What kind of peace do I mean? What kind of peace do we seek? Not a Pax Americana enforced on the world by American weapons of war. Not the peace of the grave or the security of the slave. I am talking about genuine peace, the kind of peace that makes life on earth worth living, the kind that enables men and nations to grow and to hope and to build a better life for their children-not merely peace for Americans but peace for all men and women, not merely peace in our time but peace for all time. .
Bin Ladin, you have made a big mistake. We will win this war. If you attacked me by scrabble game, I would have never won over you. If you challenged over spelling-bee, I would have never figured out any words. But you attacked us physically. I do not have to use my brain, which I do not have much anyway. I did not know who the president of Pakistan. I did not know the leader of Afganistan. But I now know everything although I will not mention by name.
I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal"
Today, I announce that I am running for the President of Taliban. I have a leadership. I do not have a job. And, I already have beard and look like an Afganistan.
All of the former Presidents are respected. Look at Reagan, Jimmy Carter and Gearge Bush. I know I am disgraceful. After stepping down from the position of the President, I took bribes, I lied, I rented an outrageouly expensive office in NY. Therefore, I am stepping down from the position of the Former President before I get fired. After my resignation, I nominate the Former Vice-President as the Former-President. Al Gore will be the Former-President and rent an office in Harlem and he willbe protected by the Secret Service for the rest of his life. I will live on money Hilary makes by writing a book on Monica and me.