本物の英語を教えてください（英語の達人求む）

英作です【　】の中が自分の解答です。文法上の誤りや英文の不備を指摘してくれると助かります。
�T
(1)（４０〜５０語程度で）
Young people in Japan should have the right to vote in elections from the age of eighteen. 【I agree with this idea , such a vote have become to be permitted in all over the country , and it is important for the democratic government to be establisfed strongly and more democratically.】
�U
(2)　大学で行いたいボランティア活動とその理由（４０〜５０語程度で）
【When I enter the college , the kind of volunteer which I want to do is picking up litter in the street . Because I couldn`t neglect that people often throw rubbish as if it was proper. So I hope that our town are always kept up clean by sicere volunteers.】

�V
空所補充問題です (５〜１０語程度で)
Maiko and Yuriko have just watched their friend Kazuko lose a tennis match. Maiko is surprised by the match results, whereas Yuriko isn`t On their way home they are discussing their different opinions
Maiko : "Too bad Kazuko lost. Normally she's an excellent player, but today【(3)probably she got wearied with a lot of practice match.】
Yuriko : "Oh, I don't think that's the real reason she lost. Just last month【(4)she had a rest from her hard practice.】So 【(5)she must have been recovered.】And, of course, if a tennis player doesn't do that, she's in trouble."
�W
（１０〜１５語程度で）
Why do John and I prefer to live close to the center of the city, in spite of the noise and the other difficulties of living there? There are two reasons. First, Iiving in the middle of the city puts us close to things we want. For example, there are department stores and movie theaters within walking distance of our house.【(6)Second, it is easy for me to go to the office in the city】. If we lived in the suburbs, it could take hours to go to and from work. Thanks to the location of our home, however, both of us spend less than twenty minutes going to the office.
�X
(５〜１０語程度で)
We know that many animals are capable of trying to deceive . Konrad Lorenz, a famous scientist, told a story about Bully, his old dog whose eyesight had become bad. Bully sometimes mistakenly barked in an unfriendly way at Lorenz when he returned home. After realizing his mistake, Bully would rush past Lorenz and bark angrily at a neighbor's gate, as if【(7)he shows love for his master】. This episode made Lorenz realize that human beings are not the only creatures that try to deceive.

以上です。どうぞ宜しくお願いします。

(1)書き足りませんでした。
I agree with this idea , such a vote have become to be permitted in all over the country , and it is important for the democratic government to be establisfed strongly and more democratically . Therefore japanese government should begin to debate about thismatter and practice it as soon as possible.

(2)も時制がおかしいですね
Because I couldn`t neglect that people often threw rubbish as if it was proper.

悪いこといわん、君には英作は早すぎる。
このまま、がんばっても、悪達者になるだけや。
基本例文の習得と、サイドリーダーを大量にこなしなさい。
このままでは、無理や。　こんなひどい英文を添削するのは
よっぽど奇特な人だけやで。

とりあえず模範解答だけでも？だめですかね

ついでにここも時制で
7)he showed love for his master
ですね

金取るぞｺﾞﾙｧ

かつて、某TOEIC版で活躍していたＣＣＣちゃんの
若いころを彷彿させるような英文だね。

この英作を標準英語に翻訳するとどうなるんですか？

高校生気にするな。英作文というのは本当はものすごく
難しいものなんだよ。大学受験生レベルじゃできなくて
当たり前。どんなに（受験）英語ができるって奴でも
五十歩百歩だ。いくら勉強したって簡単に伸びるような
もんじゃない。だから受験対策としては英作文には時間
かけずに他で点をとるのが得策。君の文を真面目に添削
するとほとんど原型をとどめなくなってしまうので
添削の意味がなくなるしね。英作文の授業なんて適当に
流してその分単語・熟語を精出して覚えなされ。

>>10 に激しく同意。
力のない内に無理して英作文やっても、
無理に無理をかさねた不自然なものしかできない。
できのいい学生でも、文法的には正しくても、単語の活用とか
めちゃくちゃ不自然な英文になってしまう。

>>1
英作文が上手くなりたきゃ読んで、読んで、読みまくれ。
つまり一朝一夕では英作は上達しないってことだね。

東大特進の問題なんで予備校の先生にこのまま見せる前に
学校の先生に見せた方が早いですか？。
とりあえず見せれるとこが此処しかないんで載せたんですが
訂正
(1)I agree with this idea , such a vote have become to be permitted in all over the country , and it is important for the democratic government to be establisfed strongly and more democratically . Therefore japanese government should begin to debate about thismatter and practice it as soon as possible.
(2)Because I couldn`t neglect that people often threw rubbish as if it was proper.

高校生に英作させるのは、音楽理論だけは一応学んだけど
音楽そのものはほとんど聞いたことのない人間に作曲
させるようなものだ。あなたはそんな人の音楽を聴きたいかい？

気にするな。そのまま出せ。他の奴も似たようなものだから。

>>14
御意に

東大模試で１点だったんですけど
訂正
7)he showed love for his master

良い英語の先生を探して頑張ってくれ。世の中、タダで良い先生に
巡り合えたら苦労せんわい！
http://www.geocities.co.jp/CollegeLife-Club/2893/eigo/index-e.html