーacefulである場所を常に見つけることができません。
そこに考えてもよい、である、一旦、しかし見ていない場合、そこに着けば、somebody'l
l、こっそりと動き、「あなたと性交する」ことをあなたの鼻の下でちょうど書く。
それをいつか試みてください。
私は考えます、さえ、私が常に死に、それらが墓地に私を差し込む場合、また、私は墓石
ごと持っています、それはその上で「ホールデン・コールフィールド」と言うでしょう、
nd、その後、どんな年、私は生まれました、そしてどんな年、私は死にました、そしてそ
のときその下でちょうど、それ」ll「あなたと性交してください」と言います。
私は実際肯定的です。
ミイラがあった場所から出て来た後、私はバスルームへ行かなければなりませんでした。
あなたが真実を知りたければ、私はまあ下痢を持っていました。
私は下痢部分をあまり気にかけませんでした。しかし、他の何かが起こりました。
私が出ようとしていた時、o f、缶、私がドアに到着した直前に、私、種類、分配されま
した。
私は幸運でした、th、うーっ。
私は意味します、私、私が床を襲った時、could'veは自殺しました、しかし、私がやった
すべてはそのようでありました、私の側の土地のrt。
しかしながら、それは奇妙なものでした。
私は、Iの時代遅れのdの後に外に気分がよくなりました。
私は実際に行いました。
傷の私の腕種類(私はどこから落ちた)だが私は、sを感じませんでした。
o いくらかもっと(混乱した)非難してください。
それはそのとき12程度の後に約10でした、それで、私は戻り、b yを立てました、ドア、
また年を取ったフィービーを待ちました。
私は、それがどのようにかもしれないか思いました、時に、私'd、常に再び彼女に会いま
す。
私の親類、Iつの中間のうちの誰。
私は、恐らく再びしかし何年もではなくth emを見ようと考えました。
私は、約35だった時、帰宅するかもしれません。
私、f igured、誰かが気分が悪くなり、それらが死んだ前に、私に会いたかった場合、し
かし、tha tは、私がキャビンを残し戻るただ一つの理由になるでしょう。
私はpictをuringすることをさらに始めました、それはどのように私が戻ったときになる
でしょうか。
私は、mother'dが地獄のように緊張したのを知っていました、叫び、かつ家にいて、かつ
私のキャビンに戻らないように私に頼むndスタート、しかし、私はとにかく行きましょう
。
私は地獄のように偶然でしょう。
私は彼女を下へ静かにしましょう。次に、私は行きましょう、の上に、tに、彼、居間の
反対側、またこのたばこ入れを取り出し、ci garetteをつける、すべての地獄として冷え
ます。
もし彼らがそうしたければ、私は、私をいつか訪ねてくれるようにそれらすべてに依頼す
るでしょう、しかし、私は主張しないでしょう、あるいは何でも。
私が行うこと、私は年を取ったフィービーを現われさせ、夏季に、およびクリスマス休暇
と復活祭休暇上で私を訪ねさせます。
私がさせるd、D.B.は現われて、彼が、彼が書くことに対してよく静かなplac eを望んだ
ならば、しばらくの間私を訪ねます、しかし、彼は私のキャビンの中で映画を書くことが
できませんでした、物語だけ、d、本。
私は、誰も偽のものは何もすることができなかったというこの規則を持ちましょう、いつ
、それら、visite d、私。
もし誰かが偽の何でもしようとすれば、それらはとどまることができないでしょう。
突然、私は携帯品預かり所の時計を見ました。また、それは20でした。
- 一つのうちの5。
私は恐らく、学校でのその老婦人がtを年を取ったようにしておいて脅え始めました、年
を取ったフィービーに私のメッセージを与えないその他の女性。
私は脅えたtha tを恐らく得始めました、彼女は、それか何かを焼くように彼女に命じま
した。
それは、実際に私から地獄を脅えさせました。
私は、出発した前に、本当に年を取ったフィービーに会いたかった。
私は、彼女のクリスtmas生地ごと食べたことを意味します。
最後に、私は彼女に会いました。
私はドアのグラス部品を乗り切るまで彼女を助けました。
re ason Iは彼女を見ました。彼女は正気でない探す帽子を身につけていました -- te n
マイルぐらいその帽子を遠方に見ることができました。
私はドアから行き、彼女に会うためにこれらの石階段を下りました。
私が理解することができなかったTh eもの、彼女はこの大きなスーツケースを持ち合わせ
ていました。
彼女は五番街を横切ってちょうど来ました。また、彼女は、hのこのひどい大きなスーツ
ケースを引きずっていました、そのー。
彼女はそれをほとんど引きずることができませんでした。
閉じる人を起こした時、私はそれが私の古いスーツケース(Whootonにいた時私がよく使用
したもの)であることを理解しました。
私は解くことができませんでした、何、彼、彼女がそれで行っていたll。
彼女は、終了を起こした時、「とと(やあ」)言いました。
彼女は、その正気でないスーツケースからの呼吸がすべて不足していました。
「私は、あなたは恐らく来ないと思いました」と私が言いました。
「一体全体、何がそのb agにあるのですか。
私は何も必要としません。
私はちょうど行きます、そうである方法。
私は、ステーションで得たバッグをとりさえしていない。
hellyaがそこで得たもの」
彼女はスーツケースを下に置きました。
「私の衣服」と彼女は言いました。
「私はあなたと行きます。
私はできます?
よろしい?」
「何?」
私は言いました。
私は、彼女がいつそう言ったかに関してほとんど落ちました。
私は、行った神を断言します。
私は混乱していることに種類を得ました。また、私は、私は出て行くつもりであると思い
ました、あるいはもの、agai n。
「私は後ろのエレベータを下ってそれらをとりました。したがって、シャーリーンは私に
会わないでしょう。
それ、isn」重いt。
私がそれに持っているのは2着の服および私のモカシンだけです、また私の下着とsのocks
および他のいくつかのもの。
それを感じてください。
それは重くありません。
それを一度感じてください。
。
。
できない、私、g
o あなたと?
ホールデン?
私はできません?
プリーズ」
「いいえ。
黙ってください。」
私は、寒くて出て行くつもりであると思いました。
私は、彼女に黙るようには命じるつもりでなかったことを意味します、そしてすべて、し
かし、私は、再び出て行くつもりであると思いました。
「なぜ、私はできない?
お願い、ホールデン!
私は何もしないでしょう -- 私はyo u(それはすべてである)とちょうど行きましょう!
あなたは私が必要でなければ、私は衣服を持っていきさえしないだろう、に--I'l
l、単に獲得、私の--」
「何もとることができません。
行かないので。
私は1人で行きます。
したがって、黙る。」
「お願い、ホールデン。
行かせてください。
私はそうだろう、非常に、非常に、"(非常に(しないでしょう、ven))
「行きません。
さて、黙ってください!
物欲、それは膨らむ。」私は言いました。
私は彼女からバッグをとりました。
私は彼女を叩くセットほとんどすべてでした、私は、彼女のfo rをちゅうっと鳴らすつも
りであると思いました、次。
私は実際に行いました。
彼女は叫び始めました。
「私は、あなたは学校でプレー中であると思われると思いました、そして思ったすべて、
そのプレーとすべてでベネディクト・アーノルドであると思われました。」私は言いまし
た。
Iの前述のi tが非常に不快です。
「Whuddayaは行いたい?
神のために、プレー中でない?」
そのma de、彼女の叫び、さらに激しく。
私は嬉しかった。
突然、私は、彼女に彼女の目が実際に途中でやめたまで叫んでほしかった。
私はほとんど彼女を嫌いました。
私は、彼女を嫌ったと思います、彼女がいないほとんどのbeca使用、そのプレー、彼女が
私を連れ去ったならば、少しはより多く。
「来てください」と私は言いました。
私は、再び博物館へのステップを開始しました。
私は、何を行うか理解しました、だった、私は、彼女が携帯品預かり所で持って来た正気
でないスーツケースをチェックしましょう、ndy、その後、彼女は、放課後に、3時にそれ
を再び得ることができました。
私は知っていました、彼女、できた、n'tする、彼女と学校にそれを引き取ります。
「今来てください」と私は言いました。
しかしながら、彼女は私とステップを上りませんでした。
彼女は私と一緒に来ようとしませんでした。
しかしながら、私はとにかく登り、携帯品預かり所のバッグをもたらし、それをチェック
しました、d、その後、私は再び着陸しました。
彼女は、まだ歩道上にそこに立っていました。しかし、私が彼女に近づいた時、彼女は私
の上で彼女を折り返しました。
彼女はそれをすることができます。
彼女は、そのように感じる場合、あなたにb ackを向けることができます。
「私はどんな場所にも去りません。
私はmi ndを変更しました。
したがって、叫ぶことをやめて、黙る。」私は言いました。
奇妙な部分はありました。彼女は私がそう言った時yingするcrさえではありませんでした
。
しかしながら、私はそれをとにかく言いました、「C'mon、今。
私は学校へあなたを歩かせましょう。
C'mon、今。
遅れるでしょう。」
彼女は私または何も答えようとしませんでした。
私は、まあ彼女のo ld手をつかまえようとしました。しかし、彼女は私をさせないでしょ
う。
彼女は私の思惑とは逆に動き続けました。
「Didjaはあなたのランチを食べます?
ヤーはあなたのランチをまだ食べました?」
私は彼女に尋ねました。
彼女は私に答えようとしませんでした。
彼女がやったすべてはそうでした、彼女は私の赤の探す帽子(私が彼女に与えたもの)を脱
ぎ、ちょうど私の顔に実際にそれを軽く打ちました。
その後、彼女、edを回す、私の彼女の背、再び。
それはほとんど私を殺しました。しかし、私は何も言いませんでした。
私はそれをちょうど拾い上げて、コート・ポケットにそれを差し込みました。
「進行する、ヘイ。
「私は学校へあなたを歩かせましょう」と私が言いました。
「私は学校へ戻っていません。」
私は、彼女がそう言った時何と言うべきか知りませんでした。
私は、分のc oupleをそこにちょうど表わしました。
「学校へ戻らなければなりません。
あなたはそのプレーにいたいですね。
あなたはベネディクト・アーノルドになりたいですね。」
「いいえ。」
「確かに、行います。
確かに、行います。
「C'monは私たちを今行かせました」と私が言いました。
「f irst場所に、私はどんな場所にも去らない、と私はあなたに伝えました。
私は帰宅します。
私は行きます、学校へ戻るとすぐに、h ome。
最初に、私はステーションに降りていき私のバッグを得るつもりです。次に、私は直接に
行くつもりです--」「私は、学校へ戻っていないと言いました。
行いたいことを行うことができます、私が戻っていないbu t、chool。」彼女は言いまし
た。
「したがって、黙る。」
sh eが常に黙るように私に命じる初めてのことでした。
それは恐ろしく思えました。
神とそれは恐ろしく思えました。
それ、スーは、罵り言葉より悪くndedしました。
彼女は、まだ私をも顧みようとしませんでした。また、私が彼女の肩か何かにまあ手を置
くごとに、彼女は私をさせようとしませんでした。
「聞き、あなたを行う、散歩に出掛けたい?」
私は彼女に尋ねました。
「動物園までtak eに歩行がほしいですか。
私が今日の午後、学校へあなたを戻らせず、散歩に出掛けさせなければ、この正気でない
材料を切り取っていただけませんか。」
彼女は私に答えようとしませんでした。したがって、私は改めてもう一度それを言いまし
ょう。
「私が今日の午後あなたにscho olをスキップさせ、少量に出かけさせる場合、歩いてい
ただけませんか、正気でない材料を切り取る?
明日、よい少女のように訓練するために戻るWi ll」
「私はするかもしれません。また、私はしないかもしれません。」彼女は言いました。
その後、彼女は、さえいずれかの自動車が来たかどうか確かめるようには見えずに、通り
を横切って地獄をちょうど実行しました。
彼女は、数回狂人です。
しかしながら、私は彼女についていきませんでした。
私は、彼女が私についていくと知っていました、したがって、私は通りの公園側に、動物
園の方へwalkin gダウンタウンを始めました。また、彼女は、通りの反対ひどい側のwalk
iナノグラム・ダウンタウンを始めました、彼女は、私で上方へ全く見ないでしょう、し
かし、私は、恐らく私がどこに行ったか確かめる正気でない目ごとの角から彼女が私を見
ていたことが分かります。
とにかく、私たちは動物園までずっとその方法を歩き続けました。
私を悩ましたただ一つのことは、その後、私が通りを横切って見ることができなかったし
、私が、彼女が元あった地獄の前にwhを見ることができなかったので、二階建てバスbu s
がいつやって来たかでした。
しかし、私たちが動物園へ到着した時、私は叫びました、の上に、彼女に、「フィービー
!
私は動物園に入ります!
C'mon今!」
彼女は私を顧みないでしょう、しかし私はsh eが分かる、聞いた、私、私は、いつ回転さ
せた動物園へのステップを下へ始めて、彼女が通りを横断しており私ごとついていってい
たことを理解しましたか。
まあひどい日だったので、動物園にはあまり多くない人々がいました。しかし、アシカの
スイミング・プールごとの近くで少数がありました。
私は行き始めました、によって、しかし、年を取ったフィービーは止まり、彼女が、私が
戻ったようにアシカがちりんを供給するのを(ガイはそれらに魚を投げつけていました)見
ていると主張しました。
私は、それが彼女ごと追いつく試みオッド機会であると考えました。
私は登りました、そして種類、彼女の後ろにnd種類を立てる、彼女の肩に私の手を置く、
しかし、彼女は膝を曲げて、frオームを滑らせました、私--彼女は、そうしたい場合、確
かに非常に鼻水だらけかもしれません。
食物が与えられており、私が彼女の後ろにちょうど立っていた間、彼女はreを立て続けま
した。
私はしませんでした、pユト、彼女の肩の上の手、再び、あるいは何でも、もし私が持っ
ていれば彼女が実際にするので「ve打つこと、それ、私の上で。
子供は奇妙です。
何を行っているか気をつけなければなりません。
私たちがアシカを残した時、彼女は私の隣りにちょうど歩かないでしょう、しかし彼女、
d idn't、ずっと遠くに歩きすぎます。
彼女、種類、歩道の1つの横に歩かせられた、そして私、向こう側にlkedされたwa。
それはあまり豪華ではありませんでした、しかし、それは持っているよりよかった、彼、
r、私に約1マイル背を向ける、のように、の前に。
しばらくの間、私たちは登りその小さな丘の上に、熊を見ました。しかし、見る多くはあ
りませんでした。
彼が運ぶtのうちの1つだけが外にありました。極のものは耐えます。
別のもの(褐色のもの)は彼のgodda m洞穴にあり現われないでしょう。
見ることができるのは彼の尻だけでした。
li ttle子供が実際に彼の耳に関してカウボーイハットをオンにしたまま、私の隣りに立
っていました、「彼を現われさせてください、お父さん。」と父親に伝えさせて彼がおい
たd
彼を現われさせてください。」
私、年を取ったフィービーでookedされたl、しかし、彼女は笑おうとしませんでした。
それらがあなたで感情を害している場合、子供を知っています。
彼らは笑いません、あるいは何でも。
私たちは、熊を残した後、動物園を去り公園のこの小さなst reetを横切りました。次に
、私たちは漏れをとって、alwa ysが誰かから臭いをかぐ小さなトンネルのうちの1つを通
り抜けました。
それはメリーゴーラウンドへ行く途中でした。
年を取ったフィービーは、まだ私または何に話しかけないでしょう。しかし、彼女はまあ
次のtを歩かせていました。
o 私、今。
私は、彼女のコートの後ろのベルトのホールドをちょうど地獄o fと、考えました、それ
、しかし、彼女は私をさせようとしませんでした。
彼女は言いました、「行えば、あなた自身へのあなたの手を維持する、心をn'tする。」
彼女は、私でまだ感情を害していました。
しかし以前ほど痛くない。
とにかく、私たちはメリーゴーラウンドにますます近くなり続けました。また、聞き始め
ることができました、それが常にかけるt帽子のナッツ味の音楽。
それは「おお、マリー」!を遊んでいました。
それは私が小さな子供だった約50年前にその同じ歌を歌いました。
それはメリーゴーラウンドに関する1つのよいものです。それらは常に同じ歌を歌います
。
「私は、メリーゴーラウンドは冬に閉まっていると思いました」と年を取ったフィービー
が言いました。
彼女が実際に何でも言う初めてのことでした。
彼女は恐らく忘れました、彼女、私で感情を害しているように想像されているwa s。
「恐らくクリスマスごろであるので。」私は言いました。
私がそう言った時、彼女は何も言いませんでした。
彼女は恐らく思い出しました、彼女、私で感情を害しているように想像されているwa s。
「あなたはその上の乗りに出かけたいですか。」
私は言いました。
私は、彼女が恐らく行うことを知っていました。
彼女が元あったWめんどり、小さな小さな子供およびAllieおよびD.B.、また、私は、かつ
ては第iに公園wに行きました、彼女、彼女はメリーゴーラウンドに夢中でした。
ひどいth ingから彼女を得ることができませんでした。
「私は大きすぎます。」
彼女は言いました。
私は、彼女は私に答えるつもりでないと思いました。しかし、sh eは行いました。
「いいえ、違います。
続けてください。
私はyaを待ちましょう。
「続けてください」と私は言いました。
私たちはそのときちょうどそこにいました。
数人の子供が、それにほとんどほとんど依存していませんでした、子供、そしてf、ew親
はぶらぶらして待っていました、外部、ベンチごとに座ること
何、私、d idはそうでした、彼らがチケットを売り、古いPhoeb eにチケットを買ってや
ったところで、私はウィンドウまで行きました。
その後、私は彼女にそれを与えました。
彼女は、私の隣りにちょうど立っていました。
「「ここに」」と私は言いました。
「第2を待ってください -- 生地の残りをまたとってください。」
私は、彼女が私に貸した生地の彼女のth e残りを与え始めました。
「それを維持します。
「私のためにそれを維持してください」と彼女は言いました。
その後、彼女はちょうど後で言いました--
「プリーズ。」
誰かが「お願い」とあなたに言う場合、それは低下させています。
それがPh oebeあるいは誰かである場合、私は意味します。
それは私から地獄を低下させました。
しかし、私はポケットに生地を戻しました。
「乗るつもりでありませんか。」
彼女は私に尋ねました。
彼女は私を奇妙なソートo fを見ていました。
彼女が私でもはやあまり感情を害していなかったが分かります。
「恐らく、私はしましょう、時に。
「私はyaを見ましょう」と私が言いました。
「あなたのチケットを手に入れた?」
「はい。」
「その後進んでください -- 私は、このベンチにちょうどここで終わりましょう。
私はyaを見ましょう。」
私は上方へ行きこのベンチに座りました。また、彼女はメリーゴーラウンドに乗りに行き
ました。
彼が一面にそのまわりを歩かせたS。
私は、彼女がそのまわりを以前途中ずっと歩いたことを意味します。
その後、彼女は、この大きく、茶色、おんぼろに見えるの年を取った馬に座りました。
その後、メリーゴーラウンド・スタートed、また、私は彼女の試みをまわりに見ました、
そしてのまわりで。
約5あるいは6のみotがありました、旅行上の彼女の子供、およびメリーゴーラウンドが歌
っていた歌、だった「煙はあなたの目の中で得ます。」
それは、それを非常にジャズで、奇妙に演奏していました。
子供はみな、金の輪に向かってつかもうとし続けしたがって、年を取ったフィービーでし
た。また、私は種類でした、彼女がして恐れている、ひどい馬からfa ll、しかし、私は
何も言わず、何もしませんでした。
もの機知h子供、彼らが金の輪をつかみたい場合、ある、それらにそれおよびn otをさせ
なければなりません、何でも言います。
それらが落ちる場合、から、それらは減少します、しかし、あなたがそれらにanythin g
を言えば、それは悪い。
乗馬がそうだった時、の上に、彼女は馬を取り外し来ました、の上に、私に。
「あなた、rキタノウグイ、一度また、この時。」彼女は言いました。
「いいえ、私はyaをちょうど見ましょう。
「私は、ちょうど見ようと思います」と私が言いました。
私は彼女をそのように与えました、私、彼女の生地のより多くの物。
「ここに。
さらに幾つかのチケットを手に入れてください。」
彼女は私から生地をとりました。
「私は、あなたにもはやひどく怒っていません」と彼女が言いました。
「私は知っています。
急いでください -- 目的は再びスタートしに行くことです。」
その後、突然、彼女は私にキスをくれました。
その後、彼女は手を持ちこたえて、「雨が降っています。」と言いました。
雨が降り始めています。」
「私は知っています。」
その後、彼女が行った(それ、近く非難する、私を殺す)こと、彼女は私のコート・ポケッ
トに手を入れて、私の赤の探す帽子を取り出し、私の頭にそれを押しつけます。
「それを望みませんか。」
私は言いました。
「それを着用しているかもしれません、時間。」
「承認。
しかしながら、今急いでください。
旅行を逃すつもりです。
自分の馬あるいは何も得ないでしょう。」
しかしながら、彼女はうろつき続けました。
「それを意味しましたか、あなたが言ったこと?
実際にどんな場所にも去りません?
re、あなた、実際に現にあるホーム、後で?」
彼女は私に尋ねました。
「「はい」」と私は言いました。
私もそれを意味しました。
私は彼女に嘘をついていませんでした。
私は実際に後で帰宅しました。
「今急いでください」と私は言いました。
「目的はスタートです。」
彼女はチケットを実行し買い、ひどいメリーゴーラウンド上でちょうどそのうちに戻りま
した。
その後、彼女は、自分の馬を戻すまで、そのまわりを途中ずっと歩きました。
その後、彼女はそれに乗りました。
彼女は私に手を振りました。また、私は後ろに揺れました。
うわっ、雨が偽物のように降り始めました。
バケツでは、私は神を断言します。
th e親および母親、および誰はみな上方へ行きメリーゴーラウンドの屋根の下でちょうど
立っていました。したがって、彼らは皮膚または何でもにずぶぬれではありませんでした
。しかし、私は全く時間のベンチにそばで待ちました。
私はかなりずぶぬれの湿気、特にn eckおよびズボンを得ました。
私の探す帽子は実際に私にとても多くの保護をある意味では与えました;
しかし、私はとにかくずぶぬれでした。
しかしながら、私はかまいませんでした。
私はそのように感じました、非難する、幸福、突然のことのすべて、年を取ったフィービ
ーがあちこち歩き回り続けた方法、そしてのまわりで。
私はそうでした、bawlin gの近くで非難する、私はそのように感じました、幸福で、非難
する、あなたが真実を知りたい場合。
私はなぜかを知りません。
それは単にそれでした、彼女はそのように見ました、よくて、非難する、彼女があちこち
歩き回り続けた方法、そしてのまわりで、彼女の青いコートおよびすべてで。
神と私はあなたにcould'veを祈ります、そこへ行ったことがあります。
26
それは私が伝えるつもりのすべてです。
出た後、私は帰宅した後何を行ったか、また、私がどのように気分が悪くなったか恐らく
あなたに伝えることができました。また、すべて、および私が推測されるどこの学校は次
の秋に行きます、ここに、しかし、私はそのように感じません。
私、実際に、学長「t。
その材料は今ちょうど私をあまり興味を持ちません。
非常に、人々(特にそれらにここにあるこの1人の精神分析医男)のうち、私が次の9月、学
校へ戻る場合、私が行けば私に尋ねるk eepsは自分を適用します。
それは私の見解によれば、そのような愚かな質問です。
私はどのように意味しますか、何を行うつもりか知っていますか、あなたを耕作する、そ
れをする?
答えはいます。あなたはいません。
私は、そうであると思います。しかし、私はどのようにして知りますか。
私は、それが愚かな質問であると誓います。
D.B.は、それらの残りほど悪くありません。しかし、彼は私に多くのq uestionsをまた尋
ね続けます。
彼は、彼が書いているこの新しい写真にいるこの英国の世間知らずとこの前の土曜日の間
運転しました。
彼女はかなり影響されましたが、非常に美貌でした。
Anywa y、彼女が女性用手洗い方法に行った1回、地獄、を下って、別の勝利gで、D.B.は
、何あなたにちょうど話し終えたこのすべての材料に関して私が考えるか私に尋ねました
。
私は知りませんでした、何、一体全体、言うために
あなたが真実を知りたければ、私は身につけます」t、私がそれに関してどう考えるか知
っています。
そのことを同数の人々に伝えて、私はすまなく思います。
al lに関して、私は知っています、である、私、ミスの種類、私が伝えた皆。
例えば古いStradlaterおよびAckl eyさえ。
私は、さらにそのひどいモーリスを恋しく思うと思います。
それは奇妙です。
前夜rは誰かに何も伝えませんか。
行えば、皆を恋しく思い始めます。
THE CATCHER IN THE RYE
by J.D. Salinger
TO
MY
MOTHER
1
If you really want to hear about it, the first thing you'll probably wan
t to know is where I was born, an what my lousy childhood was like, and how my p
arents were occupied and all before they had me, and all that David Copperfield
kind of crap, but I don't feel like going into it, if you want to know the truth
. In the first place, that stuff bores me, and in the second place, my parents w
ould have about two hemorrhages apiece if I told anything pretty personal about
them. They're quite touchy about anything like that, especially my father. They'
re nice and all--I'm not saying that--but they're also touchy as hell. Besides,
I'm not going to tell you my whole goddam autobiography or anything. I'll just t
ell you about this madman stuff that happened to me around last Christmas just b
efore I got pretty run-down and had to come out here and take it easy. I mean th
at's all I told D.B. about, and he's my brother and all. He's in Hollywood. That
isn't too far from this crumby place, and he comes over and visits me practical
ly every week end. He's going to drive me home when I go home next month maybe.
He just got a Jaguar. One of those little English jobs that can do around two hu
ndred miles an hour. It cost him damn near four thousand bucks. He's got a lot o
f dough, now. He didn't use to. He used to be just a regular writer, when he was
home. He wrote this terrific book of short stories, The Secret Goldfish, in cas
e you never heard of him. The best one in it was "The Secret Goldfish." It was a
bout this little kid that wouldn't let anybody look at his goldfish because he'd
bought it with his own money. It killed me. Now he's out in Hollywood, D.B., be
ing a prostitute. If there's one thing I hate, it's the movies. Don't even menti
on them to me.
Where I want to start telling is the day I left Pencey Prep. Pencey Prep
is this school that's in Agerstown, Pennsylvania. You probably heard of it. You
've probably seen the ads, anyway. They advertise in about a thousand magazines,
always showing some hotshot guy on a horse jumping over a fence. Like as if all
you ever did at Pencey was play polo all the time. I never even once saw a hors
e anywhere near the place. And underneath the guy on the horse's picture, it alw
ays says: "Since 1888 we have been molding boys into splendid, clear-thinking yo
ung men." Strictly for the birds. They don't do any damn more molding at Pencey
than they do at any other school. And I didn't know anybody there that was splen
did and clear-thinking and all. Maybe two guys. If that many. And they probably
came to Pencey that way.
Anyway, it was the Saturday of the football game with Saxon Hall. The ga
me with Saxon Hall was supposed to be a very big deal around Pencey. It was the
last game of the year, and you were supposed to commit suicide or something if o
ld Pencey didn't win. I remember around three o'clock that afternoon I was stand
ing way the hell up on top of Thomsen Hill, right next to this crazy cannon that
was in the Revolutionary War and all. You could see the whole field from there,
and you could see the two teams bashing each other all over the place. You coul
dn't see the grandstand too hot, but you could hear them all yelling, deep and t
errific on the Pencey side, because practically the whole school except me was t
here, and scrawny and faggy on the Saxon Hall side, because the visiting team ha
rdly ever brought many people with them.
There were never many girls at all at the football games. Only seniors w
ere allowed to bring girls with them. It was a terrible school, no matter how yo
u looked at it. I like to be somewhere at least where you can see a few girls ar
ound once in a while, even if they're only scratching their arms or blowing thei
r noses or even just giggling or something. Old Selma Thurmer--she was the headm
aster's daughter--showed up at the games quite often, but she wasn't exactly the
type that drove you mad with desire. She was a pretty nice girl, though. I sat
next to her once in the bus from Agerstown and we sort of struck up a conversati
on. I liked her. She had a big nose and her nails were all bitten down and bleed
y-looking and she had on those damn falsies that point all over the place, but y
ou felt sort of sorry for her. What I liked about her, she didn't give you a lot
of horse manure about what a great guy her father was. She probably knew what a
phony slob he was.
The reason I was standing way up on Thomsen Hill, instead of down at the
game, was because I'd just got back from New York with the fencing team. I was
the goddam manager of the fencing team. Very big deal. We'd gone in to New York
that morning for this fencing meet with McBurney School. Only, we didn't have th
e meet. I left all the foils and equipment and stuff on the goddam subway. It wa
sn't all my fault. I had to keep getting up to look at this map, so we'd know wh
ere to get off. So we got back to Pencey around two-thirty instead of around din
nertime. The whole team ostracized me the whole way back on the train. It was pr
etty funny, in a way.
The other reason I wasn't down at the game was because I was on my way t
o say good-by to old Spencer, my history teacher. He had the grippe, and I figur
ed I probably wouldn't see him again till Christmas vacation started. He wrote m
e this note saying he wanted to see me before I went home. He knew I wasn't comi
ng back to Pencey.
I forgot to tell you about that. They kicked me out. I wasn't supposed t
o come back after Christmas vacation on account of I was flunking four subjects
and not applying myself and all. They gave me frequent warning to start applying
myself--especially around midterms, when my parents came up for a conference wi
th old Thurmer--but I didn't do it. So I got the ax. They give guys the ax quite
frequently at Pencey. It has a very good academic rating, Pencey. It really doe
s.
Anyway, it was December and all, and it was cold as a witch's teat, espe
cially on top of that stupid hill. I only had on my reversible and no gloves or
anything. The week before that, somebody'd stolen my camel's-hair coat right out
of my room, with my fur-lined gloves right in the pocket and all. Pencey was fu
ll of crooks. Quite a few guys came from these very wealthy families, but it was
full of crooks anyway. The more expensive a school is, the more crooks it has--
I'm not kidding. Anyway, I kept standing next to that crazy cannon, looking down
at the game and freezing my ass off. Only, I wasn't watching the game too much.
What I was really hanging around for, I was trying to feel some kind of a good-
by. I mean I've left schools and places I didn't even know I was leaving them. I
hate that. I don't care if it's a sad good-by or a bad goodby, but when I leave
a place I like to know I'm leaving it. If you don't, you feel even worse.
I was lucky. All of a sudden I thought of something that helped make me
know I was getting the hell out. I suddenly remembered this time, in around Oct
ober, that I and Robert Tichener and Paul Campbell were chucking a football arou
nd, in front of the academic building. They were nice guys, especially Tichener.
It was just before dinner and it was getting pretty dark out, but we kept chuck
ing the ball around anyway. It kept getting darker and darker, and we could hard
ly see the ball any more, but we didn't want to stop doing what we were doing. F
inally we had to. This teacher that taught biology, Mr. Zambesi, stuck his head
out of this window in the academic building and told us to go back to the dorm a
nd get ready for dinner. If I get a chance to remember that kind of stuff, I can
get a good-by when I need one--at least, most of the time I can. As soon as I g
ot it, I turned around and started running down the other side of the hill, towa
rd old Spencer's house. He didn't live on the campus. He lived on Anthony Wayne
Avenue.
I ran all the way to the main gate, and then I waited a second till I go
t my breath. I have no wind, if you want to know the truth. I'm quite a heavy sm
oker, for one thing--that is, I used to be. They made me cut it out. Another thi
ng, I grew six and a half inches last year. That's also how I practically got t.
b. and came out here for all these goddam checkups and stuff. I'm pretty healthy
, though.
Anyway, as soon as I got my breath back I ran across Route 204. It was i
cy as hell and I damn near fell down. I don't even know what I was running for--
I guess I just felt like it. After I got across the road, I felt like I was sort
of disappearing. It was that kind of a crazy afternoon, terrifically cold, and
no sun out or anything, and you felt like you were disappearing every time you c
rossed a road.
Boy, I rang that doorbell fast when I got to old Spencer's house. I was
really frozen. My ears were hurting and I could hardly move my fingers at all. "
C'mon, c'mon," I said right out loud, almost, "somebody open the door." Finally
old Mrs. Spencer opened. it. They didn't have a maid or anything, and they alway
s opened the door themselves. They didn't have too much dough.
"Holden!" Mrs. Spencer said. "How lovely to see you! Come in, dear! Are
you frozen to death?" I think she was glad to see me. She liked me. At least, I
think she did.
Boy, did I get in that house fast. "How are you, Mrs. Spencer?" I said.
"How's Mr. Spencer?"
"Let me take your coat, dear," she said. She didn't hear me ask her how
Mr. Spencer was. She was sort of deaf.
She hung up my coat in the hall closet, and I sort of brushed my hair ba
ck with my hand. I wear a crew cut quite frequently and I never have to comb it
much. "How've you been, Mrs. Spencer?" I said again, only louder, so she'd hear
me.
"I've been just fine, Holden." She closed the closet door. "How have you
been?" The way she asked me, I knew right away old Spencer'd told her I'd been
kicked out.
"Fine," I said. "How's Mr. Spencer? He over his grippe yet?"
"Over it! Holden, he's behaving like a perfect--I don't know what. . . H
e's in his room, dear. Go right in."
2
They each had their own room and all. They were both around seventy year
s old, or even more than that. They got a bang out of things, though--in a haif-
assed way, of course. I know that sounds mean to say, but I don't mean it mean.
I just mean that I used to think about old Spencer quite a lot, and if you thoug
ht about him too much, you wondered what the heck he was still living for. I mea
n he was all stooped over, and he had very terrible posture, and in class, whene
ver he dropped a piece of chalk at the blackboard, some guy in the first row alw
ays had to get up and pick it up and hand it to him. That's awful, in my opinion
. But if you thought about him just enough and not too much, you could figure it
out that he wasn't doing too bad for himself. For instance, one Sunday when som
e other guys and I were over there for hot chocolate, he showed us this old beat
-up Navajo blanket that he and Mrs. Spencer'd bought off some Indian in Yellowst
one Park. You could tell old Spencer'd got a big bang out of buying it. That's w
hat I mean. You take somebody old as hell, like old Spencer, and they can get a
big bang out of buying a blanket.
His door was open, but I sort of knocked on it anyway, just to be polite
and all. I could see where he was sitting. He was sitting in a big leather chai
r, all wrapped up in that blanket I just told you about. He looked over at me wh
en I knocked. "Who's that?" he yelled. "Caulfield? Come in, boy." He was always
yelling, outside class. It got on your nerves sometimes.
The minute I went in, I was sort of sorry I'd come. He was reading the A
tlantic Monthly, and there were pills and medicine all over the place, and every
thing smelled like Vicks Nose Drops. It was pretty depressing. I'm not too crazy
about sick people, anyway. What made it even more depressing, old Spencer had o
n this very sad, ratty old bathrobe that he was probably born in or something. I
don't much like to see old guys in their pajamas and bathrobes anyway. Their bu
mpy old chests are always showing. And their legs. Old guys' legs, at beaches an
d places, always look so white and unhairy. "Hello, sir," I said. "I got your no
te. Thanks a lot." He'd written me this note asking me to stop by and say good-b
y before vacation started, on account of I wasn't coming back. "You didn't have
to do all that. I'd have come over to say good-by anyway."
"Have a seat there, boy," old Spencer said. He meant the bed.
I sat down on it. "How's your grippe, sir?"
"M'boy, if I felt any better I'd have to send for the doctor," old Spenc
er said. That knocked him out. He started chuckling like a madman. Then he final
ly straightened himself out and said, "Why aren't you down at the game? I though
t this was the day of the big game."
"It is. I was. Only, I just got back from New York with the fencing team
," I said. Boy, his bed was like a rock.
He started getting serious as hell. I knew he would. "So you're leaving
us, eh?" he said.
"Yes, sir. I guess I am."
He started going into this nodding routine. You never saw anybody nod as
much in your life as old Spencer did. You never knew if he was nodding a lot be
cause he was thinking and all, or just because he was a nice old guy that didn't
know his ass from his elbow.
"What did Dr. Thurmer say to you, boy? I understand you had quite a litt
le chat."
"Yes, we did. We really did. I was in his office for around two hours, I
guess."
"What'd he say to you?"
"Oh. . . well, about Life being a game and all. And how you should play
it according to the rules. He was pretty nice about it. I mean he didn't hit the
ceiling or anything. He just kept talking about Life being a game and all. You
know."
"Life is a game, boy. Life is a game that one plays according to the rul
es."
"Yes, sir. I know it is. I know it."
Game, my ass. Some game. If you get on the side where all the hot-shots
are, then it's a game, all right--I'll admit that. But if you get on the other s
ide, where there aren't any hot-shots, then what's a game about it? Nothing. No
game. "Has Dr. Thurmer written to your parents yet?" old Spencer asked me.
"He said he was going to write them Monday."
"Have you yourself communicated with them?"
"No, sir, I haven't communicated with them, because I'll probably see th
em Wednesday night when I get home."
"And how do you think they'll take the news?"
"Well. . . they'll be pretty irritated about it," I said. "They really w
ill. This is about the fourth school I've gone to." I shook my head. I shake my
head quite a lot. "Boy!" I said. I also say "Boy!" quite a lot. Partly because I
have a lousy vocabulary and partly because I act quite young for my age sometim
es. I was sixteen then, and I'm seventeen now, and sometimes I act like I'm abou
t thirteen. It's really ironical, because I'm six foot two and a half and I have
gray hair. I really do. The one side of my head--the right side--is full of mil
lions of gray hairs. I've had them ever since I was a kid. And yet I still act s
ometimes like I was only about twelve. Everybody says that, especially my father
. It's partly true, too, but it isn't all true. People always think something's
all true. I don't give a damn, except that I get bored sometimes when people tel
l me to act my age. Sometimes I act a lot older than I am--I really do--but peop
le never notice it. People never notice anything.
Old Spencer started nodding again. He also started picking his nose. He
made out like he was only pinching it, but he was really getting the old thumb r
ight in there. I guess he thought it was all right to do because it was only me
that was in the room. I didn't care, except that it's pretty disgusting to watch
somebody pick their nose.
Then he said, "I had the privilege of meeting your mother and dad when t
hey had their little chat with Dr. Thurmer some weeks ago. They're grand people.
"
"Yes, they are. They're very nice."
Grand. There's a word I really hate. It's a phony. I could puke every ti
me I hear it.
Then all of a sudden old Spencer looked like he had something very good,
something sharp as a tack, to say to me. He sat up more in his chair and sort o
f moved around. It was a false alarm, though. All he did was lift the Atlantic M
onthly off his lap and try to chuck it on the bed, next to me. He missed. It was
only about two inches away, but he missed anyway. I got up and picked it up and
put it down on the bed. All of a sudden then, I wanted to get the hell out of t
he room. I could feel a terrific lecture coming on. I didn't mind the idea so mu
ch, but I didn't feel like being lectured to and smell Vicks Nose Drops and look
at old Spencer in his pajamas and bathrobe all at the same time. I really didn'
t.
It started, all right. "What's the matter with you, boy?" old Spencer sa
id. He said it pretty tough, too, for him. "How many subjects did you carry this
term?"
"Five, sir."
"Five. And how many are you failing in?"
"Four." I moved my ass a little bit on the bed. It was the hardest bed I
ever sat on. "I passed English all right," I said, "because I had all that Beow
ulf and Lord Randal My Son stuff when I was at the Whooton School. I mean I didn
't have to do any work in English at all hardly, except write compositions once
in a while."
He wasn't even listening. He hardly ever listened to you when you said s
omething.
"I flunked you in history because you knew absolutely nothing."
"I know that, sir. Boy, I know it. You couldn't help it."
"Absolutely nothing," he said over again. That's something that drives m
e crazy. When people say something twice that way, after you admit it the first
time. Then he said it three times. "But absolutely nothing. I doubt very much if
you opened your textbook even once the whole term. Did you? Tell the truth, boy
."
"Well, I sort of glanced through it a couple of times," I told him. I di
dn't want to hurt his feelings. He was mad about history.
"You glanced through it, eh?" he said--very sarcastic. "Your, ah, exam p
aper is over there on top of my chiffonier. On top of the pile. Bring it here, p
lease."
It was a very dirty trick, but I went over and brought it over to him--I
didn't have any alternative or anything. Then I sat down on his cement bed agai
n. Boy, you can't imagine how sorry I was getting that I'd stopped by to say goo
d-by to him.
He started handling my exam paper like it was a turd or something. "We s
tudied the Egyptians from November 4th to December 2nd," he said. "You chose to
write about them for the optional essay question. Would you care to hear what yo
u had to say?"
"No, sir, not very much," I said.
He read it anyway, though. You can't stop a teacher when they want to do
something. They just do it.
The Egyptians were an ancient race of Caucasians residing in
one of the northern sections of Africa. The latter as we all
know is the largest continent in the Eastern Hemisphere.
I had to sit there and listen to that crap. It certainly was a dirty tri
ck.
The Egyptians are extremely interesting to us today for
various reasons. Modern science would still like to know what
the secret ingredients were that the Egyptians used when they
wrapped up dead people so that their faces would not rot for
innumerable centuries. This interesting riddle is still quite
a challenge to modern science in the twentieth century.
He stopped reading and put my paper down. I was beginning to sort of hat
e him. "Your essay, shall we say, ends there," he said in this very sarcastic vo
ice. You wouldn't think such an old guy would be so sarcastic and all. "However,
you dropped me a little note, at the bottom of the page," he said.
"I know I did," I said. I said it very fast because I wanted to stop him
before he started reading that out loud. But you couldn't stop him. He was hot
as a firecracker.
DEAR MR. SPENCER [he read out loud]. That is all I know about
the Egyptians. I can't seem to get very interested in them
although your lectures are very interesting. It is all right
with me if you flunk me though as I am flunking everything
else except English anyway.
Respectfully yours, HOLDEN CAULFIELD.
He put my goddam paper down then and looked at me like he'd just beaten
hell out of me in ping-pong or something. I don't think I'll ever forgive him f
or reading me that crap out loud. I wouldn't've read it out loud to him if he'd
written it--I really wouldn't. In the first place, I'd only written that damn no
te so that he wouldn't feel too bad about flunking me.
"Do you blame me for flunking you, boy?" he said.
"No, sir! I certainly don't," I said. I wished to hell he'd stop calling
me "boy" all the time.
He tried chucking my exam paper on the bed when he was through with it.
Only, he missed again, naturally. I had to get up again and pick it up and put i
t on top of the Atlantic Monthly. It's boring to do that every two minutes.
"What would you have done in my place?" he said. "Tell the truth, boy."
Well, you could see he really felt pretty lousy about flunking me. So I
shot the bull for a while. I told him I was a real moron, and all that stuff. I
told him how I would've done exactly the same thing if I'd been in his place, an
d how most people didn't appreciate how tough it is being a teacher. That kind o
f stuff. The old bull.
The funny thing is, though, I was sort of thinking of something else whi
le I shot the bull. I live in New York, and I was thinking about the lagoon in C
entral Park, down near Central Park South. I was wondering if it would be frozen
over when I got home, and if it was, where did the ducks go. I was wondering wh
ere the ducks went when the lagoon got all icy and frozen over. I wondered if so
me guy came in a truck and took them away to a zoo or something. Or if they just
flew away.
I'm lucky, though. I mean I could shoot the old bull to old Spencer and
think about those ducks at the same time. It's funny. You don't have to think to
o hard when you talk to a teacher. All of a sudden, though, he interrupted me wh
ile I was shooting the bull. He was always interrupting you.
"How do you feel about all this, boy? I'd be very interested to know. Ve
ry interested."
"You mean about my flunking out of Pencey and all?" I said. I sort of wi
shed he'd cover up his bumpy chest. It wasn't such a beautiful view.
"If I'm not mistaken, I believe you also had some difficulty at the Whoo
ton School and at Elkton Hills." He didn't say it just sarcastic, but sort of na
sty, too.
"I didn't have too much difficulty at Elkton Hills," I told him. "I didn
't exactly flunk out or anything. I just quit, sort of."
"Why, may I ask?"
"Why? Oh, well it's a long story, sir. I mean it's pretty complicated."
I didn't feel like going into the whole thing with him. He wouldn't have underst
ood it anyway. It wasn't up his alley at all. One of the biggest reasons I left
Elkton Hills was because I was surrounded by phonies. That's all. They were comi
ng in the goddam window. For instance, they had this headmaster, Mr. Haas, that
was the phoniest bastard I ever met in my life. Ten times worse than old Thurmer
. On Sundays, for instance, old Haas went around shaking hands with everybody's
parents when they drove up to school. He'd be charming as hell and all. Except i
f some boy had little old funny-looking parents. You should've seen the way he d
id with my roommate's parents. I mean if a boy's mother was sort of fat or corny
-looking or something, and if somebody's father was one of those guys that wear
those suits with very big shoulders and corny black-and-white shoes, then old Ha
ns would just shake hands with them and give them a phony smile and then he'd go
talk, for maybe a half an hour, with somebody else's parents. I can't stand tha
t stuff. It drives me crazy. It makes me so depressed I go crazy. I hated that g
oddam Elkton Hills.
Old Spencer asked me something then, but I didn't hear him. I was thinki
ng about old Haas. "What, sir?" I said.
"Do you have any particular qualms about leaving Pencey?"
"Oh, I have a few qualms, all right. Sure. . . but not too many. Not yet
, anyway. I guess it hasn't really hit me yet. It takes things a while to hit me
. All I'm doing right now is thinking about going home Wednesday. I'm a moron."
"Do you feel absolutely no concern for your future, boy?"
"Oh, I feel some concern for my future, all right. Sure. Sure, I do." I
thought about it for a minute. "But not too much, I guess. Not too much, I guess
."
"You will," old Spencer said. "You will, boy. You will when it's too lat
e."
I didn't like hearing him say that. It made me sound dead or something.
It was very depressing. "I guess I will," I said.
"I'd like to put some sense in that head of yours, boy. I'm trying to he
lp you. I'm trying to help you, if I can."
He really was, too. You could see that. But it was just that we were too
much on opposite sides ot the pole, that's all. "I know you are, sir," I said.
"Thanks a lot. No kidding. I appreciate it. I really do." I got up from the bed
then. Boy, I couldn't've sat there another ten minutes to save my life. "The thi
ng is, though, I have to get going now. I have quite a bit of equipment at the g
ym I have to get to take home with me. I really do." He looked up at me and star
ted nodding again, with this very serious look on his face. I felt sorry as hell
for him, all of a sudden. But I just couldn't hang around there any longer, the
way we were on opposite sides of the pole, and the way he kept missing the bed
whenever he chucked something at it, and his sad old bathrobe with his chest sho
wing, and that grippy smell of Vicks Nose Drops all over the place. "Look, sir.
Don't worry about me," I said. "I mean it. I'll be all right. I'm just going thr
ough a phase right now. Everybody goes through phases and all, don't they?"
"I don't know, boy. I don't know."
I hate it when somebody answers that way. "Sure. Sure, they do," I said.
"I mean it, sir. Please don't worry about me." I sort of put my hand on his sho
ulder. "Okay?" I said.
"Wouldn't you like a cup of hot chocolate before you go? Mrs. Spencer wo
uld be--"
"I would, I really would, but the thing is, I have to get going. I have
to go right to the gym. Thanks, though. Thanks a lot, sir."
Then we shook hands. And all that crap. It made me feel sad as hell, tho
ugh.
"I'll drop you a line, sir. Take care of your grippe, now."
"Good-by, boy."
After I shut the door and started back to the living room, he yelled som
ething at me, but I couldn't exactly hear him. I'm pretty sure he yelled "Good l
uck!" at me,
I hope to hell not. I'd never yell "Good luck!" at anybody. It sounds te
rrible, when you think about it.
3
I'm the most terrific liar you ever saw in your life. It's awful. If I'm
on my way to the store to buy a magazine, even, and somebody asks me where I'm
going, I'm liable to say I'm going to the opera. It's terrible. So when I told o
ld Spencer I had to go to the gym and get my equipment and stuff, that was a she
er lie. I don't even keep my goddam equipment in the gym.
Where I lived at Pencey, I lived in the Ossenburger Memorial Wing of the
new dorms. It was only for juniors and seniors. I was a junior. My roommate was
a senior. It was named after this guy Ossenburger that went to Pencey. He made
a pot of dough in the undertaking business after he got out of Pencey. What he d
id, he started these undertaking parlors all over the country that you could get
members of your family buried for about five bucks apiece. You should see old O
ssenburger. He probably just shoves them in a sack and dumps them in the river.
Anyway, he gave Pencey a pile of dough, and they named our wing alter him. The f
irst football game of the year, he came up to school in this big goddam Cadillac
, and we all had to stand up in the grandstand and give him a locomotive--that's
a cheer. Then, the next morning, in chapel, be made a speech that lasted about
ten hours. He started off with about fifty corny jokes, just to show us what a r
egular guy he was. Very big deal. Then he started telling us how he was never as
hamed, when he was in some kind of trouble or something, to get right down his k
nees and pray to God. He told us we should always pray to God--talk to Him and a
ll--wherever we were. He told us we ought to think of Jesus as our buddy and all
. He said he talked to Jesus all the time. Even when he was driving his car. Tha
t killed me. I just see the big phony bastard shifting into first gear and askin
g Jesus to send him a few more stiffs. The only good part of his speech was righ
t in the middle of it. He was telling us all about what a swell guy he was, what
a hot-shot and all, then all of a sudden this guy sitting in the row in front o
f me, Edgar Marsalla, laid this terrific fart. It was a very crude thing to do,
in chapel and all, but it was also quite amusing. Old Marsalla. He damn near ble
w the roof off. Hardly anybody laughed out loud, and old Ossenburger made out li
ke he didn't even hear it, but old Thurmer, the headmaster, was sitting right ne
xt to him on the rostrum and all, and you could tell he heard it. Boy, was he so
re. He didn't say anything then, but the next night he made us have compulsory s
tudy hall in the academic building and he came up and made a speech. He said tha
t the boy that had created the disturbance in chapel wasn't fit to go to Pencey.
We tried to get old Marsalla to rip off another one, right while old Thurmer wa
s making his speech, but be wasn't in the right mood. Anyway, that's where I liv
ed at Pencey. Old Ossenburger Memorial Wing, in the new dorms.
It was pretty nice to get back to my room, after I left old Spencer, bec
ause everybody was down at the game, and the heat was on in our room, for a chan
ge. It felt sort of cosy. I took off my coat and my tie and unbuttoned my shirt
collar; and then I put on this hat that I'd bought in New York that morning. It
was this red hunting hat, with one of those very, very long peaks. I saw it in t
he window of this sports store when we got out of the subway, just after I notic
ed I'd lost all the goddam foils. It only cost me a buck. The way I wore it, I s
wung the old peak way around to the back--very corny, I'll admit, but I liked it
that way. I looked good in it that way. Then I got this book I was reading and
sat down in my chair. There were two chairs in every room. I had one and my room
mate, Ward Stradlater, had one. The arms were in sad shape, because everybody wa
s always sitting on them, but they were pretty comfortable chairs.
The book I was reading was this book I took out of the library by mistak
e. They gave me the wrong book, and I didn't notice it till I got back to my roo
m. They gave me Out of Africa, by Isak Dinesen. I thought it was going to stink,
but it didn't. It was a very good book. I'm quite illiterate, but I read a lot.
My favorite author is my brother D.B., and my next favorite is Ring Lardner. My
brother gave me a book by Ring Lardner for my birthday, just before I went to P
encey. It had these very funny, crazy plays in it, and then it had this one stor
y about a traffic cop that falls in love with this very cute girl that's always
speeding. Only, he's married, the cop, so be can't marry her or anything. Then t
his girl gets killed, because she's always speeding. That story just about kille
d me. What I like best is a book that's at least funny once in a while. I read a
lot of classical books, like The Return of the Native and all, and I like them,
and I read a lot of war books and mysteries and all, but they don't knock me ou
t too much. What really knocks me out is a book that, when you're all done readi
ng it, you wish the author that wrote it was a terrific friend of yours and you
could call him up on the phone whenever you felt like it. That doesn't happen mu
ch, though. I wouldn't mind calling this Isak Dinesen up. And Ring Lardner, exce
pt that D.B. told me he's dead. You take that book Of Human Bondage, by Somerset
Maugham, though. I read it last summer. It's a pretty good book and all, but I
wouldn't want to call Somerset Maugham up. I don't know, He just isn't the kind
of guy I'd want to call up, that's all. I'd rather call old Thomas Hardy up. I l
ike that Eustacia Vye.
Anyway, I put on my new hat and sat down and started reading that book O
ut of Africa. I'd read it already, but I wanted to read certain parts over again
. I'd only read about three pages, though, when I heard somebody coming through
the shower curtains. Even without looking up, I knew right away who it was. It w
as Robert Ackley, this guy that roomed right next to me. There was a shower righ
t between every two rooms in our wing, and about eighty-five times a day old Ack
ley barged in on me. He was probably the only guy in the whole dorm, besides me,
that wasn't down at the game. He hardly ever went anywhere. He was a very pecul
iar guy. He was a senior, and he'd been at Pencey the whole four years and all,
but nobody ever called him anything except "Ackley." Not even Herb Gale, his own
roommate, ever called him "Bob" or even "Ack." If he ever gets married, his own
wife'll probably call him "Ackley." He was one of these very, very tall, round-
shouldered guys--he was about six four--with lousy teeth. The whole time he room
ed next to me, I never even once saw him brush his teeth. They always looked mos
sy and awful, and he damn near made you sick if you saw him in the dining room w
ith his mouth full of mashed potatoes and peas or something. Besides that, he ha
d a lot of pimples. Not just on his forehead or his chin, like most guys, but al
l over his whole face. And not only that, he had a terrible personality. He was
also sort of a nasty guy. I wasn't too crazy about him, to tell you the truth.
I could feel him standing on the shower ledge, right behind my chair, ta
king a look to see if Stradlater was around. He hated Stradlater's guts and he n
ever came in the room if Stradlater was around. He hated everybody's guts, damn
near.
He came down off the shower ledge and came in the room. "Hi," he said. H
e always said it like he was terrifically bored or terrifically tired. He didn't
want you to think he was visiting you or anything. He wanted you to think he'd
come in by mistake, for God's sake.
"Hi," I said, but I didn't look up from my book. With a guy like Ackley,
if you looked up from your book you were a goner. You were a goner anyway, but
not as quick if you didn't look up right away.
He started walking around the room, very slow and all, the way he always
did, picking up your personal stuff off your desk and chiffonier. He always pic
ked up your personal stuff and looked at it. Boy, could he get on your nerves so
metimes. "How was the fencing?" he said. He just wanted me to quit reading and e
njoying myself. He didn't give a damn about the fencing. "We win, or what?" he s
aid.
"Nobody won," I said. Without looking up, though.
"What?" he said. He always made you say everything twice.
"Nobody won," I said. I sneaked a look to see what he was fiddling aroun
d with on my chiffonier. He was looking at this picture of this girl I used to g
o around with in New York, Sally Hayes. He must've picked up that goddam picture
and looked at it at least five thousand times since I got it. He always put it
back in the wrong place, too, when he was finished. He did it on purpose. You co
uld tell.
"Nobody won," he said. "How come?"
"I left the goddam foils and stuff on the subway." I still didn't look u
p at him.
"On the subway, for Chrissake! Ya lost them, ya mean?"
"We got on the wrong subway. I had to keep getting up to look at a godda
m map on the wall."
He came over and stood right in my light. "Hey," I said. "I've read this
same sentence about twenty times since you came in."
Anybody else except Ackley would've taken the goddam hint. Not him, thou
gh. "Think they'll make ya pay for em?" he said.
"I don't know, and I don't give a damn. How 'bout sitting down or someth
ing, Ackley kid? You're right in my goddam light." He didn't like it when you ca
lled him "Ackley kid." He was always telling me I was a goddam kid, because I wa
s sixteen and he was eighteen. It drove him mad when I called him "Ackley kid."
He kept standing there. He was exactly the kind of a guy that wouldn't g
et out of your light when you asked him to. He'd do it, finally, but it took him
a lot longer if you asked him to. "What the hellya reading?" he said.
"Goddam book."
He shoved my book back with his hand so that he could see the name of it
. "Any good?" he said.
"This sentence I'm reading is terrific." I can be quite sarcastic when I
'm in the mood. He didn't get It, though. He started walking around the room aga
in, picking up all my personal stuff, and Stradlater's. Finally, I put my book d
own on the floor. You couldn't read anything with a guy like Ackley around. It w
as impossible.
I slid way the hell down in my chair and watched old Ackley making himse
lf at home. I was feeling sort of tired from the trip to New York and all, and I
started yawning. Then I started horsing around a little bit. Sometimes I horse
around quite a lot, just to keep from getting bored. What I did was, I pulled th
e old peak of my hunting hat around to the front, then pulled it way down over m
y eyes. That way, I couldn't see a goddam thing. "I think I'm going blind," I sa
id in this very hoarse voice. "Mother darling, everything's getting so dark in h
ere."
"You're nuts. I swear to God," Ackley said.
"Mother darling, give me your hand, Why won't you give me your hand?"
"For Chrissake, grow up."
I started groping around in front of me, like a blind guy, but without g
etting up or anything. I kept saying, "Mother darling, why won't you give me you
r hand?" I was only horsing around, naturally. That stuff gives me a bang someti
mes. Besides, I know it annoyed hell out of old Ackley. He always brought out th
e old sadist in me. I was pretty sadistic with him quite often. Finally, I quit,
though. I pulled the peak around to the back again, and relaxed.
"Who belongsa this?" Ackley said. He was holding my roommate's knee supp
orter up to show me. That guy Ackley'd pick up anything. He'd even pick up your
jock strap or something. I told him it was Stradlater's. So he chucked it on Str
adlater's bed. He got it off Stradlater's chiffonier, so he chucked it on the be
d.
He came over and sat down on the arm of Stradlater's chair. He never sat
down in a chair. Just always on the arm. "Where the hellja get that hat?" he sa
id.
"New York."
"How much?"
"A buck."
"You got robbed." He started cleaning his goddam fingernails with the en
d of a match. He was always cleaning his fingernails. It was funny, in a way. Hi
s teeth were always mossy-looking, and his ears were always dirty as hell, but h
e was always cleaning his fingernails. I guess he thought that made him a very n
eat guy. He took another look at my hat while he was cleaning them. "Up home we
wear a hat like that to shoot deer in, for Chrissake," he said. "That's a deer s
hooting hat."
"Like hell it is." I took it off and looked at it. I sort of closed one
eye, like I was taking aim at it. "This is a people shooting hat," I said. "I sh
oot people in this hat."
"Your folks know you got kicked out yet?"
"Nope."
"Where the hell's Stradlater at, anyway?"
"Down at the game. He's got a date." I yawned. I was yawning all over th
e place. For one thing, the room was too damn hot. It made you sleepy. At Pencey
, you either froze to death or died of the heat.
"The great Stradlater," Ackley said. "--Hey. Lend me your scissors a sec
ond, willya? Ya got 'em handy?"
"No. I packed them already. They're way in the top of the closet."
"Get 'em a second, willya?" Ackley said, "I got this hangnail I want to
cut off."
He didn't care if you'd packed something or not and had it way in the to
p of the closet. I got them for him though. I nearly got killed doing it, too. T
he second I opened the closet door, Stradlater's tennis racket--in its wooden pr
ess and all--fell right on my head. It made a big clunk, and it hurt like hell.
It damn near killed old Ackley, though. He started laughing in this very high fa
lsetto voice. He kept laughing the whole time I was taking down my suitcase and
getting the scissors out for him. Something like that--a guy getting hit on the
head with a rock or something--tickled the pants off Ackley. "You have a damn go
od sense of humor, Ackley kid," I told him. "You know that?" I handed him the sc
issors. "Lemme be your manager. I'll get you on the goddam radio." I sat down in
my chair again, and he started cutting his big horny-looking nails. "How 'bout
using the table or something?" I said. "Cut 'em over the table, willya? I don't
feel like walking on your crumby nails in my bare feet tonight." He kept right o
n cutting them over the floor, though. What lousy manners. I mean it.
"Who's Stradlater's date?" he said. He was always keeping tabs on who St
radlater was dating, even though he hated Stradlater's guts.
"I don't know. Why?"
"No reason. Boy, I can't stand that sonuvabitch. He's one sonuvabitch I
really can't stand."
"He's crazy about you. He told me he thinks you're a goddam prince," I s
aid. I call people a "prince" quite often when I'm horsing around. It keeps me f
rom getting bored or something.
"He's got this superior attitude all the time," Ackley said. "I just can
't stand the sonuvabitch. You'd think he--"
"Do you mind cutting your nails over the table, hey?" I said. "I've aske
d you about fifty--"
"He's got this goddam superior attitude all the time," Ackley said. "I d
on't even think the sonuvabitch is intelligent. He thinks he is. He thinks he's
about the most--"
"Ackley! For Chrissake. Willya please cut your crumby nails over the tab
le? I've asked you fifty times."
He started cutting his nails over the table, for a change. The only way
he ever did anything was if you yelled at him.
I watched him for a while. Then I said, "The reason you're sore at Strad
later is because he said that stuff about brushing your teeth once in a while. H
e didn't mean to insult you, for cryin' out loud. He didn't say it right or anyt
hing, but he didn't mean anything insulting. All he meant was you'd look better
and feel better if you sort of brushed your teeth once in a while."
"I brush my teeth. Don't gimme that."
"No, you don't. I've seen you, and you don't," I said. I didn't say it n
asty, though. I felt sort of sorry for him, in a way. I mean it isn't too nice,
naturally, if somebody tells you you don't brush your teeth. "Stradlater's all r
ight He's not too bad," I said. "You don't know him, thats the trouble."
"I still say he's a sonuvabitch. He's a conceited sonuvabitch."
"He's conceited, but he's very generous in some things. He really is," I
said. "Look. Suppose, for instance, Stradlater was wearing a tie or something t
hat you liked. Say he had a tie on that you liked a helluva lot--I'm just giving
you an example, now. You know what he'd do? He'd probably take it off and give
it ta you. He really would. Or--you know what he'd do? He'd leave it on your bed
or something. But he'd give you the goddam tie. Most guys would probably just--
"
"Hell," Ackley said. "If I had his dough, I would, too."
"No, you wouldn't." I shook my head. "No, you wouldn't, Ackley kid. If y
ou had his dough, you'd be one of the biggest--"
"Stop calling me 'Ackley kid,' God damn it. I'm old enough to be your lo
usy father."
"No, you're not." Boy, he could really be aggravating sometimes. He neve
r missed a chance to let you know you were sixteen and he was eighteen. "In the
first place, I wouldn't let you in my goddam family," I said.
"Well, just cut out calling me--"
All of a sudden the door opened, and old Stradlater barged in, in a big
hurry. He was always in a big hurry. Everything was a very big deal. He came ove
r to me and gave me these two playful as hell slaps on both cheeks--which is som
ething that can be very annoying. 'Listen," he said. "You going out anywheres sp
ecial tonight?"
"I don't know. I might. What the hell's it doing out--snowing?" He had s
now all over his coat.
"Yeah. Listen. If you're not going out anyplace special, how 'bout lendi
ng me your hound's-tooth jacket?"
"Who won the game?" I said.
"It's only the half. We're leaving," Stradlater said. "No kidding, you g
onna use your hound's-tooth tonight or not? I spilled some crap all over my gray
flannel."
"No, but I don't want you stretching it with your goddam shoulders and a
ll," I said. We were practically the same heighth, but he weighed about twice as
much as I did. He had these very broad shoulders.
"I won't stretch it." He went over to the closet in a big hurry. "How'sa
boy, Ackley?" he said to Ackley. He was at least a pretty friendly guy, Stradla
ter. It was partly a phony kind of friendly, but at least he always said hello t
o Ackley and all.
Ackley just sort of grunted when he said "How'sa boy?" He wouldn't answe
r him, but he didn't have guts enough not to at least grunt. Then he said to me,
"I think I'll get going. See ya later."
"Okay," I said. He never exactly broke your heart when he went back to h
is own room.
Old Stradlater started taking off his coat and tie and all. "I think may
be I'll take a fast shave," he said. He had a pretty heavy beard. He really did.
"Where's your date?" I asked him.
"She's waiting in the Annex." He went out of the room with his toilet ki
t and towel under his arm. No shirt on or anything. He always walked around in h
is bare torso because he thought he had a damn good build. He did, too. I have t
o admit it.
4
I didn't have anything special to do, so I went down to the can and chew
ed the rag with him while he was shaving. We were the only ones in the can, beca
use everybody was still down at the game. It was hot as hell and the windows wer
e all steamy. There were about ten washbowls, all right against the wall. Stradl
ater had the middle one. I sat down on the one right next to him and started tur
ning the cold water on and off--this nervous habit I have. Stradlater kept whist
ling 'Song of India" while he shaved. He had one of those very piercing whistles
that are practically never in tune, and he always picked out some song that's h
ard to whistle even if you're a good whistler, like "Song of India" or "Slaughte
r on Tenth Avenue." He could really mess a song up.
You remember I said before that Ackley was a slob in his personal habits
? Well, so was Stradlater, but in a different way. Stradlater was more of a secr
et slob. He always looked all right, Stradlater, but for instance, you should've
seen the razor he shaved himself with. It was always rusty as hell and full of
lather and hairs and crap. He never cleaned it or anything. He always looked goo
d when he was finished fixing himself up, but he was a secret slob anyway, if yo
u knew him the way I did. The reason he fixed himself up to look good was becaus
e he was madly in love with himself. He thought he was the handsomest guy in the
Western Hemisphere. He was pretty handsome, too--I'll admit it. But he was most
ly the kind of a handsome guy that if your parents saw his picture in your Year
Book, they'd right away say, "Who's this boy?" I mean he was mostly a Year Book
kind of handsome guy. I knew a lot of guys at Pencey I thought were a lot handso
mer than Stradlater, but they wouldn't look handsome if you saw their pictures i
n the Year Book. They'd look like they had big noses or their ears stuck out. I'
ve had that experience frequently.
Anyway, I was sitting on the washbowl next to where Stradlater was shavi
ng, sort of turning the water on and off. I still had my red hunting hat on, wit
h the peak around to the back and all. I really got a bang out of that hat.
"Hey," Stradlater said. "Wanna do me a big favor?"
"What?" I said. Not too enthusiastic. He was always asking you to do him
a big favor. You take a very handsome guy, or a guy that thinks he's a real hot
-shot, and they're always asking you to do them a big favor. Just because they'r
e crazy about themseif, they think you're crazy about them, too, and that you're
just dying to do them a favor. It's sort of funny, in a way.
"You goin' out tonight?" he said.
"I might. I might not. I don't know. Why?"
"I got about a hundred pages to read for history for Monday," he said. "
How 'bout writing a composition for me, for English? I'll be up the creek if I d
on't get the goddam thing in by Monday, the reason I ask. How 'bout it?"
It was very ironical. It really was.
"I'm the one that's flunking out of the goddam place, and you're asking
me to write you a goddam composition," I said.
"Yeah, I know. The thing is, though, I'll be up the creek if I don't get
it in. Be a buddy. Be a buddyroo. Okay?"
I didn't answer him right away. Suspense is good for some bastards like
Stradlater.
"What on?" I said.
"Anything. Anything descriptive. A room. Or a house. Or something you on
ce lived in or something-- you know. Just as long as it's descriptive as hell."
He gave out a big yawn while he said that. Which is something that gives me a ro
yal pain in the ass. I mean if somebody yawns right while they're asking you to
do them a goddam favor. "Just don't do it too good, is all," he said. "That sonu
vabitch Hartzell thinks you're a hot-shot in English, and he knows you're my roo
mmate. So I mean don't stick all the commas and stuff in the right place."
That's something else that gives me a royal pain. I mean if you're good
at writing compositions and somebody starts talking about commas. Stradlater was
always doing that. He wanted you to think that the only reason he was lousy at
writing compositions was because he stuck all the commas in the wrong place. He
was a little bit like Ackley, that way. I once sat next to Ackley at this basket
ball game. We had a terrific guy on the team, Howie Coyle, that could sink them
from the middle of the floor, without even touching the backboard or anything. A
ckley kept saying, the whole goddam game, that Coyle had a perfect build for bas
ketball. God, how I hate that stuff.
I got bored sitting on that washbowl after a while, so I backed up a few
feet and started doing this tap dance, just for the hell of it. I was just amus
ing myself. I can't really tap-dance or anything, but it was a stone floor in th
e can, and it was good for tap-dancing. I started imitating one of those guys in
the movies. In one of those musicals. I hate the movies like poison, but I get
a bang imitating them. Old Stradlater watched me in the mirror while he was shav
ing. All I need's an audience. I'm an exhibitionist. "I'm the goddarn Governor's
son," I said. I was knocking myself out. Tap-dancing all over the place. "He do
esn't want me to be a tap dancer. He wants me to go to Oxford. But it's in my go
ddam blood, tap-dancing." Old Stradlater laughed. He didn't have too bad a sense
of humor. "It's the opening night of the Ziegfeld Follies." I was getting out o
f breath. I have hardly any wind at all. "The leading man can't go on. He's drun
k as a bastard. So who do they get to take his place? Me, that's who. The little
ole goddam Governor's son."
"Where'dja get that hat?" Stradlater said. He meant my hunting hat. He'd
never seen it before.
I was out of breath anyway, so I quit horsing around. I took off my hat
and looked at it for about the ninetieth time. "I got it in New York this mornin
g. For a buck. Ya like it?"
Stradlater nodded. "Sharp," he said. He was only flattering me, though,
because right away he said, "Listen. Are ya gonna write that composition for me?
I have to know."
"If I get the time, I will. If I don't, I won't," I said. I went over an
d sat down at the washbowl next to him again. "Who's your date?" I asked him. "F
itzgerald?"
"Hell, no! I told ya. I'm through with that pig."
"Yeah? Give her to me, boy. No kidding. She's my type."
"Take her . . . She's too old for you."
All of a sudden--for no good reason, really, except that I was sort of i
n the mood for horsing around--I felt like jumping off the washbowl and getting
old Stradlater in a half nelson. That's a wrestling hold, in case you don't know
, where you get the other guy around the neck and choke him to death, if you fee
l like it. So I did it. I landed on him like a goddam panther.
"Cut it out, Holden, for Chrissake!" Stradlater said. He didn't feel lik
e horsing around. He was shaving and all. "Wuddaya wanna make me do--cut my godd
am head off?"
I didn't let go, though. I had a pretty good half nelson on him. "Libera
te yourself from my viselike grip." I said.
"Je-sus Christ." He put down his razor, and all of a sudden jerked his a
rms up and sort of broke my hold on him. He was a very strong guy. I'm a very we
ak guy. "Now, cut out the crap," he said. He started shaving himself all over ag
ain. He always shaved himself twice, to look gorgeous. With his crumby old razor
.
"Who is your date if it isn't Fitzgerald?" I asked him. I sat down on th
e washbowl next to him again. "That Phyllis Smith babe?"
"No. It was supposed to he, but the arrangements got all screwed up. I g
ot Bud Thaw's girl's roommate now . . . Hey. I almost forgot. She knows you."
"Who does?" I said.
"My date."
"Yeah?" I said. "What's her name?" I was pretty interested.
"I'm thinking . . . Uh. Jean Gallagher."
Boy, I nearly dropped dead when he said that.
"Jane Gallagher," I said. I even got up from the washbowl when he said t
hat. I damn near dropped dead. "You're damn right I know her. She practically li
ved right next door to me, the summer before last. She had this big damn Doberma
n pinscher. That's how I met her. Her dog used to keep coming over in our--"
"You're right in my light, Holden, for Chrissake," Stradlater said. "Ya
have to stand right there?"
Boy, was I excited, though. I really was.
"Where is she?" I asked him. "I oughta go down and say hello to her or s
omething. Where is she? In the Annex?"
"Yeah."
"How'd she happen to mention me? Does she go to B.M. now? She said she m
ight go there. She said she might go to Shipley, too. I thought she went to Ship
ley. How'd she happen to mention me?" I was pretty excited. I really was.
"I don't know, for Chrissake. Lift up, willya? You're on my towel," Stra
dlater said. I was sitting on his stupid towel.
"Jane Gallagher," I said. I couldn't get over it. "Jesus H. Christ."
Old Stradlater was putting Vitalis on his hair. My Vitalis.
"She's a dancer," I said. "Ballet and all. She used to practice about tw
o hours every day, right in the middle of the hottest weather and all. She was w
orried that it might make her legs lousy--all thick and all. I used to play chec
kers with her all the time."
"You used to play what with her all the time?"
"Checkers."
"Checkers, for Chrissake!"
"Yeah. She wouldn't move any of her kings. What she'd do, when she'd get
a king, she wouldn't move it. She'd just leave it in the back row. She'd get th
em all lined up in the back row. Then she'd never use them. She just liked the w
ay they looked when they were all in the back row."
Stradlater didn't say anything. That kind of stuff doesn't interest most
people.
"Her mother belonged to the same club we did," I said. "I used to caddy
once in a while, just to make some dough. I caddy'd for her mother a couple of t
imes. She went around in about a hundred and seventy, for nine holes."
Stradlater wasn't hardly listening. He was combing his gorgeous locks.
"I oughta go down and at least say hello to her," I said.
"Why don'tcha?"
"I will, in a minute."
He started parting his hair all over again. It took him about an hour to
comb his hair.
"Her mother and father were divorced. Her mother was married again to so
me booze hound," I said. "Skinny guy with hairy legs. I remember him. He wore sh
orts all the time. Jane said he was supposed to be a playwright or some goddam t
hing, but all I ever saw him do was booze all the time and listen to every singl
e goddam mystery program on the radio. And run around the goddam house, naked. W
ith Jane around, and all."
"Yeah?" Stradlater said. That really interested him. About the booze hou
nd running around the house naked, with Jane around. Stradlater was a very sexy
bastard.
"She had a lousy childhood. I'm not kidding."
That didn't interest Stradlater, though. Only very sexy stuff interested
him.
"Jane Gallagher. Jesus . . . I couldn't get her off my mind. I really co
uldn't. "I oughta go down and say hello to her, at least."
"Why the hell don'tcha, instead of keep saying it?" Stradlater said.
I walked over to the window, but you couldn't see out of it, it was so s
teamy from all the heat in the can.. "I'm not in the mood right now," I said. I
wasn't, either. You have to be in the mood for those things. "I thought she went
to Shipley. I could've sworn she went to Shipley." I walked around the can for
a little while. I didn't have anything else to do. "Did she enjoy the game?" I s
aid.
"Yeah, I guess so. I don't know."
"Did she tell you we used to play checkers all the time, or anything?"
"I don't know. For Chrissake, I only just met her," Stradlater said. He
was finished combing his goddam gorgeous hair. He was putting away all his crumb
y toilet articles.
"Listen. Give her my regards, willya?"
"Okay," Stradlater said, but I knew he probably wouldn't. You take a guy
like Stradlater, they never give your regards to people.
He went back to the room, but I stuck around in the can for a while, thi
nking about old Jane. Then I went back to the room, too.
Stradlater was putting on his tie, in front of the mirror, when I got th
ere. He spent around half his goddam life in front of the mirror. I sat down in
my chair and sort of watched him for a while.
"Hey," I said. "Don't tell her I got kicked out, willya?"
"Okay."
That was one good thing about Stradlater. You didn't have to explain eve
ry goddam little thing with him, the way you had to do with Ackley. Mostly, I gu
ess, because he wasn't too interested. That's really why. Ackley, it was differe
nt. Ackley was a very nosy bastard.
He put on my hound's-tooth jacket.
"Jesus, now, try not to stretch it all over the place" I said. I'd only
worn it about twice.
"I won't. Where the hell's my cigarettes?"
"On the desk." He never knew where he left anything. "Under your muffler
." He put them in his coat pocket--my coat pocket.
I pulled the peak of my hunting hat around to the front all of a sudden,
for a change. I was getting sort of nervous, all of a sudden. I'm quite a nervo
us guy. "Listen, where ya going on your date with her?" I asked him. "Ya know ye
t?"
"I don't know. New York, if we have time. She only signed out for nine-t
hirty, for Chrissake."
I didn't like the way he said it, so I said, "The reason she did that, s
he probably just didn't know what a handsome, charming bastard you are. If she'd
known, she probably would've signed out for nine-thirty in the morning."
"Goddam right," Stradlater said. You couldn't rile him too easily. He wa
s too conceited. "No kidding, now. Do that composition for me," he said. He had
his coat on, and he was all ready to go. "Don't knock yourself out or anything,
but just make it descriptive as hell. Okay?"
I didn't answer him. I didn't feel like it. All I said was, "Ask her if
she still keeps all her kings in the back row."
"Okay," Stradlater said, but I knew he wouldn't. "Take it easy, now." He
banged the hell out of the room.
I sat there for about a half hour after he left. I mean I just sat in my
chair, not doing anything. I kept thinking about Jane, and about Stradlater hav
ing a date with her and all. It made me so nervous I nearly went crazy. I alread
y told you what a sexy bastard Stradlater was.
All of a sudden, Ackley barged back in again, through the damn shower cu
rtains, as usual. For once in my stupid life, I was really glad to see him. He t
ook my mind off the other stuff.
He stuck around till around dinnertime, talking about all the guys at Pe
ncey that he hated their guts, and squeezing this big pimple on his chin. He did
n't even use his handkerchief. I don't even think the bastard had a handkerchief
, if you want to know the truth. I never saw him use one, anyway.
5
We always had the same meal on Saturday nights at Pencey. It was suppose
d to be a big deal, because they gave you steak. I'll bet a thousand bucks the r
eason they did that was because a lot of guys' parents came up to school on Sund
ay, and old Thurmer probably figured everybody's mother would ask their darling
boy what he had for dinner last night, and he'd say, "Steak." What a racket. You
should've seen the steaks. They were these little hard, dry jobs that you could
hardly even cut. You always got these very lumpy mashed potatoes on steak night
, and for dessert you got Brown Betty, which nobody ate, except maybe the little
kids in the lower school that didn't know any better--and guys like Ackley that
ate everything.
It was nice, though, when we got out of the dining room. There were abou
t three inches of snow on the ground, and it was still coming down like a madman
. It looked pretty as hell, and we all started throwing snowballs and horsing ar
ound all over the place. It was very childish, but everybody was really enjoying
themselves.
I didn't have a date or anything, so I and this friend of mine, Mal Bros
sard, that was on the wrestling team, decided we'd take a bus into Agerstown and
have a hamburger and maybe see a lousy movie. Neither of us felt like sitting a
round on our ass all night. I asked Mal if he minded if Ackley came along with u
s. The reason I asked was because Ackley never did anything on Saturday night, e
xcept stay in his room and squeeze his pimples or something. Mal said he didn't
mind but that he wasn't too crazy about the idea. He didn't like Ackley much. An
yway, we both went to our rooms to get ready and all, and while I was putting on
my galoshes and crap, I yelled over and asked old Ackley if he wanted to go to
the movies. He could hear me all right through the shower curtains, but he didn'
t answer me right away. He was the kind of a guy that hates to answer you right
away. Finally he came over, through the goddam curtains, and stood on the shower
ledge and asked who was going besides me. He always had to know who was going.
I swear, if that guy was shipwrecked somewhere, and you rescued him in a goddam
boat, he'd want to know who the guy was that was rowing it before he'd even get
in. I told him Mal Brossard was going. He said, "That bastard . . . All right. W
ait a second." You'd think he was doing you a big favor.
It took him about five hours to get ready. While he was doing it, I went
over to my window and opened it and packed a snowball with my bare hands. The s
now was very good for packing. I didn't throw it at anything, though. I started
to throw it. At a car that was parked across the street. But I changed my mind.
The car looked so nice and white. Then I started to throw it at a hydrant, but t
hat looked too nice and white, too. Finally I didn't throw it at anything. All I
did was close the window and walk around the room with the snowball, packing it
harder. A little while later, I still had it with me when I and Brossnad and Ac
kley got on the bus. The bus driver opened the doors and made me throw it out. I
told him I wasn't going to chuck it at anybody, but he wouldn't believe me. Peo
ple never believe you.
Brossard and Ackley both had seen the picture that was playing, so all w
e did, we just had a couple of hamburgers and played the pinball machine for a l
ittle while, then took the bus back to Pencey. I didn't care about not seeing th
e movie, anyway. It was supposed to be a comedy, with Cary Grant in it, and all
that crap. Besides, I'd been to the movies with Brossard and Ackley before. They
both laughed like hyenas at stuff that wasn't even funny. I didn't even enjoy s
itting next to them in the movies.
It was only about a quarter to nine when we got back to the dorm. Old Br
ossard was a bridge fiend, and he started looking around the dorm for a game. Ol
d Ackley parked himself in my room, just for a change. Only, instead of sitting
on the arm of Stradlater's chair, he laid down on my bed, with his face right on
my pillow and all. He started talking in this very monotonous voice, and pickin
g at all his pimples. I dropped about a thousand hints, but I couldn't get rid o
f him. All he did was keep talking in this very monotonous voice about some babe
he was supposed to have had sexual intercourse with the summer before. He'd alr
eady told me about it about a hundred times. Every time he told it, it was diffe
rent. One minute he'd be giving it to her in his cousin's Buick, the next minute
he'd be giving it to her under some boardwalk. It was all a lot of crap, natura
lly. He was a virgin if ever I saw one. I doubt if he ever even gave anybody a f
eel. Anyway, finally I had to come right out and tell him that I had to write a
composition for Stradlater, and that he had to clear the hell out, so I could co
ncentrate. He finally did, but he took his time about it, as usual. After he lef
t, I put on my pajamas and bathrobe and my old hunting hat, and started writing
the composition.
The thing was, I couldn't think of a room or a house or anything to desc
ribe the way Stradlater said he had to have. I'm not too crazy about describing
rooms and houses anyway. So what I did, I wrote about my brother Allie's basebal
l mitt. It was a very descriptive subject. It really was. My brother Allie had t
his left-handed fielder's mitt. He was left-handed. The thing that was descripti
ve about it, though, was that he had poems written all over the fingers and the
pocket and everywhere. In green ink. He wrote them on it so that he'd have somet
hing to read when he was in the field and nobody was up at bat. He's dead now. H
e got leukemia and died when we were up in Maine, on July 18, 1946. You'd have l
iked him. He was two years younger than I was, but he was about fifty times as i
ntelligent. He was terrifically intelligent. His teachers were always writing le
tters to my mother, telling her what a pleasure it was having a boy like Allie i
n their class. And they weren't just shooting the crap. They really meant it. Bu
t it wasn't just that he was the most intelligent member in the family. He was a
lso the nicest, in lots of ways. He never got mad at anybody. People with red ha
ir are supposed to get mad very easily, but Allie never did, and he had very red
hair. I'll tell you what kind of red hair he had. I started playing golf when I
was only ten years old. I remember once, the summer I was around twelve, teeing
off and all, and having a hunch that if I turned around all of a sudden, I'd se
e Allie. So I did, and sure enough, he was sitting on his bike outside the fence
--there was this fence that went all around the course--and he was sitting there
, about a hundred and fifty yards behind me, watching me tee off. That's the kin
d of red hair he had. God, he was a nice kid, though. He used to laugh so hard a
t something he thought of at the dinner table that he just about fell off his ch
air. I was only thirteen, and they were going to have me psychoanalyzed and all,
because I broke all the windows in the garage. I don't blame them. I really don
't. I slept in the garage the night he died, and I broke all the goddam windows
with my fist, just for the hell of it. I even tried to break all the windows on
the station wagon we had that summer, but my hand was already broken and everyth
ing by that time, and I couldn't do it. It was a very stupid thing to do, I'll a
dmit, but I hardly didn't even know I was doing it, and you didn't know Allie. M
y hand still hurts me once in a while when it rains and all, and I can't make a
real fist any more--not a tight one, I mean--but outside of that I don't care mu
ch. I mean I'm not going to be a goddam surgeon or a violinist or anything anywa
y.
Anyway, that's what I wrote Stradlater's composition about. Old Allie's
baseball mitt. I happened to have it with me, in my suitcase, so I got it out an
d copied down the poems that were written on it. All I had to do was change Alli
e's name so that nobody would know it was my brother and not Stradlater's. I was
n't too crazy about doing it, but I couldn't think of anything else descriptive.
Besides, I sort of liked writing about it. It took me about an hour, because I
had to use Stradlater's lousy typewriter, and it kept jamming on me. The reason
I didn't use my own was because I'd lent it to a guy down the hall.
It was around ten-thirty, I guess, when I finished it. I wasn't tired, t
hough, so I looked out the window for a while. It wasn't snowing out any more, b
ut every once in a while you could hear a car somewhere not being able to get st
arted. You could also hear old Ackley snoring. Right through the goddam shower c
urtains you could hear him. He had sinus trouble and he couldn't breathe too hot
when he was asleep. That guy had just about everything. Sinus trouble, pimples,
lousy teeth, halitosis, crumby fingernails. You had to feel a little sorry for
the crazy sonuvabitch.
6
Some things are hard to remember. I'm thinking now of when Stradlater go
t back from his date with Jane. I mean I can't remember exactly what I was doing
when I heard his goddam stupid footsteps coming down the corridor. I probably w
as still looking out the window, but I swear I can't remember. I was so damn wor
ried, that's why. When I really worry about something, I don't just fool around.
I even have to go to the bathroom when I worry about something. Only, I don't g
o. I'm too worried to go. I don't want to interrupt my worrying to go. If you kn
ew Stradlater, you'd have been worried, too. I'd double-dated with that bastard
a couple of times, and I know what I'm talking about. He was unscrupulous. He re
ally was.
Anyway, the corridor was all linoleum and all, and you could hear his go
ddam footsteps coming right towards the room. I don't even remember where I was
sitting when he came in--at the window, or in my chair or his. I swear I can't r
emember.
He came in griping about how cold it was out. Then he said, "Where the h
ell is everybody? It's like a goddam morgue around here." I didn't even bother t
o answer him. If he was so goddam stupid not to realize it was Saturday night an
d everybody was out or asleep or home for the week end, I wasn't going to break
my neck telling him. He started getting undressed. He didn't say one goddam word
about Jane. Not one. Neither did I. I just watched him. All he did was thank me
for letting him wear my hound's-tooth. He hung it up on a hanger and put it in
the closet.
Then when he was taking off his tie, he asked me if I'd written his godd
am composition for him. I told him it was over on his goddam bed. He walked over
and read it while he was unbuttoning his shirt. He stood there, reading it, and
sort of stroking his bare chest and stomach, with this very stupid expression o
n his face. He was always stroking his stomach or his chest. He was mad about hi
mself.
All of a sudden, he said, "For Chrissake, Holden. This is about a goddam
baseball glove."
"So what?" I said. Cold as hell.
"Wuddaya mean so what? I told ya it had to be about a goddam room or a h
ouse or something."
"You said it had to be descriptive. What the hell's the difference if it
's about a baseball glove?"
"God damn it." He was sore as hell. He was really furious. "You always d
o everything backasswards." He looked at me. "No wonder you're flunking the hell
out of here," he said. "You don't do one damn thing the way you're supposed to.
I mean it. Not one damn thing."
"All right, give it back to me, then," I said. I went over and pulled it
right out of his goddam hand. Then I tore it up.
"What the hellja do that for?" he said.
I didn't even answer him. I just threw the pieces in the wastebasket. Th
en I lay down on my bed, and we both didn't say anything for a long time. He got
all undressed, down to his shorts, and I lay on my bed and lit a cigarette. You
weren't allowed to smoke in the dorm, but you could do it late at night when ev
erybody was asleep or out and nobody could smell the smoke. Besides, I did it to
annoy Stradlater. It drove him crazy when you broke any rules. He never smoked
in the dorm. It was only me.
He still didn't say one single solitary word about Jane. So finally I sa
id, "You're back pretty goddam late if she only signed out for nine-thirty. Did
you make her be late signing in?"
He was sitting on the edge of his bed, cutting his goddam toenails, when
I asked him that. "Coupla minutes," he said. "Who the hell signs out for nine-t
hirty on a Saturday night?" God, how I hated him.
"Did you go to New York?" I said.
"Ya crazy? How the hell could we go to New York if she only signed out f
or nine-thirty?"
"That's tough."
He looked up at me. "Listen," he said, "if you're gonna smoke in the roo
m, how 'bout going down to the can and do it? You may be getting the hell out of
here, but I have to stick around long enough to graduate."
I ignored him. I really did. I went right on smoking like a madman. All
I did was sort of turn over on my side and watched him cut his damn toenails. Wh
at a school. You were always watching somebody cut their damn toenails or squeez
e their pimples or something.
"Did you give her my regards?" I asked him.
"Yeah."
The hell he did, the bastard.
"What'd she say?" I said. "Did you ask her if she still keeps all her ki
ngs in the back row?"
"No, I didn't ask her. What the hell ya think we did all night--play che
ckers, for Chrissake?"
I didn't even answer him. God, how I hated him.
"If you didn't go to New York, where'd ya go with her?" I asked him, aft
er a little while. I could hardly keep my voice from shaking all over the place.
Boy, was I getting nervous. I just had a feeling something had gone funny.
He was finished cutting his damn toenails. So he got up from the bed, in
just his damn shorts and all, and started getting very damn playful. He came ov
er to my bed and started leaning over me and taking these playful as hell socks
at my shoulder. "Cut it out," I said. "Where'd you go with her if you didn't go
to New York?"
"Nowhere. We just sat in the goddam car." He gave me another one of thos
e playtul stupid little socks on the shoulder.
"Cut it out," I said. "Whose car?"
"Ed Banky's."
Ed Banky was the basketball coach at Pencey. Old Stradlater was one of h
is pets, because he was the center on the team, and Ed Banky always let him borr
ow his car when he wanted it. It wasn't allowed for students to borrow faculty g
uys' cars, but all the athletic bastards stuck together. In every school I've go
ne to, all the athletic bastards stick together.
Stradlater kept taking these shadow punches down at my shoulder. He had
his toothbrush in his hand, and he put it in his mouth. "What'd you do?" I said.
"Give her the time in Ed Banky's goddam car?" My voice was shaking something aw
ful.
"What a thing to say. Want me to wash your mouth out with soap?"
"Did you?"
"That's a professional secret, buddy."
This next part I don't remember so hot. All I know is I got up from the
bed, like I was going down to the can or something, and then I tried to sock him
, with all my might, right smack in the toothbrush, so it would split his goddam
throat open. Only, I missed. I didn't connect. All I did was sort of get him on
the side of the head or something. It probably hurt him a little bit, but not a
s much as I wanted. It probably would've hurt him a lot, but I did it with my ri
ght hand, and I can't make a good fist with that hand. On account of that injury
I told you about.
Anyway, the next thing I knew, I was on the goddam floor and he was sitt
ing on my chest, with his face all red. That is, he had his goddam knees on my c
hest, and he weighed about a ton. He had hold of my wrists, too, so I couldn't t
ake another sock at him. I'd've killed him.
"What the hell's the matter with you?" he kept saying, and his stupid ra
ce kept getting redder and redder.
"Get your lousy knees off my chest," I told him. I was almost bawling. I
really was. "Go on, get off a me, ya crumby bastard."
He wouldn't do it, though. He kept holding onto my wrists and I kept cal
ling him a sonuvabitch and all, for around ten hours. I can hardly even remember
what all I said to him. I told him he thought he could give the time to anybody
he felt like. I told him he didn't even care if a girl kept all her kings in th
e back row or not, and the reason he didn't care was because he was a goddam stu
pid moron. He hated it when you called a moron. All morons hate it when you call
them a moron.
"Shut up, now, Holden," he said with his big stupid red face. "just shut
up, now."
"You don't even know if her first name is Jane or Jean, ya goddam moron!
"
"Now, shut up, Holden, God damn it--I'm warning ya," he said--I really h
ad him going. "If you don't shut up, I'm gonna slam ya one."
"Get your dirty stinking moron knees off my chest."
"If I letcha up, will you keep your mouth shut?"
I didn't even answer him.
He said it over again. "Holden. If I letcha up, willya keep your mouth s
hut?"
"Yes."
He got up off me, and I got up, too. My chest hurt like hell from his di
rty knees. "You're a dirty stupid sonuvabitch of a moron," I told him.
That got him really mad. He shook his big stupid finger in my face. "Hol
den, God damn it, I'm warning you, now. For the last time. If you don't keep you
r yap shut, I'm gonna--"
"Why should I?" I said--I was practically yelling. "That's just the trou
ble with all you morons. You never want to discuss anything. That's the way you
can always tell a moron. They never want to discuss anything intellig--"
Then he really let one go at me, and the next thing I knew I was on the
goddam floor again. I don't remember if he knocked me out or not, but I don't th
ink so. It's pretty hard to knock a guy out, except in the goddam movies. But my
nose was bleeding all over the place. When I looked up old Stradlater was stand
ing practically right on top of me. He had his goddam toilet kit under his arm.
"Why the hell don'tcha shut up when I tellya to?" he said. He sounded pretty ner
vous. He probably was scared he'd fractured my skull or something when I hit the
floor. It's too bad I didn't. "You asked for it, God damn it," he said. Boy, di
d he look worried.
I didn't even bother to get up. I just lay there in the floor for a whil
e, and kept calling him a moron sonuvabitch. I was so mad, I was practically baw
ling.
"Listen. Go wash your face," Stradlater said. "Ya hear me?"
I told him to go wash his own moron face--which was a pretty childish th
ing to say, but I was mad as hell. I told him to stop off on the way to the can
and give Mrs. Schmidt the time. Mrs. Schmidt was the janitor's wife. She was aro
und sixty-five.
I kept sitting there on the floor till I heard old Stradlater close the
door and go down the corridor to the can. Then I got up. I couldn't find my godd
am hunting hat anywhere. Finally I found it. It was under the bed. I put it on,
and turned the old peak around to the back, the way I liked it, and then I went
over and took a look at my stupid face in the mirror. You never saw such gore in
your life. I had blood all over my mouth and chin and even on my pajamas and ba
th robe. It partly scared me and it partly fascinated me. All that blood and all
sort of made me look tough. I'd only been in about two fights in my life, and I
lost both of them. I'm not too tough. I'm a pacifist, if you want to know the t
ruth.
I had a feeling old Ackley'd probably heard all the racket and was awake
. So I went through the shower curtains into his room, just to see what the hell
he was doing. I hardly ever went over to his room. It always had a funny stink
in it, because he was so crumby in his personal habits.
7
A tiny bit of light came through the shower curtains and all from our ro
om, and I could see him lying in bed. I knew damn well he was wide awake. "Ackle
y?" I said. "Y'awake?"
"Yeah."
It was pretty dark, and I stepped on somebody's shoe on the floor and da
nm near fell on my head. Ackley sort of sat up in bed and leaned on his arm. He
had a lot of white stuff on his face, for his pimples. He looked sort of spooky
in the dark. "What the hellya doing, anyway?" I said.
"Wuddaya mean what the hell am I doing? I was tryna sleep before you guy
s started making all that noise. What the hell was the fight about, anyhow?"
"Where's the light?" I couldn't find the light. I was sliding my hand al
l over the wall.
"Wuddaya want the light for? . . . Right next to your hand."
I finally found the switch and turned It on. Old Ackley put his hand up
so the light wouldn't hurt his eyes.
"Jesus!" he said. "What the hell happened to you?" He meant all the bloo
d and all.
"I had a little goddam tiff with Stradlater," I said. Then I sat down on
the floor. They never had any chairs in their room. I don't know what the hell
they did with their chairs. "Listen," I said, "do you feel like playing a little
Canasta?" He was a Canasta fiend.
"You're still bleeding, for Chrissake. You better put something on it."
"It'll stop. Listen. Ya wanna play a little Canasta or don'tcha?"
"Canasta, for Chrissake. Do you know what time it is, by any chance?"
"It isn't late. It's only around eleven, eleven-thirty."
"Only around!" Ackley said. "Listen. I gotta get up and go to Mass in th
e morning, for Chrissake. You guys start hollering and fighting in the middle of
the goddam--What the hell was the fight about, anyhow?"
"It's a long story. I don't wanna bore ya, Ackley. I'm thinking of your
welfare," I told him. I never discussed my personal life with him. In the first
place, he was even more stupid than Stradlater. Stradlater was a goddam genius n
ext to Ackley. "Hey," I said, "is it okay if I sleep in Ely's bed tonight? He wo
n't be back till tomorrow night, will he?" I knew damn well he wouldn't. Ely wen
t home damn near every week end.
"I don't know when the hell he's coming back," Ackley said.
Boy, did that annoy me. "What the hell do you mean you don't know when h
e's coming back? He never comes back till Sunday night, does he?"
"No, but for Chrissake, I can't just tell somebody they can sleep in his
goddam bed if they want to."
That killed me. I reached up from where I was sitting on the floor and p
atted him on the goddam shoulder. "You're a prince, Ackley kid," I said. "You kn
ow that?"
"No, I mean it--I can't just tell somebody they can sleep in--"
"You're a real prince. You're a gentleman and a scholar, kid," I said. H
e really was, too. "Do you happen to have any cigarettes, by any chance?--Say 'n
o' or I'll drop dead."
"No, I don't, as a matter of fact. Listen, what the hell was the fight a
bout?"
I didn't answer him. All I did was, I got up and went over and looked ou
t the window. I felt so lonesome, all of a sudden. I almost wished I was dead.
"What the hell was the fight about, anyhow?" Ackley said, for about the
fiftieth time. He certainly was a bore about that.
"About you," I said.
"About me, for Chrissake?"
"Yeah. I was defending your goddam honor. Stradlater said you had a lous
y personality. I couldn't let him get away with that stuff."
That got him excited. "He did? No kidding? He did?"
I told him I was only kidding, and then I went over and laid down on Ely
's bed. Boy, did I feel rotten. I felt so damn lonesome.
"This room stinks," I said. "I can smell your socks from way over here.
Don'tcha ever send them to the laundry?"
"If you don't like it, you know what you can do," Ackley said. What a wi
tty guy. "How 'bout turning off the goddam light?"
I didn't turn it off right away, though. I just kept laying there on Ely
's bed, thinking about Jane and all. It just drove me stark staring mad when I t
hought about her and Stradlater parked somewhere in that fat-assed Ed Banky's ca
r. Every time I thought about it, I felt like jumping out the window. The thing
is, you didn't know Stradlater. I knew him. Most guys at Pencey just talked abou
t having sexual intercourse with girls all the time--like Ackley, for instance--
but old Stradlater really did it. I was personally acquainted with at least two
girls he gave the time to. That's the truth.
"Tell me the story of your fascinating life, Ackley kid," I said.
"How 'bout turning off the goddam light? I gotta get up for Mass in the
morning."
I got up and turned it off, if it made him happy. Then I laid down on El
y's bed again.
"What're ya gonna do--sleep in Ely's bed?" Ackley said. He was the perfe
ct host, boy.
"I may. I may not. Don't worry about it."
"I'm not worried about it. Only, I'd hate like hell if Ely came in all o
f a sudden and found some guy--"
"Relax. I'm not gonna sleep here. I wouldn't abuse your goddam hospitali
ty."
A couple of minutes later, he was snoring like mad. I kept laying there
in the dark anyway, though, trying not to think about old Jane and Stradlater in
that goddam Ed Banky's car. But it was almost impossible. The trouble was, I kn
ew that guy Stradlater's technique. That made it even worse. We once double-date
d, in Ed Banky's car, and Stradlater was in the back, with his date, and I was i
n the front with mine. What a technique that guy had. What he'd do was, he'd sta
rt snowing his date in this very quiet, sincere voice--like as if he wasn't only
a very handsome guy but a nice, sincere guy, too. I damn near puked, listening
to him. His date kept saying, "No--please. Please, don't. Please." But old Strad
later kept snowing her in this Abraham Lincoln, sincere voice, and finally there
'd be this terrific silence in the back of the car. It was really embarrassing.
I don't think he gave that girl the time that night--but damn near. Damn near.
While I was laying there trying not to think, I heard old Stradlater com
e back from the can and go in our room. You could hear him putting away his crum
by toilet articles and all, and opening the window. He was a fresh-air fiend. Th
en, a little while later, he turned off the light. He didn't even look around to
see where I was at.
It was even depressing out in the street. You couldn't even hear any car
s any more. I got feeling so lonesome and rotten, I even felt like waking Ackley
up.
"Hey, Ackley," I said, in sort of a whisper, so Stradlater couldn't hear
me through the shower curtain.
Ackley didn't hear me, though.
"Hey, Ackley!"
He still didn't hear me. He slept like a rock.
"Hey, Ackley!"
He heard that, all right.
"What the hell's the matter with you?" he said. "I was asleep, for Chris
sake."
"Listen. What's the routine on joining a monastery?" I asked him. I was
sort of toying with the idea of joining one. "Do you have to be a Catholic and a
ll?"
"Certainly you have to be a Catholic. You bastard, did you wake me just
to ask me a dumb ques--"
"Aah, go back to sleep. I'm not gonna join one anyway. The kind of luck
I have, I'd probably join one with all the wrong kind of monks in it. All stupid
bastards. Or just bastards."
When I said that, old Ackley sat way the hell up in bed. "Listen," he sa
id, "I don't care what you say about me or anything, but if you start making cra
cks about my goddam religion, for Chrissake--"
"Relax," I said. "Nobody's making any cracks about your goddam religion.
" I got up off Ely's bed, and started towards the door. I didn't want to hang ar
ound in that stupid atmosphere any more. I stopped on the way, though, and picke
d up Ackley's hand, and gave him a big, phony handshake. He pulled it away from
me. "What's the idea?" he said.
"No idea. I just want to thank you for being such a goddam prince, that'
s all," I said. I said it in this very sincere voice. "You're aces, Ackley kid,"
I said. "You know that?"
"Wise guy. Someday somebody's gonna bash your--"
I didn't even bother to listen to him. I shut the damn door and went out
in the corridor.
Everybody was asleep or out or home for the week end, and it was very, v
ery quiet and depressing in the corridor. There was this empty box of Kolynos to
othpaste outside Leahy and Hoffman's door, and while I walked down towards the s
tairs, I kept giving it a boot with this sheep-lined slipper I had on. What I th
ought I'd do, I thought I might go down and see what old Mal Brossard was doing.
But all of a sudden, I changed my mind. All of a sudden, I decided what I'd rea
lly do, I'd get the hell out of Pencey--right that same night and all. I mean no
t wait till Wednesday or anything. I just didn't want to hang around any more. I
t made me too sad and lonesome. So what I decided to do, I decided I'd take a ro
om in a hotel in New York--some very inexpensive hotel and all--and just take it
easy till Wednesday. Then, on Wednesday, I'd go home all rested up and feeling
swell. I figured my parents probably wouldn't get old Thurmer's letter saying I'
d been given the ax till maybe Tuesday or Wednesday. I didn't want to go home or
anything till they got it and thoroughly digested it and all. I didn't want to
be around when they first got it. My mother gets very hysterical. She's not too
bad after she gets something thoroughly digested, though. Besides, I sort of nee
ded a little vacation. My nerves were shot. They really were.
Anyway, that's what I decided I'd do. So I went back to the room and tur
ned on the light, to start packing and all. I already had quite a few things pac
ked. Old Stradlater didn't even wake up. I lit a cigarette and got all dressed a
nd then I packed these two Gladstones I have. It only took me about two minutes.
I'm a very rapid packer.
One thing about packing depressed me a little. I had to pack these brand
-new ice skates my mother had practically just sent me a couple of days before.
That depressed me. I could see my mother going in Spaulding's and asking the sal
esman a million dopy questions--and here I was getting the ax again. It made me
feel pretty sad. She bought me the wrong kind of skates--I wanted racing skates
and she bought hockey--but it made me sad anyway. Almost every time somebody giv
es me a present, it ends up making me sad.
After I got all packed, I sort of counted my dough. I don't remember exa
ctly how much I had, but I was pretty loaded. My grandmother'd just sent me a wa
d about a week before. I have this grandmother that's quite lavish with her doug
h. She doesn't have all her marbles any more--she's old as hell--and she keeps s
ending me money for my birthday about four times a year. Anyway, even though I w
as pretty loaded, I figured I could always use a few extra bucks. You never know
. So what I did was, I went down the hail and woke up Frederick Woodruff, this g
uy I'd lent my typewriter to. I asked him how much he'd give me for it. He was a
pretty wealthy guy. He said he didn't know. He said he didn't much want to buy
it. Finally he bought it, though. It cost about ninety bucks, and all he bought
it for was twenty. He was sore because I'd woke him up.
When I was all set to go, when I had my bags and all, I stood for a whil
e next to the stairs and took a last look down the goddam corridor. I was sort o
f crying. I don't know why. I put my red hunting hat on, and turned the peak aro
und to the back, the way I liked it, and then I yelled at the top of my goddam v
oice, "Sleep tight, ya morons!" I'll bet I woke up every bastard on the whole fl
oor. Then I got the hell out. Some stupid guy had thrown peanut shells all over
the stairs, and I damn near broke my crazy neck.
8
It was too late to call up for a cab or anything, so I walked the whole
way to the station. It wasn't too far, but it was cold as hell, and the snow mad
e it hard for walking, and my Gladstones kept banging hell out of my legs. I sor
t of enjoyed the air and all, though. The only trouble was, the cold made my nos
e hurt, and right under my upper lip, where old Stradlater'd laid one on me. He'
d smacked my lip right on my teeth, and it was pretty sore. My ears were nice an
d warm, though. That hat I bought had earlaps in it, and I put them on--I didn't
give a damn how I looked. Nobody was around anyway. Everybody was in the sack.
I was quite lucky when I got to the station, because I only had to wait
about ten minutes for a train. While I waited, I got some snow in my hand and wa
shed my face with it. I still had quite a bit of blood on.
Usually I like riding on trains, especially at night, with the lights on
and the windows so black, and one of those guys coming up the aisle selling cof
fee and sandwiches and magazines. I usually buy a ham sandwich and about four ma
gazines. If I'm on a train at night, I can usually even read one of those dumb s
tories in a magazine without puking. You know. One of those stories with a lot o
f phony, lean-jawed guys named David in it, and a lot of phony girls named Linda
or Marcia that are always lighting all the goddam Davids' pipes for them. I can
even read one of those lousy stories on a train at night, usually. But this tim
e, it was different. I just didn't feel like it. I just sort of sat and not did
anything. All I did was take off my hunting hat and put it in my pocket.
All of a sudden, this lady got on at Trenton and sat down next to me. Pr
actically the whole car was empty, because it was pretty late and all, but she s
at down next to me, instead of an empty seat, because she had this big bag with
her and I was sitting in the front seat. She stuck the bag right out in the mid
dle of the aisle, where the conductor and everybody could trip over it. She had
these orchids on, like she'd just been to a big party or something. She was arou
nd forty or forty-five, I guess, but she was very good looking. Women kill me. T
hey really do. I don't mean I'm oversexed or anything like that--although I am q
uite sexy. I just like them, I mean. They're always leaving their goddam bags ou
t in the middle of the aisle.
Anyway, we were sitting there, and all of a sudden she said to me, "Excu
se me, but isn't that a Pencey Prep sticker?" She was looking up at my suitcases
, up on the rack.
"Yes, it is," I said. She was right. I did have a goddam Pencey sticker
on one of my Gladstones. Very corny, I'll admit.
"Oh, do you go to Pencey?" she said. She had a nice voice. A nice teleph
one voice, mostly. She should've carried a goddam telephone around with her.
"Yes, I do," I said.
"Oh, how lovely! Perhaps you know my son, then, Ernest Morrow? He goes t
o Pencey."
"Yes, I do. He's in my class."
Her son was doubtless the biggest bastard that ever went to Pencey, in t
he whole crumby history of the school. He was always going down the corridor, af
ter he'd had a shower, snapping his soggy old wet towel at people's asses. That'
s exactly the kind of a guy he was.
"Oh, how nice!" the lady said. But not corny. She was just nice and all.
"I must tell Ernest we met," she said. "May I ask your name, dear?"
"Rudolf Schmidt," I told her. I didn't feel like giving her my whole lif
e history. Rudolf Schmidt was the name of the janitor of our dorm.
"Do you like Pencey?" she asked me.
"Pencey? It's not too bad. It's not paradise or anything, but it's as go
od as most schools. Some of the faculty are pretty conscientious."
"Ernest just adores it."
"I know he does," I said. Then I started shooting the old crap around a
little bit. "He adapts himself very well to things. He really does. I mean he re
ally knows how to adapt himself."
"Do you think so?" she asked me. She sounded interested as hell.
"Ernest? Sure," I said. Then I watched her take off her gloves. Boy, was
she lousy with rocks.
"I just broke a nail, getting out of a cab," she said. She looked up at
me and sort of smiled. She had a terrifically nice smile. She really did. Most p
eople have hardly any smile at all, or a lousy one. "Ernest's father and I somet
imes worry about him," she said. "We sometimes feel he's not a terribly good mix
er."
"How do you mean?"
"Well. He's a very sensitive boy. He's really never been a terribly good
mixer with other boys. Perhaps he takes things a little more seriously than he
should at his age."
Sensitive. That killed me. That guy Morrow was about as sensitive as a g
oddam toilet seat.
I gave her a good look. She didn't look like any dope to me. She looked
like she might have a pretty damn good idea what a bastard she was the mother of
. But you can't always tell--with somebody's mother, I mean. Mothers are all sli
ghtly insane. The thing is, though, I liked old Morrow's mother. She was all rig
ht. "Would you care for a cigarette?" I asked her.
She looked all around. "I don't believe this is a smoker, Rudolf," she s
aid. Rudolf. That killed me.
"That's all right. We can smoke till they start screaming at us," I said
. She took a cigarette off me, and I gave her a light.
She looked nice, smoking. She inhaled and all, but she didn't wolf the s
moke down, the way most women around her age do. She had a lot of charm. She had
quite a lot of sex appeal, too, if you really want to know.
She was looking at me sort of funny. I may be wrong but I believe your n
ose is bleeding, dear, she said, all of a sudden.
I nodded and took out my handkerchief. "I got hit with a snowball," I sa
id. "One of those very icy ones." I probably would've told her what really happe
ned, but it would've taken too long. I liked her, though. I was beginning to fee
l sort of sorry I'd told her my name was Rudolf Schmidt. "Old Ernie," I said. "H
e's one of the most popular boys at Pencey. Did you know that?"
"No, I didn't."
I nodded. "It really took everybody quite a long time to get to know him
. He's a funny guy. A strange guy, in lots of ways--know what I mean? Like when
I first met him. When I first met him, I thought he was kind of a snobbish perso
n. That's what I thought. But he isn't. He's just got this very original persona
lity that takes you a little while to get to know him."
Old Mrs. Morrow didn't say anything, but boy, you should've seen her. I
had her glued to her seat. You take somebody's mother, all they want to hear abo
ut is what a hot-shot their son is.
Then I really started chucking the old crap around. "Did he tell you abo
ut the elections?" I asked her. "The class elections?"
She shook her head. I had her in a trance, like. I really did.
"Well, a bunch of us wanted old Ernie to be president of the class. I me
an he was the unanimous choice. I mean he was the only boy that could really han
dle the job," I said--boy, was I chucking it. "But this other boy--Harry Fencer-
-was elected. And the reason he was elected, the simple and obvious reason, was
because Ernie wouldn't let us nominate him. Because he's so darn shy and modest
and all. He refused. . . Boy, he's really shy. You oughta make him try to get ov
er that." I looked at her. "Didn't he tell you about it?"
"No, he didn't."
I nodded. "That's Ernie. He wouldn't. That's the one fault with him--he'
s too shy and modest. You really oughta get him to try to relax occasionally."
Right that minute, the conductor came around for old Mrs. Morrow's ticke
t, and it gave me a chance to quit shooting it. I'm glad I shot it for a while,
though. You take a guy like Morrow that's always snapping their towel at people'
s asses--really trying to hurt somebody with it--they don't just stay a rat whil
e they're a kid. They stay a rat their whole life. But I'll bet, after all the c
rap I shot, Mrs. Morrow'll keep thinking of him now as this very shy, modest guy
that wouldn't let us nominate him for president. She might. You can't tell. Mot
hers aren't too sharp about that stuff.
"Would you care for a cocktail?" I asked her. I was feeling in the mood
for one myself. "We can go in the club car. All right?"
"Dear, are you allowed to order drinks?" she asked me. Not snotty, thoug
h. She was too charming and all to be snotty.
"Well, no, not exactly, but I can usually get them on account of my heig
hth," I said. "And I have quite a bit of gray hair." I turned sideways and showe
d her my gray hair. It fascinated hell out of her. "C'mon, join me, why don't yo
u?" I said. I'd've enjoyed having her.
"I really don't think I'd better. Thank you so much, though, dear," she
said. "Anyway, the club car's most likely closed. It's quite late, you know." Sh
e was right. I'd forgotten all about what time it was.
Then she looked at me and asked me what I was afraid she was going to as
k me. "Ernest wrote that he'd be home on Wednesday, that Christmas vacation woul
d start on Wednesday," she said. "I hope you weren't called home suddenly becaus
e of illness in the family." She really looked worried about it. She wasn't just
being nosy, you could tell.
"No, everybody's fine at home," I said. "It's me. I have to have this op
eration."
"Oh! I'm so sorry," she said. She really was, too. I was right away sorr
y I'd said it, but it was too late.
"It isn't very serious. I have this tiny little tumor on the brain."
"Oh, no!" She put her hand up to her mouth and all. "Oh, I'll be all rig
ht and everything! It's right near the outside. And it's a very tiny one. They c
an take it out in about two minutes."
Then I started reading this timetable I had in my pocket. Just to stop l
ying. Once I get started, I can go on for hours if I feel like it. No kidding. H
ours.
We didn't talk too much after that. She started reading this Vogue she h
ad with her, and I looked out the window for a while. She got off at Newark. She
wished me a lot of luck with the operation and all. She kept calling me Rudolf.
Then she invited me to visit Ernie during the summer, at Gloucester, Massachuse
tts. She said their house was right on the beach, and they had a tennis court an
d all, but I just thanked her and told her I was going to South America with my
grandmother. Which was really a hot one, because my grandmother hardly ever even
goes out of the house, except maybe to go to a goddam matinee or something. But
I wouldn't visit that sonuvabitch Morrow for all the dough in the world, even i
f I was desperate.
9
The first thing I did when I got off at Penn Station, I went into this p
hone booth. I felt like giving somebody a buzz. I left my bags right outside the
booth so that I could watch them, but as soon as I was inside, I couldn't think
of anybody to call up. My brother D.B. was in Hollywood. My kid sister Phoebe g
oes to bed around nine o'clock--so I couldn't call her up. She wouldn't've cared
if I'd woke her up, but the trouble was, she wouldn't've been the one that answ
ered the phone. My parents would be the ones. So that was out. Then I thought of
giving Jane Gallagher's mother a buzz, and find out when Jane's vacation starte
d, but I didn't feel like it. Besides, it was pretty late to call up. Then I tho
ught of calling this girl I used to go around with quite frequently, Sally Hayes
, because I knew her Christmas vacation had started already--she'd written me th
is long, phony letter, inviting me over to help her trim the Christmas tree Chri
stmas Eve and all--but I was afraid her mother'd answer the phone. Her mother kn
ew my mother, and I could picture her breaking a goddam leg to get to the phone
and tell my mother I was in New York. Besides, I wasn't crazy about talking to o
ld Mrs. Hayes on the phone. She once told Sally I was wild. She said I was wild
and that I had no direction in life. Then I thought of calling up this guy that
went to the Whooton School when I was there, Carl Luce, but I didn't like him mu
ch. So I ended up not calling anybody. I came out of the booth, after about twen
ty minutes or so, and got my bags and walked over to that tunnel where the cabs
are and got a cab.
I'm so damn absent-minded, I gave the driver my regular address, just ou
t of habit and all--I mean I completely forgot I was going to shack up in a hote
l for a couple of days and not go home till vacation started. I didn't think of
it till we were halfway through the park. Then I said, "Hey, do you mind turning
around when you get a chance? I gave you the wrong address. I want to go back d
owntown."
The driver was sort of a wise guy. "I can't turn around here, Mac. This
here's a one-way. I'll have to go all the way to Ninedieth Street now."
I didn't want to start an argument. "Okay," I said. Then I thought of so
mething, all of a sudden. "Hey, listen," I said. "You know those ducks in that l
agoon right near Central Park South? That little lake? By any chance, do you hap
pen to know where they go, the ducks, when it gets all frozen over? Do you happe
n to know, by any chance?" I realized it was only one chance in a million.
He turned around and looked at me like I was a madman. "What're ya tryna
do, bud?" he said. "Kid me?"
"No--I was just interested, that's all."
He didn't say anything more, so I didn't either. Until we came out of th
e park at Ninetieth Street. Then he said, "All right, buddy. Where to?"
"Well, the thing is, I don't want to stay at any hotels on the East Side
where I might run into some acquaintances of mine. I'm traveling incognito," I
said. I hate saying corny things like "traveling incognito." But when I'm with s
omebody that's corny, I always act corny too. "Do you happen to know whose band'
s at the Taft or the New Yorker, by any chance?"
"No idear, Mac."
"Well--take me to the Edmont then," I said. "Would you care to stop on t
he way and join me for a cocktail? On me. I'm loaded."
"Can't do it, Mac. Sorry." He certainly was good company. Terrific perso
nality.
We got to the Edmont Hotel, and I checked in. I'd put on my red hunting
cap when I was in the cab, just for the hell of it, but I took it off before I c
hecked in. I didn't want to look like a screwball or something. Which is really
ironic. I didn't know then that the goddam hotel was full of perverts and morons
. Screwballs all over the place.
They gave me this very crumby room, with nothing to look out of the wind
ow at except the other side of the hotel. I didn't care much. I was too depresse
d to care whether I had a good view or not. The bellboy that showed me to the ro
om was this very old guy around sixty-five. He was even more depressing than the
room was. He was one of those bald guys that comb all their hair over from the
side to cover up the baldness. I'd rather be bald than do that. Anyway, what a g
orgeous job for a guy around sixty-five years old. Carrying people's suitcases a
nd waiting around for a tip. I suppose he wasn't too intelligent or anything, bu
t it was terrible anyway.
After he left, I looked out the window for a while, with my coat on and
all. I didn't have anything else to do. You'd be surprised what was going on on
the other side of the hotel. They didn't even bother to pull their shades down.
I saw one guy, a gray-haired, very distinguished-looking guy with only his short
s on, do something you wouldn't believe me if I told you. First he put his suitc
ase on the bed. Then he took out all these women's clothes, and put them on. Rea
l women's clothes--silk stockings, high-heeled shoes, brassiere, and one of thos
e corsets with the straps hanging down and all. Then he put on this very tight b
lack evening dress. I swear to God. Then he started walking up and down the room
, taking these very small steps, the way a woman does, and smoking a cigarette a
nd looking at himself in the mirror. He was all alone, too. Unless somebody was
in the bathroom--I couldn't see that much. Then, in the window almost right over
his, I saw a man and a woman squirting water out of their mouths at each other.
It probably was highballs, not water, but I couldn't see what they had in their
glasses. Anyway, first he'd take a swallow and squirt it all over her, then she
did it to him--they took turns, for God's sake. You should've seen them. They w
ere in hysterics the whole time, like it was the funniest thing that ever happen
ed. I'm not kidding, the hotel was lousy with perverts. I was probably the only
normal bastard in the whole place--and that isn't saying much. I damn near sent
a telegram to old Stradlater telling him to take the first train to New York. He
'd have been the king of the hotel.
The trouble was, that kind of junk is sort of fascinating to watch, even
if you don't want it to be. For instance, that girl that was getting water squi
rted all over her face, she was pretty good-looking. I mean that's my big troubl
e. In my mind, I'm probably the biggest sex maniac you ever saw. Sometimes I can
think of very crumby stuff I wouldn't mind doing if the opportunity came up. I
can even see how it might be quite a lot of fun, in a crumby way, and if you wer
e both sort of drunk and all, to get a girl and squirt water or something all ov
er each other's face. The thing is, though, I don't like the idea. It stinks, if
you analyze it. I think if you don't really like a girl, you shouldn't horse ar
ound with her at all, and if you do like her, then you're supposed to like her f
ace, and if you like her face, you ought to be careful about doing crumby stuff
to it, like squirting water all over it. It's really too bad that so much crumby
stuff is a lot of fun sometimes. Girls aren't too much help, either, when you s
tart trying not to get too crumby, when you start trying not to spoil anything r
eally good. I knew this one girl, a couple of years ago, that was even crumbier
than I was. Boy, was she crumby! We had a lot of fun, though, for a while, in a
crumby way. Sex is something I really don't understand too hot. You never know w
here the hell you are. I keep making up these sex rules for myself, and then I b
reak them right away. Last year I made a rule that I was going to quit horsing a
round with girls that, deep down, gave me a pain in the ass. I broke it, though,
the same week I made it--the same night, as a matter of fact. I spent the whole
night necking with a terrible phony named Anne Louise Sherman. Sex is something
I just don't understand. I swear to God I don't.
I started toying with the idea, while I kept standing there, of giving o
ld Jane a buzz--I mean calling her long distance at B.M., where she went, instea
d of calling up her mother to find out when she was coming home. You weren't sup
posed to call students up late at night, but I had it all figured out. I was goi
ng to tell whoever answered the phone that I was her uncle. I was going to say h
er aunt had just got killed in a car accident and I had to speak to her immediat
ely. It would've worked, too. The only reason I didn't do it was because I wasn'
t in the mood. If you're not in the mood, you can't do that stuff right.
After a while I sat down in a chair and smoked a couple of cigarettes. I
was feeling pretty horny. I have to admit it. Then, all of a sudden, I got this
idea. I took out my wallet and started looking for this address a guy I met at
a party last summer, that went to Princeton, gave me. Finally I found it. It was
all a funny color from my wallet, but you could still read it. It was the addre
ss of this girl that wasn't exactly a whore or anything but that didn't mind doi
ng it once in a while, this Princeton guy told me. He brought her to a dance at
Princeton once, and they nearly kicked him out for bringing her. She used to be
a burlesque stripper or something. Anyway, I went over to the phone and gave her
a buzz. Her name was Faith Cavendish, and she lived at the Stanford Arms Hotel
on Sixty-fifth and Broadway. A dump, no doubt.
For a while, I didn t think she was home or something. Nobody kept answe
ring. Then, finally, somebody picked up the phone.
"Hello?" I said. I made my voice quite deep so that she wouldn't suspect
my age or anything. I have a pretty deep voice anyway.
"Hello," this woman's voice said. None too friendly, either.
"Is this Miss Faith Cavendish?"
"Who's this?" she said. "Who's calling me up at this crazy goddam hour?"
That sort of scared me a little bit. "Well, I know it's quite late," I s
aid, in this very mature voice and all. "I hope you'll forgive me, but I was ver
y anxious to get in touch with you." I said it suave as hell. I really did.
"Who is this?" she said.
"Well, you don't know me, but I'm a friend of Eddie Birdsell's. He sugge
sted that if I were in town sometime, we ought to get together for a cocktail or
two."
"Who? You're a friend of who?" Boy, she was a real tigress over the phon
e. She was damn near yelling at me.
"Edmund Birdsell. Eddie Birdsell," I said. I couldn't remember if his na
me was Edmund or Edward. I only met him once, at a goddam stupid party.
"I don't know anybody by that name, Jack. And if you think I enjoy bein'
woke up in the middle--"
"Eddie Birdsell? From Princeton?" I said.
You could tell she was running the name over in her mind and all.
"Birdsell, Birdsell. . . from Princeton.. . Princeton College?"
"That's right," I said.
"You from Princeton College?"
"Well, approximately."
"Oh. . . How is Eddie?" she said. "This is certainly a peculiar time to
call a person up, though. Jesus Christ."
"He's fine. He asked to be remembered to you."
"Well, thank you. Remember me to him," she said. "He's a grand person. W
hat's he doing now?" She was getting friendly as hell, all of a sudden.
"Oh, you know. Same old stuff," I said. How the hell did I know what he
was doing? I hardly knew the guy. I didn't even know if he was still at Princeto
n. "Look," I said. "Would you be interested in meeting me for a cocktail somewhe
re?"
"By any chance do you have any idea what time it is?" she said. "What's
your name, anyhow, may I ask?" She was getting an English accent, all of a sudde
n. "You sound a little on the young side."
I laughed. "Thank you for the compliment," I said-- suave as hell. "Hold
en Caulfield's my name." I should've given her a phony name, but I didn't think
of it.
"Well, look, Mr. Cawffle. I'm not in the habit of making engagements in
the middle of the night. I'm a working gal."
"Tomorrow's Sunday," I told her.
"Well, anyway. I gotta get my beauty sleep. You know how it is."
"I thought we might have just one cocktail together. It isn't too late."
"Well. You're very sweet," she said. "Where ya callin' from? Where ya at
now, anyways?"
"Me? I'm in a phone booth."
"Oh," she said. Then there was this very long pause. "Well, I'd like awf
ully to get together with you sometime, Mr. Cawffle. You sound very attractive.
You sound like a very attractive person. But it is late."
"I could come up to your place."
"Well, ordinary, I'd say grand. I mean I'd love to have you drop up for
a cocktail, but my roommate happens to be ill. She's been laying here all night
without a wink of sleep. She just this minute closed her eyes and all. I mean."
"Oh. That's too bad."
"Where ya stopping at? Perhaps we could get together for cocktails tomor
row."
"I can't make it tomorrow," I said. "Tonight's the only time I can make
it." What a dope I was. I shouldn't've said that.
"Oh. Well, I'm awfully sorry."
"I'll say hello to Eddie for you."
"Willya do that? I hope you enjoy your stay in New York. It's a grand pl
ace."
"I know it is. Thanks. Good night," I said. Then I hung up.
Boy, I really fouled that up. I should've at least made it for cocktails
or something.
10
It was still pretty early. I'm not sure what time it was, but it wasn't
too late. The one thing I hate to do is go to bed when I'm not even tired. So I
opened my suitcases and took out a clean shirt, and then I went in the bathroom
and washed and changed my shirt. What I thought I'd do, I thought I'd go downsta
irs and see what the hell was going on in the Lavender Room. They had this night
club, the Lavender Room, in the hotel.
While I was changing my shirt, I damn near gave my kid sister Phoebe a b
uzz, though. I certainly felt like talking to her on the phone. Somebody with se
nse and all. But I couldn't take a chance on giving her a buzz, because she was
only a little kid and she wouldn't have been up, let alone anywhere near the pho
ne. I thought of maybe hanging up if my parents answered, but that wouldn't've w
orked, either. They'd know it was me. My mother always knows it's me. She's psyc
hic. But I certainly wouldn't have minded shooting the crap with old Phoebe for
a while.
You should see her. You never saw a little kid so pretty and smart in yo
ur whole life. She's really smart. I mean she's had all A's ever since she start
ed school. As a matter of fact, I'm the only dumb one in the family. My brother
D.B.'s a writer and all, and my brother Allie, the one that died, that I told yo
u about, was a wizard. I'm the only really dumb one. But you ought to see old Ph
oebe. She has this sort of red hair, a little bit like Allie's was, that's very
short in the summertime. In the summertime, she sticks it behind her ears. She h
as nice, pretty little ears. In the wintertime, it's pretty long, though. Someti
mes my mother braids it and sometimes she doesn't. It's really nice, though. She
's only ten. She's quite skinny, like me, but nice skinny. Roller-skate skinny.
I watched her once from the window when she was crossing over Fifth Avenue to go
to the park, and that's what she is, roller-skate skinny. You'd like her. I mea
n if you tell old Phoebe something, she knows exactly what the hell you're talki
ng about. I mean you can even take her anywhere with you. If you take her to a l
ousy movie, for instance, she knows it's a lousy movie. If you take her to a pre
tty good movie, she knows it's a pretty good movie. D.B. and I took her to see t
his French movie, The Baker's Wife, with Raimu in it. It killed her. Her favorit
e is The 39 Steps, though, with Robert Donat. She knows the whole goddam movie b
y heart, because I've taken her to see it about ten times. When old Donat comes
up to this Scotch farmhouse, for instance, when he's running away from the cops
and all, Phoebe'll say right out loud in the movie--right when the Scotch guy in
the picture says it--"Can you eat the herring?" She knows all the talk by heart
. And when this professor in the picture, that's really a German spy, sticks up
his little finger with part of the middle joint missing, to show Robert Donat, o
ld Phoebe beats him to it--she holds up her little finger at me in the dark, rig
ht in front of my face. She's all right. You'd like her. The only trouble is, sh
e's a little too affectionate sometimes. She's very emotional, for a child. She
really is. Something else she does, she writes books all the time. Only, she doe
sn't finish them. They're all about some kid named Hazel Weatherfield--only old
Phoebe spells it "Hazle." Old Hazle Weatherfield is a girl detective. She's supp
osed to be an orphan, but her old man keeps showing up. Her old man's always a "
tall attractive gentleman about 20 years of age." That kills me. Old Phoebe. I s
wear to God you'd like her. She was smart even when she was a very tiny little k
id. When she was a very tiny little kid, I and Allie used to take her to the par
k with us, especially on Sundays. Allie had this sailboat he used to like to foo
l around with on Sundays, and we used to take old Phoebe with us. She'd wear whi
te gloves and walk right between us, like a lady and all. And when Allie and I w
ere having some conversation about things in general, old Phoebe'd be listening.
Sometimes you'd forget she was around, because she was such a little kid, but s
he'd let you know. She'd interrupt you all the time. She'd give Allie or I a pus
h or something, and say, "Who? Who said that? Bobby or the lady?" And we'd tell
her who said it, and she'd say, "Oh," and go right on listening and all. She kil
led Allie, too. I mean he liked her, too. She's ten now, and not such a tiny lit
tle kid any more, but she still kills everybody--everybody with any sense, anywa
y.
Anyway, she was somebody you always felt like talking to on the phone. B
ut I was too afraid my parents would answer, and then they'd find out I was in N
ew York and kicked out of Pencey and all. So I just finished putting on my shirt
. Then I got all ready and went down in the elevator to the lobby to see what wa
s going on.
Except for a few pimpy-looking guys, and a few whory-looking blondes, th
e lobby was pretty empty. But you could hear the band playing in the Lavender Ro
om, and so I went in there. It wasn't very crowded, but they gave me a lousy tab
le anyway--way in the back. I should've waved a buck under the head-waiter's nos
e. In New York, boy, money really talks--I'm not kidding.
The band was putrid. Buddy Singer. Very brassy, but not good brassy--cor
ny brassy. Also, there were very few people around my age in the place. In fact,
nobody was around my age. They were mostly old, show-offy-looking guys with the
ir dates. Except at the table right next to me. At the table right next to me, t
here were these three girls around thirty or so. The whole three of them were pr
etty ugly, and they all had on the kind of hats that you knew they didn't really
live in New York, but one of them, the blonde one, wasn't too bad. She was sort
of cute, the blonde one, and I started giving her the old eye a little bit, but
just then the waiter came up for my order. I ordered a Scotch and soda, and tol
d him not to mix it--I said it fast as hell, because if you hem and haw, they th
ink you're under twenty-one and won't sell you any intoxicating liquor. I had tr
ouble with him anyway, though. "I'm sorry, sir," he said, "but do you have some
verification of your age? Your driver's license, perhaps?"
I gave him this very cold stare, like he'd insulted the hell out of me,
and asked him, "Do I look like I'm under twenty-one?"
"I'm sorry, sir, but we have our--"
"Okay, okay," I said. I figured the hell with it. "Bring me a Coke." He
started to go away, but I called him back. "Can'tcha stick a little rum in it or
something?" I asked him. I asked him very nicely and all. "I can't sit in a cor
ny place like this cold sober. Can'tcha stick a little rum in it or something?"
"I'm very sorry, sir. . ." he said, and beat it on me. I didn't hold it
against him, though. They lose their jobs if they get caught selling to a minor.
I'm a goddam minor.
I started giving the three witches at the next table the eye again. That
is, the blonde one. The other two were strictly from hunger. I didn't do it cru
dely, though. I just gave all three of them this very cool glance and all. What
they did, though, the three of them, when I did it, they started giggling like m
orons. They probably thought I was too young to give anybody the once-over. That
annoyed hell out of me-- you'd've thought I wanted to marry them or something.
I should've given them the freeze, after they did that, but the trouble was, I r
eally felt like dancing. I'm very fond of dancing, sometimes, and that was one o
f the times. So all of a sudden, I sort of leaned over and said, "Would any of y
ou girls care to dance?" I didn't ask them crudely or anything. Very suave, in f
act. But God damn it, they thought that was a panic, too. They started giggling
some more. I'm not kidding, they were three real morons. "C'mon," I said. "I'll
dance with you one at a time. All right? How 'bout it? C'mon!" I really felt lik
e dancing.
Finally, the blonde one got up to dance with me, because you could tell
I was really talking to her, and we walked out to the dance floor. The other two
grools nearly had hysterics when we did. I certainly must've been very hard up
to even bother with any of them.
But it was worth it. The blonde was some dancer. She was one of the best
dancers I ever danced with. I'm not kidding, some of these very stupid girls ca
n really knock you out on a dance floor. You take a really smart girl, and half
the time she's trying to lead you around the dance floor, or else she's such a l
ousy dancer, the best thing to do is stay at the table and just get drunk with h
er.
"You really can dance," I told the blonde one. "You oughta be a pro. I m
ean it. I danced with a pro once, and you're twice as good as she was. Did you e
ver hear of Marco and Miranda?"
"What?" she said. She wasn't even listening to me. She was looking all a
round the place.
"I said did you ever hear of Marco and Miranda?"
"I don't know. No. I don't know."
"Well, they're dancers, she's a dancer. She's not too hot, though. She d
oes everything she's supposed to, but she's not so hot anyway. You know when a g
irl's really a terrific dancer?"
"Wudga say?" she said. She wasn't listening to me, even. Her mind was wa
ndering all over the place.
"I said do you know when a girl's really a terrific dancer?"
"Uh-uh."
"Well--where I have my hand on your back. If I think there isn't anythin
g underneath my hand--no can, no legs, no feet, no anything--then the girl's rea
lly a terrific dancer."
She wasn't listening, though. So I ignored her for a while. We just danc
ed. God, could that dopey girl dance. Buddy Singer and his stinking band was pla
ying "Just One of Those Things" and even they couldn't ruin it entirely. It's a
swell song. I didn't try any trick stuff while we danced--I hate a guy that does
a lot of show-off tricky stuff on the dance floor--but I was moving her around
plenty, and she stayed with me. The funny thing is, I thought she was enjoying i
t, too, till all of a sudden she came out with this very dumb remark. "I and my
girl friends saw Peter Lorre last night," she said. "The movie actor. In person.
He was buyin' a newspaper. He's cute."
"You're lucky," I told her. "You're really lucky. You know that?" She wa
s really a moron. But what a dancer. I could hardly stop myself from sort of giv
ing her a kiss on the top of her dopey head--you know-- right where the part is,
and all. She got sore when I did it.
"Hey! What's the idea?"
"Nothing. No idea. You really can dance," I said. "I have a kid sister t
hat's only in the goddam fourth grade. You're about as good as she is, and she c
an dance better than anybody living or dead."
"Watch your language, if you don't mind."
What a lady, boy. A queen, for Chrissake.
"Where you girls from?" I asked her.
She didn't answer me, though. She was busy looking around for old Peter
Lorre to show up, I guess.
"Where you girls from?" I asked her again.
"What?" she said.
"Where you girls from? Don't answer if you don't feel like it. I don't w
ant you to strain yourself."
"Seattle, Washington," she said. She was doing me a big favor to tell me
.
"You're a very good conversationalist," I told her. "You know that?"
"What?"
I let it drop. It was over her head, anyway. "Do you feel like jitterbug
ging a little bit, if they play a fast one? Not corny jitterbug, not jump or any
thing--just nice and easy. Everybody'll all sit down when they play a fast one,
except the old guys and the fat guys, and we'll have plenty of room. Okay?"
"It's immaterial to me," she said. "Hey--how old are you, anyhow?"
That annoyed me, for some reason. "Oh, Christ. Don't spoil it," I said.
"I'm twelve, for Chrissake. I'm big for my age."
"Listen. I toleja about that. I don't like that type language," she said
. "If you're gonna use that type language, I can go sit down with my girl friend
s, you know."
I apologized like a madman, because the band was starting a fast one. Sh
e started jitterbugging with me-- but just very nice and easy, not corny. She wa
s really good. All you had to do was touch her. And when she turned around, her
pretty little butt twitched so nice and all. She knocked me out. I mean it. I wa
s half in love with her by the time we sat down. That's the thing about girls. E
very time they do something pretty, even if they're not much to look at, or even
if they're sort of stupid, you fall half in love with them, and then you never
know where the hell you are. Girls. Jesus Christ. They can drive you crazy. They
really can.
They didn't invite me to sit down at their table-- mostly because they w
ere too ignorant--but I sat down anyway. The blonde I'd been dancing with's name
was Bernice something--Crabs or Krebs. The two ugly ones' names were Marty and
Laverne. I told them my name was Jim Steele, just for the hell of it. Then I tri
ed to get them in a little intelligent conversation, but it was practically impo
ssible. You had to twist their arms. You could hardly tell which was the stupide
st of the three of them. And the whole three of them kept looking all around the
goddam room, like as if they expected a flock of goddam movie stars to come in
any minute. They probably thought movie stars always hung out in the Lavender Ro
om when they came to New York, instead of the Stork Club or El Morocco and all.
Anyway, it took me about a half hour to find out where they all worked and all i
n Seattle. They all worked in the same insurance office. I asked them if they li
ked it, but do you think you could get an intelligent answer out of those three
dopes? I thought the two ugly ones, Marty and Laverne, were sisters, but they go
t very insulted when I asked them. You could tell neither one of them wanted to
look like the other one, and you couldn't blame them, but it was very amusing an
yway.
I danced with them all--the whole three of them--one at a time. The one
ugly one, Laverne, wasn't too bad a dancer, but the other one, old Marty, was mu
rder. Old Marty was like dragging the Statue of Liberty around the floor. The on
ly way I could even half enjoy myself dragging her around was if I amused myself
a little. So I told her I just saw Gary Cooper, the movie star, on the other si
de of the floor.
"Where?" she asked me--excited as hell. "Where?"
"Aw, you just missed him. He just went out. Why didn't you look when I t
old you?"
She practically stopped dancing, and started looking over everybody's he
ads to see if she could see him. "Oh, shoot!" she said. I'd just about broken he
r heart-- I really had. I was sorry as hell I'd kidded her. Some people you shou
ldn't kid, even if they deserve it.
Here's what was very funny, though. When we got back to the table, old M
arty told the other two that Gary Cooper had just gone out. Boy, old Laverne and
Bernice nearly committed suicide when they heard that. They got all excited and
asked Marty if she'd seen him and all. Old Mart said she'd only caught a glimps
e of him. That killed me.
The bar was closing up for the night, so I bought them all two drinks ap
iece quick before it closed, and I ordered two more Cokes for myself. The goddam
table was lousy with glasses. The one ugly one, Laverne, kept kidding me becaus
e I was only drinking Cokes. She had a sterling sense of humor. She and old Mart
y were drinking Tom Collinses--in the middle of December, for God's sake. They d
idn't know any better. The blonde one, old Bernice, was drinking bourbon and wat
er. She was really putting it away, too. The whole three of them kept looking fo
r movie stars the whole time. They hardly talked--even to each other. Old Marty
talked more than the other two. She kept saying these very corny, boring things,
like calling the can the "little girls' room," and she thought Buddy Singer's p
oor old beat-up clarinet player was really terrific when he stood up and took a
couple of ice-cold hot licks. She called his clarinet a "licorice stick." Was sh
e corny. The other ugly one, Laverne, thought she was a very witty type. She kep
t asking me to call up my father and ask him what he was doing tonight. She kept
asking me if my father had a date or not. Four times she asked me that--she was
certainly witty. Old Bernice, the blonde one, didn't say hardly anything at all
. Every time I'd ask her something, she said "What?" That can get on your nerves
after a while.
All of a sudden, when they finished their drink, all three of them stood
up on me and said they had to get to bed. They said they were going to get up e
arly to see the first show at Radio City Music Hall. I tried to get them to stic
k around for a while, but they wouldn't. So we said good-by and all. I told them
I'd look them up in Seattle sometime, if I ever got there, but I doubt if I eve
r will. Look them up, I mean.
With cigarettes and all, the check came to about thirteen bucks. I think
they should've at least offered to pay for the drinks they had before I joined
them--I wouldn't've let them, naturally, but they should've at least offered. I
didn't care much, though. They were so ignorant, and they had those sad, fancy h
ats on and all. And that business about getting up early to see the first show a
t Radio City Music Hall depressed me. If somebody, some girl in an awful-looking
hat, for instance, comes all the way to New York--from Seattle, Washington, for
God's sake--and ends up getting up early in the morning to see the goddam first
show at Radio City Music Hall, it makes me so depressed I can't stand it. I'd'v
e bought the whole three of them a hundred drinks if only they hadn't told me th
at.
I left the Lavender Room pretty soon after they did. They were closing i
t up anyway, and the band had quit a long time ago. In the first place, it was o
ne of those places that are very terrible to be in unless you have somebody good
to dance with, or unless the waiter lets you buy real drinks instead of just Co
kes. There isn't any night club in the world you can sit in for a long time unle
ss you can at least buy some liquor and get drunk. Or unless you're with some gi
rl that really knocks you out.
11
All of a sudden, on my way out to the lobby, I got old Jane Gallagher on
the brain again. I got her on, and I couldn't get her off. I sat down in this v
omity-looking chair in the lobby and thought about her and Stradlater sitting in
that goddam Ed Banky's car, and though I was pretty damn sure old Stradlater ha
dn't given her the time--I know old Jane like a book--I still couldn't get her o
ff my brain. I knew her like a book. I really did. I mean, besides checkers, she
was quite fond of all athletic sports, and after I got to know her, the whole s
ummer long we played tennis together almost every morning and golf almost every
afternoon. I really got to know her quite intimately. I don't mean it was anythi
ng physical or anything--it wasn't--but we saw each other all the time. You don'
t always have to get too sexy to get to know a girl.
The way I met her, this Doberman pinscher she had used to come over and
relieve himself on our lawn, and my mother got very irritated about it. She call
ed up Jane's mother and made a big stink about it. My mother can make a very big
stink about that kind of stuff. Then what happened, a couple of days later I sa
w Jane laying on her stomach next to the swimming pool, at the club, and I said
hello to her. I knew she lived in the house next to ours, but I'd never converse
d with her before or anything. She gave me the big freeze when I said hello that
day, though. I had a helluva time convincing her that I didn't give a good godd
am where her dog relieved himself. He could do it in the living room, for all I
cared. Anyway, after that, Jane and I got to be friends and all. I played golf w
ith her that same afternoon. She lost eight balls, I remember. Eight. I had a te
rrible time getting her to at least open her eyes when she took a swing at the b
all. I improved her game immensely, though. I'm a very good golfer. If I told yo
u what I go around in, you probably wouldn't believe me. I almost was once in a
movie short, but I changed my mind at the last minute. I figured that anybody th
at hates the movies as much as I do, I'd be a phony if I let them stick me in a
movie short.
She was a funny girl, old Jane. I wouldn't exactly describe her as stric
tly beautiful. She knocked me out, though. She was sort of muckle-mouthed. I mea
n when she was talking and she got excited about something, her mouth sort of we
nt in about fifty directions, her lips and all. That killed me. And she never re
ally closed it all the way, her mouth. It was always just a little bit open, esp
ecially when she got in her golf stance, or when she was reading a book. She was
always reading, and she read very good books. She read a lot of poetry and all.
She was the only one, outside my family, that I ever showed Allie's baseball mi
tt to, with all the poems written on it. She'd never met Allie or anything, beca
use that was her first summer in Maine--before that, she went to Cape Cod--but I
told her quite a lot about him. She was interested in that kind of stuff.
My mother didn't like her too much. I mean my mother always thought Jane
and her mother were sort of snubbing her or something when they didn't say hell
o. My mother saw them in the village a lot, because Jane used to drive to market
with her mother in this LaSalle convertible they had. My mother didn't think Ja
ne was pretty, even. I did, though. I just liked the way she looked, that's all.
I remember this one afternoon. It was the only time old Jane and I ever
got close to necking, even. It was a Saturday and it was raining like a bastard
out, and I was over at her house, on the porch--they had this big screened-in po
rch. We were playing checkers. I used to kid her once in a while because she wou
ldn't take her kings out of the back row. But I didn't kid her much, though. You
never wanted to kid Jane too much. I think I really like it best when you can k
id the pants off a girl when the opportunity arises, but it's a funny thing. The
girls I like best are the ones I never feel much like kidding. Sometimes I thin
k they'd like it if you kidded them--in fact, I know they would--but it's hard t
o get started, once you've known them a pretty long time and never kidded them.
Anyway, I was telling you about that afternoon Jane and I came close to necking.
It was raining like hell and we were out on her porch, and all of a sudden this
booze hound her mother was married to came out on the porch and asked Jane if t
here were any cigarettes in the house. I didn't know him too well or anything, b
ut he looked like the kind of guy that wouldn't talk to you much unless he wante
d something off you. He had a lousy personality. Anyway, old Jane wouldn't answe
r him when he asked her if she knew where there was any cigarettes. So the guy a
sked her again, but she still wouldn't answer him. She didn't even look up from
the game. Finally the guy went inside the house. When he did, I asked Jane what
the hell was going on. She wouldn't even answer me, then. She made out like she
was concentrating on her next move in the game and all. Then all of a sudden, th
is tear plopped down on the checkerboard. On one of the red squares--boy, I can
still see it. She just rubbed it into the board with her finger. I don't know wh
y, but it bothered hell out of me. So what I did was, I went over and made her m
ove over on the glider so that I could sit down next to her--I practically sat d
own in her lap, as a matter of fact. Then she really started to cry, and the nex
t thing I knew, I was kissing her all over--anywhere--her eyes, her nose, her fo
rehead, her eyebrows and all, her ears--her whole face except her mouth and all.
She sort of wouldn't let me get to her mouth. Anyway, it was the closest we eve
r got to necking. After a while, she got up and went in and put on this red and
white sweater she had, that knocked me out, and we went to a goddam movie. I ask
ed her, on the way, if Mr. Cudahy--that was the booze hound's name--had ever tri
ed to get wise with her. She was pretty young, but she had this terrific figure,
and I wouldn't've put it past that Cudahy bastard. She said no, though. I never
did find out what the hell was the matter. Some girls you practically never fin
d out what's the matter.
I don't want you to get the idea she was a goddam icicle or something, j
ust because we never necked or horsed around much. She wasn't. I held hands with
her all the time, for instance. That doesn't sound like much, I realize, but sh
e was terrific to hold hands with. Most girls if you hold hands with them, their
goddam hand dies on you, or else they think they have to keep moving their hand
all the time, as if they were afraid they'd bore you or something. Jane was dif
ferent. We'd get into a goddam movie or something, and right away we'd start hol
ding hands, and we wouldn't quit till the movie was over. And without changing t
he position or making a big deal out of it. You never even worried, with Jane, w
hether your hand was sweaty or not. All you knew was, you were happy. You really
were.
One other thing I just thought of. One time, in this movie, Jane did som
ething that just about knocked me out. The newsreel was on or something, and all
of a sudden I felt this hand on the back of my neck, and it was Jane's. It was
a funny thing to do. I mean she was quite young and all, and most girls if you s
ee them putting their hand on the back of somebody's neck, they're around twenty
-five or thirty and usually they're doing it to their husband or their little ki
d--I do it to my kid sister Phoebe once in a while, for instance. But if a girl'
s quite young and all and she does it, it's so pretty it just about kills you.
Anyway, that's what I was thinking about while I sat in that vomity-look
ing chair in the lobby. Old Jane. Every time I got to the part about her out wit
h Stradlater in that damn Ed Banky's car, it almost drove me crazy. I knew she w
ouldn't let him get to first base with her, but it drove me crazy anyway. I don'
t even like to talk about it, if you want to know the truth.
There was hardly anybody in the lobby any more. Even all the whory-looki
ng blondes weren't around any more, and all of a sudden I felt like getting the
hell out of the place. It was too depressing. And I wasn't tired or anything. So
I went up to my room and put on my coat. I also took a look out the window to s
ee if all the perverts were still in action, but the lights and all were out now
. I went down in the elevator again and got a cab and told the driver to take me
down to Ernie's. Ernie's is this night club in Greenwich Village that my brothe
r D.B. used to go to quite frequently before he went out to Hollywood and prosti
tuted himself. He used to take me with him once in a while. Ernie's a big fat co
lored guy that plays the piano. He's a terrific snob and he won't hardly even ta
lk to you unless you're a big shot or a celebrity or something, but he can reall
y play the piano. He's so good he's almost corny, in fact. I don't exactly know
what I mean by that, but I mean it. I certainly like to hear him play, but somet
imes you feel like turning his goddam piano over. I think it's because sometimes
when he plays, he sounds like the kind of guy that won't talk to you unless you
're a big shot.
12
The cab I had was a real old one that smelled like someone'd just tossed
his cookies in it. I always get those vomity kind of cabs if I go anywhere late
at night. What made it worse, it was so quiet and lonesome out, even though it
was Saturday night. I didn't see hardly anybody on the street. Now and then you
just saw a man and a girl crossing a street, with their arms around each other's
waists and all, or a bunch of hoodlumy-looking guys and their dates, all of the
m laughing like hyenas at something you could bet wasn't funny. New York's terri
ble when somebody laughs on the street very late at night. You can hear it for m
iles. It makes you feel so lonesome and depressed. I kept wishing I could go hom
e and shoot the bull for a while with old Phoebe. But finally, after I was ridin
g a while, the cab driver and I sort of struck up a conversation. His name was H
orwitz. He was a much better guy than the other driver I'd had. Anyway, I though
t maybe he might know about the ducks.
"Hey, Horwitz," I said. "You ever pass by the lagoon in Central Park? Do
wn by Central Park South?"
"The what?"
"The lagoon. That little lake, like, there. Where the ducks are. You kno
w."
"Yeah, what about it?"
"Well, you know the ducks that swim around in it? In the springtime and
all? Do you happen to know where they go in the wintertime, by any chance?"
"Where who goes?"
"The ducks. Do you know, by any chance? I mean does somebody come around
in a truck or something and take them away, or do they fly away by themselves--
go south or something?"
Old Horwitz turned all the way around and looked at me. He was a very im
patient-type guy. He wasn't a bad guy, though. "How the hell should I know?" he
said. "How the hell should I know a stupid thing like that?"
"Well, don't get sore about it," I said. He was sore about it or somethi
ng.
"Who's sore? Nobody's sore."
I stopped having a conversation with him, if he was going to get so damn
touchy about it. But he started it up again himself. He turned all the way arou
nd again, and said, "The fish don't go no place. They stay right where they are,
the fish. Right in the goddam lake."
"The fish--that's different. The fish is different. I'm talking about th
e ducks," I said.
"What's different about it? Nothin's different about it," Horwitz said.
Everything he said, he sounded sore about something. "It's tougher for the fish,
the winter and all, than it is for the ducks, for Chrissake. Use your head, for
Chrissake."
I didn't say anything for about a minute. Then I said, "All right. What
do they do, the fish and all, when that whole little lake's a solid block of ice
, people skating on it and all?"
Old Horwitz turned around again. "What the hellaya mean what do they do?
" he yelled at me. "They stay right where they are, for Chrissake."
"They can't just ignore the ice. They can't just ignore it."
"Who's ignoring it? Nobody's ignoring it!" Horwitz said. He got so damn
excited and all, I was afraid he was going to drive the cab right into a lamppos
t or something. "They live right in the goddam ice. It's their nature, for Chris
sake. They get frozen right in one position for the whole winter."
"Yeah? What do they eat, then? I mean if they're frozen solid, they can'
t swim around looking for food and all."
"Their bodies, for Chrissake--what'sa matter with ya? Their bodies take
in nutrition and all, right through the goddam seaweed and crap that's in the ic
e. They got their pores open the whole time. That's their nature, for Chrissake.
See what I mean?" He turned way the hell around again to look at me.
"Oh," I said. I let it drop. I was afraid he was going to crack the damn
taxi up or something. Besides, he was such a touchy guy, it wasn't any pleasure
discussing anything with him. "Would you care to stop off and have a drink with
me somewhere?" I said.
He didn't answer me, though. I guess he was still thinking. I asked him
again, though. He was a pretty good guy. Quite amusing and all.
"I ain't got no time for no liquor, bud," he said. "How the hell old are
you, anyways? Why ain'tcha home in bed?"
"I'm not tired."
When I got out in front of Ernie's and paid the fare, old Horwitz brough
t up the fish again. He certainly had it on his mind. "Listen," he said. "If you
was a fish, Mother Nature'd take care of you, wouldn't she? Right? You don't th
ink them fish just die when it gets to be winter, do ya?"
"No, but--"
"You're goddam right they don't," Horwitz said, and drove off like a bat
out of hell. He was about the touchiest guy I ever met. Everything you said mad
e him sore.
Even though it was so late, old Ernie's was jampacked. Mostly with prep
school jerks and college jerks. Almost every damn school in the world gets out e
arlier for Christmas vacation than the schools I go to. You could hardly check y
our coat, it was so crowded. It was pretty quiet, though, because Ernie was play
ing the piano. It was supposed to be something holy, for God's sake, when he sat
down at the piano. Nobody's that good. About three couples, besides me, were wa
iting for tables, and they were all shoving and standing on tiptoes to get a loo
k at old Ernie while he played. He had a big damn mirror in front of the piano,
with this big spotlight on him, so that everybody could watch his face while he
played. You couldn't see his fingers while he played--just his big old face. Big
deal. I'm not too sure what the name of the song was that he was playing when I
came in, but whatever it was, he was really stinking it up. He was putting all
these dumb, show-offy ripples in the high notes, and a lot of other very tricky
stuff that gives me a pain in the ass. You should've heard the crowd, though, wh
en he was finished. You would've puked. They went mad. They were exactly the sam
e morons that laugh like hyenas in the movies at stuff that isn't funny. I swear
to God, if I were a piano player or an actor or something and all those dopes t
hought I was terrific, I'd hate it. I wouldn't even want them to clap for me. Pe
ople always clap for the wrong things. If I were a piano player, I'd play it in
the goddam closet. Anyway, when he was finished, and everybody was clapping thei
r heads off, old Ernie turned around on his stool and gave this very phony, humb
le bow. Like as if he was a helluva humble guy, besides being a terrific piano p
layer. It was very phony--I mean him being such a big snob and all. In a funny w
ay, though, I felt sort of sorry for him when he was finished. I don't even thin
k he knows any more when he's playing right or not. It isn't all his fault. I pa
rtly blame all those dopes that clap their heads off--they'd foul up anybody, if
you gave them a chance. Anyway, it made me feel depressed and lousy again, and
I damn near got my coat back and went back to the hotel, but it was too early an
d I didn't feel much like being all alone.
They finally got me this stinking table, right up against a wall and beh
ind a goddam post, where you couldn't see anything. It was one of those tiny lit
tle tables that if the people at the next table don't get up to let you by--and
they never do, the bastards--you practically have to climb into your chair. I or
dered a Scotch and soda, which is my favorite drink, next to frozen Daiquiris. I
f you were only around six years old, you could get liquor at Ernie's, the place
was so dark and all, and besides, nobody cared how old you were. You could even
be a dope fiend and nobody'd care.
I was surrounded by jerks. I'm not kidding. At this other tiny table, ri
ght to my left, practically on top of me, there was this funny-looking guy and t
his funny-looking girl. They were around my age, or maybe just a little older. I
t was funny. You could see they were being careful as hell not to drink up the m
inimum too fast. I listened to their conversation for a while, because I didn't
have anything else to do. He was telling her about some pro football game he'd s
een that afternoon. He gave her every single goddam play in the whole game--I'm
not kidding. He was the most boring guy I ever listened to. And you could tell h
is date wasn't even interested in the goddam game, but she was even funnier-look
ing than he was, so I guess she had to listen. Real ugly girls have it tough. I
feel so sorry for them sometimes. Sometimes I can't even look at them, especiall
y if they're with some dopey guy that's telling them all about a goddam football
game. On my right, the conversation was even worse, though. On my right there w
as this very Joe Yale-looking guy, in a gray flannel suit and one of those flitt
y-looking Tattersall vests. All those Ivy League bastards look alike. My father
wants me to go to Yale, or maybe Princeton, but I swear, I wouldn't go to one of
those Ivy League colleges, if I was dying, for God's sake. Anyway, this Joe Yal
e-looking guy had a terrific-looking girl with him. Boy, she was good-looking. B
ut you should've heard the conversation they were having. In the first place, th
ey were both slightly crocked. What he was doing, he was giving her a feel under
the table, and at the same time telling her all about some guy in his dorm that
had eaten a whole bottle of aspirin and nearly committed suicide. His date kept
saying to him, "How horrible . . . Don't, darling. Please, don't. Not here." Im
agine giving somebody a feel and telling them about a guy committing suicide at
the same time! They killed me.
I certainly began to feel like a prize horse's ass, though, sitting ther
e all by myself. There wasn't anything to do except smoke and drink. What I did
do, though, I told the waiter to ask old Ernie if he'd care to join me for a dri
nk. I told him to tell him I was D.B.'s brother. I don't think he ever even gave
him my message, though. Those bastards never give your message to anybody.
All of a sudden, this girl came up to me and said, "Holden Caulfield!" H
er name was Lillian Simmons. My brother D.B. used to go around with her for a wh
ile. She had very big knockers.
"Hi," I said. I tried to get up, naturally, but it was some job getting
up, in a place like that. She had some Navy officer with her that looked like he
had a poker up his ass.
"How marvelous to see you!" old Lillian Simmons said. Strictly a phony.
"How's your big brother?" That's all she really wanted to know.
"He's fine. He's in Hollywood."
"In Hollywood! How marvelous! What's he doing?"
"I don't know. Writing," I said. I didn't feel like discussing it. You c
ould tell she thought it was a big deal, his being in Hollywood. Almost everybod
y does. Mostly people who've never read any of his stories. It drives me crazy,
though.
"How exciting," old Lillian said. Then she introduced me to the Navy guy
. His name was Commander Blop or something. He was one of those guys that think
they're being a pansy if they don't break around forty of your fingers when they
shake hands with you. God, I hate that stuff. "Are you all alone, baby?" old Li
llian asked me. She was blocking up the whole goddam traffic in the aisle. You c
ould tell she liked to block up a lot of traffic. This waiter was waiting for he
r to move out of the way, but she didn't even notice him. It was funny. You coul
d tell the waiter didn't like her much, you could tell even the Navy guy didn't
like her much, even though he was dating her. And I didn't like her much. Nobody
did. You had to feel sort of sorry for her, in a way. "Don't you have a date, b
aby?" she asked me. I was standing up now, and she didn't even tell me to sit do
wn. She was the type that keeps you standing up for hours. "Isn't he handsome?"
she said to the Navy guy. "Holden, you're getting handsomer by the minute." The
Navy guy told her to come on. He told her they were blocking up the whole aisle.
"Holden, come join us," old Lillian said. "Bring your drink."
"I was just leaving," I told her. "I have to meet somebody." You could t
ell she was just trying to get in good with me. So that I'd tell old D.B. about
it.
"Well, you little so-and-so. All right for you. Tell your big brother I
hate him, when you see him."
Then she left. The Navy guy and I told each other we were glad to've met
each other. Which always kills me. I'm always saying "Glad to've met you" to so
mebody I'm not at all glad I met. If you want to stay alive, you have to say tha
t stuff, though.
After I'd told her I had to meet somebody, I didn't have any goddam choi
ce except to leave. I couldn't even stick around to hear old Ernie play somethin
g halfway decent. But I certainly wasn't going to sit down at a table with old L
illian Simmons and that Navy guy and be bored to death. So I left. It made me ma
d, though, when I was getting my coat. People are always ruining things for you.
13
I walked all the way back to the hotel. Forty-one gorgeous blocks. I did
n't do it because I felt like walking or anything. It was more because I didn't
feel like getting in and out of another taxicab. Sometimes you get tired of ridi
ng in taxicabs the same way you get tired riding in elevators. All of a sudden,
you have to walk, no matter how far or how high up. When I was a kid, I used to
walk all the way up to our apartment very frequently. Twelve stories.
You wouldn't even have known it had snowed at all. There was hardly any
snow on the sidewalks. But it was freezing cold, and I took my red hunting hat o
ut of my pocket and put it on--I didn't give a damn how I looked. I even put the
earlaps down. I wished I knew who'd swiped my gloves at Pencey, because my hand
s were freezing. Not that I'd have done much about it even if I had known. I'm o
ne of these very yellow guys. I try not to show it, but I am. For instance, if I
'd found out at Pencey who'd stolen my gloves, I probably would've gone down to
the crook's room and said, "Okay. How 'bout handing over those gloves?" Then the
crook that had stolen them probably would've said, his voice very innocent and
all, "What gloves?" Then what I probably would've done, I'd have gone in his clo
set and found the gloves somewhere. Hidden in his goddam galoshes or something,
for instance. I'd have taken them out and showed them to the guy and said, "I su
ppose these are your goddam gloves?" Then the crook probably would've given me t
his very phony, innocent look, and said, "I never saw those gloves before in my
life. If they're yours, take 'em. I don't want the goddam things." Then I probab
ly would've just stood there for about five minutes. I'd have the damn gloves ri
ght in my hand and all, but I'd feel I ought to sock the guy in the jaw or somet
hing--break his goddam jaw. Only, I wouldn't have the guts to do it. I'd just st
and there, trying to look tough. What I might do, I might say something very cut
ting and snotty, to rile him up--instead of socking him in the jaw. Anyway if I
did say something very cutting and snotty, he'd probably get up and come over to
me and say, "Listen, Caulfield. Are you calling me a crook?" Then, instead of s
aying, "You're goddam right I am, you dirty crooked bastard!" all I probably wou
ld've said would be, "All I know is my goddam gloves were in your goddam galoshe
s." Right away then, the guy would know for sure that I wasn't going to take a s
ock at him, and he probably would've said, "Listen. Let's get this straight. Are
you calling me a thief?" Then I probably would've said, "Nobody's calling anybo
dy a thief. All I know is my gloves were in your goddam galoshes." It could go o
n like that for hours. Finally, though, I'd leave his room without even taking a
sock at him. I'd probably go down to the can and sneak a cigarette and watch my
self getting tough in the mirror. Anyway, that's what I thought about the whole
way back to the hotel. It's no fun to he yellow. Maybe I'm not all yellow. I don
't know. I think maybe I'm just partly yellow and partly the type that doesn't g
ive much of a damn if they lose their gloves. One of my troubles is, I never car
e too much when I lose something--it used to drive my mother crazy when I was a
kid. Some guys spend days looking for something they lost. I never seem to have
anything that if I lost it I'd care too much. Maybe that's why I'm partly yellow
. It's no excuse, though. It really isn't. What you should be is not yellow at a
ll. If you're supposed to sock somebody in the jaw, and you sort of feel like do
ing it, you should do it. I'm just no good at it, though. I'd rather push a guy
out the window or chop his head off with an ax than sock him in the jaw. I hate
fist fights. I don't mind getting hit so much--although I'm not crazy about it,
naturally--but what scares me most in a fist fight is the guy's face. I can't st
and looking at the other guy's face, is my trouble. It wouldn't be so bad if you
could both be blindfolded or something. It's a funny kind of yellowness, when y
ou come to think of it, but it's yellowness, all right. I'm not kidding myself.
The more I thought about my gloves and my yellowness, the more depressed
I got, and I decided, while I was walking and all, to stop off and have a drink
somewhere. I'd only had three drinks at Ernie's, and I didn't even finish the l
ast one. One thing I have, it's a terrific capacity. I can drink all night and n
ot even show it, if I'm in the mood. Once, at the Whooton School, this other boy
, Raymond Goldfarb, and I bought a pint of Scotch and drank it in the chapel one
Saturday night, where nobody'd see us. He got stinking, but I hardly didn't eve
n show it. I just got very cool and nonchalant. I puked before I went to bed, bu
t I didn't really have to--I forced myself.
Anyway, before I got to the hotel, I started to go in this dumpy-looking
bar, but two guys came out, drunk as hell, and wanted to know where the subway
was. One of them was this very Cuban-looking guy, and he kept breathing his stin
king breath in my face while I gave him directions. I ended up not even going in
the damn bar. I just went back to the hotel.
The whole lobby was empty. It smelled like fifty million dead cigars. It
really did. I wasn't sleepy or anything, but I was feeling sort of lousy. Depre
ssed and all. I almost wished I was dead.
Then, all of a sudden, I got in this big mess.
The first thing when I got in the elevator, the elevator guy said to me,
"Innarested in having a good time, fella? Or is it too late for you?"
"How do you mean?" I said. I didn't know what he was driving at or anyth
ing.
"Innarested in a little tail t'night?"
"Me?" I said. Which was a very dumb answer, but it's quite embarrassing
when somebody comes right up and asks you a question like that.
"How old are you, chief?" the elevator guy said.
"Why?" I said. "Twenty-two."
"Uh huh. Well, how 'bout it? Y'innarested? Five bucks a throw. Fifteen b
ucks the whole night." He looked at his wrist watch. "Till noon. Five bucks a th
row, fifteen bucks till noon."
"Okay," I said. It was against my principles and all, but I was feeling
so depressed I didn't even think. That's the whole trouble. When you're feeling
very depressed, you can't even think.
"Okay what? A throw, or till noon? I gotta know."
"Just a throw."
"Okay, what room ya in?"
I looked at the red thing with my number on it, on my key. "Twelve twent
y-two," I said. I was already sort of sorry I'd let the thing start rolling, but
it was too late now.
"Okay. I'll send a girl up in about fifteen minutes." He opened the door
s and I got out.
"Hey, is she good-looking?" I asked him. "I don't want any old bag."
"No old bag. Don't worry about it, chief."
"Who do I pay?"
"Her," he said. "Let's go, chief." He shut the doors, practically right
in my face.
I went to my room and put some water on my hair, but you can't really co
mb a crew cut or anything. Then I tested to see if my breath stank from so many
cigarettes and the Scotch and sodas I drank at Ernie's. All you do is hold your
hand under your mouth and blow your breath up toward the old nostrils. It didn't
seem to stink much, but I brushed my teeth anyway. Then I put on another clean
shirt. I knew I didn't have to get all dolled up for a prostitute or anything, b
ut it sort of gave me something to do. I was a little nervous. I was starting to
feel pretty sexy and all, but I was a little nervous anyway. If you want to kno
w the truth, I'm a virgin. I really am. I've had quite a few opportunities to lo
se my virginity and all, but I've never got around to it yet. Something always h
appens. For instance, if you're at a girl's house, her parents always come home
at the wrong time--or you're afraid they will. Or if you're in the back seat of
somebody's car, there's always somebody's date in the front seat--some girl, I m
ean--that always wants to know what's going on all over the whole goddam car. I
mean some girl in front keeps turning around to see what the hell's going on. An
yway, something always happens. I came quite close to doing it a couple of times
, though. One time in particular, I remember. Something went wrong, though --I d
on't even remember what any more. The thing is, most of the time when you're com
ing pretty close to doing it with a girl--a girl that isn't a prostitute or anyt
hing, I mean--she keeps telling you to stop. The trouble with me is, I stop. Mos
t guys don't. I can't help it. You never know whether they really want you to st
op, or whether they're just scared as hell, or whether they're just telling you
to stop so that if you do go through with it, the blame'll be on you, not them.
Anyway, I keep stopping. The trouble is, I get to feeling sorry for them. I mean
most girls are so dumb and all. After you neck them for a while, you can really
watch them losing their brains. You take a girl when she really gets passionate
, she just hasn't any brains. I don't know. They tell me to stop, so I stop. I a
lways wish I hadn't, after I take them home, but I keep doing it anyway.
Anyway, while I was putting on another clean shirt, I sort of figured th
is was my big chance, in a way. I figured if she was a prostitute and all, I cou
ld get in some practice on her, in case I ever get married or anything. I worry
about that stuff sometimes. I read this book once, at the Whooton School, that h
ad this very sophisticated, suave, sexy guy in it. Monsieur Blanchard was his na
me, I can still remember. It was a lousy book, but this Blanchard guy was pretty
good. He had this big ch?teau and all on the Riviera, in Europe, and all he did
in his spare time was beat women off with a club. He was a real rake and all, b
ut he knocked women out. He said, in this one part, that a woman's body is like
a violin and all, and that it takes a terrific musician to play it right. It was
a very corny book--I realize that--but I couldn't get that violin stuff out of
my mind anyway. In a way, that's why I sort of wanted to get some practice in, i
n case I ever get married. Caulfield and his Magic Violin, boy. It's corny, I re
alize, but it isn't too corny. I wouldn't mind being pretty good at that stuff.
Half the time, if you really want to know the truth, when I'm horsing around wit
h a girl, I have a helluva lot of trouble just finding what I'm looking for, for
God's sake, if you know what I mean. Take this girl that I just missed having s
exual intercourse with, that I told you about. It took me about an hour to just
get her goddam brassiere off. By the time I did get it off, she was about ready
to spit in my eye.
Anyway, I kept walking around the room, waiting for this prostitute to s
how up. I kept hoping she'd be good-looking. I didn't care too much, though. I s
ort of just wanted to get it over with. Finally, somebody knocked on the door, a
nd when I went to open it, I had my suitcase right in the way and I fell over it
and damn near broke my knee. I always pick a gorgeous time to fall over a suitc
ase or something.
When I opened the door, this prostitute was standing there. She had a po
lo coat on, and no hat. She was sort of a blonde, but you could tell she dyed he
r hair. She wasn't any old bag, though. "How do you do," I said. Suave as hell,
boy.
"You the guy Maurice said?" she asked me. She didn't seem too goddam fri
endly.
"Is he the elevator boy?"
"Yeah," she said.
"Yes, I am. Come in, won't you?" I said. I was getting more and more non
chalant as it went along. I really was.
She came in and took her coat off right away and sort of chucked it on t
he bed. She had on a green dress underneath. Then she sort of sat down sideways
on the chair that went with the desk in the room and started jiggling her foot u
p and down. She crossed her legs and started jiggling this one foot up and down.
She was very nervous, for a prostitute. She really was. I think it was because
she was young as hell. She was around my age. I sat down in the big chair, next
to her, and offered her a cigarette. "I don't smoke," she said. She had a tiny l
ittle wheeny-whiny voice. You could hardly hear her. She never said thank you, e
ither, when you offered her something. She just didn't know any better.
"Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Jim Steele," I said.
"Ya got a watch on ya?" she said. She didn't care what the hell my name
was, naturally. "Hey, how old are you, anyways?"
"Me? Twenty-two."
"Like fun you are."
It was a funny thing to say. It sounded like a real kid. You'd think a p
rostitute and all would say "Like hell you are" or "Cut the crap" instead of "Li
ke fun you are."
"How old are you?" I asked her.
"Old enough to know better," she said. She was really witty. "Ya got a w
atch on ya?" she asked me again, and then she stood up and pulled her dress over
her head.
I certainly felt peculiar when she did that. I mean she did it so sudden
and all. I know you're supposed to feel pretty sexy when somebody gets up and p
ulls their dress over their head, but I didn't. Sexy was about the last thing I
was feeling. I felt much more depressed than sexy.
"Ya got a watch on ya, hey?"
"No. No, I don't," I said. Boy, was I feeling peculiar. "What's your nam
e?" I asked her. All she had on was this pink slip. It was really quite embarras
sing. It really was.
"Sunny," she said. "Let's go, hey."
"Don't you feel like talking for a while?" I asked her. It was a childis
h thing to say, but I was feeling so damn peculiar. "Are you in a very big hurry
?"
She looked at me like I was a madman. "What the heck ya wanna talk about
?" she said.
"I don't know. Nothing special. I just thought perhaps you might care to
chat for a while."
She sat down in the chair next to the desk again. She didn't like it, th
ough, you could tell. She started jiggling her foot again--boy, she was a nervou
s girl.
"Would you care for a cigarette now?" I said. I forgot she didn't smoke.
"I don't smoke. Listen, if you're gonna talk, do it. I got things to do.
"
I couldn't think of anything to talk about, though. I thought of asking
her how she got to be a prostitute and all, but I was scared to ask her. She pro
bably wouldn't've told me anyway.
"You don't come from New York, do you?" I said finally. That's all I cou
ld think of.
"Hollywood," she said. Then she got up and went over to where she'd put
her dress down, on the bed. "Ya got a hanger? I don't want to get my dress all w
rinkly. It's brand-clean."
"Sure," I said right away. I was only too glad to get up and do somethin
g. I took her dress over to the closet and hung it up for her. It was funny. It
made me feel sort of sad when I hung it up. I thought of her going in a store an
d buying it, and nobody in the store knowing she was a prostitute and all. The s
alesman probably just thought she was a regular girl when she bought it. It made
me feel sad as hell--I don't know why exactly.
I sat down again and tried to keep the old conversation going. She was a
lousy conversationalist. "Do you work every night?" I asked her--it sounded sor
t of awful, after I'd said it.
"Yeah." She was walking all around the room. She picked up the menu off
the desk and read it.
"What do you do during the day?"
She sort of shrugged her shoulders. She was pretty skinny. "Sleep. Go to
the show." She put down the menu and looked at me. "Let's go, hey. I haven't go
t all--"
"Look," I said. "I don't feel very much like myself tonight. I've had a
rough night. Honest to God. I'll pay you and all, but do you mind very much if w
e don't do it? Do you mind very much?" The trouble was, I just didn't want to do
it. I felt more depressed than sexy, if you want to know the truth. She was dep
ressing. Her green dress hanging in the closet and all. And besides, I don't thi
nk I could ever do it with somebody that sits in a stupid movie all day long. I
really don't think I could.
She came over to me, with this funny look on her face, like as if she di
dn't believe me. "What'sa matter?" she said.
"Nothing's the matter." Boy, was I getting nervous. "The thing is, I had
an operation very recently."
"Yeah? Where?"
"On my wuddayacallit--my clavichord."
"Yeah? Where the hell's that?"
"The clavichord?" I said. "Well, actually, it's in the spinal canal. I m
ean it's quite a ways down in the spinal canal."
"Yeah?" she said. "That's tough." Then she sat down on my goddam lap. "Y
ou're cute."
She made me so nervous, I just kept on lying my head off. "I'm still rec
uperating," I told her.
"You look like a guy in the movies. You know. Whosis. You know who I mea
n. What the heck's his name?"
"I don't know," I said. She wouldn't get off my goddam lap.
"Sure you know. He was in that pitcher with Mel-vine Douglas? The one th
at was Mel-vine Douglas's kid brother? That falls off this boat? You know who I
mean."
"No, I don't. I go to the movies as seldom as I can."
Then she started getting funny. Crude and all.
"Do you mind cutting it out?" I said. "I'm not in the mood, I just told
you. I just had an operation."
She didn't get up from my lap or anything, but she gave me this terrific
ally dirty look. "Listen," she said. "I was sleepin' when that crazy Maurice wok
e me up. If you think I'm--"
"I said I'd pay you for coming and all. I really will. I have plenty of
dough. It's just that I'm practically just recovering from a very serious--"
"What the heck did you tell that crazy Maurice you wanted a girl for, th
en? If you just had a goddam operation on your goddam wuddayacallit. Huh?"
"I thought I'd be feeling a lot better than I do. I was a little prematu
re in my calculations. No kidding. I'm sorry. If you'll just get up a second, I'
ll get my wallet. I mean it."
She was sore as hell, but she got up off my goddam lap so that I could g
o over and get my wallet off the chiffonier. I took out a five-dollar bill and h
anded it to her. "Thanks a lot," I told her. "Thanks a million."
"This is a five. It costs ten."
She was getting funny, you could tell. I was afraid something like that
would happen--I really was.
"Maurice said five," I told her. "He said fifteen till noon and only fiv
e for a throw."
"Ten for a throw."
"He said five. I'm sorry--I really am--but that's all I'm gonna shell ou
t."
She sort of shrugged her shoulders, the way she did before, and then she
said, very cold, "Do you mind getting me my frock? Or would it be too much trou
ble?" She was a pretty spooky kid. Even with that little bitty voice she had, sh
e could sort of scare you a little bit. If she'd been a big old prostitute, with
a lot of makeup on her face and all, she wouldn't have been half as spooky.
I went and got her dress for her. She put it on and all, and then she pi
cked up her polo coat off the bed. "So long, crumb-bum," she said.
"So long," I said. I didn't thank her or anything. I'm glad I didn't.
14
After Old Sunny was gone, I sat in the chair for a while and smoked a co
uple of cigarettes. It was getting daylight outside. Boy, I felt miserable. I fe
lt so depressed, you can't imagine. What I did, I started talking, sort of out l
oud, to Allie. I do that sometimes when I get very depressed. I keep telling him
to go home and get his bike and meet me in front of Bobby Fallon's house. Bobby
Fallon used to live quite near us in Maine--this is, years ago. Anyway, what ha
ppened was, one day Bobby and I were going over to Lake Sedebego on our bikes. W
e were going to take our lunches and all, and our BB guns--we were kids and all,
and we thought we could shoot something with our BB guns. Anyway, Allie heard u
s talking about it, and he wanted to go, and I wouldn't let him. I told him he w
as a child. So once in a while, now, when I get very depressed, I keep saying to
him, "Okay. Go home and get your bike and meet me in front of Bobby's house. Hu
rry up." It wasn't that I didn't use to take him with me when I went somewhere.
I did. But that one day, I didn't. He didn't get sore about it--he never got sor
e about anything-- but I keep thinking about it anyway, when I get very depresse
d.
Finally, though, I got undressed and got in bed. I felt like praying or
something, when I was in bed, but I couldn't do it. I can't always pray when I f
eel like it. In the first place, I'm sort of an atheist. I like Jesus and all, b
ut I don't care too much for most of the other stuff in the Bible. Take the Disc
iples, for instance. They annoy the hell out of me, if you want to know the trut
h. They were all right after Jesus was dead and all, but while He was alive, the
y were about as much use to Him as a hole in the head. All they did was keep let
ting Him down. I like almost anybody in the Bible better than the Disciples. If
you want to know the truth, the guy I like best in the Bible, next to Jesus, was
that lunatic and all, that lived in the tombs and kept cutting himself with sto
nes. I like him ten times as much as the Disciples, that poor bastard. I used to
get in quite a few arguments about it, when I was at Whooton School, with this
boy that lived down the corridor, Arthur Childs. Old Childs was a Quaker and all
, and he read the Bible all the time. He was a very nice kid, and I liked him, b
ut I could never see eye to eye with him on a lot of stuff in the Bible, especia
lly the Disciples. He kept telling me if I didn't like the Disciples, then I did
n't like Jesus and all. He said that because Jesus picked the Disciples, you wer
e supposed to like them. I said I knew He picked them, but that He picked them a
t random. I said He didn't have time to go around analyzing everybody. I said I
wasn't blaming Jesus or anything. It wasn't His fault that He didn't have any ti
me. I remember I asked old Childs if he thought Judas, the one that betrayed Jes
us and all, went to Hell after he committed suicide. Childs said certainly. That
's exactly where I disagreed with him. I said I'd bet a thousand bucks that Jesu
s never sent old Judas to Hell. I still would, too, if I had a thousand bucks. I
think any one of the Disciples would've sent him to Hell and all--and fast, too
--but I'll bet anything Jesus didn't do it. Old Childs said the trouble with me
was that I didn't go to church or anything. He was right about that, in a way. I
don't. In the first place, my parents are different religions, and all the chil
dren in our family are atheists. If you want to know the truth, I can't even sta
nd ministers. The ones they've had at every school I've gone to, they all have t
hese Holy Joe voices when they start giving their sermons. God, I hate that. I d
on't see why the hell they can't talk in their natural voice. They sound so phon
y when they talk.
Anyway, when I was in bed, I couldn't pray worth a damn. Every time I go
t started, I kept picturing old Sunny calling me a crumb-bum. Finally, I sat up
in bed and smoked another cigarette. It tasted lousy. I must've smoked around tw
o packs since I left Pencey.
All of a sudden, while I was laying there smoking, somebody knocked on t
he door. I kept hoping it wasn't my door they were knocking on, but I knew damn
well it was. I don't know how I knew, but I knew. I knew who it was, too. I'm ps
ychic.
"Who's there?" I said. I was pretty scared. I'm very yellow about those
things.
They just knocked again, though. Louder.
Finally I got out of bed, with just my pajamas on, and opened the door.
I didn't even have to turn the light on in the room, because it was already dayl
ight. Old Sunny and Maurice, the pimpy elevator guy, were standing there.
"What's the matter? Wuddaya want?" I said. Boy, my voice was shaking lik
e hell.
"Nothin' much," old Maurice said. "Just five bucks." He did all the talk
ing for the two of them. Old Sunny just stood there next to him, with her mouth
open and all.
"I paid her already. I gave her five bucks. Ask her," I said. Boy, was m
y voice shaking.
"It's ten bucks, chief. I tole ya that. Ten bucks for a throw, fifteen b
ucks till noon. I tole ya that."
"You did not tell me that. You said five bucks a throw. You said fifteen
bucks till noon, all right, but I distinctly heard you--"
"Open up, chief."
"What for?" I said. God, my old heart was damn near beating me out of th
e room. I wished I was dressed at least. It's terrible to be just in your pajama
s when something like that happens.
"Let's go, chief," old Maurice said. Then he gave me a big shove with hi
s crumby hand. I damn near fell over on my can--he was a huge sonuvabitch. The n
ext thing I knew, he and old Sunny were both in the room. They acted like they o
wned the damn place. Old Sunny sat down on the window sill. Old Maurice sat down
in the big chair and loosened his collar and all--he was wearing this elevator
operator's uniform. Boy, was I nervous.
"All right, chief, let's have it. I gotta get back to work."
"I told you about ten times, I don't owe you a cent. I already gave her
the five--"
"Cut the crap, now. Let's have it."
"Why should I give her another five bucks?" I said. My voice was crackin
g all over the place. "You're trying to chisel me."
Old Maurice unbuttoned his whole uniform coat. All he had on underneath
was a phony shirt collar, but no shirt or anything. He had a big fat hairy stoma
ch. "Nobody's tryna chisel nobody," he said. "Let's have it, chief."
"No."
When I said that, he got up from his chair and started walking towards m
e and all. He looked like he was very, very tired or very, very bored. God, was
I scared. I sort of had my arms folded, I remember. It wouldn't have been so bad
, I don't think, if I hadn't had just my goddam pajamas on.
"Let's have it, chief." He came right up to where I was standing. That's
all he could say. "Let's have it, chief." He was a real moron.
"No."
"Chief, you're gonna force me inna roughin' ya up a little bit. I don't
wanna do it, but that's the way it looks," he said. "You owe us five bucks."
"I don't owe you five bucks," I said. "If you rough me up, I'll yell lik
e hell. I'll wake up everybody in the hotel. The police and all." My voice was s
haking like a bastard.
"Go ahead. Yell your goddam head off. Fine," old Maurice said. "Want you
r parents to know you spent the night with a whore? High-class kid like you?" He
was pretty sharp, in his crumby way. He really was.
"Leave me alone. If you'd said ten, it'd be different. But you distinctl
y--"
"Are ya gonna let us have it?" He had me right up against the damn door.
He was almost standing on top of me, his crumby old hairy stomach and all.
"Leave me alone. Get the hell out of my room," I said. I still had my ar
ms folded and all. God, what a jerk I was.
Then Sunny said something for the first time. "Hey, Maurice. Want me to
get his wallet?" she said. "It's right on the wutchamacallit."
"Yeah, get it."
"Leave my wallet alone!"
"I awreddy got it," Sunny said. She waved five bucks at me. "See? All I'
m takin' is the five you owe me. I'm no crook."
All of a sudden I started to cry. I'd give anything if I hadn't, but I d
id. "No, you're no crooks," I said. "You're just stealing five--"
"Shut up," old Maurice said, and gave me a shove.
"Leave him alone, hey," Sunny said. "C'mon, hey. We got the dough he owe
s us. Let's go. C'mon, hey."
"I'm comin'," old Maurice said. But he didn't.
"I mean it, Maurice, hey. Leave him alone."
"Who's hurtin' anybody?" he said, innocent as hell. Then what he did, he
snapped his finger very hard on my pajamas. I won't tell you where he snapped i
t, but it hurt like hell. I told him he was a goddam dirty moron. "What's that?"
he said. He put his hand behind his ear, like a deaf guy. "What's that? What am
I?"
I was still sort of crying. I was so damn mad and nervous and all. "You'
re a dirty moron," I said. "You're a stupid chiseling moron, and in about two ye
ars you'll be one of those scraggy guys that come up to you on the street and as
k for a dime for coffee. You'll have snot all over your dirty filthy overcoat, a
nd you'll be--"
Then he smacked me. I didn't even try to get out of the way or duck or a
nything. All I felt was this terrific punch in my stomach.
I wasn't knocked out or anything, though, because I remember looking up
from the floor and seeing them both go out the door and shut it. Then I stayed o
n the floor a fairly long time, sort of the way I did with Stradlater. Only, thi
s time I thought I was dying. I really did. I thought I was drowning or somethin
g. The trouble was, I could hardly breathe. When I did finally get up, I had to
walk to the bathroom all doubled up and holding onto my stomach and all.
But I'm crazy. I swear to God I am. About halfway to the bathroom, I sor
t of started pretending I had a bullet in my guts. Old 'Maurice had plugged me.
Now I was on the way to the bathroom to get a good shot of bourbon or something
to steady my nerves and help me really go into action. I pictured myself coming
out of the goddam bathroom, dressed and all, with my automatic in my pocket, and
staggering around a little bit. Then I'd walk downstairs, instead of using the
elevator. I'd hold onto the banister and all, with this blood trickling out of t
he side of my mouth a little at a time. What I'd do, I'd walk down a few floors-
-holding onto my guts, blood leaking all over the place-- and then I'd ring the
elevator bell. As soon as old Maurice opened the doors, he'd see me with the aut
omatic in my hand and he'd start screaming at me, in this very high-pitched, yel
low-belly voice, to leave him alone. But I'd plug him anyway. Six shots right th
rough his fat hairy belly. Then I'd throw my automatic down the elevator shaft--
after I'd wiped off all the finger prints and all. Then I'd crawl back to my roo
m and call up Jane and have her come over and bandage up my guts. I pictured her
holding a cigarette for me to smoke while I was bleeding and all.
The goddam movies. They can ruin you. I'm not kidding.
I stayed in the bathroom for about an hour, taking a bath and all. Then
I got back in bed. It took me quite a while to get to sleep--I wasn't even tired
--but finally I did. What I really felt like, though, was committing suicide. I
felt like jumping out the window. I probably would've done it, too, if I'd been
sure somebody'd cover me up as soon as I landed. I didn't want a bunch of stupid
rubbernecks looking at me when I was all gory.
15
I didn't sleep too long, because I think it was only around ten o'clock
when I woke up. I felt pretty hungry as soon as I had a cigarette. The last time
I'd eaten was those two hamburgers I had with Brossard and Ackley when we went
in to Agerstown to the movies. That was a long time ago. It seemed like fifty ye
ars ago. The phone was right next to me, and I started to call down and have the
m send up some breakfast, but I was sort of afraid they might send it up with ol
d Maurice. If you think I was dying to see him again, you're crazy. So I just la
id around in bed for a while and smoked another cigarette. I thought of giving o
ld Jane a buzz, to see if she was home yet and all, but I wasn't in the mood.
What I did do, I gave old Sally Hayes a buzz. She went to Mary A. Woodru
ff, and I knew she was home because I'd had this letter from her a couple of wee
ks ago. I wasn't too crazy about her, but I'd known her for years. I used to thi
nk she was quite intelligent, in my stupidity. The reason I did was because she
knew quite a lot about the theater and plays and literature and all that stuff.
If somebody knows quite a lot about those things, it takes you quite a while to
find out whether they're really stupid or not. It took me years to find it out,
in old Sally's case. I think I'd have found it out a lot sooner if we hadn't nec
ked so damn much. My big trouble is, I always sort of think whoever I'm necking
is a pretty intelligent person. It hasn't got a goddam thing to do with it, but
I keep thinking it anyway.
Anyway, I gave her a buzz. First the maid answered. Then her father. The
n she got on. "Sally?" I said.
"Yes--who is this?" she said. She was quite a little phony. I'd already
told her father who it was.
"Holden Caulfield. How are ya?"
"Holden! I'm fine! How are you?"
"Swell. Listen. How are ya, anyway? I mean how's school?"
"Fine," she said. "I mean--you know."
"Swell. Well, listen. I was wondering if you were busy today. It's Sunda
y, but there's always one or two matinees going on Sunday. Benefits and that stu
ff. Would you care to go?"
"I'd love to. Grand."
Grand. If there's one word I hate, it's grand. It's so phony. For a seco
nd, I was tempted to tell her to forget about the matinee. But we chewed the fat
for a while. That is, she chewed it. You couldn't get a word in edgewise. First
she told me about some Harvard guy-- it probably was a freshman, but she didn't
say, naturally--that was rushing hell out of her. Calling her up night and day.
Night and day--that killed me. Then she told me about some other guy, some West
Point cadet, that was cutting his throat over her too. Big deal. I told her to
meet me under the clock at the Biltmore at two o'clock, and not to be late, beca
use the show probably started at two-thirty. She was always late. Then I hung up
. She gave me a pain in the ass, but she was very good-looking.
After I made the date with old Sally, I got out of bed and got dressed a
nd packed my bag. I took a look out the window before I left the room, though, t
o see how all the perverts were doing, but they all had their shades down. They
were the heighth of modesty in the morning. Then I went down in the elevator and
checked out. I didn't see old Maurice around anywhere. I didn't break my neck l
ooking for him, naturally, the bastard.
I got a cab outside the hotel, but I didn't have the faintest damn idea
where I was going. I had no place to go. It was only Sunday, and I couldn't go h
ome till Wednesday--or Tuesday the soonest. And I certainly didn't feel like goi
ng to another hotel and getting my brains beat out. So what I did, I told the dr
iver to take me to Grand Central Station. It was right near the Biltmore, where
I was meeting Sally later, and I figured what I'd do, I'd check my bags in one o
f those strong boxes that they give you a key to, then get some breakfast. I was
sort of hungry. While I was in the cab, I took out my wallet and sort of counte
d my money. I don't remember exactly what I had left, but it was no fortune or a
nything. I'd spent a king's ransom in about two lousy weeks. I really had. I'm a
goddam spendthrift at heart. What I don't spend, I lose. Half the time I sort o
f even forget to pick up my change, at restaurants and night clubs and all. It d
rives my parents crazy. You can't blame them. My father's quite wealthy, though.
I don't know how much he makes--he's never discussed that stuff with me--but I
imagine quite a lot. He's a corporation lawyer. Those boys really haul it in. An
other reason I know he's quite well off, he's always investing money in shows on
Broadway. They always flop, though, and it drives my mother crazy when he does
it. She hasn't felt too healthy since my brother Allie died. She's very nervous.
That's another reason why I hated like hell for her to know I got the ax again.
After I put my bags in one of those strong boxes at the station, I went
into this little sandwich bar and bad breakfast. I had quite a large breakfast,
for me--orange juice, bacon and eggs, toast and coffee. Usually I just drink som
e orange juice. I'm a very light eater. I really am. That's why I'm so damn skin
ny. I was supposed to be on this diet where you eat a lot of starches and crap,
to gain weight and all, but I didn't ever do it. When I'm out somewhere, I gener
ally just eat a Swiss cheese sandwich and a malted milk. It isn't much, but you
get quite a lot of vitamins in the malted milk. H. V. Caulfield. Holden Vitamin
Caulfield.
While I was eating my eggs, these two nuns with suitcases and all--I gue
ssed they were moving to another convent or something and were waiting for a tra
in--came in and sat down next to me at the counter. They didn't seem to know wha
t the hell to do with their suitcases, so I gave them a hand. They were these ve
ry inexpensive-looking suitcases--the ones that aren't genuine leather or anythi
ng. It isn't important, I know, but I hate it when somebody has cheap suitcases.
It sounds terrible to say it, but I can even get to hate somebody, just looking
at them, if they have cheap suitcases with them. Something happened once. For a
while when I was at Elkton Hills, I roomed with this boy, Dick Slagle, that had
these very inexpensive suitcases. He used to keep them under the bed, instead o
f on the rack, so that nobody'd see them standing next to mine. It depressed hol
y hell out of me, and I kept wanting to throw mine out or something, or even tra
de with him. Mine came from Mark Cross, and they were genuine cowhide and all th
at crap, and I guess they cost quite a pretty penny. But it was a funny thing. H
ere's what happened. What I did, I finally put my suitcases under my bed, instea
d of on the rack, so that old Slagle wouldn't get a goddam inferiority complex a
bout it. But here's what he did. The day after I put mine under my bed, he took
them out and put them back on the rack. The reason he did it, it took me a while
to find out, was because he wanted people to think my bags were his. He really
did. He was a very funny guy, that way. He was always saying snotty things about
them, my suitcases, for instance. He kept saying they were too new and bourgeoi
s. That was his favorite goddam word. He read it somewhere or heard it somewhere
. Everything I had was bourgeois as hell. Even my fountain pen was bourgeois. He
borrowed it off me all the time, but it was bourgeois anyway. We only roomed to
gether about two months. Then we both asked to be moved. And the funny thing was
, I sort of missed him after we moved, because he had a helluva good sense of hu
mor and we had a lot of fun sometimes. I wouldn't be surprised if he missed me,
too. At first he only used to be kidding when he called my stuff bourgeois, and
I didn't give a damn--it was sort of funny, in fact. Then, after a while, you co
uld tell he wasn't kidding any more. The thing is, it's really hard to be roomma
tes with people if your suitcases are much better than theirs--if yours are real
ly good ones and theirs aren't. You think if they're intelligent and all, the ot
her person, and have a good sense of humor, that they don't give a damn whose su
itcases are better, but they do. They really do. It's one of the reasons why I r
oomed with a stupid bastard like Stradlater. At least his suitcases were as good
as mine.
Anyway, these two nuns were sitting next to me, and we sort of struck up
a conversation. The one right next to me had one of those straw baskets that yo
u see nuns and Salvation Army babes collecting dough with around Christmas time.
You see them standing on corners, especially on Fifth Avenue, in front of the b
ig department stores and all. Anyway, the one next to me dropped hers on the flo
or and I reached down and picked it up for her. I asked her if she was out colle
cting money for charity and all. She said no. She said she couldn't get it in he
r suitcase when she was packing it and she was just carrying it. She had a prett
y nice smile when she looked at you. She had a big nose, and she had on those gl
asses with sort of iron rims that aren't too attractive, but she had a helluva k
ind face. "I thought if you were taking up a collection," I told her, "I could m
ake a small contribution. You could keep the money for when you do take up a col
lection."
"Oh, how very kind of you," she said, and the other one, her friend, loo
ked over at me. The other one was reading a little black book while she drank he
r coffee. It looked like a Bible, but it was too skinny. It was a Bible-type boo
k, though. All the two of them were eating for breakfast was toast and coffee. T
hat depressed me. I hate it if I'm eating bacon and eggs or something and somebo
dy else is only eating toast and coffee.
They let me give them ten bucks as a contribution. They kept asking me i
f I was sure I could afford it and all. I told them I had quite a bit of money w
ith me, but they didn't seem to believe me. They took it, though, finally. The b
oth of them kept thanking me so much it was embarrassing. I swung the conversati
on around to general topics and asked them where they were going. They said they
were schoolteachers and that they'd just come from Chicago and that they were g
oing to start teaching at some convent on 168th Street or 186th Street or one of
those streets way the hell uptown. The one next to me, with the iron glasses, s
aid she taught English and her friend taught history and American government. Th
en I started wondering like a bastard what the one sitting next to me, that taug
ht English, thought about, being a nun and all, when she read certain books for
English. Books not necessarily with a lot of sexy stuff in them, but books with
lovers and all in them. Take old Eustacia Vye, in The Return of the Native by Th
omas Hardy. She wasn't too sexy or anything, but even so you can't help wonderin
g what a nun maybe thinks about when she reads about old Eustacia. I didn't say
anything, though, naturally. All I said was English was my best subject.
"Oh, really? Oh, I'm so glad!" the one with the glasses, that taught Eng
lish, said. "What have you read this year? I'd be very interested to know." She
was really nice.
"Well, most of the time we were on the Anglo-Saxons. Beowulf, and old Gr
endel, and Lord Randal My Son, and all those things. But we had to read outside
books for extra credit once in a while. I read The Return of the Native by Thoma
s Hardy, and Romeo and Juliet and Julius--"
"Oh, Romeo and Juliet! Lovely! Didn't you just love it?" She certainly d
idn't sound much like a nun.
"Yes. I did. I liked it a lot. There were a few things I didn't like abo
ut it, but it was quite moving, on the whole."
"What didn't you like about it? Can you remember?" To tell you the truth
, it was sort of embarrassing, in a way, to be talking about Romeo and Juliet wi
th her. I mean that play gets pretty sexy in some parts, and she was a nun and a
ll, but she asked me, so I discussed it with her for a while. "Well, I'm not too
crazy about Romeo and Juliet," I said. "I mean I like them, but--I don't know.
They get pretty annoying sometimes. I mean I felt much sorrier when old Mercutio
got killed than when Romeo and Juliet did. The think is, I never liked Romeo to
o much after Mercutio gets stabbed by that other man--Juliet's cousin--what's hi
s name?"
"Tybalt."
"That's right. Tybalt," I said--I always forget that guy's name. "It was
Romeo's fault. I mean I liked him the best in the play, old Mercutio. I don't k
now. All those Montagues and Capulets, they're all right--especially Juliet--but
Mercutio, he was--it's hard to explain. He was very smart and entertaining and
all. The thing is, it drives me crazy if somebody gets killed-- especially someb
ody very smart and entertaining and all--and it's somebody else's fault. Romeo a
nd Juliet, at least it was their own fault."
"What school do you go to?" she asked me. She probably wanted to get off
the subject of Romeo and Juliet.
I told her Pencey, and she'd heard of it. She said it was a very good sc
hool. I let it pass, though. Then the other one, the one that taught history and
government, said they'd better be running along. I took their check off them, b
ut they wouldn't let me pay it. The one with the glasses made me give it back to
her.
"You've been more than generous," she said. "You're a very sweet boy." S
he certainly was nice. She reminded me a little bit of old Ernest Morrow's mothe
r, the one I met on the train. When she smiled, mostly. "We've enjoyed talking t
o you so much," she said.
I said I'd enjoyed talking to them a lot, too. I meant it, too. I'd have
enjoyed it even more though, I think, if I hadn't been sort of afraid, the whol
e time I was talking to them, that they'd all of a sudden try to find out if I w
as a Catholic. Catholics are always trying to find out if you're a Catholic. It
happens to me a lot, I know, partly because my last name is Irish, and most peop
le of Irish descent are Catholics. As a matter of fact, my father was a Catholic
once. He quit, though, when he married my mother. But Catholics are always tryi
ng to find out if you're a Catholic even if they don't know your last name. I kn
ew this one Catholic boy, Louis Shaney, when I was at the Whooton School. He was
the first boy I ever met there. He and I were sitting in the first two chairs o
utside the goddam infirmary, the day school opened, waiting for our physicals, a
nd we sort of struck up this conversation about tennis. He was quite interested
in tennis, and so was I. He told me he went to the Nationals at Forest Hills eve
ry summer, and I told him I did too, and then we talked about certain hot-shot t
ennis players for quite a while. He knew quite a lot about tennis, for a kid his
age. He really did. Then, after a while, right in the middle of the goddam conv
ersation, he asked me, "Did you happen to notice where the Catholic church is in
town, by any chance?" The thing was, you could tell by the way he asked me that
he was trying to find out if I was a Catholic. He really was. Not that he was p
rejudiced or anything, but he just wanted to know. He was enjoying the conversat
ion about tennis and all, but you could tell he would've enjoyed it more if I wa
s a Catholic and all. That kind of stuff drives me crazy. I'm not saying it ruin
ed our conversation or anything--it didn't--but it sure as hell didn't do it any
good. That's why I was glad those two nuns didn't ask me if I was a Catholic. I
t wouldn't have spoiled the conversation if they had, but it would've been diffe
rent, probably. I'm not saying I blame Catholics. I don't. I'd be the same way,
probably, if I was a Catholic. It's just like those suitcases I was telling you
about, in a way. All I'm saying is that it's no good for a nice conversation. Th
at's all I'm saying.
When they got up to go, the two nuns, I did something very stupid and em
barrassing. I was smoking a cigarette, and when I stood up to say good-by to the
m, by mistake I blew some smoke in their face. I didn't mean to, but I did it. I
apologized like a madman, and they were very polite and nice about it, but it w
as very embarrassing anyway.
After they left, I started getting sorry that I'd only given them ten bu
cks for their collection. But the thing was, I'd made that date to go to a matin
ee with old Sally Hayes, and I needed to keep some dough for the tickets and stu
ff. I was sorry anyway, though. Goddam money. It always ends up making you blue
as hell.
16
After I had my breakfast, it was only around noon, and I wasn't meeting
old Sally till two o'clock, so I started taking this long walk. I couldn't stop
thinking about those two nuns. I kept thinking about that beatup old straw baske
t they went around collecting money with when they weren't teaching school. I ke
pt trying to picture my mother or somebody, or my aunt, or Sally Hayes's crazy m
other, standing outside some department store and collecting dough for poor peop
le in a beat-up old straw basket. It was hard to picture. Not so much my mother,
but those other two. My aunt's pretty charitable--she does a lot of Red Cross w
ork and all--but she's very well-dressed and all, and when she does anything cha
ritable she's always very well-dressed and has lipstick on and all that crap. I
couldn't picture her doing anything for charity if she had to wear black clothes
and no lipstick while she was doing it. And old Sally Hayes's mother. Jesus Chr
ist. The only way she could go around with a basket collecting dough would be if
everybody kissed her ass for her when they made a contribution. If they just dr
opped their dough in her basket, then walked away without saying anything to her
, ignoring her and all, she'd quit in about an hour. She'd get bored. She'd hand
in her basket and then go someplace swanky for lunch. That's what I liked about
those nuns. You could tell, for one thing, that they never went anywhere swanky
for lunch. It made me so damn sad when I thought about it, their never going an
ywhere swanky for lunch or anything. I knew it wasn't too important, but it made
me sad anyway.
I started walking over toward Broadway, just for the hell of it, because
I hadn't been over there in years. Besides, I wanted to find a record store tha
t was open on Sunday. There was this record I wanted to get for Phoebe, called "
Little Shirley Beans." It was a very hard record to get. It was about a little k
id that wouldn't go out of the house because two of her front teeth were out and
she was ashamed to. I heard it at Pencey. A boy that lived on the next floor ha
d it, and I tried to buy it off him because I knew it would knock old Phoebe out
, but he wouldn't sell it. It was a very old, terrific record that this colored
girl singer, Estelle Fletcher, made about twenty years ago. She sings it very Di
xieland and whorehouse, and it doesn't sound at all mushy. If a white girl was s
inging it, she'd make it sound cute as hell, but old Estelle Fletcher knew what
the hell she was doing, and it was one of the best records I ever heard. I figur
ed I'd buy it in some store that was open on Sunday and then I'd take it up to t
he park with me. It was Sunday and Phoebe goes rollerskating in the park on Sund
ays quite frequently. I knew where she hung out mostly.
It wasn't as cold as it was the day before, but the sun still wasn't out
, and it wasn't too nice for walking. But there was one nice thing. This family
that you could tell just came out of some church were walking right in front of
me--a father, a mother, and a little kid about six years old. They looked sort o
f poor. The father had on one of those pearl-gray hats that poor guys wear a lot
when they want to look sharp. He and his wife were just walking along, talking,
not paying any attention to their kid. The kid was swell. He was walking in the
street, instead of on the sidewalk, but right next to the curb. He was making o
ut like he was walking a very straight line, the way kids do, and the whole time
he kept singing and humming. I got up closer so I could hear what he was singin
g. He was singing that song, "If a body catch a body coming through the rye." He
had a pretty little voice, too. He was just singing for the hell of it, you cou
ld tell. The cars zoomed by, brakes screeched all over the place, his parents pa
id no attention to him, and he kept on walking next to the curb and singing "If
a body catch a body coming through the rye." It made me feel better. It made me
feel not so depressed any more.
Broadway was mobbed and messy. It was Sunday, and only about twelve o'cl
ock, but it was mobbed anyway. Everybody was on their way to the movies--the Par
amount or the Astor or the Strand or the Capitol or one of those crazy places. E
verybody was all dressed up, because it was Sunday, and that made it worse. But
the worst part was that you could tell they all wanted to go to the movies. I co
uldn't stand looking at them. I can understand somebody going to the movies beca
use there's nothing else to do, but when somebody really wants to go, and even w
alks fast so as to get there quicker, then it depresses hell out of me. Especial
ly if I see millions of people standing in one of those long, terrible lines, al
l the way down the block, waiting with this terrific patience for seats and all.
Boy, I couldn't get off that goddam Broadway fast enough. I was lucky. The firs
t record store I went into had a copy of "Little Shirley Beans." They charged me
five bucks for it, because it was so hard to get, but I didn't care. Boy, it ma
de me so happy all of a sudden. I could hardly wait to get to the park to see if
old Phoebe was around so that I could give it to her.
When I came out of the record store, I passed this drugstore, and I went
in. I figured maybe I'd give old Jane a buzz and see if she was home for vacati
on yet. So I went in a phone booth and called her up. The only trouble was, her
mother answered the phone, so I had to hang up. I didn't feel like getting invol
ved in a long conversation and all with her. I'm not crazy about talking to girl
s' mothers on the phone anyway. I should've at least asked her if Jane was home
yet, though. It wouldn't have killed me. But I didn't feel like it. You really h
ave to be in the mood for that stuff.
I still had to get those damn theater tickets, so I bought a paper and l
ooked up to see what shows were playing. On account of it was Sunday, there were
only about three shows playing. So what I did was, I went over and bought two o
rchestra seats for I Know My Love. It was a benefit performance or something. I
didn't much want to see it, but I knew old Sally, the queen of the phonies, woul
d start drooling all over the place when I told her I had tickets for that, beca
use the Lunts were in it and all. She liked shows that are supposed to be very s
ophisticated and dry and all, with the Lunts and all. I don't. I don't like any
shows very much, if you want to know the truth. They're not as bad as movies, bu
t they're certainly nothing to rave about. In the first place, I hate actors. Th
ey never act like people. They just think they do. Some of the good ones do, in
a very slight way, but not in a way that's fun to watch. And if any actor's real
ly good, you can always tell he knows he's good, and that spoils it. You take Si
r Laurence Olivier, for example. I saw him in Hamlet. D.B. took Phoebe and I to
see it last year. He treated us to lunch first, and then he took us. He'd alread
y seen it, and the way he talked about it at lunch, I was anxious as hell to see
it, too. But I didn't enjoy it much. I just don't see what's so marvelous about
Sir Laurence Olivier, that's all. He has a terrific voice, and he's a helluva h
andsome guy, and he's very nice to watch when he's walking or dueling or somethi
ng, but he wasn't at all the way D.B. said Hamlet was. He was too much like a go
ddam general, instead of a sad, screwed-up type guy. The best part in the whole
picture was when old Ophelia's brother--the one that gets in the duel with Hamle
t at the very end--was going away and his father was giving him a lot of advice.
While the father kept giving him a lot of advice, old Ophelia was sort of horsi
ng around with her brother, taking his dagger out of the holster, and teasing hi
m and all while he was trying to look interested in the bull his father was shoo
ting. That was nice. I got a big bang out of that. But you don't see that kind o
f stuff much. The only thing old Phoebe liked was when Hamlet patted this dog on
the head. She thought that was funny and nice, and it was. What I'll have to do
is, I'll have to read that play. The trouble with me is, I always have to read
that stuff by myself. If an actor acts it out, I hardly listen. I keep worrying
about whether he's going to do something phony every minute.
After I got the tickets to the Lunts' show, I took a cab up to the park.
I should've taken a subway or something, because I was getting slightly low on
dough, but I wanted to get off that damn Broadway as fast as I could.
It was lousy in the park. It wasn't too cold, but the sun still wasn't o
ut, and there didn't look like there was anything in the park except dog crap an
d globs of spit and cigar butts from old men, and the benches all looked like th
ey'd be wet if you sat down on them. It made you depressed, and every once in a
while, for no reason, you got goose flesh while you walked. It didn't seem at al
l like Christmas was coming soon. It didn't seem like anything was coming. But I
kept walking over to the Mall anyway, because that's where Phoebe usually goes
when she's in the park. She likes to skate near the bandstand. It's funny. That'
s the same place I used to like to skate when I was a kid.
When I got there, though, I didn't see her around anywhere. There were a
few kids around, skating and all, and two boys were playing Flys Up with a soft
ball, but no Phoebe. I saw one kid about her age, though, sitting on a bench al
l by herself, tightening her skate. I thought maybe she might know Phoebe and co
uld tell me where she was or something, so I went over and sat down next to her
and asked her, "Do you know Phoebe Caulfield, by any chance?"
"Who?" she said. All she had on was jeans and about twenty sweaters. You
could tell her mother made them for her, because they were lumpy as hell.
"Phoebe Caulfield. She lives on Seventy-first Street. She's in the fourt
h grade, over at--"
"You know Phoebe?"
"Yeah, I'm her brother. You know where she is?"
"She's in Miss Callon's class, isn't she?" the kid said.
"I don't know. Yes, I think she is."
"She's prob'ly in the museum, then. We went last Saturday," the kid said
.
"Which museum?" I asked her.
She shrugged her shoulders, sort of. "I don't know," she said. "The muse
um."
"I know, but the one where the pictures are, or the one where the Indian
s are?"
"The one where the Indians."
"Thanks a lot," I said. I got up and started to go, but then I suddenly
remembered it was Sunday. "This is Sunday," I told the kid.
She looked up at me. "Oh. Then she isn't."
She was having a helluva time tightening her skate. She didn't have any
gloves on or anything and her hands were all red and cold. I gave her a hand wit
h it. Boy, I hadn't had a skate key in my hand for years. It didn't feel funny,
though. You could put a skate key in my hand fifty years from now, in pitch dark
, and I'd still know what it is. She thanked me and all when I had it tightened
for her. She was a very nice, polite little kid. God, I love it when a kid's nic
e and polite when you tighten their skate for them or something. Most kids are.
They really are. I asked her if she'd care to have a hot chocolate or something
with me, but she said no, thank you. She said she had to meet her friend. Kids a
lways have to meet their friend. That kills me.
Even though it was Sunday and Phoebe wouldn't be there with her class or
anything, and even though it was so damp and lousy out, I walked all the way th
rough the park over to the Museum of Natural History. I knew that was the museum
the kid with the skate key meant. I knew that whole museum routine like a book.
Phoebe went to the same school I went to when I was a kid, and we used to go th
ere all the time. We had this teacher, Miss Aigletinger, that took us there damn
near every Saturday. Sometimes we looked at the animals and sometimes we looked
at the stuff the Indians had made in ancient times. Pottery and straw baskets a
nd all stuff like that. I get very happy when I think about it. Even now. I reme
mber after we looked at all the Indian stuff, usually we went to see some movie
in this big auditorium. Columbus. They were always showing Columbus discovering
America, having one helluva time getting old Ferdinand and Isabella to lend him
the dough to buy ships with, and then the sailors mutinying on him and all. Nobo
dy gave too much of a damn about old Columbus, but you always had a lot of candy
and gum and stuff with you, and the inside of that auditorium had such a nice s
mell. It always smelled like it was raining outside, even if it wasn't, and you
were in the only nice, dry, cosy place in the world. I loved that damn museum. I
remember you had to go through the Indian Room to get to the auditorium. It was
a long, long room, and you were only supposed to whisper. The teacher would go
first, then the class. You'd be two rows of kids, and you'd have a partner. Most
of the time my partner was this girl named Gertrude Levine. She always wanted t
o hold your hand, and her hand was always sticky or sweaty or something. The flo
or was all stone, and if you had some marbles in your hand and you dropped them,
they bounced like madmen all over the floor and made a helluva racket, and the
teacher would hold up the class and go back and see what the hell was going on.
She never got sore, though, Miss Aigletinger. Then you'd pass by this long, long
Indian war canoe, about as long as three goddam Cadillacs in a row, with about
twenty Indians in it, some of them paddling, some of them just standing around l
ooking tough, and they all had war paint all over their faces. There was one ver
y spooky guy in the back of the canoe, with a mask on. He was the witch doctor.
He gave me the creeps, but I liked him anyway. Another thing, if you touched one
of the paddles or anything while you were passing, one of the guards would say
to you, "Don't touch anything, children," but he always said it in a nice voice,
not like a goddam cop or anything. Then you'd pass by this big glass case, with
Indians inside it rubbing sticks together to make a fire, and a squaw weaving a
blanket. The squaw that was weaving the blanket was sort of bending over, and y
ou could see her bosom and all. We all used to sneak a good look at it, even the
girls, because they were only little kids and they didn't have any more bosom t
han we did. Then, just before you went inside the auditorium, right near the doo
rs, you passed this Eskimo. He was sitting over a hole in this icy lake, and he
was fishing through it. He had about two fish right next to the hole, that he'd
already caught. Boy, that museum was full of glass cases. There were even more u
pstairs, with deer inside them drinking at water holes, and birds flying south f
or the winter. The birds nearest you were all stuffed and hung up on wires, and
the ones in back were just painted on the wall, but they all looked like they we
re really flying south, and if you bent your head down and sort of looked at the
m upside down, they looked in an even bigger hurry to fly south. The best thing,
though, in that museum was that everything always stayed right where it was. No
body'd move. You could go there a hundred thousand times, and that Eskimo would
still be just finished catching those two fish, the birds would still be on thei
r way south, the deers would still be drinking out of that water hole, with thei
r pretty antlers and their pretty, skinny legs, and that squaw with the naked bo
som would still be weaving that same blanket. Nobody'd be different. The only th
ing that would be different would be you. Not that you'd be so much older or any
thing. It wouldn't be that, exactly. You'd just be different, that's all. You'd
have an overcoat on this time. Or the kid that was your partner in line the last
time had got scarlet fever and you'd have a new partner. Or you'd have a substi
tute taking the class, instead of Miss Aigletinger. Or you'd heard your mother a
nd father having a terrific fight in the bathroom. Or you'd just passed by one o
f those puddles in the street with gasoline rainbows in them. I mean you'd be di
fferent in some way--I can't explain what I mean. And even if I could, I'm not s
ure I'd feel like it.
I took my old hunting hat out of my pocket while I walked, and put it on
. I knew I wouldn't meet anybody that knew me, and it was pretty damp out. I kep
t walking and walking, and I kept thinking about old Phoebe going to that museum
on Saturdays the way I used to. I thought how she'd see the same stuff I used t
o see, and how she'd be different every time she saw it. It didn't exactly depre
ss me to think about it, but it didn't make me feel gay as hell, either. Certain
things they should stay the way they are. You ought to be able to stick them in
one of those big glass cases and just leave them alone. I know that's impossibl
e, but it's too bad anyway. Anyway, I kept thinking about all that while I walke
d.
I passed by this playground and stopped and watched a couple of very tin
y kids on a seesaw. One of them was sort of fat, and I put my hand on the skinny
kid's end, to sort of even up the weight, but you could tell they didn't want m
e around, so I let them alone.
Then a funny thing happened. When I got to the museum, all of a sudden I
wouldn't have gone inside for a million bucks. It just didn't appeal to me--and
here I'd walked through the whole goddam park and looked forward to it and all.
If Phoebe'd been there, I probably would have, but she wasn't. So all I did, in
front of the museum, was get a cab and go down to the Biltmore. I didn't feel m
uch like going. I'd made that damn date with Sally, though.
17
I was way early when I got there, so I just sat down on one of those lea
ther couches right near the clock in the lobby and watched the girls. A lot of s
chools were home for vacation already, and there were about a million girls sitt
ing and standing around waiting for their dates to show up. Girls with their leg
s crossed, girls with their legs not crossed, girls with terrific legs, girls wi
th lousy legs, girls that looked like swell girls, girls that looked like they'd
be bitches if you knew them. It was really nice sightseeing, if you know what I
mean. In a way, it was sort of depressing, too, because you kept wondering what
the hell would happen to all of them. When they got out of school and college,
I mean. You figured most of them would probably marry dopey guys. Guys that alwa
ys talk about how many miles they get to a gallon in their goddam cars. Guys tha
t get sore and childish as hell if you beat them at golf, or even just some stup
id game like ping-pong. Guys that are very mean. Guys that never read books. Guy
s that are very boring--But I have to be careful about that. I mean about callin
g certain guys bores. I don't understand boring guys. I really don't. When I was
at Elkton Hills, I roomed for about two months with this boy, Harris Mackim. He
was very intelligent and all, but he was one of the biggest bores I ever met. H
e had one of these very raspy voices, and he never stopped talking, practically.
He never stopped talking, and what was awful was, he never said anything you wa
nted to hear in the first place. But he could do one thing. The sonuvabitch coul
d whistle better than anybody I ever heard. He'd be making his bed, or hanging u
p stuff in the closet--he was always hanging up stuff in the closet--it drove me
crazy--and he'd be whistling while he did it, if he wasn't talking in this rasp
y voice. He could even whistle classical stuff, but most of the time he just whi
stled jazz. He could take something very jazzy, like "Tin Roof Blues," and whist
le it so nice and easy--right while he was hanging stuff up in the closet--that
it could kill you. Naturally, I never told him I thought he was a terrific whis
tler. I mean you don't just go up to somebody and say, "You're a terrific whistl
er." But I roomed with him for about two whole months, even though he bored me t
ill I was half crazy, just because he was such a terrific whistler, the best I e
ver heard. So I don't know about bores. Maybe you shouldn't feel too sorry if yo
u see some swell girl getting married to them. They don't hurt anybody, most of
them, and maybe they're secretly all terrific whistlers or something. Who the he
ll knows? Not me.
Finally, old Sally started coming up the stairs, and I started down to m
eet her. She looked terrific. She really did. She had on this black coat and sor
t of a black beret. She hardly ever wore a hat, but that beret looked nice. The
funny part is, I felt like marrying her the minute I saw her. I'm crazy. I didn'
t even like her much, and yet all of a sudden I felt like I was in love with her
and wanted to marry her. I swear to God I'm crazy. I admit it.
"Holden!" she said. "It's marvelous to see you! It's been ages." She had
one of these very loud, embarrassing voices when you met her somewhere. She got
away with it because she was so damn good-looking, but it always gave me a pain
in the ass.
"Swell to see you," I said. I meant it, too. "How are ya, anyway?"
"Absolutely marvelous. Am I late?"
I told her no, but she was around ten minutes late, as a matter of fact.
I didn't give a damn, though. All that crap they have in cartoons in the Saturd
ay Evening Post and all, showing guys on street corners looking sore as hell bec
ause their dates are late--that's bunk. If a girl looks swell when she meets you
, who gives a damn if she's late? Nobody. "We better hurry," I said. "The show s
tarts at two-forty." We started going down the stairs to where the taxis are.
"What are we going to see?" she said.
"I don't know. The Lunts. It's all I could get tickets for."
"The Lunts! Oh, marvelous!" I told you she'd go mad when she heard it wa
s for the Lunts.
We horsed around a little bit in the cab on the way over to the theater.
At first she didn't want to, because she had her lipstick on and all, but I was
being seductive as hell and she didn't have any alternative. Twice, when the go
ddam cab stopped short in traffic, I damn near fell off the seat. Those damn dri
vers never even look where they're going, I swear they don't. Then, just to show
you how crazy I am, when we were coming out of this big clinch, I told her I lo
ved her and all. It was a lie, of course, but the thing is, I meant it when I sa
id it. I'm crazy. I swear to God I am.
"Oh, darling, I love you too," she said. Then, right in the same damn br
eath, she said, "Promise me you'll let your hair grow. Crew cuts are getting cor
ny. And your hair's so lovely."
Lovely my ass.
The show wasn't as bad as some I've seen. It was on the crappy side, tho
ugh. It was about five hundred thousand years in the life of this one old couple
. It starts out when they're young and all, and the girl's parents don't want he
r to marry the boy, but she marries him anyway. Then they keep getting older and
older. The husband goes to war, and the wife has this brother that's a drunkard
. I couldn't get very interested. I mean I didn't care too much when anybody in
the family died or anything. They were all just a bunch of actors. The husband a
nd wife were a pretty nice old couple--very witty and all--but I couldn't get to
o interested in them. For one thing, they kept drinking tea or some goddam thing
all through the play. Every time you saw them, some butler was shoving some tea
in front of them, or the wife was pouring it for somebody. And everybody kept c
oming in and going out all the time--you got dizzy watching people sit down and
stand up. Alfred Lunt and Lynn Fontanne were the old couple, and they were very
good, but I didn't like them much. They were different, though, I'll say that. T
hey didn't act like people and they didn't act like actors. It's hard to explain
. They acted more like they knew they were celebrities and all. I mean they were
good, but they were too good. When one of them got finished making a speech, th
e other one said something very fast right after it. It was supposed to be like
people really talking and interrupting each other and all. The trouble was, it w
as too much like people talking and interrupting each other. They acted a little
bit the way old Ernie, down in the Village, plays the piano. If you do somethin
g too good, then, after a while, if you don't watch it, you start showing off. A
nd then you're not as good any more. But anyway, they were the only ones in the
show--the Lunts, I mean--that looked like they had any real brains. I have to ad
mit it.
At the end of the first act we went out with all the other jerks for a c
igarette. What a deal that was. You never saw so many phonies in all your life,
everybody smoking their ears off and talking about the play so that everybody co
uld hear and know how sharp they were. Some dopey movie actor was standing near
us, having a cigarette. I don't know his name, but he always plays the part of a
guy in a war movie that gets yellow before it's time to go over the top. He was
with some gorgeous blonde, and the two of them were trying to be very blas? and
all, like as if he didn't even know people were looking at him. Modest as hell.
I got a big bang out of it. Old Sally didn't talk much, except to rave about th
e Lunts, because she was busy rubbering and being charming. Then all of a sudden
, she saw some jerk she knew on the other side of the lobby. Some guy in one of
those very dark gray flannel suits and one of those checkered vests. Strictly Iv
y League. Big deal. He was standing next to the wall, smoking himself to death a
nd looking bored as hell. Old Sally kept saying, "I know that boy from somewhere
." She always knew somebody, any place you took her, or thought she did. She kep
t saying that till I got bored as hell, and I said to her, "Why don't you go on
over and give him a big soul kiss, if you know him? He'll enjoy it." She got sor
e when I said that. Finally, though, the jerk noticed her and came over and said
hello. You should've seen the way they said hello. You'd have thought they hadn
't seen each other in twenty years. You'd have thought they'd taken baths in the
same bathtub or something when they were little kids. Old buddyroos. It was nau
seating. The funny part was, they probably met each other just once, at some pho
ny party. Finally, when they were all done slobbering around, old Sally introduc
ed us. His name was George something--I don't even remember--and he went to Ando
ver. Big, big deal. You should've seen him when old Sally asked him how he liked
the play. He was the kind of a phony that have to give themselves room when the
y answer somebody's question. He stepped back, and stepped right on the lady's f
oot behind him. He probably broke every toe in her body. He said the play itself
was no masterpiece, but that the Lunts, of course, were absolute angels. Angels
. For Chrissake. Angels. That killed me. Then he and old Sally started talking a
bout a lot of people they both knew. It was the phoniest conversation you ever h
eard in your life. They both kept thinking of places as fast as they could, then
they'd think of somebody that lived there and mention their name. I was all set
to puke when it was time to go sit down again. I really was. And then, when the
next act was over, they continued their goddam boring conversation. They kept t
hinking of more places and more names of people that lived there. The worst part
was, the jerk had one of those very phony, Ivy League voices, one of those very
tired, snobby voices. He sounded just like a girl. He didn't hesitate to horn i
n on my date, the bastard. I even thought for a minute that he was going to get
in the goddam cab with us when the show was over, because he walked about two bl
ocks with us, but he had to meet a bunch of phonies for cocktails, he said. I co
uld see them all sitting around in some bar, with their goddam checkered vests,
criticizing shows and books and women in those tired, snobby voices. They kill m
e, those guys.
I sort of hated old Sally by the time we got in the cab, after listening
to that phony Andover bastard for about ten hours. I was all set to take her ho
me and all--I really was--but she said, "I have a marvelous idea!" She was alway
s having a marvelous idea. "Listen," she said. "What time do you have to be home
for dinner? I mean are you in a terrible hurry or anything? Do you have to be h
ome any special time?"
"Me? No. No special time," I said. Truer word was never spoken, boy. "Wh
y?"
"Let's go ice-skating at Radio City!"
That's the kind of ideas she always had.
"Ice-skating at Radio City? You mean right now?"
"Just for an hour or so. Don't you want to? If you don't want to--"
"I didn't say I didn't want to," I said. "Sure. If you want to."
"Do you mean it? Don't just say it if you don't mean it. I mean I don't
give a darn, one way or the other."
Not much she didn't.
"You can rent those darling little skating skirts," old Sally said. "Jea
nnette Cultz did it last week."
That's why she was so hot to go. She wanted to see herself in one of tho
se little skirts that just come down over their butt and all.
So we went, and after they gave us our skates, they gave Sally this litt
le blue butt-twitcher of a dress to wear. She really did look damn good in it, t
hough. I save to admit it. And don't think she didn't know it. The kept walking
ahead of me, so that I'd see how cute her little ass looked. It did look pretty
cute, too. I have to admit it.
The funny part was, though, we were the worst skaters on the whole godda
m rink. I mean the worst. And there were some lulus, too. Old Sally's ankles kep
t bending in till they were practically on the ice. They not only looked stupid
as hell, but they probably hurt like hell, too. I know mine did. Mine were killi
ng me. We must've looked gorgeous. And what made it worse, there were at least a
couple of hundred rubbernecks that didn't have anything better to do than stand
around and watch everybody falling all over themselves.
"Do you want to get a table inside and have a drink or something?" I sai
d to her finally.
"That's the most marvelous idea you've had all day," the said. She was k
illing herself. It was brutal. I really felt sorry for her.
We took off our goddam skates and went inside this bar where you can get
drinks and watch the skaters in just your stocking feet. As soon as we sat down
, old Sally took off her gloves, and I gave her a cigarette. She wasn't looking
too happy. The waiter came up, and I ordered a Coke for her--she didn't drink--a
nd a Scotch and soda for myself, but the sonuvabitch wouldn't bring me one, so I
had a Coke, too. Then I sort of started lighting matches. I do that quite a lot
when I'm in a certain mood. I sort of let them burn down till I can't hold them
any more, then I drop them in the ashtray. It's a nervous habit.
Then all of a sudden, out of a clear blue sky, old Sally said, "Look. I
have to know. Are you or aren't you coming over to help me trim the tree Christm
as Eve? I have to know." She was still being snotty on account of her ankles whe
n she was skating.
"I wrote you I would. You've asked me that about twenty times. Sure, I a
m."
"I mean I have to know," she said. She started looking all around the go
ddam room.
All of a sudden I quit lighting matches, and sort of leaned nearer to he
r over the table. I had quite a few topics on my mind. "Hey, Sally," I said.
"What?" she said. She was looking at some girl on the other side of the
room.
"Did you ever get fed up?" I said. "I mean did you ever get scared that
everything was going to go lousy unless you did something? I mean do you like sc
hool, and all that stuff?"
"It's a terrific bore."
"I mean do you hate it? I know it's a terrific bore, but do you hate it,
is what I mean."
"Well, I don't exactly hate it. You always have to--"
"Well, I hate it. Boy, do I hate it," I said. "But it isn't just that. I
t's everything. I hate living in New York and all. Taxicabs, and Madison Avenue
buses, with the drivers and all always yelling at you to get out at the rear doo
r, and being introduced to phony guys that call the Lunts angels, and going up a
nd down in elevators when you just want to go outside, and guys fitting your pan
ts all the time at Brooks, and people always--"
"Don't shout, please," old Sally said. Which was very funny, because I w
asn't even shouting.
"Take cars," I said. I said it in this very quiet voice. "Take most peop
le, they're crazy about cars. They worry if they get a little scratch on them, a
nd they're always talking about how many miles they get to a gallon, and if they
get a brand-new car already they start thinking about trading it in for one tha
t's even newer. I don't even like old cars. I mean they don't even interest me.
I'd rather have a goddam horse. A horse is at least human, for God's sake. A hor
se you can at least--"
"I don't know what you're even talking about," old Sally said. "You jump
from one--"
"You know something?" I said. "You're probably the only reason I'm in Ne
w York right now, or anywhere. If you weren't around, I'd probably be someplace
way the hell off. In the woods or some goddam place. You're the only reason I'm
around, practically."
"You're sweet," she said. But you could tell she wanted me to change the
damn subject.
"You ought to go to a boys' school sometime. Try it sometime," I said. "
It's full of phonies, and all you do is study so that you can learn enough to be
smart enough to be able to buy a goddam Cadillac some day, and you have to keep
making believe you give a damn if the football team loses, and all you do is ta
lk about girls and liquor and sex all day, and everybody sticks together in thes
e dirty little goddam cliques. The guys that are on the basketball team stick to
gether, the Catholics stick together, the goddam intellectuals stick together, t
he guys that play bridge stick together. Even the guys that belong to the goddam
Book-of-the-Month Club stick together. If you try to have a little intelligent-
-"
"Now, listen," old Sally said. "Lots of boys get more out of school than
that."
"I agree! I agree they do, some of them! But that's all I get out of it.
See? That's my point. That's exactly my goddam point," I said. "I don't get har
dly anything out of anything. I'm in bad shape. I'm in lousy shape."
"You certainly are."
Then, all of a sudden, I got this idea.
"Look," I said. "Here's my idea. How would you like to get the hell out
of here? Here's my idea. I know this guy down in Greenwich Village that we can b
orrow his car for a couple of weeks. He used to go to the same school I did and
he still owes me ten bucks. What we could do is, tomorrow morning we could drive
up to Massachusetts and Vermont, and all around there, see. It's beautiful as h
ell up there, It really is." I was getting excited as hell, the more I thought o
f it, and I sort of reached over and took old Sally's goddam hand. What a goddam
fool I was. "No kidding," I said. "I have about a hundred and eighty bucks in t
he bank. I can take it out when it opens in the morning, and then I could go dow
n and get this guy's car. No kidding. We'll stay in these cabin camps and stuff
like that till the dough runs out. Then, when the dough runs out, I could get a
job somewhere and we could live somewhere with a brook and all and, later on, we
could get married or something. I could chop all our own wood in the wintertime
and all. Honest to God, we could have a terrific time! Wuddaya say? C'mon! Wudd
aya say? Will you do it with me? Please!"
"You can't just do something like that," old Sally said. She sounded sor
e as hell.
"Why not? Why the hell not?"
"Stop screaming at me, please," she said. Which was crap, because I wasn
't even screaming at her.
"Why can'tcha? Why not?"
"Because you can't, that's all. In the first place, we're both practical
ly children. And did you ever stop to think what you'd do if you didn't get a jo
b when your money ran out? We'd starve to death. The whole thing's so fantastic,
it isn't even--"
"It isn't fantastic. I'd get a job. Don't worry about that. You don't ha
ve to worry about that. What's the matter? Don't you want to go with me? Say so,
if you don't."
"It isn't that. It isn't that at all," old Sally said. I was beginning t
o hate her, in a way. "We'll have oodles of time to do those things--all those t
hings. I mean after you go to college and all, and if we should get married and
all. There'll be oodles of marvelous places to go to. You're just--"
"No, there wouldn't be. There wouldn't be oodles of places to go to at a
ll. It'd be entirely different," I said. I was getting depressed as hell again.
"What?" she said. "I can't hear you. One minute you scream at me, and th
e next you--"
"I said no, there wouldn't be marvelous places to go to after I went to
college and all. Open your ears. It'd be entirely different. We'd have to go dow
nstairs in elevators with suitcases and stuff. We'd have to phone up everybody a
nd tell 'em good-by and send 'em postcards from hotels and all. And I'd be worki
ng in some office, making a lot of dough, and riding to work in cabs and Madison
Avenue buses, and reading newspapers, and playing bridge all the time, and goin
g to the movies and seeing a lot of stupid shorts and coming attractions and new
sreels. Newsreels. Christ almighty. There's always a dumb horse race, and some d
ame breaking a bottle over a ship, and some chimpanzee riding a goddam bicycle w
ith pants on. It wouldn't be the same at all. You don't see what I mean at all."
"Maybe I don't! Maybe you don't, either," old Sally said. We both hated
each other's guts by that time. You could see there wasn't any sense trying to h
ave an intelligent conversation. I was sorry as hell I'd started it.
"C'mon, let's get outa here," I said. "You give me a royal pain in the a
ss, if you want to know the truth."
Boy, did she hit the ceiling when I said that. I know I shouldn't've sai
d it, and I probably wouldn't've ordinarily, but she was depressing the hell out
of me. Usually I never say crude things like that to girls. Boy, did she hit th
e ceiling. I apologized like a madman, but she wouldn't accept my apology. She w
as even crying. Which scared me a little bit, because I was a little afraid she'
d go home and tell her father I called her a pain in the ass. Her father was one
of those big silent bastards, and he wasn't too crazy about me anyhow. He once
told old Sally I was too goddam noisy.
"No kidding. I'm sorry," I kept telling her.
"You're sorry. You're sorry. That's very funny," she said. She was still
sort of crying, and all of a sudden I did feel sort of sorry I'd said it.
"C'mon, I'll take ya home. No kidding."
"I can go home by myself, thank you. If you think I'd let you take me ho
me, you're mad. No boy ever said that to me in my entire life."
The whole thing was sort of funny, in a way, if you thought about it, an
d all of a sudden I did something I shouldn't have. I laughed. And I have one of
these very loud, stupid laughs. I mean if I ever sat behind myself in a movie o
r something, I'd probably lean over and tell myself to please shut up. It made o
ld Sally madder than ever.
I stuck around for a while, apologizing and trying to get her to excuse
me, but she wouldn't. She kept telling me to go away and leave her alone. So fin
ally I did it. I went inside and got my shoes and stuff, and left without her. I
shouldn't've, but I was pretty goddam fed up by that time.
If you want to know the truth, I don't even know why I started all that
stuff with her. I mean about going away somewhere, to Massachusetts and Vermont
and all. I probably wouldn't've taken her even if she'd wanted to go with me. Sh
e wouldn't have been anybody to go with. The terrible part, though, is that I me
ant it when I asked her. That's the terrible part. I swear to God I'm a madman.
18
When I left the skating rink I felt sort of hungry, so I went in this dr
ugstore and had a Swiss cheese sandwich and a malted, and then I went in a phone
booth. I thought maybe I might give old Jane another buzz and see if she was ho
me yet. I mean I had the whole evening free, and I thought I'd give her a buzz a
nd, if she was home yet, take her dancing or something somewhere. I never danced
with her or anything the whole time I knew her. I saw her dancing once, though.
She looked like a very good dancer. It was at this Fourth of July dance at the
club. I didn't know her too well then, and I didn't think I ought to cut in on h
er date. She was dating this terrible guy, Al Pike, that went to Choate. I didn'
t know him too well, but he was always hanging around the swimming pool. He wore
those white Lastex kind of swimming trunks, and he was always going off the hig
h dive. He did the same lousy old half gainer all day long. It was the only dive
he could do, but he thought he was very hot stuff. All muscles and no brains. A
nyway, that's who Jane dated that night. I couldn't understand it. I swear I cou
ldn't. After we started going around together, I asked her how come she could da
te a showoff bastard like Al Pike. Jane said he wasn't a show-off. She said he h
ad an inferiority complex. She acted like she felt sorry for him or something, a
nd she wasn't just putting it on. She meant it. It's a funny thing about girls.
Every time you mention some guy that's strictly a bastard--very mean, or very co
nceited and all--and when you mention it to the girl, she'll tell you he has an
inferiority complex. Maybe he has, but that still doesn't keep him from being a
bastard, in my opinion. Girls. You never know what they're going to think. I onc
e got this girl Roberta Walsh's roommate a date with a friend of mine. His name
was Bob Robinson and he really had an inferiority complex. You could tell he was
very ashamed of his parents and all, because they said "he don't" and "she don'
t" and stuff like that and they weren't very wealthy. But he wasn't a bastard or
anything. He was a very nice guy. But this Roberta Walsh's roommate didn't like
him at all. She told Roberta he was too conceited--and the reason she thought h
e was conceited was because he happened to mention to her that he was captain of
the debating team. A little thing like that, and she thought he was conceited!
The trouble with girls is, if they like a boy, no matter how big a bastard he is
, they'll say he has an inferiority complex, and if they don't like him, no matt
er how nice a guy he is, or how big an inferiority complex he has, they'll say h
e's conceited. Even smart girls do it.
Anyway, I gave old Jane a buzz again, but her phone didn't answer, so I
had to hang up. Then I had to look through my address book to see who the hell m
ight be available for the evening. The trouble was, though, my address book only
has about three people in it. Jane, and this man, Mr. Antolini, that was my tea
cher at Elkton Hills, and my father's office number. I keep forgetting to put pe
ople's names in. So what I did finally, I gave old Carl Luce a buzz. He graduate
d from the Whooton School after I left. He was about three years older than I wa
s, and I didn't like him too much, but he was one of these very intellectual guy
s-- he had the highest I.Q. of any boy at Whooton--and I thought he might want t
o have dinner with me somewhere and have a slightly intellectual conversation. H
e was very enlightening sometimes. So I gave him a buzz. He went to Columbia now
, but he lived on 65th Street and all, and I knew he'd be home. When I got him o
n the phone, he said he couldn't make it for dinner but that he'd meet me for a
drink at ten o'clock at the Wicker Bar, on 54th. I think he was pretty surprised
to hear from me. I once called him a fat-assed phony.
I had quite a bit of time to kill till ten o'clock, so what I did, I wen
t to the movies at Radio City. It was probably the worst thing I could've done,
but it was near, and I couldn't think of anything else.
I came in when the goddam stage show was on. The Rockettes were kicking
their heads off, the way they do when they're all in line with their arms around
each other's waist. The audience applauded like mad, and some guy behind me kep
t saying to his wife, "You know what that is? That's precision." He killed me. T
hen, after the Rockettes, a guy came out in a tuxedo and roller skates on, and s
tarted skating under a bunch of little tables, and telling jokes while he did it
. He was a very good skater and all, but I couldn't enjoy it much because I kept
picturing him practicing to be a guy that roller-skates on the stage. It seemed
so stupid. I guess I just wasn't in the right mood. Then, after him, they had t
his Christmas thing they have at Radio City every year. All these angels start c
oming out of the boxes and everywhere, guys carrying crucifixes and stuff all ov
er the place, and the whole bunch of them--thousands of them--singing "Come All
Ye Faithful!" like mad. Big deal. It's supposed to be religious as hell, I know,
and very pretty and all, but I can't see anything religious or pretty, for God'
s sake, about a bunch of actors carrying crucifixes all over the stage. When the
y were all finished and started going out the boxes again, you could tell they c
ould hardly wait to get a cigarette or something. I saw it with old Sally Hayes
the year before, and she kept saying how beautiful it was, the costumes and all.
I said old Jesus probably would've puked if He could see it--all those fancy co
stumes and all. Sally said I was a sacrilegious atheist. I probably am. The thin
g Jesus really would've liked would be the guy that plays the kettle drums in th
e orchestra. I've watched that guy since I was about eight years old. My brother
Allie and I, if we were with our parents and all, we used to move our seats and
go way down so we could watch him. He's the best drummer I ever saw. He only ge
ts a chance to bang them a couple of times during a whole piece, but he never lo
oks bored when he isn't doing it. Then when he does bang them, he does it so nic
e and sweet, with this nervous expression on his face. One time when we went to
Washington with my father, Allie sent him a postcard, but I'll bet he never got
it. We weren't too sure how to address it.
After the Christmas thing was over, the goddam picture started. It was s
o putrid I couldn't take my eyes off it. It was about this English guy, Alec som
ething, that was in the war and loses his memory in the hospital and all. He com
es out of the hospital carrying a cane and limping all over the place, all over
London, not knowing who the hell he is. He's really a duke, but he doesn't know
it. Then he meets this nice, homey, sincere girl getting on a bus. Her goddam ha
t blows off and he catches it, and then they go upstairs and sit down and start
talking about Charles Dickens. He's both their favorite author and all. He's car
rying this copy of Oliver Twist and so's she. I could've puked. Anyway, they fel
l in love right away, on account of they're both so nuts about Charles Dickens a
nd all, and he helps her run her publishing business. She's a publisher, the gir
l. Only, she's not doing so hot, because her brother's a drunkard and he spends
all their dough. He's a very bitter guy, the brother, because he was a doctor in
the war and now he can't operate any more because his nerves are shot, so he bo
ozes all the time, but he's pretty witty and all. Anyway, old Alec writes a book
, and this girl publishes it, and they both make a hatful of dough on it. They'r
e all set to get married when this other girl, old Marcia, shows up. Marcia was
Alec's fianc?e before he lost his memory, and she recognizes him when he's in th
is store autographing books. She tells old Alec he's really a duke and all, but
he doesn't believe her and doesn't want to go with her to visit his mother and a
ll. His mother's blind as a bat. But the other girl, the homey one, makes him go
. She's very noble and all. So he goes. But he still doesn't get his memory back
, even when his great Dane jumps all over him and his mother sticks her fingers
all over his face and brings him this teddy bear he used to slobber around with
when he was a kid. But then, one day, some kids are playing cricket on the lawn
and he gets smacked in the head with a cricket ball. Then right away he gets his
goddam memory back and he goes in and kisses his mother on the forehead and all
. Then he starts being a regular duke again, and he forgets all about the homey
babe that has the publishing business. I'd tell you the rest of the story, but I
might puke if I did. It isn't that I'd spoil it for you or anything. There isn'
t anything to spoil for Chrissake. Anyway, it ends up with Alec and the homey ba
be getting married, and the brother that's a drunkard gets his nerves back and o
perates on Alec's mother so she can see again, and then the drunken brother and
old Marcia go for each other. It ends up with everybody at this long dinner tabl
e laughing their asses off because the great Dane comes in with a bunch of puppi
es. Everybody thought it was a male, I suppose, or some goddam thing. All I can
say is, don't see it if you don't want to puke all over yourself.
The part that got me was, there was a lady sitting next to me that cried
all through the goddam picture. The phonier it got, the more she cried. You'd h
ave thought she did it because she was kindhearted as hell, but I was sitting ri
ght next to her, and she wasn't. She had this little kid with her that was bored
as hell and had to go to the bathroom, but she wouldn't take him. She kept tell
ing him to sit still and behave himself. She was about as kindhearted as a godda
m wolf. You take somebody that cries their goddam eyes out over phony stuff in t
he movies, and nine times out of ten they're mean bastards at heart. I'm not kid
ding.
After the movie was over, I started walking down to the Wicker Bar, wher
e I was supposed to meet old Carl Luce, and while I walked I sort of thought abo
ut war and all. Those war movies always do that to me. I don't think I could sta
nd it if I had to go to war. I really couldn't. It wouldn't be too bad if they'd
just take you out and shoot you or something, but you have to stay in the Army
so goddam long. That's the whole trouble. My brother D.B. was in the Army for fo
ur goddam years. He was in the war, too--he landed on D-Day and all--but I reall
y think he hated the Army worse than the war. I was practically a child at the t
ime, but I remember when he used to come home on furlough and all, all he did wa
s lie on his bed, practically. He hardly ever even came in the living room. Late
r, when he went overseas and was in the war and all, he didn't get wounded or an
ything and he didn't have to shoot anybody. All he had to do was drive some cowb
oy general around all day in a command car. He once told Allie and I that if he'
d had to shoot anybody, he wouldn't've known which direction to shoot in. He sai
d the Army was practically as full of bastards as the Nazis were. I remember All
ie once asked him wasn't it sort of good that he was in the war because he was a
writer and it gave him a lot to write about and all. He made Allie go get his b
aseball mitt and then he asked him who was the best war poet, Rupert Brooke or E
mily Dickinson. Allie said Emily Dickinson. I don't know too much about it mysel
f, because I don't read much poetry, but I do know it'd drive me crazy if I had
to be in the Army and be with a bunch of guys like Ackley and Stradlater and old
Maurice all the time, marching with them and all. I was in the Boy Scouts once,
for about a week, and I couldn't even stand looking at the back of the guy's ne
ck in front of me. They kept telling you to look at the back of the guy's neck i
n front of you. I swear if there's ever another war, they better just take me ou
t and stick me in front of a firing squad. I wouldn't object. What gets me about
D.B., though, he hated the war so much, and yet he got me to read this book A F
arewell to Arms last summer. He said it was so terrific. That's what I can't und
erstand. It had this guy in it named Lieutenant Henry that was supposed to be a
nice guy and all. I don't see how D.B. could hate the Army and war and all so mu
ch and still like a phony like that. I mean, for instance, I don't see how he co
uld like a phony book like that and still like that one by Ring Lardner, or that
other one he's so crazy about, The Great Gatsby. D.B. got sore when I said that
, and said I was too young and all to appreciate it, but I don't think so. I tol
d him I liked Ring Lardner and The Great Gatsby and all. I did, too. I was crazy
about The Great Gatsby. Old Gatsby. Old sport. That killed me. Anyway, I'm sort
of glad they've got the atomic bomb invented. If there's ever another war, I'm
going to sit right the hell on top of it. I'll volunteer for it, I swear to God
I will.
19
In case you don't live in New York, the Wicker Bar is in this sort of sw
anky hotel, the Seton Hotel. I used to go there quite a lot, but I don't any mor
e. I gradually cut it out. It's one of those places that are supposed to be very
sophisticated and all, and the phonies are coming in the window. They used to h
ave these two French babes, Tina and Janine, come out and play the piano and sin
g about three times every night. One of them played the piano--strictly lousy--a
nd the other one sang, and most of the songs were either pretty dirty or in Fren
ch. The one that sang, old Janine, was always whispering into the goddam microph
one before she sang. She'd say, "And now we like to geeve you our impression of
Vooly Voo Fransay. Eet ees the story of a leetle Fransh girl who comes to a beeg
ceety, just like New York, and falls een love wees a leetle boy from Brookleen.
We hope you like eet." Then, when she was all done whispering and being cute as
hell, she'd sing some dopey song, half in English and half in French, and drive
all the phonies in the place mad with joy. If you sat around there long enough
and heard all the phonies applauding and all, you got to hate everybody in the w
orld, I swear you did. The bartender was a louse, too. He was a big snob. He did
n't talk to you at all hardly unless you were a big shot or a celebrity or somet
hing. If you were a big shot or a celebrity or something, then he was even more
nauseating. He'd go up to you and say, with this big charming smile, like he was
a helluva swell guy if you knew him, "Well! How's Connecticut?" or "How's Flori
da?" It was a terrible place, I'm not kidding. I cut out going there entirely, g
radually.
It was pretty early when I got there. I sat down at the bar--it was pret
ty crowded--and had a couple of Scotch and sodas before old Luce even showed up.
I stood up when I ordered them so they could see how tall I was and all and not
think I was a goddam minor. Then I watched the phonies for a while. Some guy ne
xt to me was snowing hell out of the babe he was with. He kept telling her she h
ad aristocratic hands. That killed me. The other end of the bar was full of flit
s. They weren't too flitty-looking--I mean they didn't have their hair too long
or anything--but you could tell they were flits anyway. Finally old Luce showed
up.
Old Luce. What a guy. He was supposed to be my Student Adviser when I wa
s at Whooton. The only thing he ever did, though, was give these sex talks and a
ll, late at night when there was a bunch of guys in his room. He knew quite a bi
t about sex, especially perverts and all. He was always telling us about a lot o
f creepy guys that go around having affairs with sheep, and guys that go around
with girls' pants sewed in the lining of their hats and all. And flits and Lesbi
ans. Old Luce knew who every flit and Lesbian in the United States was. All you
had to do was mention somebody--anybody--and old Luce'd tell you if he was a fli
t or not. Sometimes it was hard to believe, the people he said were flits and Le
sbians and all, movie actors and like that. Some of the ones he said were flits
were even married, for God's sake. You'd keep saying to him, "You mean Joe Blow'
s a flit? Joe Blow? That big, tough guy that plays gangsters and cowboys all the
time?" Old Luce'd say, "Certainly." He was always saying "Certainly." He said i
t didn't matter if a guy was married or not. He said half the married guys in th
e world were flits and didn't even know it. He said you could turn into one prac
tically overnight, if you had all the traits and all. He used to scare the hell
out of us. I kept waiting to turn into a flit or something. The funny thing abou
t old Luce, I used to think he was sort of flitty himself, in a way. He was alwa
ys saying, "Try this for size," and then he'd goose the hell out of you while yo
u were going down the corridor. And whenever he went to the can, he always left
the goddam door open and talked to you while you were brushing your teeth or som
ething. That stuff's sort of flitty. It really is. I've known quite a few real f
lits, at schools and all, and they're always doing stuff like that, and that's w
hy I always had my doubts about old Luce. He was a pretty intelligent guy, thoug
h. He really was.
He never said hello or anything when he met you. The first thing he said
when he sat down was that he could only stay a couple of minutes. He said he ha
d a date. Then he ordered a dry Martini. He told the bartender to make it very d
ry, and no olive.
"Hey, I got a flit for you," I told him. "At the end of the bar. Don't l
ook now. I been saving him for ya."
"Very funny," he said. "Same old Caulfield. When are you going to grow u
p?"
I bored him a lot. I really did. He amused me, though. He was one of tho
se guys that sort of amuse me a lot.
"How's your sex life?" I asked him. He hated you to ask him stuff like t
hat.
"Relax," he said. "Just sit back and relax, for Chrissake."
"I'm relaxed," I said. "How's Columbia? Ya like it?"
"Certainly I like it. If I didn't like it I wouldn't have gone there," h
e said. He could be pretty boring himself sometimes.
"What're you majoring in?" I asked him. "Perverts?" I was only horsing a
round.
"What're you trying to be--funny?"
"No. I'm only kidding," I said. "Listen, hey, Luce. You're one of these
intellectual guys. I need your advice. I'm in a terrific--"
He let out this big groan on me. "Listen, Caulfield. If you want to sit
here and have a quiet, peaceful drink and a quiet, peaceful conver--"
"All right, all right," I said. "Relax." You could tell he didn't feel l
ike discussing anything serious with me. That's the trouble with these intellect
ual guys. They never want to discuss anything serious unless they feel like it.
So all I did was, I started discussing topics in general with him. "No kidding,
how's your sex life?" I asked him. "You still going around with that same babe y
ou used to at Whooton? The one with the terrffic--"
"Good God, no," he said.
"How come? What happened to her?"
"I haven't the faintest idea. For all I know, since you ask, she's proba
bly the Whore of New Hampshire by this time."
"That isn't nice. If she was decent enough to let you get sexy with her
all the time, you at least shouldn't talk about her that way."
"Oh, God!" old Luce said. "Is this going to be a typical Caulfield conve
rsation? I want to know right now."
"No," I said, "but it isn't nice anyway. If she was decent and nice enou
gh to let you--"
"Must we pursue this horrible trend of thought?"
I didn't say anything. I was sort of afraid he'd get up and leave on me
if I didn't shut up. So all I did was, I ordered another drink. I felt like gett
ing stinking drunk.
"Who're you going around with now?" I asked him. "You feel like telling
me?"
"Nobody you know."
"Yeah, but who? I might know her."
"Girl lives in the Village. Sculptress. If you must know."
"Yeah? No kidding? How old is she?"
"I've never asked her, for God's sake."
"Well, around how old?"
"I should imagine she's in her late thirties," old Luce said.
"In her late thirties? Yeah? You like that?" I asked him. "You like 'em
that old?" The reason I was asking was because he really knew quite a bit about
sex and all. He was one of the few guys I knew that did. He lost his virginity w
hen he was only fourteen, in Nantucket. He really did.
"I like a mature person, if that's what you mean. Certainly."
"You do? Why? No kidding, they better for sex and all?"
"Listen. Let's get one thing straight. I refuse to answer any typical Ca
ulfield questions tonight. When in hell are you going to grow up?"
I didn't say anything for a while. I let it drop for a while. Then old L
uce ordered another Martini and told the bartender to make it a lot dryer.
"Listen. How long you been going around with her, this sculpture babe?"
I asked him. I was really interested. "Did you know her when you were at Whooton
?"
"Hardly. She just arrived in this country a few months ago."
"She did? Where's she from?"
"She happens to be from Shanghai."
"No kidding! She Chinese, for Chrissake?"
"Obviously."
"No kidding! Do you like that? Her being Chinese?"
"Obviously."
"Why? I'd be interested to know--I really would."
"I simply happen to find Eastern philosophy more satisfactory than Weste
rn. Since you ask."
"You do? Wuddaya mean 'philosophy'? Ya mean sex and all? You mean it's b
etter in China? That what you mean?"
"Not necessarily in China, for God's sake. The East I said. Must we go o
n with this inane conversation?"
"Listen, I'm serious," I said. "No kidding. Why's it better in the East?
"
"It's too involved to go into, for God's sake," old Luce said. "They sim
ply happen to regard sex as both a physical and a spiritual experience. If you t
hink I'm--"
"So do I! So do I regard it as a wuddayacallit--a physical and spiritual
experience and all. I really do. But it depends on who the hell I'm doing it wi
th. If I'm doing it with somebody I don't even--"
"Not so loud, for God's sake, Caulfield. If you can't manage to keep you
r voice down, let's drop the whole--"
"All right, but listen," I said. I was getting excited and I was talking
a little too loud. Sometimes I talk a little loud when I get excited. "This is
what I mean, though," I said. "I know it's supposed to be physical and spiritual
, and artistic and all. But what I mean is, you can't do it with everybody--ever
y girl you neck with and all--and make it come out that way. Can you?"
"Let's drop it," old Luce said. "Do you mind?"
"All right, but listen. Take you and this Chinese babe. What's so good a
bout you two?"
"Drop it, I said."
I was getting a little too personal. I realize that. But that was one of
the annoying things about Luce. When we were at Whooton, he'd make you describe
the most personal stuff that happened to you, but if you started asking him que
stions about himself, he got sore. These intellectual guys don't like to have an
intellectual conversation with you unless they're running the whole thing. They
always want you to shut up when they shut up, and go back to your room when the
y go back to their room. When I was at Whooton old Luce used to hate it--you rea
lly could tell he did--when after he was finished giving his sex talk to a bunch
of us in his room we stuck around and chewed the fat by ourselves for a while.
I mean the other guys and myself. In somebody else's room. Old Luce hated that.
He always wanted everybody to go back to their own room and shut up when he was
finished being the big shot. The thing he was afraid of, he was afraid somebody'
d say something smarter than he had. He really amused me.
"Maybe I'll go to China. My sex life is lousy," I said.
"Naturally. Your mind is immature."
"It is. It really is. I know it," I said. "You know what the trouble wit
h me is? I can never get really sexy--I mean really sexy--with a girl I don't li
ke a lot. I mean I have to like her a lot. If I don't, I sort of lose my goddam
desire for her and all. Boy, it really screws up my sex life something awful. My
sex life stinks."
"Naturally it does, for God's sake. I told you the last time I saw you w
hat you need."
"You mean to go to a psychoanalyst and all?" I said. That's what he'd to
ld me I ought to do. His father was a psychoanalyst and all.
"It's up to you, for God's sake. It's none of my goddam business what yo
u do with your life."
I didn't say anything for a while. I was thinking.
"Supposing I went to your father and had him psychoanalyze me and all,"
I said. "What would he do to me? I mean what would he do to me?"
"He wouldn't do a goddam thing to you. He'd simply talk to you, and you'
d talk to him, for God's sake. For one thing, he'd help you to recognize the pat
terns of your mind."
"The what?"
"The patterns of your mind. Your mind runs in-- Listen. I'm not giving a
n elementary course in psychoanalysis. If you're interested, call him up and mak
e an appointment. If you're not, don't. I couldn't care less, frankly."
I put my hand on his shoulder. Boy, he amused me. "You're a real friendl
y bastard," I told him. "You know that?"
He was looking at his wrist watch. "I have to tear," he said, and stood
up. "Nice seeing you." He got the bartender and told him to bring him his check.
"Hey," I said, just before he beat it. "Did your father ever psychoanaly
ze you?"
"Me? Why do you ask?"
"No reason. Did he, though? Has he?"
"Not exactly. He's helped me to adjust myself to a certain extent, but a
n extensive analysis hasn't been necessary. Why do you ask?"
"No reason. I was just wondering."
"Well. Take it easy," he said. He was leaving his tip and all and he was
starting to go.
"Have just one more drink," I told him. "Please. I'm lonesome as hell. N
o kidding."
He said he couldn't do it, though. He said he was late now, and then he
left.
Old Luce. He was strictly a pain in the ass, but he certainly had a good
vocabulary. He had the largest vocabulary of any boy at Whooton when I was ther
e. They gave us a test.
20
I kept sitting there getting drunk and waiting for old Tina and Janine t
o come out and do their stuff, but they weren't there. A flitty-looking guy with
wavy hair came out and played the piano, and then this new babe, Valencia, came
out and sang. She wasn't any good, but she was better than old Tina and Janine,
and at least she sang good songs. The piano was right next to the bar where I w
as sitting and all, and old Valencia was standing practically right next to me.
I sort of gave her the old eye, but she pretended she didn't even see me. I prob
ably wouldn't have done it, but I was getting drunk as hell. When she was finish
ed, she beat it out of the room so fast I didn't even get a chance to invite her
to join me for a drink, so I called the headwaiter over. I told him to ask old
Valencia if she'd care to join me for a drink. He said he would, but he probably
didn't even give her my message. People never give your message to anybody.
Boy, I sat at that goddam bar till around one o'clock or so, getting dru
nk as a bastard. I could hardly see straight. The one thing I did, though, I was
careful as hell not to get boisterous or anything. I didn't want anybody to not
ice me or anything or ask how old I was. But, boy, I could hardly see straight.
When I was really drunk, I started that stupid business with the bullet in my gu
ts again. I was the only guy at the bar with a bullet in their guts. I kept putt
ing my hand under my jacket, on my stomach and all, to keep the blood from dripp
ing all over the place. I didn't want anybody to know I was even wounded. I was
concealing the fact that I was a wounded sonuvabitch. Finally what I felt like,
I felt like giving old Jane a buzz and see if she was home yet. So I paid my che
ck and all. Then I left the bar and went out where the telephones were. I kept k
eeping my hand under my jacket to keep the blood from dripping. Boy, was I drunk
.
But when I got inside this phone booth, I wasn't much in the mood any mo
re to give old Jane a buzz. I was too drunk, I guess. So what I did, I gave old
Sally Hayes a buzz.
I had to dial about twenty numbers before I got the right one. Boy, was
I blind.
"Hello," I said when somebody answered the goddam phone. I sort of yelle
d it, I was so drunk.
"Who is this?" this very cold lady's voice said.
"This is me. Holden Caulfield. Lemme speaka Sally, please."
"Sally's asleep. This is Sally's grandmother. Why are you calling at thi
s hour, Holden? Do you know what time it is?"
"Yeah. Wanna talka Sally. Very important. Put her on."
"Sally's asleep, young man. Call her tomorrow. Good night."
"Wake 'er up! Wake 'er up, hey. Attaboy."
Then there was a different voice. "Holden, this is me." It was old Sally
. "What's the big idea?"
"Sally? That you?"
"Yes--stop screaming. Are you drunk?"
"Yeah. Listen. Listen, hey. I'll come over Christmas Eve. Okay? Trimma g
oddarn tree for ya. Okay? Okay, hey, Sally?"
"Yes. You're drunk. Go to bed now. Where are you? Who's with you?"
"Sally? I'll come over and trimma tree for ya, okay? Okay, hey?"
"Yes. Go to bed now. Where are you? Who's with you?"
"Nobody. Me, myself and I." Boy was I drunk! I was even still holding on
to my guts. "They got me. Rocky's mob got me. You know that? Sally, you know tha
t?"
"I can't hear you. Go to bed now. I have to go. Call me tomorrow."
"Hey, Sally! You want me trimma tree for ya? Ya want me to? Huh?"
"Yes. Good night. Go home and go to bed."
She hung up on me.
"G'night. G'night, Sally baby. Sally sweetheart darling," I said. Can yo
u imagine how drunk I was? I hung up too, then. I figured she probably just came
home from a date. I pictured her out with the Lunts and all somewhere, and that
Andover jerk. All of them swimming around in a goddam pot of tea and saying sop
histicated stuff to each other and being charming and phony. I wished to God I h
adn't even phoned her. When I'm drunk, I'm a madman.
I stayed in the damn phone booth for quite a while. I kept holding onto
the phone, sort of, so I wouldn't pass out. I wasn't feeling too marvelous, to t
ell you the truth. Finally, though, I came out and went in the men's room, stagg
ering around like a moron, and filled one of the washbowls with cold water. Then
I dunked my head in it, right up to the ears. I didn't even bother to dry it or
anything. I just let the sonuvabitch drip. Then I walked over to this radiator
by the window and sat down on it. It was nice and warm. It felt good because I w
as shivering like a bastard. It's a funny thing, I always shiver like hell when
I'm drunk.
I didn't have anything else to do, so I kept sitting on the radiator and
counting these little white squares on the floor. I was getting soaked. About a
gallon of water was dripping down my neck, getting all over my collar and tie a
nd all, but I didn't give a damn. I was too drunk to give a damn. Then, pretty s
oon, the guy that played the piano for old Valencia, this very wavyhaired, flitt
y-looking guy, came in to comb his golden locks. We sort of struck up a conversa
tion while he was combing it, except that he wasn't too goddam friendly.
"Hey. You gonna see that Valencia babe when you go back in the bar?" I a
sked him.
"It's highly probable," he said. Witty bastard. All I ever meet is witty
bastards.
"Listen. Give her my compliments. Ask her if that goddam waiter gave her
my message, willya?"
"Why don't you go home, Mac? How old are you, anyway?"
"Eighty-six. Listen. Give her my compliments. Okay?"
"Why don't you go home, Mac?"
"Not me. Boy, you can play that goddam piano." I told him. I was just fl
attering him. He played the piano stinking, if you want to know the truth. "You
oughta go on the radio," I said. "Handsome chap like you. All those goddam golde
n locks. Ya need a manager?"
"Go home, Mac, like a good guy. Go home and hit the sack."
"No home to go to. No kidding--you need a manager?"
He didn't answer me. He just went out. He was all through combing his ha
ir and patting it and all, so he left. Like Stradlater. All these handsome guys
are the same. When they're done combing their goddam hair, they beat it on you.
When I finally got down off the radiator and went out to the hat-check r
oom, I was crying and all. I don't know why, but I was. I guess it was because I
was feeling so damn depressed and lonesome. Then, when I went out to the checkr
oom, I couldn't find my goddam check. The hat-check girl was very nice about it,
though. She gave me my coat anyway. And my "Little Shirley Beans" record--I sti
ll had it with me and all. I gave her a buck for being so nice, but she wouldn't
take it. She kept telling me to go home and go to bed. I sort of tried to make
a date with her for when she got through working, but she wouldn't do it. She sa
id she was old enough to be my mother and all. I showed her my goddam gray hair
and told her I was forty-two--I was only horsing around, naturally. She was nice
, though. I showed her my goddam red hunting hat, and she liked it. She made me
put it on before I went out, because my hair was still pretty wet. She was all r
ight.
I didn't feel too drunk any more when I went outside, but it was getting
very cold out again, and my teeth started chattering like hell. I couldn't make
them stop. I walked over to Madison Avenue and started to wait around for a bus
because I didn't have hardly any money left and I had to start economizing on c
abs and all. But I didn't feel like getting on a damn bus. And besides, I didn't
even know where I was supposed to go. So what I did, I started walking over to
the park. I figured I'd go by that little lake and see what the hell the ducks w
ere doing, see if they were around or not, I still didn't know if they were arou
nd or not. It wasn't far over to the park, and I didn't have anyplace else speci
al to go to--I didn't even know where I was going to sleep yet--so I went. I was
n't tired or anything. I just felt blue as hell.
Then something terrible happened just as I got in the park. I dropped ol
d Phoebe's record. It broke-into about fifty pieces. It was in a big envelope an
d all, but it broke anyway. I damn near cried, it made me feel so terrible, but
all I did was, I took the pieces out of the envelope and put them in my coat poc
ket. They weren't any good for anything, but I didn't feel like just throwing
them away. Then I went in the park. Boy, was it dark.
I've lived in New York all my life, and I know Central Park like the bac
k of my hand, because I used to roller-skate there all the time and ride my bike
when I was a kid, but I had the most terrific trouble finding that lagoon that
night. I knew right where it was--it was right near Central Park South and all--
but I still couldn't find it. I must've been drunker than I thought. I kept walk
ing and walking, and it kept getting darker and darker and spookier and spookier
. I didn't see one person the whole time I was in the park. I'm just as glad. I
probably would've jumped about a mile if I had. Then, finally, I found it. What
it was, it was partly frozen and partly not frozen. But I didn't see any ducks a
round. I walked all around the whole damn lake--I damn near fell in once, in fac
t--but I didn't see a single duck. I thought maybe if there were any around, the
y might be asleep or something near the edge of the water, near the grass and al
l. That's how I nearly fell in. But I couldn't find any.
Finally I sat down on this bench, where it wasn't so goddam dark. Boy, I
was still shivering like a bastard, and the back of my hair, even though I had
my hunting hat on, was sort of full of little hunks of ice. That worried me. I t
hought probably I'd get pneumonia and die. I started picturing millions of jerks
coming to my funeral and all. My grandfather from Detroit, that keeps calling o
ut the numbers of the streets when you ride on a goddam bus with him, and my aun
ts--I have about fifty aunts--and all my lousy cousins. What a mob'd be there. T
hey all came when Allie died, the whole goddam stupid bunch of them. I have this
one stupid aunt with halitosis that kept saying how peaceful he looked lying th
ere, D.B. told me. I wasn't there. I was still in the hospital. I had to go to t
he hospital and all after I hurt my hand. Anyway, I kept worrying that I was get
ting pneumonia, with all those hunks of ice in my hair, and that I was going to
die. I felt sorry as hell for my mother and father. Especially my mother, becaus
e she still isn't over my brother Allie yet. I kept picturing her not knowing wh
at to do with all my suits and athletic equipment and all. The only good thing,
I knew she wouldn't let old Phoebe come to my goddam funeral because she was onl
y a little kid. That was the only good part. Then I thought about the whole bunc
h of them sticking me in a goddam cemetery and all, with my name on this tombsto
ne and all. Surrounded by dead guys. Boy, when you're dead, they really fix you
up. I hope to hell when I do die somebody has sense enough to just dump me in th
e river or something. Anything except sticking me in a goddam cemetery. People c
oming and putting a bunch of flowers on your stomach on Sunday, and all that cra
p. Who wants flowers when you're dead? Nobody.
When the weather's nice, my parents go out quite frequently and stick a
bunch of flowers on old Allie's grave. I went with them a couple of times, but I
cut it out. In the first place, I certainly don't enjoy seeing him in that craz
y cemetery. Surrounded by dead guys and tombstones and all. It wasn't too bad wh
en the sun was out, but twice--twice--we were there when it started to rain. It
was awful. It rained on his lousy tombstone, and it rained on the grass on his s
tomach. It rained all over the place. All the visitors that were visiting the ce
metery started running like hell over to their cars. That's what nearly drove me
crazy. All the visitors could get in their cars and turn on their radios and al
l and then go someplace nice for dinner--everybody except Allie. I couldn't stan
d it. I know it's only his body and all that's in the cemetery, and his soul's i
n Heaven and all that crap, but I couldn't stand it anyway. I just wish he wasn'
t there. You didn't know him. If you'd known him, you'd know what I mean. It's n
ot too bad when the sun's out, but the sun only comes out when it feels like com
ing out.
After a while, just to get my mind off getting pneumonia and all, I took
out my dough and tried to count it in the lousy light from the street lamp. All
I had was three singles and five quarters and a nickel left--boy, I spent a for
tune since I left Pencey. Then what I did, I went down near the lagoon and I sor
t of skipped the quarters and the nickel across it, where it wasn't frozen. I do
n't know why I did it, but I did it. I guess I thought it'd take my mind off get
ting pneumonia and dying. It didn't, though.
I started thinking how old Phoebe would feel if I got pneumonia and died
. It was a childish way to think, but I couldn't stop myself. She'd feel pretty
bad if something like that happened. She likes me a lot. I mean she's quite fond
of me. She really is. Anyway, I couldn't get that off my mind, so finally what
I figured I'd do, I figured I'd better sneak home and see her, in case I died an
d all. I had my door key with me and all, and I figured what I'd do, I'd sneak i
n the apartment, very quiet and all, and just sort of chew the fat with her for
a while. The only thing that worried me was our front door. It creaks like a bas
tard. It's a pretty old apartment house, and the superintendent's a lazy bastard
, and everything creaks and squeaks. I was afraid my parents might hear me sneak
ing in. But I decided I'd try it anyhow.
So I got the hell out of the park, and went home. I walked all the way.
It wasn't too far, and I wasn't tired or even drunk any more. It was just very c
old and nobody around anywhere.
21
The best break I had in years, when I got home the regular night elevato
r boy, Pete, wasn't on the car. Some new guy I'd never seen was on the car, so I
figured that if I didn't bump smack into my parents and all I'd be able to say
hello to old Phoebe and then beat it and nobody'd even know I'd been around. It
was really a terrific break. What made it even better, the new elevator boy was
sort of on the stupid side. I told him, in this very casual voice, to take me up
to the Dicksteins'. The Dicksteins were these people that had the other apartme
nt on our floor. I'd already taken off my hunting hat, so as not to look suspici
ous or anything. I went in the elevator like I was in a terrific hurry.
He had the elevator doors all shut and all, and was all set to take me u
p, and then he turned around and said, "They ain't in. They're at a party on the
fourteenth floor."
"That's all right," I said. "I'm supposed to wait for them. I'm their ne
phew."
He gave me this sort of stupid, suspicious look. "You better wait in the
lobby, fella," he said.
"I'd like to--I really would," I said. "But I have a bad leg. I have to
hold it in a certain position. I think I'd better sit down in the chair outside
their door."
He didn't know what the hell I was talking about, so all he said was "Oh
" and took me up. Not bad, boy. It's funny. All you have to do is say something
nobody understands and they'll do practically anything you want them to.
I got off at our floor--limping like a bastard--and started walking over
toward the Dicksteins' side. Then, when I heard the elevator doors shut, I turn
ed around and went over to our side. I was doing all right. I didn't even feel d
runk anymore. Then I took out my door key and opened our door, quiet as hell. Th
en, very, very carefully and all, I went inside and closed the door. I really sh
ould've been a crook.
It was dark as hell in the foyer, naturally, and naturally I couldn't tu
rn on any lights. I had to be careful not to bump into anything and make a racke
t. I certainly knew I was home, though. Our foyer has a funny smell that doesn't
smell like anyplace else. I don't know what the hell it is. It isn't cauliflowe
r and it isn't perfume--I don't know what the hell it is--but you always know yo
u're home. I started to take off my coat and hang it up in the foyer closet, but
that closet's full of hangers that rattle like madmen when you open the door, s
o I left it on. Then I started walking very, very slowly back toward old Phoebe'
s room. I knew the maid wouldn't hear me because she had only one eardrum. She h
ad this brother that stuck a straw down her ear when she was a kid, she once tol
d me. She was pretty deaf and all. But my parents, especially my mother, she has
ears like a goddam bloodhound. So I took it very, very easy when I went past th
eir door. I even held my breath, for God's sake. You can hit my father over the
head with a chair and he won't wake up, but my mother, all you have to do to my
mother is cough somewhere in Siberia and she'll hear you. She's nervous as hell.
Half the time she's up all night smoking cigarettes.
Finally, after about an hour, I got to old Phoebe's room. She wasn't the
re, though. I forgot about that. I forgot she always sleeps in D.B.'s room when
he's away in Hollywood or some place. She likes it because it's the biggest room
in the house. Also because it has this big old madman desk in it that D.B. boug
ht off some lady alcoholic in Philadelphia, and this big, gigantic bed that's ab
out ten miles wide and ten miles long. I don't know where he bought that bed. An
yway, old Phoebe likes to sleep in D.B.'s room when he's away, and he lets her.
You ought to see her doing her homework or something at that crazy desk. It's al
most as big as the bed. You can hardly see her when she's doing her homework. Th
at's the kind of stuff she likes, though. She doesn't like her own room because
it's too little, she says. She says she likes to spread out. That kills me. What
's old Phoebe got to spread out? Nothing.
Anyway, I went into D.B.'s room quiet as hell, and turned on the lamp on
the desk. Old Phoebe didn't even wake up. When the light was on and all, I sort
of looked at her for a while. She was laying there asleep, with her face sort o
f on the side of the pillow. She had her mouth way open. It's funny. You take ad
ults, they look lousy when they're asleep and they have their mouths way open, b
ut kids don't. Kids look all right. They can even have spit all over the pillow
and they still look all right.
I went around the room, very quiet and all, looking at stuff for a while
. I felt swell, for a change. I didn't even feel like I was getting pneumonia or
anything any more. I just felt good, for a change. Old Phoebe's clothes were on
this chair right next to the bed. She's very neat, for a child. I mean she does
n't just throw her stuff around, like some kids. She's no slob. She had the jack
et to this tan suit my mother bought her in Canada hung up on the back of the ch
air. Then her blouse and stuff were on the seat. Her shoes and socks were on the
floor, right underneath the chair, right next to each other. I never saw the sh
oes before. They were new. They were these dark brown loafers, sort of like this
pair I have, and they went swell with that suit my mother bought her in Canada.
My mother dresses her nice. She really does. My mother has terrific taste in so
me things. She's no good at buying ice skates or anything like that, but clothes
, she's perfect. I mean Phoebe always has some dress on that can kill you. You t
ake most little kids, even if their parents are wealthy and all, they usually ha
ve some terrible dress on. I wish you could see old Phoebe in that suit my mothe
r bought her in Canada. I'm not kidding.
I sat down on old D.B.'s desk and looked at the stuff on it. It was most
ly Phoebe's stuff, from school and all. Mostly books. The one on top was called
Arithmetic Is Fun! I sort of opened the first page and took a look at it. This i
s what old Phoebe had on it:
PHOEBE WEATHERFIELD CAULFIELD
4B-1
That killed me. Her middle name is Josephine, for God's sake, not Weathe
rfield. She doesn't like it, though. Every time I see her she's got a new middle
name for herself.
The book underneath the arithmetic was a geography, and the book under t
he geography was a speller. She's very good in spelling. She's very good in all
her subjects, but she's best in spelling. Then, under the speller, there were a
bunch of notebooks. She has about five thousand notebooks. You never saw a kid w
ith so many notebooks. I opened the one on top and looked at the first page. It
had on it:
Bernice meet me at recess I have something
very very important to tell you.
That was all there was on that page. The next one had on it:
Why has south eastern Alaska so many caning factories?
Because theres so much salmon
Why has it valuable forests?
because it has the right climate.
What has our government done to make