?･?｡?･　　English板?｡大人のスレッド　　?･?｡?･

English板の、大人向けのスレッドです。
Ｈネタは、こちらでやりましょう。
他のスレッドに迷惑かけないためにも…。
よろしくお願いします。

笑えるかな？

Sex In Old Age
This 65 year old woman is naked, jumping up and down on her bed laughing and singing.
Her husband walks into the bedroom and sees her.
He watches her awhile then says, "You look ridiculous, what on earth are you doing?"
She says, "I just got my check-up and my doctor says I have the breasts of an eighteen-year-old." She starts laughing and jumping again.
He says, "Yeah, right. And what did he say about your 65 year-old ass?"
She says, "Well, your name never came up."

では、オレも１つ。

A husband and wife were checking in to a small motel.
The wife mentions that they are on their honeymoon.
"Oh how nice -- would you like to rent the bridal?"
"Nah, we won't need it," the husband answers.
"I'll just hold her by the ears until she gets the hang of it."

お役立ちリンク。

エロティシズム用語辞典
ttp://64.62.35.76/adult_cdn/01050ABAANgAAAA0DmKzgxYgS_DUsPBCEPqFv4JLGTP_I3sFn1tFyxuuNG09DRgeOBEqQ1XuCPlNQeLTrGQ--/006.jpg

>>4は、うそ！
エロ画像。

本当はこちら。
ttp://www2f.biglobe.ne.jp/~mandra/d2_term.htm

静止画　はめ　
ttp://www.tgpfriendly.com/users/tokyox/009/011.jpg
ttp://www.tgpfriendly.com/users/tokyox/009/012.jpg
ttp://www.tgpfriendly.com/users/tokyox/009/013.jpg
ttp://www.tgpfriendly.com/users/tokyox/009/014.jpg
ttp://www.tgpfriendly.com/users/tokyox/009/015.jpg
ttp://www.tgpfriendly.com/users/tokyox/009/016.jpg
ttp://www.tgpfriendly.com/users/tokyox/009/017.jpg
ttp://www.tgpfriendly.com/users/tokyox/009/018.jpg
ttp://www.tgpfriendly.com/users/tokyox/009/019.jpg
ttp://www.tgpfriendly.com/users/tokyox/009/020.jpg

死ねよ

Ever The Opportunist
One night a couple was lying in bed.
The husband was feeling frisky so he rolled over and
tapped his wife on the shoulder and started rubbing her arm.
The wife turns over and says
"I'm sorry honey, but I have a gynaecologist appointment tomorrow
and I want to stay fresh."
Rejected, the husband turns over and tries to sleep.
A few minutes later he rolls over and whispers in her ear
"Do you have a dentist appointment, too?"

>>6　画像は、いやづら。

A Day Out At The Cattle Market

This couple go to an agricultural show way out in the countryside
a fine Sunday afternoon and are watching the auctioning off of bulls.
The guy selling the bulls announces the first bull to be auctioned off,
"A fine specimen, this bull reproduced 60 times last year."
The wife nudges her husband in the ribs and comments,
"See! That was more than 5 times a month!"
The second bull is to be sold,
"Another fine specimen, this wonder reproduced 120 times last year."
Again the wife bugs her husband,
"Hey, that's some 5 times a month. What do you say to that?"
Her husband is getting really annoyed with this comparison.
The third bull is up for sale,
"And this extraordinary specimen reproduced 365 times last year!"
The wife slaps her husband on the arm and yells,
"That's once a day, every day of the year! How about you?"
The husband was pretty irritated by now and yells back,
"Sure, once a day! Great! But, you ask the auctioneer
if they were all with the same cow!"

あぼーん

Laying Down The Ground Rules

The newly-weds are in their honeymoon suite and the groom decides to let
the bride know where she stands right from the start of the marriage.
He proceeds to take off his trousers and throw them at her.
He says, "Put those on."
The bride replies,
"I can't wear your trousers."
"And don't forget that" he replies, "I will always wear the trousers in this family!"
The bride takes off her knickers and throws them at him with the same request,
"Try those on!"
He replies, "I can't get into your knickers!"
"And you never will if you don't change your attitude."

Flying Kites

A guy is outside in his front yard attempting
to fly a kite with his son.
Every time the kite gets up in the air,
it comes crashing down.
After this goes on for a while, his wife sticks
her head out the front door and yells,
"You need more tail."
The guy turns to his son and says,
"Son, I never will understand women.
I just told her an hour ago I needed more tail,
and she told me to go fly a kite!"

Japanese Baby

After the baby was born, the panicked Japanese father went to see the obstetrician.
"Doctor," he said,
"I don't mind telling you, but I'm a little upset because my daughter has red hair.
She can't possibly be mine."
"Nonsense," the doctor said.
"Even though you and your wife both have black hair,
one of your ancestors may have contributed red hair to the gene pool."
"It isn't possible," the man insisted.
"We're pure Asian."
"Well," said the doctor,
"let me ask you this. How often do you have sex?"
The man seemed ashamed.
"I've been working very hard for the past year.
We only made love once or twice a month."
"There you have it!" the doctor said confidently.
"It's just rust."

In The Artist's Studio

There was this artist, who worked from a studio in his home.
He specialized in nudes, and had been working on what he thought would be a masterpiece for several months now.
As usual, his model reported, and after exchanging the usual greetings and small talk, she began to undress for the day's work.
He told her not to bother as he felt pretty bad with a cold he had been fighting.
He told her that he would pay her for the day, but that she could just go home; he just wanted some hot tea and then, off to bed.
The model said "Oh, please, let me fix it for you.
It's the least I can do." He agreed and told her to fix herself a cup too.
They were sitting in the living room just exchanging small talk and enjoying their tea, when he heard the front door open and close, then some familiar footsteps.
"Oh my God!" he whispered loudly, "It's my wife, Quick! Take all your clothes off."

HIMAJIN　SHINE!

論じたい話題が十分に特定されていません｡


加えて、自己の極めて狭小な英卑語知識に基づく自己満足スレッドと

断定せざるを得ません｡




よって、退場です｡

２ｃｈの学問系スレを見てると、フランスのカフェに憧れる。

どうやっても２ｃｈから哲学者は生まれないのかね。
セーヌ左岸がサルトルを生み育てたように。
引きこもりはどんどん生まれているが。
って漏れもここで一人前の引きこもりとなりましたよ。(ﾟДﾟ)ｵｷﾞｬｰ

進がもう少し出来る役者なら、そろそろ本公演で
忠兵衛抜擢されてても可笑しくないんだけどね・・・
本公演で抜擢されたらオカシイっつーのが現実だもんねえ

Liberty One
Open Air Festival
(23. - 25.08.02)

Geislingen / Türkheim

Aqualab & Davis - LIVE -,
Sven Väth, DJ Rush, Chris Liebing,
Adam Beyer vs. Cari Lekebusch, Acid Junkies -LIVE-,
Cristian Varela -LIVE-, Heiko Laux, Mike van Dijk -LIVE-,
Marco Carola, Monika Kruse, Gayle San, Pascal F.E.O.S,
Tom Wax, Frank Lorber, Miss Yetti, The Advent -LIVE-,
Thomas P. Heckmann -LIVE-, Justin Berkovi -LIVE-
& many many more ....

あぼーん

あぼーん

あぼーん

あぼーん

あぼーん

あぼーん

あぼーん

あぼーん

いいスレなのに荒しちゃって。
もう読めなくなるかもね。
こうやって何人もの住民が去っていった。

あらかじめ言っておくけど英語の書き込みしてる人じゃないよ。
書き込んでる人って日本人？

ぼくはコートジボアール

あぼーん

あぼーん

あぼーん

あぼーん

あぼーん

あぼーん

あぼーん

おもしろいのでage

特に >>8 のはプッと吹きだしたよ。

他にもっとアダルトジョークを紹介して〜♪

age

このスレ面白い。もっとジョーク頼む。

In The Artist's Studio

There was this artist, who worked from a studio in his home.
He specialized in nudes, and had been working on what he thought would be a masterpiece for several months now.
As usual, his model reported, and after exchanging the usual greetings and small talk, she began to undress for the day's work.
He told her not to bother as he felt pretty bad with a cold he had been fighting.
He told her that he would pay her for the day, but that she could just go home; he just wanted some hot tea and then, off to bed.
The model said
"Oh, please, let me fix it for you. It's the least I can do."
He agreed and told her to fix herself a cup too.
They were sitting in the living room just exchanging small talk and enjoying their tea, when he heard the front door open and close, then some familiar footsteps.
"Oh my God!"
he whispered loudly,
"It's my wife, Quick! Take all your clothes off."

作業場

そこが彼の場所。家をスタジオにしている。
得意はヌード。ここ何ヶ月か自分の最高傑作になるべきものに入れ込んでいた。
モデルが言うように、いつも軽い世間話をした後に、その日の勤めとして服を脱ぎ捨てた。
しかし彼はここのところ風邪を引いていて彼女にうつしたくはないのだといった。
もちろん今日の分は払うし、君は家に帰ってもいい。-ただ熱いお茶とベッドがあればいいと。
その娘は言う
「どうか、わたしに看病させてくださいまし。出来ることは｣
彼はうなずき、彼女に紅茶の用意をさせた。
二人は居間に落ち着きお茶を飲みつつ軽い話をした。
そのとき、あのドアの開け閉めの音！
聞きなれた足音。
「しまった！」
彼は独り言とも思えぬ声で言った。
「かみさんだ。早く！服を全部脱ぎ捨てろ！}

どうですかねぇ

>>41
うまいね。>>40読んだだけだとピンと来なかった…。

The three stages of sex life of a man:
Tri-weekly, Try-weekly, Try-weakly.

Oversized Members Of The Regiment

Two brothers enlisting in the Army were getting their physicals.
During the inspection, the doctor was surprised to discover that
both of them possessed incredibly long, oversized penises.
"How do you account for this?" he asked the brothers.
"It's hereditary, sir," the older one replied.
"I see," said the doctor, writing in his file.
"Your father's the reason for your elongated penises?"
"No sir, our mother."
"Your mother? You idiot, women don't have penises!"
"I know, sir," replied the recruit,
"But she only had one arm, and when it came to getting us out of the bathtub,
she had to manage as best she could."

なんか殺伐としたスレッドだな。
いい意味で…

Baah Baah Black Sheep

There was this white missionary working in
the jungles of Africa with a local tribe there.
One day the wife of the tribe's chief got
pregnant and eventually gave birth. The Chief
was utterly shocked when he found out that
the baby was a white boy. He was really confused
so he decided to pay a visit to the missionary.

"Father, my wife gave birth to a baby"
"Why, that's a very good news, Chief. Congrats"
"But Father, it is a white boy!?!?!?"

The missionary thinks for sometime and in a
deep voice replies,
"Well Chief, sometimes nature does work in some
strange ways.... The other day I was taking a
stroll along the mountain side and I saw this
beautiful black sheep in a herd of white sheep.."

The Chief looked very surprised and was silent
for a moment before he spoke,
"Okay Father, here's the deal.
You tell no one, and I'll tell no one."

>47
考えちゃいました。（ｗ

Vacation At The Nudist Beach

Two parents take their son on a vacation and go to a nude beach.
The father goes for a walk on the beach and the son goes and plays in the water.
The son comes running up to his mom and says
"Mommy, I saw ladies with boobies a lot bigger than yours!"
The mom says,
"The bigger they are, the dumber they are."
So he goes back to play. Minutes later he runs back and says,
"Mommy, I saw men with dingers a lot bigger than Daddy's!"
The mom says,
"The bigger they are, the dumber they are."
So he goes back to play.
Several minutes later he comes running back and says,
"Mommy, I just saw Daddy talking to the dumbest lady I ever saw
and the more and more he talked, the dumber and dumber he got!"

>>47のオチが分からん・・・（鬱

Buying Tampons

Two little boys go into the grocery store.
One is nine years old and the other one is four years old.
The nine year old grabs a box of tampons from the shelf and carries it to the register for checkout.
The cashier asks,
"Oh, these must be for your mom, huh?"
The nine-year-old replies
"Nope, not for my mom."
Without thinking, the cashier responded
"Well, they must be for your sister then?"
The nine year old quipped,
"Nope, not for my sister either."
The cashier had now become curious
"Oh. Not for your mom and not for your sister? Who are they for?"
The nine year old says,
"They're for my four year old little brother."
The cashier is surprised "Your four year old little brother?"
The nine year old explains:
"Well yeah, they say on TV if you wear one of these,
you can swim or ride a bike and my little brother can't do either of them!"

>>51
かわいい！

>>50
ヒント：
酋長は、村には黒人しかいないから、宣教師と自分の妻ができてると疑ってるんです。

>>52
それは分かるんですが…

>The Chief looked very surprised and was silent
>for a moment before he spoke,
>"Okay Father, here's the deal.
>You tell no one, and I'll tell no one."

ここがどう面白いのかが分からないんです。
教えてください。

>52
疑ってるというより宣教師の言葉を聞いて確信したような・・・

純な50に萌え！

宣教師（白）はその場を取りつくろうと、羊（黒）の話をしたんだけど、
酋長（黒）は、全く逆の意味に解釈しちゃったんだよ。
なぜかって言うと、それは過去に、酋長（黒）が羊（白）に（以下規制）

それを理解してから、宣教師のせりふを読み直すと、
sometimes が実に味わい深い響きに聞こえますな。

>>55
ありがとうございます。
そこまでは読めませんでした。
普通そこまで読めるもんなんですか？

>>55>>50
氏ね

あぼーん

>>57
違うし、だいたいそれを証明できもしないのに偉そうに言うな。
まぁ、かわいそうなやつだとは思うからこのくらいで許してやる。
これ以上続けると…知ってるよね。

新規なんすけどありがとうございます>>43

規格外の彼ら

軍内部でリストに挙げられている兄弟。
二人は身体的な問題を抱えていた。
医者の診断、それは信じられないものであった。
およそ考えられない長さ、大きさのペニス。

医者は彼らに聞く。
｢いったいこれはどういうことなんだ？｣
「遺伝なんです｣兄が言う。
「ふうむ・・・」ファイルに書き込む。

「その伸びた奴は父親によるものなんだな？｣
「違います、母です｣
「お母さん？何言ってんだ！女性はペニスを持たないだろう！｣
「分かっています」穏やかに言った。
「でも母は片腕なんです。母は赤んぼの僕らを風呂桶から持ち上げるのに、
なんとかしなければならなかったんだ」

黒羊　メーメー

ある小さな部族に働きかけている
白人の宣教師がいた。
ある日部族の長の妻が身ごもった。
そして子を産んだ。
彼の衝撃と言ったらなかった。
なぜならばその子は白人であったからだ。
長は混乱しつつ司祭の元へ訪れた。

「父(司祭の事）よ、妻が子を産んだのです｣
「そうか、良かったではないか。長、おめでとう」
「しかし、その子は白人なのです｣

司祭はしばし考え込み、
低い声で答えた。
「うむ、長よ。この自然には我々には不可解なことも起こる。
以前、私が山道を歩いておったとき、
白い羊の群れの中にこの美しい黒羊を見た・・・」

長はとても驚き声を失った。
やっと彼は言った。
「わかりました。これはこういうことですね。
あなたは誰のことも言わなかったし、
わたしももこれから誰のことか言わないよ｣

最初のTwo Parentsは両親の誤訳と思います（全体を見る限り)。

ヌードあふれる海岸

両親は息子と休暇を過ごしに来た。
そこは全裸OKの海岸だった。
突然息子が母親に駆け寄ってきて言う、
「ママ、あそこにいる女の人たちは
ママよりでこぼこしているよ！｣
母親は諭した。
「いいかい、大きかったりするのはただの馬鹿なのだよ｣
彼は浜辺へ戻っていった。

数分後彼はまた駆け寄ってきて言った。
「ママ！あのすごぅくでこぼこの女の人たちにパパが話し掛けているよ、
話せば話すほど馬鹿なのがわかるねぇ｣

タンポンを買うこと

二人の男の子が雑貨屋へ入った。
一人は9歳でもう片方は4歳だ。
9歳のほうがタンポンの箱を掴み、レジへと向かった。
店員は尋ねる。
「んーん、お母さんに頼まれたんだね？｣
上の子は答えた。
「違うよ、お母さんのじゃないよ。」
考えるまでもなく店員は後を引き継いだ。
「じゃ、お姉さんのだ｣
その子は皮肉っぽく言った。
「違うさ、お姉ちゃんのでもないよ｣
店員は今や知りたくてしょうがなくなった。
「お母さんのでもない、お姉さんのでもない、
じゃあいったい誰のようのなんだい？」

子の口から出たのは、
「これは僕の隣の4つの弟のためだい」
驚き答える「4歳の弟？」
そのこの説明によると
「うん、TVで見たんだ。これをつけたら
泳げるし、自転車にも乗れるって。
弟はまだどっちもできないから！」

一気四つです。
またご批判よろしくお願いします。
2,3日に一度しか見れないのですいません。

じゃあ、短めのを、

A woman and her husband go to see a new movie.
The woman is quite bothered by some scenes
— in particular, a masturbation scene.

Discussing the movie with her husband later,
she says,
"I'm sorry, but I find masturbation in a movie
to be really offensive."
Her husband sighs and says,
"All right — I'll stop doing it."

>>63
どうしたの？
えらく端折っちゃってるねぇ。

>>63
ほんとだ。ティンティンの段落が、ごっそりぬけてるよ。

ジョークの翻訳って難しいですね。
特に、
ヌーディストビーチの話は、dumb = 頭が悪い / 無口
黒羊の話は、nature = 自然 / 本能
が二重の意味があるから、原文の味をかもし出すのは難しそうですね。

>>68
>>黒羊の話は、nature = 自然 / 本能

なるほど。面白さが分かってきました。

A Day Out At The Cattle Market

This couple go to an agricultural show way out in the countryside a
fine Sunday afternoon and are watching the auctioning off of bulls.
The guy selling the bulls announces the first bull to be auctioned off,
"A fine specimen, this bull reproduced 60 times last year."
The wife nudges her husband in the ribs and comments,
"See! That was more than 5 times a month!"
The second bull is to be sold,
"Another fine specimen, this wonder reproduced 120 times last year."
Again the wife bugs her husband,
"Hey, that's some 5 times a month. What do you say to that?"
Her husband is getting really annoyed with this comparison.
The third bull is up for sale,
"And this extraordinary specimen reproduced 365 times last year!"
The wife slaps her husband on the arm and yells,
"That's once a day, every day of the year! How about you?"
The husband was pretty irritated by now and yells back,
"Sure, once a day! Great! But, you ask the auctioneer
　if they were all with the same cow!"

>68
深読みし過ぎだと思う。

>>68
すんません。ただ行を飛んで読んじゃっただけです。

Caught In The Act

A man came home from work early one day,
and found his wife naked and panting on the bed.
"Honey,"
she said, thinking quickly,
"I think I'm having a heart attack!"
While rushing to call the doctor,
he nearly stumbled over his crying four year old,
who told him there was a naked man in the closet.
He ran to the closet, opened the door, and there was his best friend.
"Damn it, Dave"
he shouted,
"Jill's having a heart attack and here you are scaring the hell out of the kids!"

What's Good For The Goose...

A woman is in bed with her lover who also happens to be her husband's best friend.
They had sex for hours, and afterwards, while they're just laying there, the phone rings.
Since it is the woman's house, she picks up the receiver.
Her lover looks over at her and listens, only hearing her side of the conversation...
She is speaking in a cheery voice,
"Hello? Oh, hi. I'm so glad that you called. Really? That's wonderful.
I am so happy for you. That sounds terrific. Great! Thanks. Okay. Bye."
She hangs up the telephone and her lover asks,
"Who was that?"
"Oh" she replies,
"that was my husband telling me all about the wonderful time
he's having on his fishing trip with you."

Adam Gets A Bit Jealous Sometimes women are overly suspicious of their husbands.
When Adam stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve became upset.
"You're running around with other women," she charged.
"You're being unreasonable," Adam responded.
"You're the only woman on earth."
The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep,
only to be awakened by someone poking him in the chest.
It was Eve.
"What do you think you're doing?" Adam demanded.
"Counting your ribs!"

Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there aren't enough rooms — so they
have to share a bed.
In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and says,
"I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!"
The guy on the left wakes up, and unbelievably,
he's had the same dream, too.
Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says,
"That's funny — I dreamed I was skiing!"

いい感じのスレになってきたのでage

>>76 ぷぷっ。こんなん好き(笑)

The Genie For Revenge

A recently divorced woman is walking along the beach contemplating
how badly treated she got over the divorce settlement,
when she spies a magic lamp washing up onshore.
She rubs the lamp, and out pops a magical genie!!
The genie notices her anger and lets her vent her troubles to him.
As a consolation, the genie informs her that he will give her three wishes.
But, he cautions her that because he does not believe in divorce,
he will give her ex-husband ten times the amount of whatever she wishes.
The woman is steaming mad, thinking that this is hardly fair,
but she makes her first wish.
The first wish was for a billion dollars.
The genie grants her wish and she finds herself sitting in pile of
one billion one-dollar bills.
The genie then reminds her that her husband is now the recipient of
10 billion dollars.
The woman can barely contain her anger when she makes her second wish.
The second wish was for a beautiful mansion on the shore of her own private beach.
In an instant it was granted, but the genie then reminds again that
her ex-husband now owns ten of what she wished for,
and points out at the beach to a small development of ten such mansions.
Upon hearing this, the woman takes her time to contemplate her last wish.
Just as the genie was about to give up on her,
the woman informs the genie that she wants to make the last wish.
But, before she can do this, the genie again warns her that
her ex-husband will get ten times what she wishes for.
"No problem," said the woman as she grinned in ecstasy.
"For my last wish...I'd like to give birth to twins."

Q. How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood?
A. His hand caught fire.

age

Take Careful Aim

A man who just got a raise decides to buy a new scope for his rifle.
He goes to a rifle shop, and asks the clerk to show him a scope.
The clerk takes out a scope, and says to the man,
"This scope is so good, you can see my house all the way up on that hill."
The man takes a look through the scope, and starts laughing.
"What's so funny?" asks the clerk.
"I see a naked man and a naked woman running around in the house."
the man replies.
The clerk grabs the scope from the man, and looks at his house.
Then he hands two bullets to the man and says,
"Here are two bullets, I'll give you this scope for nothing if you
take these two bullets, shoot my wife's head off and shoot the guy's dick off."
The man takes another look through the scope and says,
"You know what? I think I can do that with one shot!"

すいません。品詞別に載ってる英和辞典知りませんか？？大学受験用の単語参考書でも構いません。
もしくはネットで品詞別に表示してくれるサイトとか

お願いします！！！！！!

>>76

ﾜﾗﾀ

What Every Woman Wants
A man is walking down the beach and comes across an old bottle.
He picks it up, pulls out the cork and out pops a genie.
The genie says
"Thank you for freeing me from the bottle.
　In return I will grant you three wishes."
The man says
"Great. I always dreamed of this and I know exactly what I want.
　First, I want 1 Billion dollars in a Swiss bank account."
Phoof!
There is a flash of light and a piece of paper with account numbers appears in his hand.
He continues,
"Next, I want a brand new red Ferrari right here."
Phoof!
There is a flash of light and abright red brand-new Ferrari appears right next to him.
He continues,
"Finally, I want to be irresistible to women."
Phoof!
There is a flash of light and he turns into a box of chocolates.

>>84
最後、魔神がチョコレートの箱になった。

どこが面白いのか分からん。
これ面白いのか？

>>85
いや、最後にチョコになったのは、男の方だよ。
面白いかどうかは好みの問題だね。

>>86
なるほど。納得。
やっぱり面白くないね。

>>85
魔人がチョコレートになったんじゃなくて、男が、だよ。
たいていの女の子はチョコレートに目がないだろ。
この後、男は女の子どころか浮浪者あたりに拾われて“喰われ”るんだろうな（ワラ

>>88
>>86のおかげで気づいたよ。
とにかくありがと。
でも、やっぱりつまらんと思うけど。

>>89
まあ、そう厳しくあたるな。ここは、大人のスレッドだからな。

>>90
そうだな。了解。

>>85-91
Hi!

Witnessing The Miracle

A woman takes her 16-year-old daughter to the doctor.
The doctor says,
"Okay, Mrs. Jones, what's the problem?"
The mother says,
"It's my daughter Darla. She keeps getting these cravings,
　she's putting on weight, and is sick most mornings."
The doctor gives Darla a good examination,
then turns to the mother and says,
"Well, I don't know how to tell you this,
　but your Darla is pregnant-- about 4 months, would be my guess."
The mother says,
"Pregnant?! She can't be, she has never ever been
　left alone with a man! Have you, Darla?"
Darla says,
"No mother! I've never even kissed a man!"
The doctor walked over to the window and just stares out it.
About five minutes pass and finally the mother says,
"Is there something wrong out there doctor?"
The doctor replies,
"No, not really, it's just that the last time anything like this
　happened, a star appeared in the east and three wise men came over
　the hill. I'll be damned if I'm going to miss it this time!"

いいね、このスレしょーもなくて。ときどき覗くの楽しみ（藁

"Last night I did my girlfriend up the ass."
"No shit!"
"Well only a little."

これ上手く訳せる人に座布団三枚ってとこか？

Freezing To Death

Two men waiting at the Pearly Gates strike up a conversation.
"How'd you die?" the first man asks the second.
"I froze to death," says the second.
"That's awful," says the first man. "How does it feel to freeze to death?"
"It's very uncomfortable at first", says the second man.
"You get the shakes, and you get pains in all your fingers and toes.
But eventually, it's a very calm way to go. You get numb and you
kind of drift off, as if you're sleeping. How about you, how did you die?"
"I had a heart attack," says the first man.
"You see, I knew my wife was cheating on me, so one day
I showed up at home unexpectedly. I ran up to the bedroom,
and found her alone, knitting. I ran down to the basement,
but no one was hiding there, either. I ran up to the second floor,
but no one was hiding there either. I ran as fast as I could to the attic,
and just as I got there, I had a massive heart attack and died."
The second man shakes his head. "That's so ironic," he says.
"What do you mean?" asks the first man.
"If you had only stopped to look in the freezer, we'd both still be alive."

だれか英訳スレッドに来てください。お願いします。

>>97
ウマイッ。

A Young Couple On Honeymoon

A young couple got married.
On their honeymoon, they were very anxious about having sex
because they were both virgins.
Because of their sexual inexperience, they were a bit
uncomfortable discussing the subject so they came up with
the term "doing the laundry" to use in place of "having sex."

This made them both more comfortable with the whole concept.
Well, the first night of their honeymoon was wonderful.
They "did the laundry" 5 times that first night.
In the middle of the night the new husband woke up,
and he was ready to do the laundry again.
He gently shook his new wife and asked her,
"Can we do the laundry again?" but she was very tired.
She told him that she just couldn't do it again just yet.

Maybe in the morning.
A few hours later the new wife awoke feeling very guilty.
What he had asked for wasn't unreasonable,
and she decided she should go ahead and
"do the laundry" with him again.
She gently shook him and said,
"Honey, I'm sorry I denied you... We can do the laundry again if you want,"
He replied,
"That's ok... It was a small load... I did it by hand."

昔、質問スレにあったもの。

Daddy Long Legs
A father watched his daughter playing in the garden.
He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and innocent his little girl was.
Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground.
He went over to her and noticed she was looking at two spiders mating.

"Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?" she asked.
"They're mating," her father replied.
"What do you call the spider on top, Daddy?" she asked.
"That's a daddy longlegs," her father answered.
"So, the other one is a mommy longlegs?" the little girl asked.
"No," her father replied.
"Both of them are daddy longlegs."

The little girl thought for a moment, then took her foot and stomped them flat!
"Well, we're not having THAT sort of shit in our garden."

Vengence Is Mine!

One day a construction worker left the job a little early,
and when he got home he found his wife in bed with another man.
Purple with rage, he hauled the man down the stairs and
into the garage where he proceeded to secure his dick in a vice.
Utterly terrified, the man screamed,
"Stop, stop! you're not going to cut it off, are you? ARE YOU?"
"Nope," replied the construction worker,
"You are...I'm going to set the garage on fire."

We Really Can't Win!

A woman was shaking out a rug on the balcony of her 17th floor
condominium when a sudden gust of wind blew her over the railing.
"Damn, that was stupid," she thought as she fell.
"What a way to die."

As she passed the 14th floor, a man standing at his railing
caught her in his arms.
While she looked at him in disbelieving gratitude, he asked,
"Do you suck?"
"No!" she shrieked, aghast.
So, he dropped her.

As she passed the 12th floor,
another man reached out and caught her.
"Do you screw?" he asked.
"Of course not!" she exclaimed before she could stop herself.
He dropped her, too.

The poor woman prayed to God for one more chance.
As luck would have it, she was caught a third time,
by a man on the eighth floor.

"I suck! I screw!"
she screamed in panic.
"Slut!"
he said, and dropped her.

>>103
If she only falls from the 8th floor, she will be fine.
I have taken a few drops that where about 8 floors, no biggie.

An Excellent Costume Party Idea

There was a guy who was struggling to decide
what to wear to go to a fancy costume party...
Then he had a bright idea.

When the host answered the door,
he found the guy standing there with no shirt and no socks on.
"What the hell are you supposed to be?"
asked the host.
"A premature ejaculation," said the man.
"I just came in my pants!"

A woman is picked up by Dennis Rodman in a bar.
They like each other and she goes back with him to his hotel room.
He removes his shirt revealing all his tattoos and
she sees that on his arm is one which reads, "Reebok".

She thinks that's a bit odd and asks him about it.
Dennis says,
"When I play basketball, the cameras pick up the tattoo
and Reebok pays me for advertisement."

A bit later, his pants are off and she sees "Puma" tattooed on his leg.
He gives the same explanation for the unusual tattoo.

Finally, the underwear comes off
and she sees the word "AIDS" tattooed on his penis.
She jumps back with shock.
"I'm not going to do it with a guy who has AIDS!"
He says,
"It's cool baby, in a minute it's going to say
"ADIDAS".

Jon starts working in a lumber camp. The boss says, "We work twelve hours a day, we eat two meals a day, lights out at ten-thirty, and you can put your dick in the barrel over there for a blow job any day but Thursday."
Jon says, "Why not Thursday?"
The boss says, "Because Thursday is your turn in the barrel."

読み間違いを誘う平仮名に気をつけろ！！

『おこめ券』
そんな券があるなら、絶対、手に入れたい！
と関西地区の童貞にパニックを起こさせる罠。

『ロータリー』
自分のこと言われてるんじゃないか？
と軽くビビっちゃう罠。

『鈴木宗男やまりん斡旋収賄容疑』
オレにも斡旋して欲しいと思わせる罠。

『沖縄銘菓ちんすこう』
え？フェラチオ！？
沖縄は開かれた島だなぁって感心してしまう罠。

『うこん茶』
どこでどうやって採ったかなんとなく想像がつく、
スカトロチックな罠。

age

When Ralph first noticed that his penis was growing larger
and staying erect longer, he was delighted, as was his wife.

But after several weeks his penis had grown to nearly twenty inches.
Ralph became quite concerned.
He was having problems dressing and even walking,
so he and his wife went to see a prominent urologist.

After an initial examination, the Doctor explained to the couple that,
though rare, Ralph's condition could be fixed through corrective surgery.
"How long will Ralph be on crutches?"
the wife asked anxiously.
"Crutches? Why would he need crutches?"
responded the surprised doctor.
"Well,"
said the wife coldly,
"you're planning on lengthening Ralph's legs, aren't you?"

A blind man was traveling in his private jet
when he detected something was wrong.
He made his way to the cockpit and got no response from his pilot.
The blind guy then found the radio and started calling the tower.
"Help! Help!"
The tower came back and asked,
"What's the problem?"
The blind guy yelled,
"Help me! I'm blind... the pilot is dead, and we're flying upside down!"
The tower comes back and asked,
"How do you know you're upside down?"
"Because the shit is running down my back!"

A guy says,
"I remember the first time I used alcohol as a substitute for women."

"Yeah what happened?"
asked his friend.

The first guy replies,
"Well, er, I got my penis stuck in the neck of the bottle."

The dentist was called away from the dinner table
to take an urgent phone call.
It was Mr. Tuckerman, explaining that young Junior
had gotten himself into quite a fix.
"See, he was kissing his girlfriend,
and when my wife and I came back from the movies
we found them stuck together."

"I'll come right over, Mr. Tuckerman,"
said the dentist calmly,
"and don't worry about a thing.
　I have to unlock teenagers' braces all the time."
Mr. Tuckerman whispered,
"Yes, but from an IUD?"

A doctor walked into a bank.
Preparing to endorse a check, he pulled a rectal thermometer
out of his shirt pocket and tried to 'write' with it.
Realizing his mistake, he looked at the thermometer
with annoyance and said,
"Well that's great, just great... some asshole's got my pen."

世界貿易センターの106階の証券会社に勤めていた男性G。彼は9/11の朝もいつも通り
出勤した。が、会社の近くまで来て、どうもかったるいと思い、仕事には行かず、ヴィレッジ
の愛人のアパートに行くことにした。
彼女のアパートに着いたGは携帯もポケベルもすべて電源を切り、愛人との行為を楽しんだ。
結局二人が満足してベッドから降りた頃にはもう正午を過ぎていた。
Gはシャワーを浴び、出勤する準備をした。そして携帯の電源を入れると勢い良くベルが鳴った。
受話器を取ると、Gの妻が半狂乱で泣き叫んでいる。
「あなた！一体どうしたっていうの！ずっと電話していたのよ！大丈夫なの？今どこにいるの？」
Gは笑いながら答えた。
「どこにいるって？デスクで仕事しているに決まってるじゃないか」

A woman went to her doctor for advice.
She told the physician that her husband had developed a penchant
for anal sex, and she wasn't sure it was such a good idea.
The Doctor asked,
"Do you enjoy it?"
She said that she did.
He asked,
"Does it hurt you?"
She said no.
The Doctor then told her,
"Well, then, there's no reason that you shouldn't practice anal sex,
　if that's what you like, so long as you take care not to get pregnant."
The woman was mystified.
She asked,
"You can get pregnant from anal sex?"
The Doctor replied,
"Of course. Where do you think lawyers come from?"

>>3 の落ちがわからないのは俺だけか？

English斅偺丄戝恖�ｬ偗偺僗儗僢僪偱偡丅
俫僱僞偼丄偙偪傜偱傗傝傑偟傚�x丅
懠偺僗儗僢僪偵柪榝偐偗側偄偨�{偵傕乧丅
傛傠偟偔偍婅偄偟傑偡丅

The Reverend John Fuzz was pastor of a small
congregation in a little Pennsylvania town.

One day he was walking down Main Street and
he happened to notice a female member of his
congregation sitting in the town bar, drinking beer.
The reverend thought this was sinful and not
something a member of his congregation should do,
so he walked through the open door of the bar
and sat down next to the woman.

"Mrs. Fitzgerald,"
the reverend said sternly.
"This is no place for a member of my congregation.
　Why don't you let me take you home?"
"Shure,"
she said with a slur, obviously very drunk.

When Mrs Fitzgerald stood up from the bar,
she began to weave back and forth.
The reverend realized that she had had too much
to drink and he grabbed hold of her arms to steady her.
When he did, they both lost their balance
and tumbled to the floor.

After rolling around for a few seconds,
the reverend wound up lying on top of Mrs. Fitzgerald,
her skirt hiked up to her waist.
The bartender looked over the bar and said,
"Here, here, buddy, we won't have any of
　that carrying on in this bar."
The reverend looked up at the bartender and said,
"But you don't understand, I'm Pastor Fuzz."
The bartender nodded,
"Well, heck, if you're that far along
　you might as well finish the job."

>>119

どうも宗教用語はよくわからん。　最初　Ｒeverend って言ってたのが最後になって
Pastor になるのはチミッとおかしくないか？

A man is having problems with his dick,
which certainly had seen better times.
He consults a doctor who, after a couple of tests, says,
"Sorry, but you've overdone it the last 30 years.
　Your dick is burned out.
　You only have 30 erections left in your penis."
The man walks home, deeply depressed.
His wife is waiting for him at the front door
and asks him what the doctor said concerning his problem.

He tells her what the doc told him.
She says,
"Oh no! Only 30 times! We shouldn't waste that!
　We should make a list!"
He replies,
"I already made a list on the way home,
　and I'm afraid you're name isn't on it."

>>119
passed the fuzz ね　(藁

Morris tells his doctor,
"I am under a lot of stress,
and I keep losing my temper with people,
and insulting them... You have to help me, doc!"

The doctor says,
"All right. Well, let's see... Can you begin by telling me
about your problem?"

Replies Morris,
"I just did, you no good, son-of-a-bitch!"

The wife coyly tried to explain her purchase of a new pair of
expensive imported panties.
"After all, dear," she said to her husband,
"you wouldn't expect to find fine perfume in a cheap bottle, would you?"
"No," her husband replied.
"Nor would I expect to find gift wrapping on a dead beaver."

古女房ネタで笑うのは世界共通だね(w
でもどうして、あれのことビーヴァーって言うんだろうね？似てる？

Sidney has a problem with premature ejaculation,
so he pays a visit to a sex shop for a remedy.

The clerk hands him a little purple can and says,
"This is Stay-Hard spray... put on a little and you can go all night!"
Excited, Sidney takes it home, stashes it in the cellar on a shelf,
and waits eagerly for bedtime.

Later that night,
he sprays some on his member and then goes upstairs to his wife.
To his utter disappointment, however,
the remedy seems to make him orgasm quicker than ever.

The next day,
Sidney returns to the sex shop, angrily slammed the can down on
the counter, and snaps,
"This stuff makes me worse than before!"
Upon reading the label, the clerk asks,
"I don't suppose your hid this stuff on your basement shelf, did you?"
"Yeah, so?"
"You must have grabbed the wrong can, sir... this is Easy-Off."

The end.

　　　　 Thank you for your reading, So long ….

面白いと思うので、
保全してみる。

もうこの板に大人はいないのか・・・

>>129
最近、人少ないみたいね。

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office.
After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone.
He said. "If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die."
+ Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast
+ Be pleasant and make sure he is in a good mood.
+ For lunch, make him a nutritious meal.
+ Fir dinner, prepare him a nutritious meal.
+ Don't burden him with chores as he probably had a hard day.
+ Don't discuss your problems with him
+ Most importantly, you must have sex on a regular basis and satisfy his every whim!"

On the way home, the husband asked his wife what the doctor said to her.
"You're going to DIE" she replied

A man and a woman were waiting at the hospital donation center.
Man: "What are you doing here today?"
Woman: "Oh, I'm here to donate some blood. They are giving me $5 for it."
Man: "Hmmm, that's interesting. I'm here to donate sperm myself.
　　　They are giving me $25 for it."
The Woman look lost and deep in thought for a moment.
They remained and chatted for a while before going their seperate ways.
Several months later, the same man and woman meet again in the donation center.
Man: "Hi! Here to donate some blood again?"
Woman: "[Shaking her head with her mouth closed] replied "Unh Unh"

Debbie went to her gynecologist when she got her vibrator stuck
inside of her.
"To remove that vibrator," said the doctor,
"I'm going to have to perform a very long and delicate operation."
"I don't think I can afford that" said Debbie.
"Could you just replace the batteries?"

あぼーん

A woman went to her doctor for a follow-up visit after the doctor
had given her a prescription for the male hormone testosterone.
The woman was a little worried about some of the side effects
she was experiencing.

"Doctor, the hormones you've been giving me have really helped,
　but I'm afraid you're giving me too much. I've started growing
　hair in places where I've never grown hair before."

The doctor reassured her,
"A little hair growth is a perfectly normal side effect of
　testosterone. Just where has this hair appeared?"

The woman replied,
"On my balls."

Let me draw a picture of my dream.
There is this foxy chick with nothing
on except a pair of black hoses.
I put my head down there,
and she clamps my face with her thighs.
I try to lick her cunt, but I can't.
You wanna know why?
Because it's a fucking dream.

>>134
ちょうどホルモン治療の記事を読んだとこだった。
タイムリーなジョークですね。
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A14702-2002Aug13.html

CORPORATE LESSON # 1
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell
rings. After a few seconds of arguing over which one should go and answer the doorbell, the
wife gives up, quickly wraps herself up in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the
door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbor.

Before she says a word, Bob says,"I'll give you $ 800 just to drop that towel that you have
on".

After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.
Bob has a close look at her for a few seconds, hands over $800 and quietly leaves. Confused,
but excited about her good fortune, the woman wraps back up in the towel and goes upstairs.

When she gets back to the bathroom, her husband asks from the shower "Who was that?"

"It was Bob the next door neighbour," she replies.

"Great," the husband says, "did he say anything about the $ 800 he owes me?"

MORAL OF THE STORY: Share critical credit information with your stakeholders to
prevent avoidable exposure!

CORPORATE LESSON # 2

A priest was driving along and saw a nun on the side of the road, he stopped and offered her a lift
which she gladly accepted. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to open and reveal
a lovely leg. The priest had a look and nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he
stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun looked at him and immediately said, "Father,
remember psalm 129?"

The priest was flustered and apologised profusely. He forced himself to remove his hand.
However, he was unable to remove his eyes from her leg.

Further on, while changing gear, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said,
"Father, remember psalm 129?" Once again the priest apologised. " Sorry sister, but the mind is
weak."

Arriving at the convent, the nun got out, gave him a meaningfull glance and went on her way.

On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to retrieve a bible and looked up psalm 129. It Said,
"Go forth and seek; further up, you will find glory."

MORAL OF THE STORY: Always be well informed in your job; or, you might miss great
opportunities!

米軍基地に勤務する女性たちは基地の内部でも外部でも目をつけられて
頻繁に辱しめられましたが、
私の場合と同じように家族を餓死から救うために勤務を辞めることができず、
耐え忍んでいました。

こうしたレイプ事件の頻発に対してMP(Military Police)とか
SP(Shore Patrol)とかいう米軍の憲兵たちは見て見ぬふりをしていたし、
彼ら自身がレイプする有様なので、取り締まることが出来ませんでした。
日本の警察官は戦後全く無力な状態で全く頼りにならず、
彼らの中には米兵の手引きをしてレイプの手伝いをする者もいました。

そして、こうした事件の数々は9 月はじめまでは、いくつか新聞記事として
報じられましたが、間もなくプレスコードが発令されて報道禁止となりました。
だから、「米軍の日本進駐はきわめて紳士的に行われた」というのは占領軍の
ご機嫌を伺う神話に過ぎません。
このような状況下で、GHQ （連合国軍総司令部：General Head Quarters ）
は9 月はじめに連合軍用慰安施設の設置を命令し、全国各地に慰安所が
売春業者(RAA)によって開設されていきました。
　　　　　　　　　　　　　　

>>137,138

Very nice. Just my favorite kind.

Bob's father and friends were throwing him the best bachelor party ever.
There were hookers giving blowjobs "a la go-go",
strippers as far as the eye could see, tons of food, great weed, and of course,
some great porno flicks on a wide screen digital TV with THX surround sound.

Feeling the beer, Bob's dad stands up and hollers to get everyone's attention.
"I want to propose a toast to my son... Bob,
I'm so glad I could be here with you on the happiest day of your life."
"But, Dad, I'm not getting married until tomorrow!"
Bob's dad continued and said,
"Like I said, son, I'm so glad I could be here with you on the happiest day of your life."

>>141

Marriage is hell? Is that all there is to it?
Or am I missing something?

Very nice. Just kind of my favorites.

Two doctors were in a hospital hallway one day complaining about Nurse Nancy.
"She's incredibly mixed up," said one doctor.
"She does everything absolutely backwards. Just last week,
I told her to give a patient 2 milligrams of morphine every 10 hours,
but instead she gave him 10 milligrams every 2 hours! He damn near died on us!"
The second doctor said,
"That's nothing. Earlier this week,
I told her to give a patient an enema every 24 hours,
but instead she tried to give him 24 enemas in one hour!
The guy damn near exploded!"
Suddenly, they hear this bloodcurdling scream from down the hall.

"Oh my God!" exclaimed the first doctor.
"I just realized I told Nurse Nancy to prick Mr. Smith's boil!"

A former prostitute with a rather well-used vagina that has been somewhat
stretched is given a proposal of marriage by a man she meets in a bar one night.
She thinks it over, and she decides to accept his proposal.
Her private parts are somewhat oversized from her former occupation,
but she decides to approach the problem after they are married.

On their wedding night, she explains the problem by saying that when
she was a small child, she got her privates caught on some barbed wire
while climbing over a fence, which explains why her vagina is so big.

They make wild and passionate love for most of the night,
and in the early hours of the morning, her husband,
after regaining his breath, turns to her and says,
"I can understand your private parts being stretched by this barbed wire, my dear,
　but just HOW far across the field were you before you noticed?"

The woman seated herself in the psychiatrists office.
"What seems to be the problem?" the doctor asked.
"Well, I, uh," she stammered.
"I think I, uh, might be a nymphomaniac."
"I see," he said.
"I can help you, but I must advise you that my fee is $80 an hour."
"That's not bad," she replied.
"How much for all night?"

prick the boil / boil the prick
ワラッタ。

英語で智アリ！！

日本語訳ものせろや。わかんえぇだろうが。
面白いのか?これ。

清濁併せ持つ英辞郎を引いてみましょう。

age

I would like to cum from your cunt...

A husband from Roslyn Heights, Long Island, kissed his wife goodbye
and got into his Cadillac to drive to work in New York City.
He'd gone about a mile when he remembered that he'd left something
in the bedroom. So he turned the car around and drove back home.
When he walked into the bedroom, there was his wife, lying totally
nude on the bed and the neighbor standing totally nude beside her.
The quick-thinking neighbor promptly went into a squatting position
on the rug and said, "I'm glad you're here, Mr. Jones, because I
was just telling you wife that if she doesn't pay the milk bill,
I'm gonna shit all over the floor."

あぼーん

During an international gynecology conference,
an English doctor and a French doctor were
discussing unusual cases they had treated recently.
"Only last week" the Frenchman said
"a woman came to see me with a clitoris like a melon!"
"Don't be absurd" the Brit exclaimed.
"It couldn't have been that big -- she wouldn't have
been able to walk if it were."
"Aah, you English, always thinking about size" replied the Frenchman.
"I was talking about the flavor!"

このネタ、英語板では既出ですか？
http://isweb42.infoseek.co.jp/play/hina-tan/lesson_1.html

>>106 のオチが >>133 の絵を見てやっとわかった。

age

100 Miles an Hour

A young couple is out carousing one evening.
While driving down the highway the guy says to the girl,
"If I go 100 miles an hour, will you take off your clothes?"

She agrees and he begins to speed up.
When the speedometer hits 100 she starts to strip.
When she gets all her clothes off he is so busy staring
at her that he drives off the road and flips the car.
The girl is thrown clear without a scratch but her
clothes and her boyfriend are trapped in the car.
"Go get help.", he pleads.
She replies, "I can't, I'm naked."

He points to his shoe that was thrown clear and says,
"Cover your snatch with that and go get help."
She takes the shoe, covers herself, and runs to
the gas station down the road.
When she arrives she is frantic and yells to the attendant,
"HELP! HELP! My boyfriend's stuck!"

The attendant looks down at the shoe covering
her crotch and replies,
"I'm sorry Miss. He's too far in."

A man was visiting his wife in hospital where she has been in a coma
for several years. On this visit he decides to rub her left breast
instead of just talking to her. On doing this she lets out a sigh.
The man runs out and tells the doctor who says this is a good sign
and suggests he should try rubbing her right breast to see if there
is any reaction. The man goes in and rubs her right breast and this
brings a moan from this suggests the man should go in and try oral
sex, saying he will wait outside as it is a personal act and he
doesn't want the man to be embarrassed. The man goes in then comes
out about five minutes later, white as a sheet and tells the doctor
his wife is dead. The doctor asks what happen to which the man
replies: "She choked."

あぼーん

A small white guy goes into an elevator, when he gets in he notices
a huge black dude standing next to him. The big black dude looks
down upon the small white guy and says: "7 foot tall, 350 pounds,
20 inch dick, 3 pound left ball,3 pound right ball, Turner Brown"
The small white guy faints !!
The big black dude picks up the small white guy and brings him to,
slapping his face and shaking him and asks the small white guy.
"What's wrong?".
The small white guy says; "Excuse me but what did you say?".
The big black dude looks down and says "7 foot tall, 350 pounds,
20 inch dick, 3 pound left ball, 3 pound right ball, my name is
Turner Brown." The small white guy says, "Thank god, I thought
you said "'Turn around.'"

たのむ！増やしてくれ。
BY AMERICAN JOKES MANIA

Young Dudes Guide to Japan 　　　　　　　　　　　　　
http://evilkrisii.tripod.com/ < JavaScript Required >

日本人と外国人との国際恋愛に関するホームページ
http://members.tripod.co.jp/oscar_oita/

外人の彼氏をお父さんに紹介しよう 　
http://members.tripod.co.jp/oscar_oita/otousan.html

日本人女性はお手軽か？
http://members.tripod.co.jp/oscar_oita/otegaru.html

外人男のどこがいいのか？
http://members.tripod.co.jp/oscar_oita/gaijinotoko.html

あぼーん

某スレで見つけたんですが・・・。訳してください。
As licking the woman high
school thigh that was crude and was exposed,sniff at a scent of socks,lick a bottom of a leather shoes,rape you
as it is,it is a dream of my lifetime to take out a
spermatozoon inside
a woman high school crude
vagina to scream.

A young girl was having a heart-to-heart talk with her mother on her first visit home since starting university.
"Mum, I have to tell you," the girl confessed. "I lost my virginity last weekend."
"I'm not surprised," said her mother. "It was bound to happen sooner or later. I just hope it was a romantic and pleasurable experience."
"Well, yes and no," the pretty student remarked.
"The first eight guys felt great, but after them my pussy got really sore."

このスレ好きなんだけど最近書き込みすくなくてしょぼーん。

>>168
同意です。
笑えるのも笑えないのも理解出来ないのもあるけど、楽しみにしてる。

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and
were giving each other the silent treatment.
The next week the man realized that he would need his wife
to wake him at 5:00 am for a flight to Europe.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence,
he finally wrote on a piece of paper,
"Please wake me tomorrow morning at 5:00 am".
The next morning the man woke up,
only to discover it was 9:00am,
and that he had missed his flight.
Furious, he was about to go and see
why his wife hadn't woken him
when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed - it said:

"It's 5:00am, wake up".

80yr old virgin

There is an 80 year old virgin who suddenly gets an itch in her crotch area.
She goes to the doctor who checks her out and tells her she has crabs.
She explained that she couldn't have crabs because she was a virgin,
but the doctor didn't believe her, so she went to get a second opinion.

The second doctor gave her the same answer.
So she went to a third doctor and said
"Please help me. This itch is killing me and I know
that I don't have crabs because I'm a virgin".
The doctor checks her out and says
"I have good news and bad news. The good news is you don't have crabs,
the bad news is that your cherry rotted and you have fruit flies."

Hour of Pleasure

The Dean of Women at an exclusive girls' school was
lecturing her students on sexual morality.
"We live today in very difficult times for young people.
In moments of temptation," she said,
"ask yourself just one question: Is an hour of pleasure
worth a lifetime of shame?"

A young woman rose in the back of the room and said,
"Excuse me, but how do you make it last an hour?"

Hi,I'm 25 years old.

Although I was penniless,
I saved 3,500,000 yen in two years by the on-line casino and pachinko till last year.

Try at once!

Although it is only the first time,
if you buy a 1-dollar or more tip, 30 dollars (about 4000 yen) can be got.

It can also convert into money, without giving and playing as it is given.

If you bet on red or black decisively by roulette, it will double by 50% of probability.

If you've no money, it will be as what is necessary is just to carry out a game off-line.
It becomes to kill time.

The poker using video, and a slot -- since it is variously, I recommend you it from the bottom of my heart.

新年好！

Roy Snow And June Hansen

A big-rig operator stopped to pick up a female hitchhiker wearing REALLY short shorts.
"Say, what's your name, mister?" she inquired, after she climbed up in the truck.
"It's Snow. Roy Snow," he answered, "And what's yours?"
"I'm June. June Hansen," she said.
After a short while she asked, "Hey, why do you keep sizing me up with those sidelong glances?"
"Can you imagine what it might be like," he replied, "having eight inches of Snow in June?"

今年好

恥ずかしくて誰にも聞けなかったのですが。
Ｈしてるときに「イク〜！」とか色々言うのって英語だとなんていうのでしょう？
セックス英語が知りたいこの頃です。

イクというのは、一番ふつうにはI'm coming.というと思います。
SPAM mailとかWeb広告でcumとかcumingというつづりも見ますが、
comeをくずしたものなのかなあ。

（＾＾）

cumは何故か男の場合しか言わない気がする。ejaculationのことなんじゃない？
エロ広告での定番は、広告の女がPlease cum on me.と男を誘うやつ。

>>177
Ｈな言葉ってやっぱり気になるよね。

こんなサイトあるから見てみれば…
【エロティシズム用語辞典】
ttp://www5e.biglobe.ne.jp/~mandra/d2_term.htm

ちなみにこのサイトによると
「イク〜！」は見つかりませんでしたが、
●ejaculation [エジャキュレイション]
射精のこと。
●cum [カム]
comeの別綴り。射精すること、あるいは射精された精液を指す語。

だそうです。

ありがとうございます〜！
用語辞典、何気にこういうのみたかったので勉強になりました(笑)

Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods.
A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch:
"Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"
The birch says he cannot tell.
Just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling.
The birch says,
"Woodpecker, you are a tree expert.
　Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"
The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree.
He replies:
"It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch.
It is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever put my pecker in."

The Auction

Wife : "I dreamt they were auctioning off dicks.
　　　　　The big ones went for ten dollars
　　　　　and the thick ones went for twenty dollars."
Husband : "How about the ones like mine?"
Wife : "Those they gave away."
Husband : "I had a dream too...I dreamt they were auctioning off cunts.
　　　　　　The pretty ones went for a thousand dollars,
　　　　　　and the little tight ones went for two thousand."
Wife : "And how much for the ones like mine?"
Husband : "That's where they held the auction."

あぼーん

The Horny Guy

This guy wakes up out of a deep sleep and, feeling real horny,
nudges his wife awake and asks, "Why don't we get it on, eh?"
She replies, "I have an appointment at the gynecologist tomorrow
and you know I don't like to make love the night before."
So the husband agrees and rolled back over and started
to go back to sleep. A few minutes later, he nudges his
wife again and asks, "You don't by any chance have a dentist's
appointment tomorrow, do you?"

>186

過去ログ中に同じものがあったよ。部分的には違うかもしれないけど。

すいません。2のジョークの面白さがわかりません。
"Well, your name never came up."のところがオチなのはわかるんですが。
どなたか、解説おねがいしまする。

If you have a joke or a funny story you would like to share please write it to us :-)

Slap!
Ah, train rides.
There was a Frenchman, an Englishman and Claudia Schiffer sitting
together in a carriage in a train going through Provence. Suddenly
the train went through a tunnel and as it was an old style train,
there were no lights in the carriages and it went completely dark.
Then there was a kissing noise and the sound of a really loud slap.
When the train came out of the tunnel, Claudia Schiffer and the
Englishman were sitting as if nothing had happened and the Frenchman
had his hand against his face as if he had been slapped there.
The Frenchman was thinking: 'The English fella must have kissed
Claudia Schiffer and she missed him and slapped me instead.'
Claudia Schiffer was thinking: 'The French fella must have tried
to kiss me and actually kissed the Englishman and got slapped for it.'
And the Englishman was thinking: 'This is great. The next time the
train goes through a tunnel I'll make another kissing noise and slap
that French bastard again.'

>>190
hehe

（＾＾）

●Two parrots. Amen. ●
A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him,
"Father, I have problem. I have two female parrots,
but they only know how to say one thing."
"What do they say?" the priest inquired.
They say,
"Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?"
"That's obscene!" the priest replied!
"But I may have a solution to your problem.
I have two male talking parrots, which I have taught
to pray and read the Bible. Bring your two parrots over
to my house, and we'll put them in the cage with Francis
and Peter. My parrots can teach your parrots to praise
and worship, and your parrots are sure
to stop saying . . . that phrase . . . in no time."
"Thank you," the woman responded,
"this may very well be the solution."
The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest's house.
As he ushered her in, she saw that his two male parrots
were inside their cage holding rosary beads and praying.
Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with them.
After a few minutes, the female parrots cried out in unison:
"Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?"
There was stunned silence.
Shocked, one male parrot looked over at the other
male parrot and exclaimed,
"Put the beads away, Frank. Our prayers have been answered!"

あぼーん

保守をかねて質問させてください。
半年くらい前に、SEXネタの単語や文が分からない時に質問できるスレが
あったのですけど、どのスレか分かる人がいたら教えてください。

過去ログに逝ってたらかなぴい。

お前ろくなことに使わないだろうから、探さなくてｲｲよ。

いや、男同士で酒を飲む時の小話に使いたいだけだ。
どうせ、俺の周りには女はいないんだ。激鬱
安心して教えてくれ←開き直りモード全開中

Baywatch boobs.
I want, I want, I want.

A man and his wife are sitting on the couch
watching tv when baywatch comes on.
The wife turns to the husband and says i want big boobs like that.
The husband replies "we dont have the money to pay for implants".
The next day the two were sitting on the couch together again and
baywatch came on and the wife one more time said
" i want big boobs just like that",
the husband replied again
"i wish you could but we dont have the money"
the wife replied
"jesus christ can't a woman get anything around here,
all i want is big boobs"
the husband then said
"oh wait hunny i have an idea, why dont you take a piece of
toilet paper and rub it in between your tits,
it seemed to work for your ass"

（＾＾）

200　　

中学生の時英会話の時間に友達が「3Ｐ3Ｐ」といっていました。
英会話の先生(フィリピン人で日本語は×)がそれは英語で
「スリーサム」というといっていましたが本当でしょうか？

　　 ∧＿∧
　　（　　＾＾ ）＜ ぬるぽ（＾＾）

コンドームって、外国人用と日本人用とあるのでしょうか？

>>201
本当です。

Starts with "F", ends in "uck"
Firetruck.

A fireman is working on the engine outside the station when
he notices a little girl next door in a little red wagon with
little ladders hung off the side and a garden hose tightly
coiled in the middle.
The girl is wearing a fireman's helmet and has the wagon tied
to a dog and a cat.
The fireman walks over to take a closer look.
"That sure is a nice fire truck," the fireman says with admiration.
"Thanks," the girl says.
The fireman looks a little closer and notices the girl has tied
the wagon to the dog's collar and to the cat's testicles.
"Little partner," The fireman says:
"I don't want to tell you how to run your fire truck, but if
you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think he
could pull more."
The little girl replied:
"You're probably right, sir, but then I wouldn't have a siren."

　　 ∧＿∧
　　（　　＾（おお）＾ ）＜ ｘｘｘぬるぽ（＾（おお）＾）

>>205
かわいい！

かわいいっつうか、残酷なんじゃないかと。

>>208
やっぱりかわいい！漫画みたい。

>>209
ネコが女のこの乗ってる小さい消防車を引っ張るたびに、その消防車とネコの
キャンタマをつないでるひもがピーンと張るんでしょ。そんでその痛さに耐えかねて
ネコが鳴く。それを消防車のサイレン代わりにしてるんだよね？

やっぱり痛いし、残酷だ。


笑えるっちゃー笑えるけど。

あぼーん

>>210
だれか、ＡＡ作ってくんないかな。
ちなみに消防車を引っ張ってるのは犬ね。

>>212

＞The fireman looks a little closer and notices the girl has tied
the wagon to the dog's collar and to the cat's testicles.

俺が頭に描いたのは、女の子が彼女特製の消防車に乗ってて、その消防車の
どこかに結び付けられてる２本のロープが、それぞれ前方にいる犬の首とネコの
キャンタマに結ばれてるというイメージだけど。

＞if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think he
could pull more."

消防士が、ネコの首にロープをつなげればもっと引っ張るのにって言ってるから、
苦しそうに引っ張ってたんじゃないかと解釈したんだけど。その時にあまりの痛さ
のあまり、サイレン代わりに鳴くのでは。
実際は痛ければネコはひもを引っ張りはしないだろうけど、そこはジョークと
いうことで引っ張ってるんだと解釈したんだけど。

あぼーん

Oh, so that's how it happened.
Eve.

In the Garden of Eden one day,
God visited his most beautiful lake.
He was horrified to see Eve swimming there ...
He shouted out to her,
"Get back to land! NOW!!"
She swam back as fast as she could and stood before her Maker,
cold, wet and shivering.
"Yes, Lord?"
God chastised His daughter,
"Eve! Do you know how long it took Me to get those fish
to smell like chicken? NOW look what you've done to them ..."

一番最初は魚はチキンのにおいがしてたのか。それがイブﾀﾝが裸で泳いだせいで
今のにおいになったと。

つまり、魚のにおい＝マムコのにおい。

>>216
なるほど、でも何故にチキン？
to smell like chickenに何か特別な意味があるの？

>>217
chicken は、「（性的対象としての）少年」の隠語

>>217
俺の解釈では、chicken（鶏肉）は食欲をそそるｲｲにおいがするだろ。
フライドチキンとか、丸焼きとか。元々、せっかく神様が魚がｲｲにおいが
するようにしてたのに、イブのせいで…っていうことじゃない？
魚は、生臭いよね。（魚も火を通せば臭くは臭くはないけど。）

>>218のはこのジョークには無関係の気がするけど、どうだろう。

>>218
Chick, Chiken は女性でしょ。
chickは少女の意味なので、chickenは成熟した女性ね。

Dad! Mom!

One Sunday morning George burst into the living room and said,
"Dad! Mom! I have some great news for you!
I am getting married to the most beautiful girl in town.
She lives a block away and her name is Susan."

After dinner, George's dad took him aside,
"Son, I have to talk with you. Look at your mother, George.
She and I have been married 30 years, she's a wonderful wife
and mother, but, she has never offered much excitement
in the bedroom, so I used to fool around with women a lot.
Susan is actually your half sister, and I'm afraid you can't marry her."

George was brokenhearted.

After eight months he eventually started dating girls again.
A year later he came home and very proudly announced,
"Diane said yes! We're getting married in June!"

Again his father insisted on another private conversation
and broke the sad news. "Diane is your half sister too, George.
I'm awfully sorry about this."

George was livid! He finally decided to go to his mother
with the news his father had shared. "Dad has done so much harm.
I guess I'm never going to get married," he complained.
"Every time I fall in love, Dad tells me the girl is my half sister."

"Hee hee," his mother chuckled, shaking her head,
"don't pay any attention to what he says. He's not really your father."

Australia Bordello Plans Sex Disneyland
AFP

April 30, 2003 — The Daily Planet
Ltd, about to become the first brothel to list
on the Australian Stock Exchange, plans to
follow up its May Day launching by opening
a "sex Disneyland" here, the
Melbourne-based bordello announced
Wednesday.

Chief executive Andrew Harris said the
company was likely to abandon plans to
acquire a hotel in Sydney's Kings Cross red light district and acquire another
property three times the size in a better location.

The Daily Planet raised $3.5 million Australian ($2.2 million U.S.) in its initial
public offering.

Renowned Hollywood madam Heidi Fleiss has been flown to Melbourne as
guest of honor at Thursday's market debut and, according to Harris, has
already played a key role in attracting worldwide media attention to the
event.

ttp://travel.discovery.com/news/afp/20030428/australia.html

madam Heidi Fleissってポルノ女優か？

>>1
大人だから、Hネタも出てくる訳で・・・

変態夫婦（？）の旅行記サイト

ttp://home.att.ne.jp/zeta/wetlips/yurikovacationmenu.htm
ttp://home.att.ne.jp/zeta/wetlips/yurikovacation2.htm
ttp://home.att.ne.jp/zeta/wetlips/yurikovacation3.htm
ttp://home.att.ne.jp/zeta/wetlips/yurikovacation4.htm
ttp://home.att.ne.jp/zeta/wetlips/yurikovacation5.htm
ttp://home.att.ne.jp/zeta/wetlips/yurikovacation6.htm
ttp://home.att.ne.jp/zeta/wetlips/yurikovacation7.htm

ｙｕｒｉｋｏ＆ご主人ちゃまのＶａｃａｔｉｏｎ
３週間 ヨーロッパでＨな事のヤリ放題 !!
疼くこと・・いっぱい・・しました・・。編

━―━―━―━―━―━―━―━―━[JR山崎駅（＾＾）]━―━―━―━―━―━―━―━―━―

　　　 　∧＿∧
ﾋﾟｭ.ｰ　(　　＾＾ ） ＜これからも僕を応援して下さいね（＾＾）。
　　＝〔~∪￣￣〕
　　＝ ◎――◎ 　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　山崎渉

The manager of the liquor board gets a phone call at 8 pm.
"At what time do you open tomorrow?" asked the caller.
"At nine," he answered.
The phone rings at midnight
"What time do you open ... in the morning?"
"At nine".
The phone rings at 4 in the morning
"Whatt tim do ya openn in the mornin?"
"I told you before at nine".
"Imm just inn aa hury cause i got locked in tha stor las nite".

>>228
おもしろい？

う〜ん、どうだろ。

Don't say it. Not here at least.
Top Ten List

"Top Ten Things Men Shouldn't Say Out Loud in Victoria's Secret"
10. Does this come in children's sizes?
9. No thanks, just sniffing.
8. I'll be in the dressing room going blind.
7. Mom will love this.
6. Oh the size won't matter, she's inflatable.
5. No need to wrap it, I'll eat it here.
4. Will you model this for me?
3. The Miracle what? This is better than world peace!
2. 45 bucks? You're just going to end up naked anyway!
And the number one thing that a man should not ever say out loud in a Victoria's Secret...
1. Oh honey, you'll never squeeze your fat ass into that.

>>231
すげぇつまんない下ネタ。オヤジか？

ttp://hina-tan.hp.infoseek.co.jp/ufo/lesson_1.html
教科書

Useless Shit
I'll Have 3 Meals, Thank You

The "s" shaped opening in a violin is called the "f-hole."
Eighty-two percent of the workers on the Panama Canal suffered from malaria.
Before American football players go onto the field, they put on about 13 pounds of protective clothing.
Every 10 to 13 seconds someone gets divorced.
"Parthenophobia" is the fear of virgins.
Edward III passed a law stopping people from eating more than two meals a day.
Armadillos can be housebroken.
Victoria Woodhall was the first woman to run for President of the U.S. in 1872.
During World War II, twice as many fighter pilots were killed during training than combat.
Ninety percent of Irish women claim they have had sex outdoors. (The global average is 58 percent.)
A recent study revealed that one-third of cats enjoy watching television.
A barnacle has the largest penis of any other animal in the world in relation to its size.
Dustin Hoffman's fake breasts in Tootsie weighed four pounds.
Ninety percent of Americans describe themselves as shy.
Every year in France there is a "Thieves Fair" where people are encouraged to try to steal things from the stalls.
The average piano has 230 strings.
One out of five pieces of the world's garbage is generated in the United States.
In circus parlance, a "Joey" is a clown with at least five years of experience.

あまりｵﾓろない。やっぱりエッチなのがおもろいんかな。

A businessman was getting ready to go on a long business trip.
He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort with an extremely healthy sex drive,
so he thought he'd buy her a little something to keep her occupied while he was gone.
He went to a store that sold sex toys and started to look around.
He thought about a life-sized sex doll, but that was too close to another man for him.
He was browsing through the dildo's, looking for something special to please his wife,
and started talking to the old man behind the counter. He explained his situation.
"Well, I don't really know of anything that will do the trick. We have vibrating dildos,
special attachments, and so on, but I don't know of thing that will keep her occupied for weeks, except..." and he stopped.
"Except what?" the man asked.
"Nothing, nothing."
"C'mon, tell me! I need something!"
"Well, sir, I don't usually mention this, but there is The Voodoo penis."
"So what's up with this Voodoo Penis?" he asked.
The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out a very old wooden box,
carved with strange symbols and erotic images. He opened it,
and there lay an ordinary-looking dildo.
The businessman laughed, and said "Big damn deal.
It looks like every other dildo in this shop!"
The old man replied, "But you haven't seen what it'll do yet."
He pointed to a door and said "Voodoo Penis, the door."
The Voodoo Penis miraculously rose out of its box,
darted over to the door, and started pounding the keyhole.
The whole door shook wildly with the vibrations,
so much so that a crack began to form down the middle.
Before the door split, the old man said "Voodoo Penis,
return to box!" The Voodoo Penis stopped,
levitated back to the box and lay there quiescent once more.
"I'll take it!" said the businessman.

The old man resisted, saying it wasn't for sale,
but finally surrendered to $738 in cash and an imitation Rolex.
The guy took it home to his wife, told her it was a special dildo
and that to use it, all she had to do was say
"Voodoo Penis,
my crotch."
He left for his trip satisfied that things would be fine while he was gone.
After he'd been gone a few days, his wife was unbearably horny.
She thought of several people who would willingly satisfy her,
but then she remembered the Voodoo Penis.
She undressed, opened the box and said,
"Voodoo Penis, my crotch!" The Voodoo Penis shot to her crotch
and started pumping. It was absolutely incredible,
like nothing she'd ever experienced before.
After three mind-shattering orgasms, she became very exhausted
and decided she'd had enough.
She tried to pull it out, but it was stuck in her, still thrusting.
She tried and tried to get it out, but nothing worked.
Her husband had forgotten to tell her how to shut it off.
Worried, she decided to go to the hospital to see if they could help.
She put her clothes on, got in the car and started to drive,
quivering with every thrust of the dildo. On the way,
another incredible intense orgasm made her swerve all over the road.
A police officer saw this and immediately pulled her over.
He asked for her license, and then asked how much she'd had to drink.
Gasping and twitching, she explained, "I haven't had anything to drink,
officer. You see, I've got this Voodoo Penis thing stuck in my crotch
and it won't stop screwing me!"
The officer looked at her for a second,
shook his head and in an arrogant voice replied,
"Yeah, right... Voodoo Penis, my ass!"

dildo　　　　ずいき、こけし
crotch　　　おまた
thrusting ぐりぐりする

んんんんんんんんん〜。期待して読んだからそれほどでもなかったがおもしろい。

この手のジョークを考えるやつってどんなやつなんだろ。

>>239
不思議な日本語ですね。

240はﾌﾞｻｲｸ？

When Jane initially met Tarzan of the Jungle,
she was attracted to him, and during her questions about his life,
she asked him how he had sex.
"Tarzan not know sex," he replied.
Jane explained to him what sex was.
Tarzan said, "Oh, Tarzan use hole in trunk of tree."
Horrified, she said, "Tarzan you have it all wrong,
but I will show you how to do it properly."
She took off her clothes and lay down on the ground.
"Here," she said. "You must put it in here."
Tarzan removed his loincloth, stepped closer with his huge erection,
and then gave her an almighty kick right in the crotch.
Jane rolled around in agony for what seemed like an eternity.
Eventually she managed to gasp for air and screamed,
"What did you do that for?"

"Tarzan check for bees."

おもろかった。

Stupid humans.
How high?

A kangaroo kept getting out of his enclosure at the zoo. Knowing that he could hop high, the zoo officials put up a ten-foot fence.
He was out the next morning, just sauntering around the zoo.A twenty-foot fence was put up. Again he go out.
When the fence was forty feet high, a camel in the next enclosure asked the kangaroo,
"How high do you think they'll go?"
The kangaroo said, "About a thousand feet, unless somebody locks the gate at night!"

かわいいほのぼの系のジョークだな。エロじゃないのもたまにはいい。

　__∧＿∧_
　|（　　＾＾ ）|　＜寝るぽ（＾＾）
　|＼⌒⌒⌒＼
　＼ |⌒⌒⌒~|　　　　　　　　　山崎渉
　　 ~￣￣￣￣

あぼーん

On second thought....
Dating.

A man enters his favorite ritzy restaurant and while sitting at his
regular table, he notices a gorgeous woman sitting at a nearby table
all alone.
He calls the waiter over and asks for their most expensive bottle of
Merlot to be sent over to her knowing that, if she accepts it, she
is his.
The waiter gets the bottle and quickly sends it over to the woman,
saying this is from the gentleman over there. She looks at the wine
and sends a note over to the man.
The note reads: "For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a
Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank, and seven
inches in your pants."
The man, after reading her note, chuckles, and sends a note of his
own back to her, and it read: "Just so you know, I happen to have a
Ferrari Testarosa, a BMW 850iL and a Mercedes 600SL in my garage,
and I have over twenty-five million dollars in the bank. But, not
even for a woman as beautiful as you, would I cut three inches off.
JUST SEND THE BOTTLE BACK."

うまい！

日本で800人とヤッたと豪語する在日白人ghettocities君。
www.websitetoolbox.com/tool/post?id=3&action=vpost&username=ghettocities&forum=2

彼の日本でのsex紀行を綴ったホームページ。肉便器の写真多数。
www.ghettocitiesclothing.com/

彼のたむろするAsian Bitchesというフォーラム。ここで彼は日常的に日本女をbitch呼ばわり。
毎日の戦果を互いに報告。日本女は白人に目がないそうです。
www.websitetoolbox.com/tool/mb/ghettocities?forum=2

Realizing Inner Peace
Amen

I'm passing this along to you as I consider you a valued friend.
This worked for me and I think it may work for you.
Because of it, I have found Inner Peace.
Recently I read an article that stated:
The best way achieve inner peace is to Finish Things You Have Started.
So today I finished two cases of Heineken,the last half of a bag of weed,
a nearly full bottle of Jack Daniels, the remainder of a Vicadin prescription,
and I slapped the crap out of someone I have never liked.
I feel better than I have felt in a long, long time.
Please pass this along to friends of yours who may be in need of Inner Peace.

笑えなかった。

↑そうかもしれんが>>1を見る限りは笑うスレだとは決まってない気が...

あぼーん

http://news2.2ch.net/test/read.cgi/newsplus/1060049281/
【国際】「時効の恩典は与えぬ」 レイプ事件根絶に本腰…米・ＮＹ


★婦女暴行事件根絶に本腰 ＮＹ市、ＤＮＡ鑑定駆使

・ニューヨーク市は４日、多発する婦女暴行事件の根絶を目指し、ＤＮＡ鑑定を
駆使して未解決事件の容疑者を特定、起訴に持ち込む計画を発表した。

治安の向上に力を入れている同市の防犯強化策の一環。市当局によると、
法律で容疑者を起訴できる期限は事件発生から１０年と定められているため、
まず１９９４年に起きた未解決事件や告訴のあった約６００件について証拠品
などを再検証する。計画には３５万ドル（約４２００万円）の予算が充てられるという。

ブルームバーグ市長は「全市規模で初めて、検察、警察、科学者が未解決
事件の容疑者起訴に向けて協力する。犯人に時効の恩典は与えない」と語った。

3 Whores Clever

Three whores decide to see who has the biggest snatch.
They get naked, and start fingering themselves and each other.
After a few minutes, the first one squats on a glass top table,
and then they measure the slimy outline she leaves.
The second one then squats on the table,
and then they measure the slimy outline she leaves,
which is even bigger.
The third one squats on the table,
but when she stands back up, the first whore says,
"You didn't leave an outline."
She says, "Smell the rim."

>>257
whore◆売春婦
snatch◆女性器

257の面白さがわからないのは俺だけ？

うん

>>260
そうですか…。鬱…
もしよかったら教えていただけないでしょうか？

最後のセンテンスがオチ。
状況：一番目、二番目とマン汁で描いたマンコの輪郭を比べっこ。
三番目も同じようにテーブルの上にしゃがんだわけだが、彼女の場合は
マンコがテーブルを呑み込んでしまって、マン汁はテーブルの周りに
しかつかなかった。だから、テーブルﾄｯﾌﾟには輪郭が残っていないので
Smell the rim.

>>262
ありがとう。勉強不足でした。

ｆｕｃｋって外国の映画では女も子供も使うけどどういう意味で使われてるのですか？

>>264
情況と場面によって意味合いが違ってきます。
具体的にその映画の台詞を教えてていただけませんか？

A nun comes to her Mother Superior and
asked her to hear a confession:
"Today I enjoyed the pleasures of the flesh.
Father Goodwin came to me and
told me that I had the gates to Heaven here between my legs.
Then he said that he had the key to Heaven,and
he put it in the gates."
"BASTARD!" cried the Mother Superior.
"For years he told me it was Gabriel's trumpet and
I have been blowing it!"

【　2 horses.Praise him!　】

A man was on a trip when he crossed paths with a indian tribe.
The indian chief told the man that he had to deliver a note to
another tribe and if he didnt they would hunt him down and kill
him. The man reluctantly agreed and was given a horse to ride.
The man was on his way and after a few hours the horse stumbled
and broke its leg. The man realized the horse was no longer
usable and took his gear and the letter and walked and walked
untill he came upon a old man at a ranch. He explained to the
man that he needed a horse promptly in order to deliver a message
or else he would surely be killed.

The man being a retired priest agreed and explained that he had
2 horses. A young one that runs fast but does not listen. And an
old one that is slow but listens well. He said that he would
take the slow old one. The priest agreed and told him that the
commands were not normal and went on to explain the commands
this horse knew. He said to get her to run you say praise the
lord, to get her to stop you say amen, He said ok. no problem,
jumped on the horse said Praise the lord and he was off. Well
things were going good until he saw a cliff up ahead,
He was pulling on the reigns and saying Ho ho! Stop! but the
horse kept running then he said oh wait thats right, Amen!
The horse stoped just inches from the cliff, he wiped his
brow and said whew Praise the lord!

落っこっちゃった？

80
Doctor, Doctor

I recently picked a new primary care physician. After two visits and
exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing "fairly well" for my age.
A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him,
"Do you think I'll live to be 80?" He asked,"Well, do you smoke
tobacco or drink beer?" "Oh no," I replied. "I've never done either."
Then he asked, "Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbequed ribs?
"I said "No, I've heard that all red meat is very unhealthy!"
"Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf?"
"No, I don't". He said, "Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or fool
around with sexy women?" "No," I said. "I've never done any of
those things." He looked at me and said, "Then why do you give
a shit if you live to be 80"?

>>269 Thank you for telling me about life. >>hikkie

Missing In Action
Amputate

Durring the Veitnam War, a soldier's leg was wounded. he went to a veitnam hospital and had it amputated. He said to the doctor, "If it isnt to much to ask, will you take my leg and drop it in the middle of the Atlantic ocean?"
"Sure," said the doctor and went to the middle of the atlantic in the Chopper and dropped the soldier's leg. A couple of weeks later the soldier was back in getting his other leg amputated.
"Hey, Doc. I know this is too much to ask but will you drop my other leg into the middle of the Atlantic ocean? Sure! No problem!" said the doctor.
So he went and did as the soldier asked.3 days later that soldier came in with a bloody arm. "Hey doc, can you put my arm into the middle of the atlantic also?" the doctor replied with, "No, we think you are trying to escape!"

Sorry Ladies
Heh, Tupac Shakur

SHE WAS SO BLONDE
she thought a quarterback was a refund she thought General Motors was in the army she thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats at the bottom where it said "sign here" she wrote Libra
SHE WAS SOO BLONDE
she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept she sent a fax with a stamp on it she thought Tupac Shakur was a Jewish holiday under "education" she put "Hooked on Phonics"
SHE WAS SOOO BLONDE
she tripped over a cordless phone she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice can because it said "concentrate" she told me to meet her at the corner of "walk" and "don't walk" she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store
SHE WAS SOOOO BLONDE
she tried to put M&Ms in alphabetical order she studied for a blood test she sold her car for gas money when the sign said "AIRPORT LEFT" she turned around and went home
SHE WAS SOOOOO BLONDE
when she heard that 90% of crimes occurred near home, she moved she thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican phone company she thought if she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless she thought she could not use her AM radio in the evening

あぼーん

>>272
good one, thanx.

英語のサイト見てる時、ついついここにカキコのネタ探してしまう。
でも、なかなかイイの見つからない…。

how about these...

nigga so dark when he went to night school they marked his ass absent
nigga so dark he looks like a picture of outer space ... without the stars
nigga so dark when he eats a tootsie roll, he's gotta wear white gloves to keep from chewing his fingers off
nigga so dark he makes asphalt look gray
nigga so dark when he sat in the jacuzzi he made coffee
nigga so dark his nickname is evening
nigga so dark he spits ink
nigga so dark when he was driving the police pulled him over for tinted windows
nigga so stupid he tried to steal a free sample
nigga so stupid he put a peephole in a glass door
nigga so stupid he took the pepsi challenge and chose JIF
nigga so stupid when he went to take the #44 bus he took the 22 twice instead
nigga so stupid on his job application where it says emergency contact mother fucker put 911

>>251
真ん中以外見れないね。

エッチの時の
「気持ちいい」とか「いっちゃいそう」とか「それいい」みたいなの
知りたい。
微妙なニュアンスっぽいの

もうこんなに濡れてるじゃないか。
は、英語で何といいますか？

>>278
I'm coming.

君のすごく締まりがいいね。こんなの初めてだよ。
誰か英訳してください。

>>280
それは天国に近ずいているからですか？

>>282
い・・・いく〜　のほうが近いかも。

m

このスレ、英語が得意な人がいないのかなあ。

age

あげ

Cakes
Kids....

A little girl and her mother are walking through a park and see two teenagers having sex on a bench. The little girl asks her mother what they're are doing. After a moments hesitation, the mother replies "They're making cakes."
The next day the little girl and her mother go to the zoo. The little girl sees two monkeys having sex, and again asks her mother what they are doing. The mother again uses the same answer "They're making cakes."
The next morning the little girl says to her mother "Mummy, You and Daddy were making cakes on the lounge last night." The Mother replies " How do you know?" The girl says "I licked the icing off the sofa!"

>>279
濡れてるはそのまま wet

>>281
締りがいいはそのままtight

（＾＾）

A female reporter was conducting an interview with a farmer about Mad Cow Disease.
"Mr. Brown, do you have any idea what might be the cause of the disease?"
"Sure. Do you know the bulls only screw the cows once a year?"
"Umm, sir, that is a new piece of information, but what's the relationship between this and Mad Cow?"
"And did you know we milk the cows twice a day?"
"Mr. Brown, that's interesting, but, what's the point?"
"Lady, the point is this: if I'm playing with your tits twice a day, but only screwing you once a year, wouldn't you go mad, too?"

A guy goes to the pharmacist and says,
"Listen, these two girls are coming over this weekend, and they are hot, very hot. Would you have something to get me going all night? It's going to be a hell of a party."
The pharmacist goes in the back room, comes back with an old dusty bottle and says,
"This stuff is potent: drink only one ounce of it, and I guarantee that you will be doing the wild thing all night. Let me know how it goes."
The weekend goes by and on Monday morning, the pharmacist goes to work and finds the same guy waiting for him on the door-step. The pharmacist says,
"What are you doing here so early? How was your weekend?"
The guy replies,
"Quick, I need Blue Ice" (muscle pain relief).
The pharmacist, knowing what the guy had been doing all weekend, says,
"Are you crazy, you can't put that on your penis. The skin is way too sensitive."
The guy says,
"No, no, It's not for that, it's for my arm."
Pharmacist: "What?? What happened?"
Guy replies, "Well...I drank the whole bottle of your potion."
Pharmacist: "Oh my god, and then what?"
"The girls never showed up!"

Vladimir Putin goes to bed one evening and Stalin appears to him in a dream. Putin asks Stalin for some help with the state of Russian economy, crime, etc... Stalin says:
"Round up and shoot every male between the age of 21 & 30 and then paint the inside of the Kremlin blue."
Putin asks:
"Why blue?"
Stalin retorts:
"I knew you would ask me about the second part first"

What is necessary to make an impression on woman:
- Tell compliments to her.
- Respect her.
- Caress her.
- Embrace her.
- Protect her.
- Spend your money on her.
- Bring her to the restaurants.
- Buy for her whatever she wants.
- Listen to her.
- Stay with her.
- Support her.
- Go to the world's end for her.

How to make an impression on man:
- Get naked and cook something for him to devour.

A young man comes up to the drug store and says:
- Give me one condom, please, today I am meeting with my girl. Well, no, give me two condoms, the girl has a very nice sister. Well, no, give me three condoms, the mom of

my girl looks also good.
After that he goes to "test" the condoms to girl's home. He sits at the table to have dinner with all the members of the family. But suddenly something wrong happens to the

guy. He doesn't utter a word during the dinner, eats nothing.
When the dinner is over his girl asks:
- What's wrong with you? You didn't like meals?
- Oh, no! The meals was very tasty... But I didn't expect your father to be a druggist.

A boss hires a secretary:
- How fast do you type?
- I can't type...
- Do you know stenography?
- No...
- What foreign languages do you know?
- No one...
- What then are your values???
- I never become pregnant.

>>291-296 from "Russian Jokes" www.jokes.pp.ru

The coffle moved quickly along the well-trodden path through the forest. The six guards searched the
surrounding area for hidden danger, at the same time ensuring that their captives made no attempt to
escape.

Escape was, of course, impossible. The captives were well secured by metal belts around their waists which
were, in turn secured to a heavy chain that joined them together. Thinner chains joining their ankles
allowed them to walk with short steps but prohibited any chance of breaking into a run.

Conscious of the danger inherent in the forest, the guards remained silent, relying on hand signals to
communicate with each other. The captives were kept silent by the ball gags which had been thrust into their mouths and secured behind their necks.

Looking into the faces of the captives, the leader of the men was pleased to see the look of terror in
their eyes. He allowed his eyes to rove briefly over their bodies. What he saw was pleasing indeed.

Four young females. The thin garments that clung tightly to their bodies only added to the promise of the
beauty that would surely be displayed once they were removed. The lightweight armour that they had worn
when captured had been quickly removed as had their weapons.

Mark Stewart "Submission of a Clan Girl"

子供のままでありつづけたいよ。

ピーパーパンを思い出しながら、こっそり３００げっと。

あげ

Friends
Introductions

In a crowded city at a busy bus stop, a beautiful young woman
wearing a tight mini skirt was waiting for a bus. As the bus
stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that
her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height
of the first step of the bus. Slightly embarrassed and with a quick
smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt
a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise
her leg. She tried to take the step, only to discover that she
couldn't.
So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her
to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted
the step. Once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her
leg. With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind
to unzip a little more and again was unable to take the step.
About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked
her up easily by the waist and placed her firmly on the step of
the bus. She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan
and yelled,
"How dare you touch me! I don't even know who you are!" The Texan smiled and drawled, "Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we was friends."

snatch　女性器

あぼーん

snatch

From The Files Of Police Squad!
Blonde

A blonde walks into the police department looking for a job. The officer asks her some questions:
Officer: What's 2 + 2?
Blonde: Ummm... 4!
Officer: What's the square root of 100?
Blonde: Ummm... 10!
Officer: Good! Now, who killed Abraham Lincoln?
Blonde: Ummm... I dunno.
Officer: Well, you can go home and think about it. Come back tomorrow.
The blonde goes home and calls up one of her friends, who asks her if she got the job.
The blonde replies excitedly, "Not only did I get the job, I'm already working on a murder case!"

>>306
Ｈネタじゃないね。

big browneyes

新ネタ期待age

The Sun風、女の引っ掛け方だって
Clive Webbという男は800人もの女と寝たそうです
そのアドバイスを一つ

http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,5-2004262055,00.html

Ugly
WTF?

An ugly man walks into his local pub with a big grin on his face.
"What are you so happy about?" Asks the barman.
"Well, I'll tell you," replies the ugly man.
"You know, I live by the railway.
Well, on my way home last night, I noticed a young woman tied to the tracks, like in the movies.
I, of course, went and cut her free and took her back to my place.
Anyway, to make a long story short, I scored big time! We made love all night, all over the house.
We did everything, me on top, sometimes her on top, every position imaginable!
" "Fantastic!" exclaimed the barman.
"You lucky guy. Was she pretty?"
"Dunno...Never found the head

>>311
怖っ！

ところで、don't Know を dunno って言うのが流行ってるの？

>>313
I dunno.

>>314
うまい。

>>311

"WTF?"ってどういう意味？

Teacher
Little Brat

The 8th grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class,
"Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?"
No one answered until little Mary stood up angrily and said,
"You should not be asking eighth-graders a question like that! I'm going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire you!"
With a sneer on her face, she then sat back down.
Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again:
"Which body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?"
Little Mary's mouth fell open. She said to those around her,
"Boy, is she going to get in big trouble!"
The teacher continued to ignore her and asked the class,
"Anybody?"
Finally, Billy stood up, looked around nervously, and replied,
"The body part that increases 10 times its size when stimulated is the pupil of the eye."
"Very good, Billy," said Mrs.
Parks. Then, turning to Mary, she said:
"As for you, young lady, I have three things to say. One, you have a dirty mind. Two, you didn't read your homework. And three, one day you are going to be very, very disappointed."

>>316
WTF?=What the fuck?
「なんだよ」とか「なんてことだよ。」とか「とんでもないな。」みたいな意味。

>318
サンクス。英辞郎で調べたらWorld Taekwondo Federationとかしか出てこなくてね・・・

おもしろいスレッドだね。age

>>319
気になって、英辞郎調べてみたら載ってたよ。
最近よく見かける表現だから最近載ったのかも知れないけれど･･･。


検索文字列 : WTF
該当件数 : 2

*WTF
【略語-1】 ＝What the fuck?
なんてこった◆インターネット
【略語-2】 ＝World Taekwondo Federation
世界テコンドー連盟
*WTFDYTYA
【略語】 ＝Who the fuck do you think you are?
自分を何様だと思ってるんだ？◆インターネット

>>321
ごめんねー。

WTFDYTYA＝Who the fuck do you think you are?

マジでこんなんで通じるのか？？？

こ・ひ・イ
（ここはひどいインターネットですねの意）
なんて書いても面白くも何ともないのにな。
アメリカ人のネット人種って変わってるなあ。

とか、いいながら「（ｒｙ」とか「w」を使っているんだろうと、
小一時間（ｒｙ　w

ぬ・る・(ry

Bring Me A Beer
Before It Starts!

A man came home from work, sat down in his favorite chair, turned on the TV, and said to his wife,
"Quick, bring me a beer before it starts."
She looked a little puzzled, but brought him a beer.
When he finished it, he said,
"Quick, bring me another beer. It's gonna start."
This time she looked a little angry, but brought him a beer.
When it was gone, he said,
"Quick, another beer before it starts."
That's it!
" She blows her top,
"You *******! You waltz in here, flop your fat *** down,
don't even say hello to me and then expect me to run around like your slave.
Don't you realize that I cook and clean and wash and iron all day long?"
The husband sighed.
" Oh ****, it's started."

iii

さて、問題です。

>>327の伏せ字はそれぞれ何でしょうか？
You *******!
your fat *** down
Oh ****,

あぼーん

>>329
bastard
ass
3つ目が分からん。

3つ目は“shit”じゃない？

Oh shit,････

City Girl
Um...Yuck

Amy, a city girl, marries a farmer.
One morning, before he goes out to the fields, the farmer says to her,
"The artificial insemination man is coming to impregnate one of our cows today.
I drove a big nail into the two-by-four over the cow's stall.
You show him where it is."
The farmer leaves, and a while later, the artificial insemination man arrives.
Amy takes him down the rows of cows until she sees the nail.
She says,
"This is the one, right here."
The man says,
"How do you know?"
Amy says,
"By the nail over its stall."
The man says,
"What's the nail for?"
Amy says,
"I guess it's to hang your pants on."

この間チャットで話した女の口説き方

日本
"Takes time. Make her laugh for 2 hours, get her e-mail and
mobile number, start dating, go for drinks and convince her
patiently."

Everywhere the same, I guess. You must make her laugh for hours.

アイルランド
"That takes a bit of getting used to, especially compared with
Irish women with the attitude of "if you talk nice for an hour
I'll let you look in my direction"... "

スコットランド
"Fast as in, I'm going to rip your cloathes off right now fast and
you don't need to know my name."

Your Fault
Critter Sex

Once there was a man who was in love with a beautiful woman and he wanted
to marry her. The woman told him that befor they could get married he would
have to ask her father, who was a farmer. So the next day the man went to
the farmer and said, "Sir I love your daughter very much and I would like to
ask for her hand in marriage."
The farmer sat there and looked at him for a moment and said, "I will let you
marry her, but first you must compleat a test." Willing to do anything to be
able to marry the girl the man aggred. The farmer said, "first you must jump
the fence, swim the river and screw the cow in the barn." The man thought
that it sounded easy enough so he did it. When he got finished he asked the
farmer, "Ok now can I marry your daughter?" The farmer couldn't belive that
the man had acutally done those things and thinking it was funny he told the
man to do it again! So the man jumped the fence, swam the river, and screwed
the cow, again! When he was finished the man went back to the farmer and
asked "Now may I marry your daughter?" By this time the farmer was amazed
that the man did all that a second time, and wondered if he would do it a third,
so the farmer said, "Ok if you do all that one more time I will let you marry my
daughter." So the man did it again. He jumped the fence, swam, the river, and
scrwed the cow. When he came back to the farmer this time, the farmer said,
"Ok now you can marry my daughter." The man said, "To hell with you daughter
how much do you want for the cow?"

>>329の回答は>>331-332であってるの。

大人のスレというか、子供のスレだな。内容が幼すぎるよ。

>>337
英語が読め無いんでしょう。(笑)

>>338
ていうか、夢中でいればいるほど子供なんだよ…。
本当に心が大人だったら子供の教育とか政治経済の話に関心がいくと思うけど。

２ｃｈやってる時点ですでに子供

>>339
>>1を読め。

>>341
ああ、そんなもんとっくに読んだよ。糞スレだな。

>>329
asshole
butt
shit

FOR WOMEN ONLY
Smart
A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel
with a sign that reads: "For Women Only." Since they are without
their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in. The bouncer,
a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5
floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking
for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has
a sign telling you what's inside." So they start going up and on
the first floor the sign reads: "All the men on this floor are short
and plain." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the
next floor. The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here
are short and handsome." Still, this isn't good enough, so the
friends continue on up.
They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here
are tall and plain." They still want to do better, and so, knowing
there are still two floors left, they continued on up. On the fourth
floor, the sign is perfect: "All the men here are tall and handsome."
The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that
there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing,
they head on up to the fifth floor. There they find a sign that
reads: "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove
that there is no way to please a woman."

ここに書かれている英語ってどれくらいのレベルならすらすら読めるんですか？
英検２級くらい？

>>345
準2級程度で十分だと思う。

I Feel Great!
Show Me A Trick
A man was getting ready for work one morning when his wife looked at
him and said, "What is the matter with you? You look terrible." He
replied that he felt great. The man went to work where his boss took
one look at him and said, "What is the matter with you? You look
terrible." The man replied that there was nothing wrong with him and
that he felt great. The man went to lunch with a client and the
client looked at him and said, "What is the matter with you? You
look terrible." The man again replied that he felt great. The client
suggested he go to the doctor right away because he looked so bad.
The man went to the doctor, and when the doctor walked into the
examining room and saw him the doctor said, "My god, you look
terrible." The man explained that everyone was telling him that he
looked terrible but that he felt great.
The doctor said, "Are you sure you feel great?" The man reiterated
that he definitely felt great! The doctor got out his medical book
and looked up "looks terrible". After he found that he looked up the
subsection "feels great." The doctor said, "I found it right here
under 'looks terrible, feels great'. The man, at this point very
nervous, inquired to the doctor, "Tell me, what is it?" The doctor
replied, "According to my book... you're a vagina."

NETHERLANDS
www5e.biglobe.ne.jp/~thailand/netherlands/netherland.htm
Netherland has removed the ban on prostitution, soft drugs and pornography.
Their tolerant attitudes result from an acceptance that these things are human
and a reluctance to criminalize everything.

age

350

Sign Language
Communication

A man is doing yard work and his wife is about to take a shower
upstairs. He realizes that he can't find the rake. He yells up
to his wife at the bathroom window, "Where is the rake?!" She
can't hear him and shouts back, "What?!" The man first points
to his eye, then points to his knee, and makes a raking motion.
The wife is not sure and says, "What?!" The man repeats his
gestures. "EYE, KNEE, THE RAKE!" The wife nods that she
understands and signals back. She first points to her eye,
next she points to her left breast, then she points to her
butt, and finally to her crotch. Well, there is NO WAY in hell
the man can even come close on that one. Exasperated, he goes
upstairs and asks her, "What in the friggin hell was THAT?!"
She replies, "Eye - LEFT TIT - BEHIND - THE BUSH."

Listen To A Tree
Classic

Walking through the woods a man comes upon another man hugging
a tree with his ear firmly against the tree.
Seeing this he inquires,
"Just out of curiosity, what are you doing?"
"I'm listening to the music of the tree."
"You gotta be kiddin me."
"No ,would you like to give it a try?"
"Well, OK..."
So he wraps his arms around the tree and presses his ear up against the tree.
With this the other guy slaps a set of hand cuffs on him, takes his wallet,
jewelry, car keys, then strips him naked and leaves.
Two hours later another nature lover strolls by, sees this guy
handcuffed to the tree, stark naked and asks,
"What happened to you?"
He tells the guy the whole story about how he got there,
but while he was doing so the guy shakes his head in sympathy
walks around behind him, kisses him behind the ear and says.
"This just ain't your day."

The Crowd Cheered
I See

At the World Women's Conference, the first speaker from England
stood up: "At last year's conference we spoke about being more
assertive with our husbands. Well after the conference I went
home and told my husband that I would no longer cook for him and
that he would have to do it himself. After the first day I saw
nothing. After the second day I saw nothing. But after the third
day I saw that he had cooked a wonderful roast lamb."
The crowd cheered.
The second speaker from America stood up: "After last year's
conference I went home and told my husband that I would no longer
do his laundry and that he would have to do it himself. After
the first day I saw nothing. After the second day I saw nothing.
But after the third day I saw that he had done not only his own
washing but my washing as well."
The crowd cheered.
The third speaker from Ireland stood up: "After last year's
conference I went home and told my husband that I would no
longer do his shopping and that he would have to do it himself.
After the first day I saw nothing. After the second day I saw
nothing. But after the third day I could see a little bit out
of my left eye."

ぜんぜんわからん

ダンナに速攻でボコられて、三日目にようやく左眼の腫れが少しひいてきた

ふむ…

保守

とある掲示板に流れ着いた・・
ふと見るとこんな書き込みが、、

書き込みA男 ＞ 英会話行っててイギリス人の先生に習ってるんですが・・
・・・
下ネタ関係のボキャブラリーばかりが増えていく今日この頃

管理人B子 ＞ 英語の下ネタステキーーー！今度教えてくださいｗ　

ここのスレッド教えてあげよかなぁー

ここのスレの住人さん・・
居るんだか分かんないけど・・
lilim lovers でググルって
さがしてあげれば？　喜ぶぞー
おいらじゃ、よろこびそうな事、
教えてあげられん・・・orz

大人向けのスレッド

??????????????????

Screwing Doctors
Doctor Jokes
A man and woman are at a bar having a few beers. They start talking and soon realize
they're both doctors. After an hour, the man says, "Hey, how about if we sleep together
tonight? No strings attached." The woman doctor agrees to it. They go back to her place
and he goes in the bedroom. She goes into the bathroom and starts scrubbing up like
she's about to go into the operating room. She scrubs for a good 10 minutes. At last,
she goes into the bedroom and they have sex.
Afterward, the man says, "You're a surgeon, aren't you?" "Yes," says the woman, "how did
you know?" "I could tell by the way you scrubbed up before we started," he says. "That
makes sense," says the woman. "You're an anaesthesiologist, aren't you?" "Yeah, how did
you know?" asks the man. The woman replies, "Because I didn't feel a thing."

Shaky Hands
Old Folks Are Funny Too
Three old men were talking about how much their hands shook.
The first old guy said, "My hands shake so bad that when I shaved this morning, I cut my face."
The second old man said, "My hands shake so bad, that when I trimmed my garden yesterday, I sliced all my flowers."
The third old man laughed and said, "That's nothing. My hands shake so bad that when I took a pee yesterday, I came three times!"

妹が帰ってきたので｢おかえりんこｰ｣って言ったら
｢ただいまん･･･まんこー｣って顔真っ赤にしてごまかしてました
本当にありがとう、ありがとう、ありがとう。

あぼーん

dick head

あげ

【社会】 「身内に甘い」？ 外務省、わいせつで６人処分するも、逮捕された男含む４人は在籍
http://news19.2ch.net/test/read.cgi/newsplus/1141099602/

保守整備。

The jokes on here are hilarious.
I'm studying for my finals right now
and it was a good breather reading them.
Whoever put them up, thanks!

The Wit And Wisdom Of Homer Simpson
Lessons In Life

"Now son, you don't want to drink beer. That's for Daddys, and kids with fake IDs."
"Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen."
"Maybe, just once, someone will call me 'sir' without adding, 'you're making a scene.'"
"Marge, don't discourage the boy! Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals! Except the weasel."
"If you really want something in life you have to work for it. Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers."
"Don't let Krusty's death get you down, boy. People die all the time. Just like that. Why, you could wake up dead tomorrow. Well, good night."
"Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get."
"Lisa, if you don't like your job you don't strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way."
"Step aside everyone! Sensitive love letters are my specialty. 'Dear Baby, Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: you.'"
"To alcohol! The cause of - and solution to - all of life's problems!"
"I want to share something with you - the three sentences that will get you through life. Number one, 'cover for me.' Number two,'oh, good idea, boss.' Number three, 'it was like that when I got here.'"

364
激しくおもろい！

このスレッドを再利用します。

【本当の犯人の秋田県警をつるし上げるスレ】

名前： サーウィッ＆バアル＆ショウガ
　
嘘八百の演技性人格障害、反社会性人格障害の秋田県警を
つるし上げます。

今頃、場所も発表せずに、彩香ちゃんの遺体に骨折が見られるという
情報をリークしてきました。
嘘八百です。それならなぜ今まで、発表しなかったのでしょう。
というか、被疑者に渡した遺体の状態に関するペーパーには
骨折の所見など、まったくありません。
つまりは、完璧な情報操作のための捏造なのです。

犯罪者の秋田県警は、これを正式発表はしていないでしょう。
リーク情報として流しながら、その文責は、すべてマスコミにある、
という姿勢でしょう。つまり、骨折などなかった、というのが
今も昔も、警察の正式発表なのです。
警察は、なんという卑怯な犯罪者でしょう。
そして何のために、このような犯罪を行っているのでしょう。
それこそ、秋田県警が犯罪者であるからこそ、このような小細工をして
情報操作の隠蔽工作を行っているのです。

let me see your pussy, biaaaatch

sage

きっこの日記
日本テレビの裏側
http://www3.diary.ne.jp/logdisp.cgi?user=338790&log=20060612

「きっこ」ってのは、相当のワルだな。
総会屋とまったく一緒だ。
日テレを潰すためには手段を選ばない、朝鮮人・電通が蠢いているわけだが、
そのお先棒を担いでいるのが「きっこ」というわけだ。

「きっこ」自身が言っているが、仕込みやらヤラセは、当然のように行われている
放送業界において、なんで、よりによって、「恋愛部活（ラブカツ）」のタレントだけが、
馬鹿な書き込みをブログで繰り返しているのか、ということだ。
そんなことは、絶対ありえないね。
高校生だから世間知らずで書いてしまった、というごまかしを言い訳にするつもりなのだろうが、
曲がりにも、事務所を通して仕事をしているわけで、
その仕事の性質も全部聞き及んでいるはずだし、当然のこととして、
素人という設定で、仕事をしているのなら、ブログの内容などについても、
事務所から、一言あるはずだろう。
まあ、なくてもいいが、番組の趣旨くらい高校生でも分かるわけで、
仕込みの出演者が、一人ならず、全員といってもいいほど、
徹底的に「仕事をしています」という認識の書き込みをするなど、
ありえないことだ。これこそ、日テレを叩くための「ヤラセ」の「仕込み」であり、
それを「きっこ」に叩かせるというところまで含めた、「ヤラセ」の「仕込み」である。

つまりは、この「きっこ」という女は、ブログを使って日テレを叩くという行為を、
金をもらって、「ヤラセ」の「仕込み」で行っているのだ。

きっこの日記
http://www3.diary.ne.jp/user/338790

バツグンの演技力でヤラセ台風レポを披露する阿部祐二レポーター
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SJmtFiqIzMs&search=%E6%94%BE%E9%80%81%E4%BA%8B%E6%95%85

きっこが、阿部氏の台風リポートの映像を貼ってきたが、ほとんど自爆だね。
こういうのが、洗脳、偏向報道だという見本にもなっているかもしれない。
確かに阿部リポーターは、多少大げさに見せようという気持ちがないとはいえないだろう。
しかし、きっこが言っているような状態でないことは、風と雨、波の状態を見れば明らかだ。
私にはもちろん正確な風速は分からないが、常時１５メートル／秒以上、瞬間では３０メートル／秒くらいは
吹いているように私には見える。あれでは、腰をかがめていなければ、
危険だというのは常識だ。最後の歩き出す場面だが、阿部リポーター本人が言っているように、
あの場所は、横に建物があり、風雨が遮られているのが少し観察してみれば分かるだろう。
つまりは、阿部氏が最初リポートしていた場所は、ほとんど吹きさらしであるが、
数メートル移動すれば、建物の影となり、ほとんど風雨が遮られているのだ。
カメラマンもそのような位置にいるわけで、それを見てヤラセなどというのは、
まったくのメクラの観察眼ゼロということではないか？

きっこよ、いつ突風が吹いてくるか分からない場所で、ボーッと立って、
台風リポートをしてみろよ。

＞常時１５メートル／秒以上、瞬間では３０メートル／秒くらいは吹いているように

ちょっと誇大広告か？常時１０メートル、最大瞬間では２５メートルくらい、
って感じかな？プロの人お願い。

もう一回見て見たけど、阿部氏は、自分で言っているように
最初から壁の影、限界ぎりぎりで放送していたんだよね。
つまりは、風がそれなりに壁で遮られているところにいた。
道路側では、いっぺんに吹き飛ばされるほどの強い風が常時吹いている。
道路側は常時３０メートルくらいの強い風が吹いているだろう。

きっこは洗脳しているか、馬鹿なのかどっちかだね。

ああ福岡よ悲しき町に変貌せり 　6/15(木) 7:00

＜rockさんより＞約４年振りに帰った福岡。何か異変を感じました。
都心でのハングル文字の氾濫。これにはビックリでした。

数ヶ月前、東京の電車ホームで韓国人集団がカブサイシンをふりかざした騒ぎがありましたが、
あのときの光景を、福岡の都心に置き換えて想像してしまいました。
その想像上の光景とは。。。

久しぶりの福岡。福岡市の中心部、天神という街には、新しい地下鉄線ができ、
それに従って地下街もずいぶんと大きくなっていました。
また、ビルもいろいろ建て変わり、はじめて来た街のように新鮮に写ったのですが、
仰天したのは、その複雑な街の要所、要所に掲げてあるハングル文字と中文です。

街の中に踊る踊るハングルと中文。これが何を意味しているか色んな友人達に聞きましたが、
半島や大陸に一番近い都市だから国際的に福岡を機能させるには必要な看板だし、
韓国人や中国人の方々が街を迷ってはいけないだろうということでした。

えぇ、マジ？おいおい、それはないだろうって思いましたよ。
東京の電車ホームで起こったあの事件を思い出し、「もしその辺りの外国人が犯罪を犯して、
逃亡したなら、こんな逃げ道がわかりやすい日本の街はないんじゃないの？」
って友人に言うと、「ほー、なるほどね」なんて変な感心されちゃいました。
またまたおいおい、そおんな呑気でいいんっすか！

あのなぁ、だいたい国際都市だからって、なんで英語以外に中文やハングルが踊るんだよ。
英語だけでいいじゃん！
俺が住んでる某国なんてロシア語とかアラビア語とか街で見る事はねーぞ！
英語と母国語だけで十分なんだよ！

しかも、犯罪率の高い民族の言葉を、なーーんでそんな親切に街中に取り付けてあげて、
悪事を働いても逃げやすいように道案内してあげなきゃいけねーんだ！

福岡、マジにヤバイっすよ。だって西鉄バスの車体についてる行き先案内掲示も、
外国としては英語は無く、なんとハングルだけとかなってたし。
西鉄バスって相変わらず怖いなぁ。

もう恐ろしくて福岡で生活する勇気が失せてしまいました。
俺の大事な故郷をこんなにしてしまったのは一体だれっすか。
福岡のみなさん、ちょっとマトモになった方がいいっすよ。

（コメント）故郷がキチガイや朝鮮人に侵略されている・・・
銃や大砲がないだけで、事実上の占領戦争を仕掛けられているわが日本。
すでに大阪近くまで散り散りに占領されていますが、
これらの奪還作戦を練らなくてはならない。

http://www.j-cia.com/pc/dispatchArticle.cgi

「記者クラブが作って朝鮮人が売る大手新聞」

新聞配達がいない　　6/14(水) 23:08

＜suzuさんより＞新聞販売店の店主、店員に在日の人が結構いることはご存知だとだとい思いますが、
その販売員が奈良の事件ほか犯罪者として新聞紙上にも時折取り上げられています。

さて、ある（都内、マイニチ系）ところでは最近、新聞販売員のなり手がいなくなっていることから、
店主達自ら韓国に行って韓国学生の採用面接をしているそうです！！
もちろんそのナカの店主には出張が続く間に韓国人現地妻も抱えるようになった人物もいるそうです（笑）

新聞販売そのものにも問題多い中懲りない人達がなんと多いことか！！
熱海では各社の宴会が頻繁に行われているのも聞き及んでいますが、
昔の「新聞少年は」どこに行ったのでしょうか？？

たいした内容ではないかも知れませんが、何かのヒントになればと。
貴サイトの今後のますますの発展を祈っております！

（コメント）昔から、「新聞はインテリがつくってヤクザが売る」と言われたものですが、
今は「記者クラブが作って朝鮮人が売る」ということになっているのですね。
言いすぎでしょうか。まぁ、そのくらい言わないと誰も目が覚めません。

人権擁護法をあきらめない奴ら 　6/14(水) 23:05

＜Ｕさんより＞税金と生活保護で日本人より優遇されてる総連と民団と法務省人権部署の層化が
また人権擁護法案をたくらみ中。

国連に報告してる創価、外務省人権部署=国連の裏の中韓北みんなグル。
連れてきたの総連。日本を意地でも反米国家したいらしい。

人権団体の招きで非公式に来日していた国連人権委員会任命の特別報告者ドゥドゥ・ディエン氏（セネガル）は18日、
東京都千代田区の外国特派員協会で会見し、「日本には根深い人種差別がはびこっている。
とくに米同時多発テロ以後は、外国人を排斥し犯罪者扱いする傾向にある」と話した。

同氏は05年７月に来日。
９日間の滞在期間中に人権状況についてヒアリングを中心とした調査を行い、
今年１月に報告書を発表した。その中で、日本には人種差別と外国人嫌悪が存在し、
アイヌ民族や沖縄の人びとなど“ナショナル・マイノリティー”と、
在日コリアンやその他の外国人に影響を及ぼしていると結論付けた。
また、日本政府に対し、人種差別の存在を公式に認め、
独立した国内人権機関と差別問題専管部局を設置することなどについて、
24項目の勧告を行った。

（コメント）↑モロ、工作員ですね。山本一太なんてのは、
イランの場所がわからないほどの”国連通”だそうですが、
国連関係に食い込んでいるところも信用しないほうがいい。
そういう看板に騙されることなく、真実を見抜く目を日本国民には持ってもらいたいものです。

that is not always the case.. we orphans need some love around here

「性の世界への誘い」
いいのかー？　なう・・・っていう意味ではないのは、わかると思うけど。
ドイツ語の名詞には男性名詞、女性名詞、中性名詞があります。それを見分けるヒントをこのコーナーで紹介してくれてます。
しかしなー、絶対に狙ってるよなー＞横浜一台
keiko_nagai at 22:14

大人のスレッドじゃなくて、エロに目覚め始めた中学生のスレッドだろ。

Sunday School

Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class.
One day the teacher called on her while she was napping,
''Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?'' When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an
altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear.
''God Almighty !'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good'' and Mary fell back to sleep.

A while later the teacher asked Mary, ''Who is our Lord and Savior?'' But Mary didn't even
stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again.
''Jesus Christ!'' shouted Mary and the teacher
said, ''Very good,'' and Mary fell back to sleep. Then the teacher asked Mary a third
question, ''What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty
-third child?'' And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and
shouted, ''If you stick that damn thing in me one more time,
I'll break it in half!'' The Teacher fainted.

Hired Help

A guy dials his home and a strange woman answers.
The guy says, ''Who is this?''

''This is the maid,'' answers the woman.

''We don't have a maid,'' says the man.

The woman says, ''I was hired this morning by the lady of the house.''

The man says, ''Well, this is her husband. Is she there?''

The woman replies, ''She is upstairs in the bed room with someone who I figured was her husband.''

The guy is fuming and says to the maid, ''Listen, would you like to make $50,000?''

The maid says, ''What will I have to do?''

The man tells her, ''I want you to get my gun from the desk, and shoot the witch and the jerk she's with.''

The maid puts the phone down; the man hears footsteps and then two gun shots.

The maid comes back to the phone, ''What do I do with the bodies?''

The man says, ''Throw them in the swimming pool.''

Puzzled, the maid answers, ''But you don't have a pool.''

A long pause and the man says, ''Is this 567-5309?'

>>386　Damn right!

fucken-eh!

up

あぼーん