なぞなぞ or ジョークを教えてください。

洒落たジョーク。
若しくは、「なーるほど！」とうなずけるなぞなぞを教えてください。
出来ましたら、詳しい説明なんかもあると嬉しいかも？

坊主が２人正月に書き初めをしました。さてなんと書いたでしょう。

こたえ：おしょうがつー

詳しい説明：坊主＝和尚さんをかけている。つーはもちろん２の意味。

>>2さん
ありがとうございます。
でも、イングリッシュ希望だったりします。

家庭科でつくったせんべいは、かていか？

こたえ：かたい

詳しい説明：かていか　と　かたい　をかけている。

例えば、「〜me,too.」「me,three」
英語でのジョークかなぞなぞ希望です。

http://www.laughlab.co.uk/home.html

（例）
What do you call a child who fries and
eats both his parents? An orphan.
ﾌﾞﾜｰﾊｯﾊｯﾊ ＿（＿ ＿）ノ彡☆ばんばん！

>>6さん
食べッちゃったから、孤児にという事でいいんですよね？
違ってたらゴメソ。

いいと思う。

路上で、定職なしとおぼしき人が掲げていたボードより
Why the football coach go to bank ?
１枚めくると
To his quarter back.
にやりとすると、もう１枚めくって
Smile. 25c.

自信ないんですけど、ポジションとお金のクオーターが引っ掛かっていて、
尚且つ、さらに追い打ちの25c.ということでしょうか？

そいでいくらあげたんだよ。

おれなら１ドルあげたね

問題：Why is the letter E like London?
答え：Because it's the capital of England.
こんなんでいいかな。

目がない鹿は？no idea
目がない上に足もない鹿は？still no idea

no eye deer は分かるが二つ目が分からん

stii >satatic

足がないから動かない？

会話でね・・・書くと落ちちゃうんだけど
Q:what's red,black and white all over the world?
A:newspaper(red→read)

Q:why 6 afraid of 7?
A:because 7 ate(8) 9

2番目は結構受けることが多い
つまんなくて失礼

あとキリンのジョークってのもあるけど
有名かもしれんのと長くなるので書かん

うむう・・・
なかなかないね
俺も希望

http://www.jokeaday.com/

AvanGo使って毎日読んでるんだけどね。
ツボの分かる日もあるし分からない日もある。

>>18
私が聞いたのは、
Why 10 is afraid of 7?ってやつでした。
次は俺が食われる番か…ってこと？

そうそう食っちゃったってこと
ﾊｧ?って」なることも多いけどね

>15 >17
意味は、"足がないから動かない"と教えてくれた人が言っていた。
still: [adj] not moving

interesting age

(Q) What's red, orange and looks good on hippies?
(A) Fire.

>>18 >>21
面白いですね。

んで、昔とある先生に「英語でジョークを言えるようになれば一人前！」
と言われたのを思い出しました。

Yahooの英語版に行けば山ほど見つかると思います。

http://dir.yahoo.com/Entertainment/Humor/

目の錯覚どうぞ。
http://www.laugh2day.com/blowmind.html

>>14さん　早速、使ってみました。

帰国子女の娘にとある相談をされたんだけど、
良いアイディアが浮かばなかったので「目の無い鹿だよ。」と言ってみた。
当然、彼女は『何それ？』「ノーアイディア」」
で、藁ってくれました。

最後に彼女に『面白い事いろいろ知ってるね。英語喋れないのに・・』
とﾂｯｺﾐを入れられたけど（ｗ

>29
最後の2行に笑わされました。
ちょっと身につまされる感じですが。

＞１８
the worldは要らないような気がする

>>30
実は他にも笑える話もあるのですが、
ちょっと、恥ずかしいので内緒です。←２ｃｈなのに書けないらしい・・

女の子が初めての外国、ハワイで、
白人男性につきまとわれ、
fuck youと言おうとして
fuck me と言ってしまった、
という実話を聞いたことがある。

相手は笑いだしてしまったそうだ。

>>33
似たような話で女性のお客様に How many? と言うべき所を How much?
と間違えたヤツを知っている。（ｗ

キリンのジョークが気になる的ａｇｅ!

Once there was a woman with a biiiig SOMETHING.
A man lost his watch there.He went inside to find it.
But there was already someone else there.
He asked him,"Did you see my watch?"
The other man said,"No.
Did you see my horse and cart?"

多分俺に英語とユーモアのセンスがないからだと思うが、わからん。

SOMETHINGはナニとかアレとかって訳してくらさい。
品がなくてすみません。

>>37
英語ができる彼女（もしくは奥様）に聞いてみること、
はおすすめしない。

和訳してください。
Nothing can be made out of nothing,if you know nothing.

パズル問題desu
ポイントは2つかな。

ストリッパー向け・・・

下腹部かなり下の方を叩かせてもらい、
何をしているのか聞いて貰う

"what are you doing?"
"もごもご・・"

"pardon?"
"i`m beating around a bush"

いままでだいたいバカ受けでした

ストリッパー向け・・・

下腹部かなり下の方を叩かせてもらい、
何をしているのか聞いて貰う

"what are you doing?"
"もごもご・・"

"pardon?"
"i`m beating around a bush"

いままでだいたいバカ受けでした

二重かきこみ申し訳ない

>>42

ﾜﾗｯﾀ！

>44
ありがとう！

Q:how do you put a giraffe into a refrigirator?
A:open the refrigirator
put in the giraffe,and close the door?

Q:how do you put a elephant into a refrigirator?
A:open the refrigirator,take out the giraffe
put in the elephant,and close the door

Q:the Lion King is hosting an animal confrrence.
All the animal attend except one.Which animal
does not ttend?
A:the elephant.Itis in th refrigerator

Q:There is a crocodile-infested river with no bridges
or boats.how do you manage to get across it?
A:simply swim across it.all the crocodiles are attending
the animal conference!

以上、質問一つづつ会話で行ってください


じゃーん

ageやう

お下品なジョークならストック沢山あるよ。

What's the difference between women at ages of
8, 18, 28, 38 and 48???

8 - You take her to bed and tell her a story
18 - You tell her a story and take her to bed
28 - You don't need to tell her any story and take her to bed
38 - She tells you a story and takes you to bed
48 - You tell her a story to avoid going to bed

＞４６
すっごくおもしろい！ナンセンス感が良いね。
最初のふたつは日本語で聞いたことある。形式は変わってたけど。
英語のジョークだったとは。
＞４８
にやにやしちゃった。ウマイって感じだね。とくに８歳がね。
＞４６
う〜ん。リアル過ぎ。確かに爆笑だろうね。
＞４０
わかんなかった。和訳でいいの？パズルって？

＞４０
あなたが何も知らなければ無からは何も作り出すことができない？
無は何からも作り出すことができない？
あなたが無（というもの）を知っていれば？
っていろいろ訳せるところになんかあるのね？
あああわかんない。

>>40
漏れも降参です。

Nothingという単語はNothingという単語を使って作れるよ、もしあんたが
Nothingっていう単語を知ってさえいれば。ってことでわ。

＞３４
漏れの場合、厨房の頃同級生の女の子に「How much?」と言ったら、
「何が？」ときくので、
「だから、こっちが質問してるんだＹＯ！」と無理やり金額を言わせようとしたら、
「じゃあねぇ１円」とっ往ったので、
「本当１円でいいの？よし、買った。どこのホテルにする？」
「ば〜〜〜〜〜〜〜かっ！」と言われたのを思い出した。

Nothing can be made out of nothing,if you know nothing.
ポイントは2、3番目のnothing=a thing with no value or importance、
if=even if
です。
直訳すれば「つまらないことを知っていても役にはたたない」
でしょうか。
私の作成問題なので間違っていたらｍ(　)ｍ。いずれにしても少し板違いでした。
でも同じ単語を違う意味で使った言葉遊びの英文ってありますよね。ルイスキャロル
の作品によく出てくるような。

＞53
ほんとに馬鹿な厨房だったんだね・・。

A man is dying of cancer. his son asked "Dad,why you keep telling
people you are dying of AIDS ?"

Dad replies,"So that when I'm dead no one will fuck your mom."

One evening, a man was at home watching TV and eating peanuts. He'd toss
them in the air, then catch them in his mouth. In the middle of catching
one,his wife asked a question, and as he turned to answer her, a peanut
fell in his ear.
He tried and tried to dig it out but succeeded in only pushing it in
deeper. He called his wife for assistance, and after hours of trying they
became worried and decided to go to hospital.
As they were ready to go out the door, their daughter came home with her
date. After being informed of the problem, their daughter's date said he
could get the peanut out.
The young man told the father to sit down, then shoved two fingers up the
father's nose and told him to blow hard. When the father blew, the peanut
flew out. The mother and daughter jumped and yelled for joy.
The young man insisted that it was nothing and the daughter brought the
young man out to the kitchen for something to eat. Once he was gone
the mother turned to the father. The mother said, "That's wonderful.
Isn't he smart? What do you think he's going to be when he grows
older?!"
The father replies "From the smell of his fingers, our son in-law!"

ｽﾏｿ　ｻｹﾞﾃﾓｰﾀ

A ninety-year-old man is sitting on a park bench, sobbing, when a young
man walks by and asks him what's wrong. Through his tears the old man
answers, "I'm in love with a twenty-five-year-old woman."
"What's wrong with that?" asks the young man. Between his sobs and sniffles,
he answers, "You don't understand. Every morning before she goes to work,
we make love... At lunch time she comes home and we make love again, and then
she makes my favorite meal. In the afternoon when she gets a break, she rushes
home and gives me oral sex, the best an old man could want. And then at supper
time, and all night long, we make love."
He breaks down, no longer able to speak.
The young man puts his arm around him. "I don't understand. It sounds
like you have the perfect relationship. Why are you crying?"
The senile old man answers, again through his tears, "I forgot where I
live."

>57.58
ｵﾓﾛｲﾈ

しかしこのレス数・・・
ややさみしいなぁ

良いスレなのに・・・sigh

>>59
まだまだアルよ。
漏れのアメ人の友達はアホばっかでこんな内容のメールばっかです。
数年会ってないんだから、「どうよ、最近」ぐらいのやり取りがあっても
良いと思うんだが。。。

また オモロイの見つけたらウプします。

How To Shower Like A Woman:
1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper
according to lights and darks. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing
gown. If you see your husband along the way, cover up any
exposed flesh and rush to the bathroom.
2. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror and stick out your
gutso that you can complain and whine even more about how you're getting
fat.
3. Get in the shower. Look for facecloth, armcloth, legcloth, long
loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
4. Wash your hair once with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83
added vitamins.
5. Wash your hair again with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83
added vitamins.
6. Condition your hair with Cucumber and Lamfrey conditioner
enhanced with natural crocus oil. Leave on hair for fifteen minutes. Wash
your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for ten minutes until red raw.
7. Wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake body
wash.
8. Rinse conditioner off hair (this takes at least fifteen minutes
as you must make sure that it has all come off).
9. Shave armpits and legs. Consider shaving bikini area but decide
to get it waxed instead.
10. Scream loudly when your husband flushes the toilet and
you lose the water pressure.
11. Turn off shower. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray
mold spots with Tilex.
12. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small African
country. Wrap hair in super absorbent second towel.
13. Check entire body for the remotest sign of a zit. Attack with
nails/tweezers if found. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and
towel on head.
14. If you see your husband along the way, cover up any
exposed and then rush to bedroom to spend an hour and a half getting
dressed.

How To Shower Like A Man
1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave
them in a pile.
2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see your wife along the way,
flash her making the "woo-hoo" sound.
3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror and suck in your gut to
see if you have pecs (no). Admire the size of your wiener in the mirror,
scratch your balls and smell your fingers for one last whiff.
4. Get in the shower. Don't bother to look for a washcloth (you
don't use one).
5. Wash your armpits ... then your face.
6. Crack up at how loud your fart sounds in the shower.
7. Wash your privates and surrounding area. Wash your rear, leaving
hair on the soap bar.
8. Shampoo your hair (do not use conditioner). Make a shampoo
Mohawk. Pull back shower curtain and look at yourself in the mirror.
9. Pee in the shower.
10. Rinse off and get out of the shower. Fail to notice water on the
floor because you left the curtain hanging out of the tub the whole time.
11. Partially dry off. Look at yourself in the mirror, flex muscles.
Admire wiener size.
12. Leave shower curtain open and wet bath mat on the floor.
13. Take another leak, leave lid up, and leave bathroom fan and light
on.
14. Return to the bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass
your wife, pull off the towel, grab your wiener, go "Yeah
baby" and thrust your pelvis at her.
15. Throw wet towel on the bed. Take 2 minutes to get dressed.

すんませんが、>>57は何が面白いのか、ちょっとだけ示唆してもらえませんでしょうか。
悔しい。

つまり、娘の彼氏の指が、
娘と？？してないとつくはずのないにおいをさせてたってこと。

１月　　（お正月で）銭アリー！
２月　　（使いきって）手ブラデー

>>63
すんません、今度はもっと分かりやすいの書きます。

良スレage

もっと聞きたいage

A teacher was helping her student with a math problem. She recited the
following story :

"There are three birds sitting on a wire. A gunman shoots one of the birds.
How many birds are left on the wire?" The boy pauses. "None," he replied
thoughtfully.
"No, no, no. Let's try again," the teacher says patiently. She holds up
three fingers. "There are three birds sitting on a wire. A gunman shoots
one," she puts down one finger, "how many birds are left on the wire?"
"None," the boy says with authority.
The teacher sighs. "Tell me how you came up with that." "It's simple," says
the boy, "after the gunman shot one bird, he scared the other two away."
"Well," she says, "it's not technically correct, but I like the way you
think."

"Okay," chimes the boy, "now let me ask you a question. There are three
women sitting on a bench eating popsicles. One woman is licking the
popsicle, one woman is biting the popsicle, and one is sucking the popsicle.
Which one is married?" he asked innocently. The teacher looked at the boy's
angelic face and writhed in agony, turning three shades of red. "C'mon," the
boy said impatiently, "one is licking the popsicle, one is biting, and one is
sucking. Which one is married?"

"Well," she gulped and in a barely audible whisper replied," the one who's
sucking?"
"No," he says with surprise, "the one with the wedding ring on. But I like
the way you think."

>>69
ﾜﾗﾀ。

思っても答えるなよ先生！

ANTIBODY: against everyone
ARTERY: the study of fine paintings
BACTERIA: back door to a cafeteria
BENIGN: what you be after you be eight
BOWEL: letters like A, E, I, O, or U
CAESAREAN SECTION: a district in Rome
CARDIOLOGY: advanced study of poker playing
CAT SCAN: searching for ones lost kitty
CAUTERIZE: made eye contact with her
COMA: a punctuation mark
CONGENITAL: friendly
CORTIZONE: the local courthouse
D & C: where Washington is
DILATE: to live longer
ENEMA: not a friend
ER: the things on your head that you hear with
FIBRILLATE: to tell lies
GENES: blue denim slacks
HEMORRHOID: a male from outer space
IMPOTENT: distinguished, well known
LABOR PAIN: hurt at work
MINOR OPERATION: somebody else's
ORGAN TRANSPLANT: what you do to your piano when you move
PARALYZE: two far-fetched stories
PATHOLOGICAL: a reasonable way to go
PHARMACIST: person who makes a living dealing in agriculture
PROTEIN: in favor of young people
RED BLOOD COUNT: Dracula
RHEUMATIC: amorous
SECRETION: hiding anything
TABLET: a small table
TERMINAL ILLNESS: getting sick at the airport
TIBIA: country in North Africa
TRIPLE BYPASS: better than a quarterback sneak
TUMOR: an extra pair
URINE: opposite of "you're out"
VARICOSE: very close
VEIN: conceited

>72
留学経験ありのお医者様なのね

niceなカキコありがとう
応援してますよ！

ちょっとすれちがいかもしれませんが、このジョークはどういう
ことなんでしょう？さっぱりわかりません・・・

In many cases there is a linguistic structure to the genre.
Jokes often have stereotyped openings which make
it possible to predict the sequence of events in the narrative.
‘There was an Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman…’
means a three-part joke is to follow. Children’s joke rely greatly
on a predictable internal structure.

A : Knock, knokn
B : Who’s there?
A : Arthur who?
B : Arthur [‘alf a ] minute and I’ll find out.

Once the structure is well-established, it can accept deviations which break the expected sequence :

A : Knock, knock.
B : Who’s there?
A : Doctor.
B : Doctor who?
A : That’s right.

二番目のは
ドクター・フーさん
でアメリカで医者やってる中国人を揶揄しているのかな？
初めのはわからんちん。

>>75

なるほどありがとうございます。中国人って事だったんですね

外交官：これからクリントン大統領が来るのでこう答えてください。
　　　　形式的なものですから、まずきたらHow are you.といってください。
森首相：分かってるよ。
外交官：大統領がI'm fine.And youと言いますからMe too.と答えればいいですから。
森首相：分かってるってばー。まったく。
（大統領登場）
森首相：えーっと・・・・What are you.
大統領：はっはっは（苦笑い）、私はヒラリーの夫なんですよ。
（マスコミ、側近爆笑）
森首相：Me too.
（外交官ひきつる）

これを英語で言ってくださいな。大爆笑間違いなし。　　　　

ツーか古い。

There was an American, a Chinese and Jewish, driving thru a desert, and their
car broke down. They decided to walk the rest of the way and take parts from
the car to help them on the way.

The American says,

"Let's take the radiator so that we can drink the water inside."

Everyone nodded and thought it was a good idea.

And the Chinese goes,

"We take seats. We sit down tired."

Another good idea and finally the Jewish,

"We should take the door so that we can roll down the window when it gets hot!"

>>74-76

>>A : Knock, knock.
>>B : Who's there?
>>A : Doctor.
>>B : Doctor who?
>>A : That's right.

"Doctor Who" is a British science fiction television show that
ran for 20 years, from the early 1960's until the early 1980's.
A feature film based on the series was made in the 1960's
starring Peter Cushing. It was a very popular show involving
time travel and space adventures. The main character is simply
called The Doctor, but the show is titled Doctor Who since the
Doctor never had a proper name. The most popular actor to play
the Doctor was Tom Baker (early to mid-1970's).

>>A : Knock, knock
>>B : Who's there?
>>A : Arthur who?
>>B : Arthur ['alf a ] minute and I'll find out.

I forgot to talk about the first one.
'alf is like a contraction. The h of half is replaced
by an apostrophe. The person does not know what Arthur's
last name is. He needs 'alf (half) a minute to find out.

>>80
へーそうだったのか。

もっと、おせーて！
おすすめのサイトも、おせーて！

A father and his son go into the grocery store when they happen upon
the condom aisle. The son asks his father why there are so many
different boxes of condoms. The father replies, ''Well, you see that
3-pack? That's for when you're in high school. You have 2 for Friday
night and 1 for Saturday night.''

The son then asks his father, ''What's the 6-pack for?''

The father replies, ''Well, that's for when you're in college. You have
2 for Friday night, 2 for Saturday night, and 2 for Sunday morning.''

Then the son asks his father what the 12-pack is for.

The father replies, ''Well, that's for when you're married. You have one
for January, one for February, one for March, one for.....''

http://jodan.kdn.ne.jp/
日本語のサイトだけど。

http://www.JokeEmail.com/ はﾜﾛﾀ｡｡｡

An 80 year old man is having his annual checkup. The doctor asks him how
he's feeling.

"I've never been better!" he replies. "I've got an eighteen year old
bride who's pregnant with my child! What do you think about that?"

The doctor considers this for a moment, then says, "Well, let me tell
you a story. I know a guy who's an avid hunter. He never misses a season.
But one day he's in a bit of a hurry and he accidentally grabs his
umbrella instead of his gun. So he's walking in the woods near a creek
and suddenly spots a beaver in some brush in front of him! He raises up
his umbrella, points it at the beaver and squeezes the handle. BAM!! The
beaver drops dead in front of him."

"That's impossible!" said the old man in disbelief, "Someone else must
have shot that beaver."

"Exactly"

飛ばし屋のジョニーは自慢のスポーツカーを運転していた。
その時急に目の前に猫が現れハンドルを切って避けたら、
側のガソリンスタンドにそのまま突っ込んだそうな。
生きているのか死んでいるのかジョニー自身も分からなかったんだけど、
ソッと目を開けてみるとそこには【地獄】の文字が・・
果たして何と言うガソリンスタンドに突っ込んだのでしょうか？


Ａ．ＳＨＥＬＬ　車が突っ込んだ勢いで、Ｓの文字が取れたらしい。

こんなんでＯＫ？

sageで書いてしもうた。

おうひさび〜さ
もっともっといけいけ

How do you turn a fox into a bulldog?
Marry her.

>>88
地獄のモーテル 思い出したよ

人間ソーセージ作る映画だね

『出題』

一番長い単語はなんでしょうか？

long

What is always coming but never arrive?

Q. What do a couple of lesbian lovers call fermented
canned tuna?

A. Potpourri - their pussies smell like fermented tuna

Q. In what kind of profession if a man is, does he have
the smallest cock in the world?

A. Body Builders - because they are on the steroids.

Q. In the 21st centry, the technology's advanced at
a far greater speed than ever. Mankind's achieved to
make it possible to re-use the human brains of the dead.
So, naturally several black markets've come to exist
for those craving to replace their brains with the ones
of white-color people, such as Nobel Prize winners,
well known novelists, etc.
Now would the brains of people of what kinda profession
be never bid a price of?

A. Politician

ふふふ

見つけられないの？

１００げっとーーーー！！！
どうよ？

スティルス戦闘機が盗まれてしまいました

どうやって盗まれたのでしょうか？

あげ

>>101
こっそり(by stealth)？

>>103
当り(^^;簡単だったか･･

メール欄に答え書いてたんだが（苦笑

What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver?

The bad golfer goes: Whack... "Shit!"

The bad skydiver goes: "Shit!"... Whack!

ガキ向けだが jokeやってるよ
ttp://www.nationalgeographic.com/world/trythis/justjoking/justjoking_0201/justjoking_0201.html

クイズです。
Hot and cold, which is slower?
ホットとコールドはどっちが遅いか？ってことです。
答えはメール欄

what are largest ant?
(一番大きな 蟻ってなんでしょう）

答えはメール欄に

.

Euro-English
---------------
The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby
English will be the official language of the European Union
rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations Her Majesty's Government conceded that
English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a
5 year phase-in plan that would be known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, 's' will replace the soft 'c'. Sertainly, this
will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard 'c' will be
dropped in favour of the 'k'. This should klear up konfusion and
keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when
the troublesome 'ph' will be replased with the 'f'. This will make
words like 'fotograf' 20% shorter.

In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be
expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are
possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double leters
which
have always been a deterent to akurate speling. Also al wil agre that
the horibl mes of the silent 'e' in the languag is disgrasful and it
should go away.

By the 4th yer peopl will be reseptiv to steps such as replasing 'th'
with 'z' and 'w' with 'v'. During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary 'o'
be dropd from vords kontaining 'ou' and similar changes vud of kors
be aplid to oza kombinations of letas.

After ziz fifz yer ve vil have a rali sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be
no
mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu anderstand ech
oza. Ze drem of an united urop vil finali kum tru!

http://korea.hanmir.com/ktj.cgi?url=http://kr.bbs.yahoo.com/bbs%3faction%3dm%26board%3d550034814%26tid%3dbdbafwcw4babdba0tb%26sid%3d550034814%26mid%3d18707%26thr%3d18707%26cur%3d18707

A white guy is being shipped off to Jamaica for a year with the army.

His lover, Wally, is really worried about his man being unfaithful,
so he asks him to tattoo his name to his penis...He agrees, and does so.
When his penis isn't erect you can see the letters W and Y.

Wally, feeling secure knowing that his name is tattooed on his lover's penis ,
says good-bye to his lover as he leaves for Jamaica.

One day, while in Jamaica,
the guy is at the urinal and a black Jamaican comes
and stands at the urinal next to him...

The white guy happens to notice that the Jamaican
also has a tattoo on his penis and he could see
the letters W and Y, so he says to the Jamaican,

"Wow, that's really interesting.
I guess you have a lover named Wally too."

And the Jamaican looks at him with a puzzled look
and then stretches out his penis and it says,

"Welcome to Jamaica have a nice day!"

保守　　　　　　　

age

案内係り可愛い女の子に「Mike Hunt」さんを探して欲しいと
頼み、「Anybody's seen Mike Hunt?」と言わせた。
Mike HuntとMy cuntね

なぞなぞいきます。
( )に適語を入れなさい。
(1) The time when Rome was built was ( ).

(2) The reason why a bicycle cannot stand by itself is that it is ( ).

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all work at the same office for a female boss
who always goes home early.
"Hey, girls," says the brunette, "let's go home early tomorrow. She'll never know."
So the next day, they all leave right after the boss does.
The brunette gets some extra gardening done, the redhead goes to a bar,
and the blonde goes home to find her husband having sex with the female boss!
She quietly sneaks out of the house and returns at her normal time.
"That was fun," says the brunette. "We should do it again sometime."
"No way," says the blonde. "I almost got caught."

To the citizens of the United States of America, In the light of your
failure to elect a President in the 2000 Presidential Election and thus
to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your
independence, effective today.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties
over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which
she does not fancy. Your new prime minister (The rt. hon. Tony Blair, MP
for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a
world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without
the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.
A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of
you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules
are introduced with immediate effect:

1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then
look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at
just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. Generally, you should raise
your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary". Using the same
twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you
know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up
"interspersed".

2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on
your behalf.

3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents.
It really isn't that hard.

4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys.

5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save the Queen", but
only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get confused and
give up half way through.

6. You should stop playing American "football". There is only one kind of
football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good game.
The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may
have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will no longer
be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football. Initially,
it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those
of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar
to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty
seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies). We are hoping to get
together at least a US rugby sevens side by 2005.

7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons if they
give you any merde. The 98.85% of you who were not aware that there is a world
outside your borders should count ourselves lucky. The Russians have never been
the bad guys. "Merde" is French for "shit".

8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 8th will be a new national
holiday, but only in England. It will be called "Indecisive Day".

9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your own
good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.

10. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.

Thank you for your cooperation.

age

age

３カ国語が話せる人はtrilingual
２カ国語が話せる人はbilingual
では１カ国語しか話せない人は？


答え：Japanese!

American

There was this white missionary working in the
jungles of Africa with a local tribe there.

One day the wife of the tribe's chief got
pregnant and eventually gave birth. The Chief
was utterly shocked when he found out that the
baby was a white boy. He was really confused
so he decided to pay a visit to the missionary.

"Father, my wife gave birth to a baby"
"Why, that's a very good news, Chief. Congrats"
"But Father, it is a white boy!?!?!?"

The missionary thinks for sometime and in a
deep voice replies, "Well Chief, sometimes
nature does work in some strange ways....
The other day I was taking a stroll along the
mountain side and I saw this beautiful black
sheep in a herd of white sheep.."

The Chief looked very surprised and was silent
for a moment before he spoke,

"Okay Father, here's the deal.
You tell no one, and I'll tell no one."

What do Osama Bin Laden and panty hose have in common????
They both irritate Bush!!!!!!!.

Old Mendel Rugelbaum was very old and suffering from a rare disease
and could drink only human milk.
"How can I get human milk?" Mendel asked the doctor. "Well, Ruby
Finkelstein's just had a baby, maybe she'll help." So every day
Mendel went to Ruby's house for his daily feed. Ruby was a dark-eyed,
big breasted lady, who, in spite of herself, gradually became aroused
as Mendel lapped at her ripe breasts.
One day as he quietly lay sucking, she whispered to him, " Tell me Mr.
Rugelbaum, do you like it?"
"Mmmm, wonderful," he sighed.
"is there....," she hesitated, her lips parted, eyes aglow, "is there
anything else you'd like?"
"As a matter of fact there is," murmured Mendel.
"What?" Ruby asked breathlessly. Mendel licked his lips. "Maybe a
little biscuit?"

I received a call from one of those annoying telephone marketers the other day. This lady asked me if I'd be willing to participate in a survey. I agreed to do so.

She began the questions, but I interrupted her. "Wait a second," I said. "Who is this and what organization do you represent?"

She answered my question and continued asking questions.

I interrupted her again. "What's the purpose of this survey?" I asked.

"Sir," she replied irritably, "I don't have time to answer your questions." She then hung up on me.